Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

If you haven't already noticed, this story contains drinking and will now contain drug use. Nothing crazy, I'm not that cool. Lucky for me (and you), I have A Jasper For Me as my beta! I think I annoy her.

Chapter Five

"I'm back where I started," I huffed in annoyance. "It's been a month and I've gotten nowhere. Right back where I fucking started."

"And where exactly did you start? In the closet?" Emmett grinned before ducking behind the refrigerator door as I threw the remote control in his direction. "You need to chill. Get it? Chill?" He laughed while sticking his head in the fridge.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious. Bella pretty much blew me off," I flipped Emmett off before he could attempt to make a dirty joke, "and every other girl I've tried to date since then has been a fucking disaster."

"It hasn't been that bad, bro." Emmett tossed me a beer and attempted to throw the remote at my crotch, which I skillfully blocked. "What happened with Charlotte? I saw you two together a few times. Her ass was decent."

Shrugging my shoulders I said, "Gag reflex."

"Give the girl a break. Not like she can help that. Maybe she has a medical condition or something."

"Are you kidding me? If I'm going to date someone for a believable amount of time, I'm not going to deal with a fucking gag reflex. That's just nasty," I said with conviction. "She admitted to me that she throws up every time she brushes her teeth."

"So, what does she do after she pukes? How does she brush her teeth to get rid of the puke smell?"

"I have no idea. I don't even want to know."

"Okay, okay. Didn't you go out with Ben's cousin, uh... Kim? Her tits were pretty nice."

"Body odor," I complained. "It wasn't that bad but she was just fucking weird. We went to watch her friend's band play at Emo's, and she kept laughing and whispering in my ear that she doesn't wear deodorant because it causes breast cancer."

Emmett's reply was a blank stare. "Well, what about Blair? She had nice legs."

"Claire?" I asked.

"Right. That's what I meant. What about Claire?"

"She has cats. Multiple. As in ten. Ten fucking cats. I walked in to her apartment then walked right out."

"Good call," Emmett agreed with a solemn nod. "So. You've spent the past month trying to find someone you can pretend to date and here you are, sufficiently alone."

"And drunk," I added with a tilt of my beer bottle.

"Drunk and alone. Devising a new plan is an option," Emmett said while switching the channel from some stupid fucking weight-loss show to an infomercial.

"That's bullshit," I shook my head at Emmett. "My plan is fine."

"What exactly is your plan, anyway? What are you going to do after you get the money?"

I blinked. Honestly, I hadn't entirely thought that part through. Yet.

Emmett snorted. "Now that's funny. You've spent an entire month failing at a plan that you didn't think through."

Smug bastard. "That wasn't failure. I'd like to call them minor setbacks."

My phone chirped, creating a nice distraction. "Ben just text and said he's going to Cain and Abel's later. He wants to know if you wanna go."

"I'm down," Emmett said happily.

"Huh. Have fun," I said leaning back against the couch.

Emmett looked confused. Emmett always looked confused. "I still don't understand why you won't go to Cabel's. Why are you still avoiding Bella? Did she hurt your feelings when she blew you off?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Mom always did say you were the sensitive one," Emmett chuckled.

Glaring, I whispered, "Mom never said that."

I knew he knew I was right because he just shrugged, grabbed my pipe and began packing a bowl.

Esme was always the one who said I was more sensitive than Emmett. And maybe I was "sensitive" because I apparently always get my "panties in a wad" whenever Emmett slips and refers to Esme as "Mom".

"She didn't hurt my feelings, asshole," I muttered, mostly to myself. "But she did admit that she knows about the Fuck and Duck. Apparently, she overheard me a while back talking to someone about it at Cabel's."

Genuine shock spread over Emmett's face. "Yeah, you pretty much screwed that one up. Like I said, time for a new plan," Emmett offered.

"No way. I'm not going to waste more time trying to come up with a new way to get our money, Em! How fucked up is that? Our money and it's being held from us."

