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Surprise! Early update. Thanks to the usual suspects: A Jasper For Me, Ffaddward, Livie79, ttharman, & ashley0125. You people complete me.

Chapter Sixteen

"Are you drunk?" Emmett hovered over my lifeless body, poking me with one finger.

"I was hoping I was just dead, but yeah. I think I'm also drunk," I mumbled into the couch. "Go away."

"Drink this." Rose handed me a glass of water, which I graciously accepted. "Whiskey? On a Thursday night?"

"Yep. Stop judging. This was necessary after tonight's failed PF Chang's apology."

"If you're going to sing 80's music, at least make sure it's something good, okay? Otherwise, keep it down. We're trying to sleep," Emmett instructed before turning the lights back off.

"I miss Bella," I said out loud.

Emmett stopped in the doorway of his room and asked, "Do you also miss your balls?"

"Emmett!" I heard Rose slap his arm.

"I miss my balls." I repeated Emmett's words, although mine were slightly more slurred. "I miss Bella, and I miss my balls. I don't know why I can't have them both back."

A great idea popped into my head, but maybe my sanity was just being tested.

"What are you doing? Who are you calling?" Rose snapped and yanked the phone from my hands.

"I'm calling Bella to tell her to give me my balls back," I explained, trying to sit up. "She took them without asking. Not fucking fair."

"Worst idea ever." Emmett sighed. "Go to sleep, and in the morning we can talk about all the mistakes you've made, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. Worst idea ever.

BPOV

The days following my fight with Edward were...fine. Just fine. That is, if you consider ignoring everyone and everything to be fine.

Friday, I went to class, paid attention, spoke only when spoken to, went home and took a nap. Later that night when I showed up to work, I flirted with Aro, then sweetly asked him to let me work the back of the house instead of the front, because I couldn't deal with people. Truth was, I was nervous Edward was going to show up, and I couldn't bear to see him.

I ignored the concerned glances Jake shot my way and pretended I was fine. I ignored Alice's calls, Charlie's emails, and Angela's texts. It was easier this way; to ignore everyone until my emo phase was over. I didn't want to have to explain to them I fucked up and couldn't stand to think about what I had done; that I had pushed Edward away.

Because, yeah, I pushed Edward away. The only guy who had ever said he loved me. The only guy who put up with my snarky remarks. The only guy who actually enjoyed when I belted out cheesy 80's tunes after drinking the shitty whiskey he loved so much.

I pushed him away because I could; because I had the power to hurt him and because...well, because I was a bitch. A scared little bitch, but a bitch nonetheless.

Isabella Marie Swan: Biggest Bitch on Earth. Well, maybe not, but I was definitely in the top five. I believed Angelina Jolie had the number one spot on lock-down, but that was only because I still wasn't over the Jen and Brad break-up. Yeah, I fucking hold grudges. Show me someone who doesn't.

Even with all the fear that was holding me back, I knew deep down he wasn't lying when he admitted to being in love with me. Probably because he didn't actually mean to tell me. It just kind of...slipped out while he was rambling. The same way it just kind of...slipped out that he was upset I didn't return the favor.

Could I fault him for trying to hurt me, for blurting out nonsense when I had disregarded his feelings? No, I couldn't. And I wouldn't.

Saturday was one big blur because I didn't leave my apartment, didn't brush my teeth, and didn't go to work. I didn't call in either because that would require using the phone, and I was too good for that, apparently.

My Saturday evening was out of control. Spoiler alert: my night involved two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and half a bag of Wheat Thins.

After my carb-induced coma, I was entertaining the idea of skipping out on visiting Gram Sunday afternoon, until I began answering myself out loud. That's when I realized I was being ridiculous, borderline psychotic, and I couldn't shut myself off from the world just because I was disappointed in myself. No, Bella wasn't going to become a shut-in, nor was she going to become a mental patient.

I let myself sleep, AKA wallow, until noon on Sunday, then I forced myself to shower and ended up driving the junker to visit Gram.

"Good afternoon, Bella," Nancy said from behind the safety of the counter. "How're you today?"

"More like who am I today?" I asked without acknowledging her pleasantry. I wasn't in the mood. "Renee or Bella?" I asked, and received a sympathetic smile and a sigh from Nancy. "Renee it is," I said sarcastically.

"She's in the back feeding the ducks," Nancy said before I walked away. "Charlie isn't here yet."

"Thanks."

Navigating my way through the facility, I stepped through the huge glass sliding doors that led to the common area outside. There were two elderly men playing chess, a few women enjoying a brisk walk around the small trail, and Gram sitting by herself on a bench. She was sitting in silence, staring at the man-made pond.

I tapped her shoulder and smiled before she turned to see who was demanding her attention.

"Hello, Dear," she said, the warmth of her voice instantly soothing me. "Sit. I've missed you," she whispered in my ear as she pulled me closer to her on the bench. "How are you?

"How are you feeling?" I asked with concern.

"Don't you worry your little head about me, Dear. Have you been eating? Is Charlie treating you well?"

