Prompt : Hi! I just reread that part of zombie au where Jo mentions Haymitch sounds like a dying walrus while coming. That gave me an idea for a prompt: during CF Everlark are snuggling and hearing "walrus" noises and go investigating and find they come from Haymitch's room. When they hear muffled female cries they decide he's watching porn which gets Katniss running and Peeta is the only one to hear him moaning Effie before the walrus makes it's dying noise xD

This is crack!

Peeta Mellark and The Walrus Mystery

Katniss' staring was unnerving but Peeta had long grown used to it.

They were lying on their sides, facing each other and waiting for sleep to catch up. He knew there would be nightmares that night, for both of them. Haymitch and the others might think they hadn't understood the backfiring trucks in Six meant gunshots but they had – they simply hadn't talked about it aloud. He was waiting for her to breach the distance between them and snuggle against him. She always tried to resist but eventually surrendered to the comfort he offered. It was routine now: going to bed together, falling asleep while cuddling – making sure to wake up before she did so he could angle his hips away before she realized just how pleased he was to see her in the morning…

She sighed and sat up, disrupting the usual pattern. "It's no use, I can't sleep."

Peeta sat up too, almost relieved because he didn't feel like sleeping either. "Do you want some hot chocolate? I could do with some hot chocolate… We could go to the kitchen car."

He wasn't certain they were allowed in the kitchen car but he decided as long as they remained on the train, nobody could fault them and every car was fair game. Maybe he could even bake something once they would be there. It had been too long since he had been given free rein in a kitchen.

Katniss nodded. "Yes. Let's do that."

When she had an idea in mind, it had to be now, so he wasn't surprised when she tossed the blankets aside and slipped out of bed. She was wearing shorts and a loose long-sleeved tee-shirt and he tried not to stare at her legs. He tried. It was hard not to take everything in though: the legs, the way the shorts stopped right under her butt to the point he could guess at…

"Are you coming?" she frowned, clearly not understanding why he was taking so long in hauling himself out of bed.

He cleared his throat, grabbed the woolen dressing gown he had discarded on the foot of the bed and made sure it was secured before pushing the blankets off him. If she found his behavior peculiar, she didn't let on but, then again, he didn't think she had ever noticed how her proximity affected him – Haymitch had certainly noticed though and never failed to tease him about it.

They wandered the corridor in silence and crossed to the next car when Katniss suddenly froze. "Do you hear that?"

"What?" He pricked his ear but could hear nothing aside for the low buzz of the train engine that had long since become white noise to him.

"It sounds like a wounded animal." she insisted, hurrying in the opposite direction to the kitchen. He followed, of course, what else did he ever do but follow her? And eventually he heard the noise too. It sounded like groaning or like…

"It sounds like those things in Four. Do we have walruses on board?" he joked.

Katniss didn't answer. She was focused, leading them on a merry chase until they reached Haymitch's door where the noises were unmistakably coming from.

"Okay, so much for walruses." Peeta grinned, starting to get an idea of what was going on. The groans were loud and regular now, cut by heavy breathing.

"What is he doing in here?" Katniss wondered aloud, a little puzzled. "Do you think we should…"

"Oh, no." Peeta whispered, shaking his head. "There are things I don't want to see."

And just then a feminine moan covered his groans followed by a short cry and a "Yes, here, harder please. Harder…" and realization dawned on Katniss' face. She turned crimson in record time.

"Is he watching porn?" she exclaimed in a rushed whisper.

"Does he have a TV in his room?" he frowned. "There are no TVs in our rooms.."

Besides, the voice sounded a little too familiar for it to be porn…

"I don't care how he is watching it." Katniss hissed. "This is disgusting. Come on, let's go get our chocolate, I don't want to think about Haymitch watching porn or about what he might be doing." She made a face, looking a little green at the thought and hurried away.

Peeta lingered a little longer, not wanting to pry but very curious at the same time. He dawdled long enough to hear Haymitch groaning Effie, followed by the loudest noise yet and the boy figured the walrus was dead. A few seconds later, before he could run away, a little traumatized to have heard Haymitch and Effie doing that, she cried out.

He ran after Katniss, hopping on his good leg to go faster. She shot him a curious look when he finally caught up, studied him for a moment and then made a sympathetic face.

"I know, he's disgusting." she nodded. "It's bad enough he has to do that but does he have to watch porn while he does it?"

Since he envied her ignorance, he kept quiet and agreed wholeheartedly, lying through his teeth about not understanding the appeal of porn since she was so shocked by it – and he only had a limited experience with it anyway, the TV in the Village came with all sorts of channels after all and he was curious, surely that wasn't that wrong.

Still, the thought of their mentor and their escort doing half of what he had seen on TV made his stomach churn.

The bright side was that he had now an incomparable technique to get rid of any boner problem he might have : thinking about Haymitch and Effie having sex was worse than thinking about his parents doing it.

He tried hard to forget.