"If you weren't such a picky motherfucker, this whole thing wouldn't be so hard."

"Picky?" My scoff was loud and exaggerated. "Excuse me if I don't want to spend my time with girls who smell like fucking cat liter, body odor and puke."

Emmett ignored my rant and began to text on his phone. "Just... chill," he said, barely paying attention.

"How am I supposed to chill? Apparently being a 'picky motherfucker' gives the impression that I'm an asshole. How am I supposed to get any girl to date me if they think I'm an asshole?"

"Who said you were an asshole?"

Pause for dramatic effect. "Bella."

"Ah. Back to Bella," Emmett said with an amused tone. I, on the other hand, was not amused. "She said you were an asshole?" Emmett was suddenly interested in my dilemma.

"No!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. "That's the most aggravating part! Bella never even used the word 'asshole'. She didn't have to. I could tell by the way she slammed the passenger side door when I dropped her off that one night."

"You mean a month ago? When you dropped her off and then went directly to Tanya's to have your ego stroked?" Emmett sneered. "If you want to find a girlfriend then don't be an asshole. It's pretty easy."

I hesitated for a moment, then decided it was best to just ignore Emmett's advice from here on out.

After Emmett left for Cabel's, I spent the night drinking all of the beer in his fridge and trying to Facebook stalk Bella. I wasn't proud of it, not at all. But after talking about her with Em, I was interested in what she had been doing for the past month. Unfortunately, her Facebook was private but her profile pictures were not.

Bella only had three profile pictures in her album, which struck me as odd. Don't most girls have at least twenty different pictures of themselves? Clicking on the first picture, I stared at Bella and a black-haired girl, facing each other while laughing. They were sitting on some steps outside of what might have been her apartment.

The second picture was of just Bella. She was wearing a hooded sweater, holding a bottle of wine and giving a cheesy smile. The last picture was of a young Bella sitting with, I'm assuming, her mother. Bella must have been around five or six when the picture was taken. She and her mother were sitting in a meadow, surrounded by wildflowers.

After hearing from Bella that her mother left when she was younger, part of me wondered why she would even post this picture. Not that it was any of my business to even wonder.

I quickly logged off, not wanting to spend any more time Facebook stalking. It was pointless, anyway. I knew there was no way I'd add her as a friend and I wasn't sure why I had been so curious.

The next day, I woke up with a slight hangover and the remnants of what felt like guilt. My phone began to ring and vibrated loudly on the table. Not helping the hangover.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Edward! What are you doing?" Seth asked with enthusiasm.

"Uh, not much, man. I'm at Emmett's right now," I said, glancing around and realizing Emmett must have stayed at Rose's last night.

"Awesome! Tell him I said hi!" Seth yelled.

I laughed, pulling the phone away from my ear. "I will, I will. Are we still on for today?" I asked, realizing it was already noon and I was supposed to pick Seth up in an hour for our weekly meet.

I would never admit this to anyone, but being a part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters foundation was...I don't know. It wasn't that bad, Seth was a pretty cool kid and I was able to hang out with him every week. I had only signed up to get Carlisle off my back about "doing something for the community" but now, being Seth's Big Brother for almost two years, I almost felt proud for sticking with it for so long.

"Can we go ice skating?" Seth asked very seriously.

"Uh, sure. I guess," I mumbled. "You really want to go ice skating?" I asked in disbelief. I mean, Seth was in sixth grade. I don't think I would have ever wanted to go ice skating when I was his age. At least, not willingly.

"Yes, really. This girl I like is supposed to be there with her friend," Seth explained, whispering so his mom couldn't hear.

"Ah, why didn't you say so? If it's for the ladies, then I am all for it." I laughed. "I'll be there in an hour, okay?"

"Okay, see ya!"

Forty-five minutes later, I pulled up in front of the tiny duplex that Seth and his mother lived in. The door opened before I even knocked.

