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Beta'd by the awesome A Jasper For Me!

Chapter Eight

"Just laugh at everything I say," I instructed, going over the do's and don'ts for Esme's game night.

Bella made a face and said, "But what if something isn't actually funny?"

I glared at her. "It will be."

"I don't know if I can trust you on that one. Why don't I just judge for myself if I'm going to laugh or not?"

"Whatever. Uh, I don't do hand holding, so that's out of the question."

Bella snickered and said, "Of course you don't..."

"What's that mean?" I asked, watching her bend over to put her shoes on.

"Of course a guy like you doesn't hold hands."

"A guy like me?"

"Yeah, a dick," she said easily.

"You can't call me a dick in front of my family!"

Bella smiled. "We aren't in front of your family. Besides, I doubt they'd blink an eye if I were to say that in front of them."

I ignored her and went on. "What else? Oh. We can kiss at least once in front of them. No tongue, that's Emmett and Rosalie's thing."

"That's awkward," she said in disgust. "And no, I don't do kissing."

Walking over to her, I realized how short she actually is; I towered over her. "How is this going to look believable?"

Bella leaned in close and whispered, "I don't kiss guys who aren't my boyfriend."

"Lucky for you, I am." I smiled, grabbing her waist.

She pulled back and arched an eyebrow. "I have an idea," she said. I waited. "Why don't I just act the exact same way I did at dinner a few weeks ago? That seemed to work."

"You're too snarky," I said decidedly, dropping my hand. "I could never date a girl like you."

"Oh, I believe that. Edward Cullen doesn't do dating," Bella mocked my voice.

"Bella Swan doesn't do kissing."

"At least my stipulation will keep me from contracting any communicable diseases," she snapped back.

"Let's go," I said sternly. "We're going to be late."

Bella tried to hide her laughter but failed. "This is going to be fun."

I, for one, wasn't so sure about that.

A/N: I know, short chapter, but hopefully it made you laugh! Thanks for reading! :)