Prompt : Story prompt – Johanna, Chaff, and Finnick are discussing the advantages and disadvantages of boinking their respective escorts – all very theoretical – while Haymitch does a slow burn. Effie is either not present for this discussion, or shows up at the end.

Talking Escorts

"I need a new escort." Jo declared, storming in the penthouse living-room without pausing to check if she was welcomed. She flopped down on the couch next to Finnick and glared at Chaff and Haymitch. "I also need a fucking drink. Trinket's right, chivalry is fucking dead."

Finnick immediately handed his glass over, knowing it must have cost his friend to admit Effie was right about anything and a bit scared she would break his wrist for it anyway. "Argila isn't that bad."

"I need her out." she hissed. "If she tries to get me into one of those dresses again… I'll walk into that next party naked."

"You'll hear no objection from me." Chaff snorted, toasting her. "There are worse views."

"Oh, shut up, Chaff. I'm not joking. I need a fucking new escort and I fucking need her right now." she growled. "Argila's little reign of terror has lasted long enough."

Finnick rubbed his eyes, thinking Jo was making a fuss out of nothing. There were worse escorts than Argila. She had been in the Games long enough not to care anymore and Seven's mentors were freer with their movements than other Districts' victors were.

"Awesome." Chaff shrugged. "Get rid of her. You can get Viola. She can shut up about having a promotion and I get a brand new model."

"Sure, why not?" Jo sneered. "I'll snap her neck and everyone can get new models."

"Again." Eleven's victor chuckled. "No objections from me."

"She's hard to shake off." Haymitch mumbled in his glass. "Better not go there."

"If you're so bent on getting rid of her, just go talk to Crane." Finnick suggested. "But the young new ones are even more annoying."

"Not if they're pushovers." Twelve's victor commented.

"Can't get rid of her like that anyway. Blight's sweet on her." Johanna sighed, downing her glass and handing it to him. Finnick rolled his eyes but wordlessly stood up to bring her a refill – and to pour himself one while he was at it. "I need to get her to quit."

"You can always try the good old method." Chaff suggested. "Sleep with her. That used to work for Haymitch and me."

"Yes, because you're both probably awful in bed." Finnick mocked, sitting back on the couch, handing Jo her tequila and taking a sip of his cocktail. "Women don't usually run away because you sleep with them."

"They do if you make it awkward enough afterwards." Haymitch snorted.

"Is that why Trinket has been around for a decade?" Jo snickered. "'Cause you can't make her uncomfortable? Hard to, granted… She's such a slut…"

"Careful." Twelve's victor growled.

"Trinket broke our bet." Chaff lamented, taking a sip of his whiskey. "It was such a perfect bet… New escorts every year…"

"I don't see you getting rid of Summercket." Haymitch retorted.

Eleven's victor shook his head and waved his stump. "She doesn't fuck crippled. Even if they're as charming as me."

"Anyway." Jo scoffed. "I'm not sleeping with Argila."

"Why not? I would do her…" Chaff declared.

"You would do anyone." Finnick remarked.

"True." Haymitch mocked.

"Well, we can't all be happy with fucking our escort a month a year…" Eleven's victors shot back. "Although maybe if Trinket was my escort…"

"You're ever going to stop with that?" Haymitch grumbled. "How many times do I have to tell you…"

"Nothing is going on." the three of them finished in a chorus, leaving Twelve's victor to glare at the lot of them.

"I hate Trinket." he sneered. "If I could have pushed her to quit I would have. She's as stubborn as a mule!"

"Cheer up." Finnick teased. "Maybe she will be promoted to Seven…"

"No, thank you." Jo scowled. "I'll kill her too."

"I'm keeping her." Haymitch snapped. "You're all jealous 'cause your escorts are shit and mine get things done."

"Thought you hated her?" Chaff chuckled.

"Doesn't mean she's shit at her job, does it?" he snarled. "Why are we still talking about her anyway? The girl was ranting about her own escort…"

"Because it's funnier to watch you squirm." Finnick grinned.

There was one thing that never got old and that was taunting Haymitch about Effie Trinket.