"Edward! Let's go, come on!" Seth hurried past me, running towards my car.

"What's the rush?" I asked, confused.

"Hi, Edward. How are you?" Seth's mom, Carmen, asked with a laugh. I wasn't used to seeing her home since she cleaned houses during the day and worked the front desk at the hospital overnight. "He's a little hyper today. Hope that's not a problem."

"Nah, no way. I think he wants to go ice skating. I'll make sure he burns some of that energy off before he comes back."

Carmen laughed and patted my arm. "Thanks. You're a real hero. You know, I saw your Uncle at the hospital last night. He looked worried," Carmen whispered, trying to get something out of me. I wasn't falling for it. "Can you make sure Seth eats dinner before you bring him back home? I'll be leaving for the hospital before you guys get back and I know if I'm not here he will try to survive solely on Cheetos and beef jerky."

"No problem. Hey, Seth, you wanna grab a burger after ice skating?" I yelled towards the car.

"Sure, whatever. Come on, let's goooo!"

"Seth Ephraim, you do not speak to Edward like that! Show a little respect or you will not hang out with him today," Carmen scolded, which made me laugh. Seth had it pretty good compared to some of his friends that I had the chance to meet.

"Sorry. Mom, no! I'm sorry. I just really want to go!" Seth cried.

"You listen to Edward, you hear me? Be safe and call the hospital when you get home." Carmen walked towards the car and kissed his head, which made him complain with embarrassment.

Enjoy it while you can, kid.

I waved goodbye to Carmen, hopped in the car and asked Seth where we were going.

"I heard Bree saying that her aunt is taking her at one-thirty to the Whole Foods skating rink. So, wherever that is."

"Wait. Bree is the girl you like? " I asked, and Seth nodded. "You weren't officially invited?"

"No. Bree doesn't know I like her."

"Oh, I see. Well, we're just going to have to change that, now aren't we?" I gave him a devious smile which made him laugh with delight.

We had to wait until two o'clock to skate, which worked out fine because it took me for fucking ever to lace the skates.

"How about you skate and I'll just stand over here and watch you?"

"But she's not here yet! I'm going to look like a loser out there all by myself." Seth pouted.

God, the things I do for this kid.

Second attempt at lacing skates worked in my favor. Finally, we were skating, slowly, in circles around the rink. Seth fell a handful of times, which made me laugh, until I finally fell on my ass.

"There she is," Seth whispered to my lifeless body.

Pulling myself up from the ice, I smirked at how nervous he seemed. "Go talk to her." I gave him a slight push in Bree's direction.

"No! I can't! What would I even say?"

I forgot how intimidating girls were at this age. "I don't know, man. Say you like her hair or something."

"She'll think I'm gay!"

"Who is she with?" I asked, interested in the older girl with long black hair who was standing with Bree.

"Maybe it's her aunt? Go talk to her aunt! Please! I will owe you big time. Please, Edward!" Seth pulled on my shirt, almost knocking me back on my ass.

"Okay, shit! Fine. Okay," I huffed, ignoring the fact that I cursed in front of him. Yeah, so he was young and impressionable, but I had a feeling he wouldn't pick up my language when he had Carmen as his mom.

Waiting for Bree and her maybe aunt to finally enter the rink, I skated in their direction. Honestly, I felt like the biggest dumb ass alive. Who hits on a girl while wearing skates? Oh, the shame.

Skating into her, total accident by the way, was a great ice breaker. Turns out she was, indeed, Bree's aunt. Her name was Leah, she was twenty-six and she seemed normal enough. Boring and normal.

Seth skated over about halfway through me getting her phone number. I slyly introduced Seth to Leah and Bree, pretending I had no idea they might already be acquaintances. Seth didn't even mutter a "hello" to Bree but after she and her aunt left, the look on his face was one of triumph. He obviously thought he had done something right, so I didn't question.

"I'm pretty beat," I admitted. "Let's go eat."

"That rhymed," Seth pointed out. "I wanna skate a few more minutes. Anyway, it'll probably be a while until you get your skates off," Seth predicted.

"Better watch it, kid," I frowned. How hard could it be to get skates off?

Ten minutes later, I was still struggling with the skates. And sweating my ass off. Skating with seventy degree weather was just fucking weird.

"You think Bree thought I was cool?" Seth asked as he held on to the side of the rink, watching me finally succeed in taking the skates off.

That's what I heard her voice.

"Edward?"

I slowly turned around, fucking ice skates in hand, and gave Bella a tentative smile. "Bella, hey, what are you doing here?"

Bella's gaze shifted towards Seth, then back to me, before speaking.

"My friend Alice is obsessed with all things Christmas and forces me to go ice skating every year," she said while shaking her head with frustration. "Even when it's not Christmas and it's seventy degrees out. I'm not sure why I'm still friends with her." Bella laughed softly. "So, what are you doing here?"

Seth smiled widely and reached his hand out over the rink. "Hi! I'm Seth. Are you a friend of Edward's?"

"Hi, Seth. I might be a friend of Edward's. Are you?" Bella asked while shaking his hand.

"Yeah! Edward is probably my best friend," Seth beamed.

"Bella, this is Seth. My Little Brother." She looked confused. As she should be. "Seth is my Little Brother through Big Brothers Big Sisters. We hang out every week or so," I explained as Seth left the rink to stand by Bella.

"You're pretty," Seth confessed and stared at Bella, who blushed.

Seriously? Who blushes after an 11 year old compliments them? And what happened to Seth being all nervous and intimidated around girls?

"Okay, Romeo. Back off," I playfully scolded while grabbing Seth to pull him into a headlock.

The confusion on Bella's face was quickly replaced with something else.

"Can we go eat now?" Seth asked while easily taking off his skates. Little punk. "Bella, you want to come eat with us?" Seth asked cheerfully.

"Uh..." Bella stared at me.

"It's okay," I reassured her. "Seth, I'm sure she's busy."

"No, it's not that. I mean, well, I guess it is that. I did just get here and Alice would kill me if I left her without falling on my ass a few times. I'm only here for her amusement," Bella joked and pointed towards her friend, the black-haired girl from Bella's profile picture.

"Oh. So, Alice is the girl in your-" I suddenly stopped myself from admitting I tried to Facebook stalk her.

Fuck.

Bella eyed me cautiously for a second. "The girl in my what?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Can we go eat at that place with the sweet potato fries?" Seth interrupted. "Come on, Bella! Have you even tried sweet potato fries before? They are the bomb!"

She kept her eyes on me as she said, "Actually, I love sweet potato fries. Where are you guys going to eat?"

Seth's face lit up. "Smashburger! It's the most awesome burger place in the world! But if you don't like burgers, they also have Smashchicken and they have these super duper regular french fries with some sort of spice on them. I could eat ten pounds of the but my mom won't let me."

"Well, after that shining review, how could I pass up the chance to eat at Smashburger?" Bella teased Seth. "Um, I'll tag along, if it's cool?"

"I don't want you to get in trouble with your friend," I joked while pulling on the back of my neck. I knew I should have smoked a bowl before coming here. That would have helped with my fucking hangover and would have made this whole exchange a little less awkward.

"She'll understand. Let me go tell her I'm leaving and I'll meet you guys in the parking lot," Bella instructed as she walked over to Alice.

"Edward, do you like her?" Seth whispered once Bella was out of ear-shot.

Running my hands through my hair, I said with an exasperated sigh, "I don't know her, Seth."

That was as close to the truth as I could get.

"Liar, liar," Seth teased. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."

Me either, kid. Me either.

A/N: Seth was not lying about Smashburger. It's too amazing for words. Hopefully there is one located near you, because if not, that's just sad. Thanks for reading!