As much as I loved my Gram and understood her disease, it still left me feeling irked having to pretend my father was my boyfriend, or even sometimes my husband. Of course, thinking of Charlie made me think of Renee, which had me on the verge of tears. Motherfuck.

I wanted to talk about Renee, but it wasn't possible right now. I wanted to talk about the days when the three of us would curl up on the couch and watch My Fair Lady and Roman Holiday. I wanted to hear the warmth in Gram's voice as she talked about my mother as a child, unconditional love coating each word despite the fact Renee left us. She left all of us, and it was an unspoken agreement we ignore the fact my mom was now living the life she dreamed, and it didn't involve me, nor Charlie.

"What's on your mind, Sweets?" Gram asked after my silence interrupted the flow of conversation.

"I made a mistake," I blurted out. She didn't need the details, but I had to talk to someone. "I don't know if I can fix it, and...and..."

Gram shushed me and said, "Nonsense. There's always a way. Does this have to do with that boyfriend of yours?" Barely nodding, Gram absentmindedly stroked the back of my hair and hummed. "Whatever you did, I'm sure he will forgive you."

"You don't understand. He loves me." Shaking my head, I looked down at my hands, I said, "He loves me, and I acted like I didn't care because I'm too afraid."

"Afraid of what, Dear?"

Becoming my mother. Making the wrong decisions. Running away from happiness. Screwing everything up.

But I wanted Edward, I thought to myself. I had a feeling that would never change, even if he never changed.

"Of screwing up," I said cryptically.

"That's a bit silly, isn't it? If he cares for you, nothing should stop you two from being together."

"I'm not sure it's that simple," I whispered as the tears trickled down my cheeks. "There are other factors as to why it probably won't work out."

"If he loves you, like you say he does, he will forgive you." Wiping at my cheeks, Gram said, "I saw the way he was looking at you the day he endured multiple games of Gin Rummy with your ole Gram. He's a bit unsure about things, but I could tell he was certain about you, Dear. And such great hair, that one."

My tears suddenly stopped as my mind rewound everything Gram had just said to me. "Wait, what? Edward? You're talking about Edward?"

"Of course. Who are you talking about?" Gram laughed lightly. "Bella, don't let fear rule your life. The best things are worth fighting for, you know. You can't expect everything to be easy."

"I thought you thought I was Renee..." I trailed off.

"You are not your mother, Bella. As batty as I am sometimes, even I can see that, my dear girl."

Gram kissed my forehead, and I began bawling. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and God, it felt good to cry; to finally relieve myself of the stress I had been feeling over the past few days.

"I miss her," I whimpered, my tears coming to an end. "And I love him," I admitted. "But he's so infuriating, and he scares the shit out of me."

She laughed and patted my arm. "That's not something to complain about. Passion is a good thing, and that fear? Well, it will keep you guessing. Mysteries can be a good thing as well."

"Hey, gals," Charlie said from behind us. "What are you two going on about?"

I glanced at Gram, she winked and said, "Oh, just about how you've raised such an amazing young lady."

Charlie agreed, giving himself a little too much credit, but we all laughed anyway.

After spending the afternoon entertaining Gram, Charlie and I were walking to our respective cars in the lot as he pulled me into his side and said, "Let's grab a bite to eat. Dinner's on me."

"Always is," I joked.

We settled for Central Market because it was nearby, and who doesn't love their Salmon Burger with wasabi avocado spread?

"Where's that fellow?" Charlie asked while we waited for our food.

"Fellow? Come on, Dad. Even you know that's a bit outdated."

Charlie shrugged and sipped his light beer. He was lookin' to shed a few. "He a good kid?"

"He's not so bad." I smiled and looked away.

"Ah, there's that smile..."

"Hey. Cut it out," I scolded. "Is dinner your way of saying you need me to do your laundry?"

"Don't change the subject with me, young lady." Charlie wiped his mustache and said, "But yeah, I'm a little behind on that."

"Figures. I can come by tomorrow after class," I mumbled, not looking forward to waking up. Not in an emo way, just in the normal I don't want to wake up before noon way. "Finals are in two weeks."

Charlie almost sounded like a normal parent as he said, "Forget my laundry and focus on your studies. You can't become a writer if you're busy doing my laundry all the time."

"I can't become a writer if I'm busy filling pints and serving tequila shots."

"I know it's tough, Bells, but you're doing a great job. I know I haven't been able to help much with tuition and everything, but..." Charlie trailed off, looking pained.

Aw, fuck. An unsettling feeling crept over me as I thought of how much money Edward was willing to just throw my way, no second guess. If Charlie ever found out, he'd be so disappointed in me.

"Dad, stop. You've helped plenty. Don't be so tough on yourself."

He put his hand over mine, and said, "You're a good kid. And this fellow of yours..." He removed his hand and cleared his throat. I laughed. "He better treat you right, otherwise he'll have me to answer to."

"You're pretty scary," I lied.

"It's the mustache," he admitted proudly.

My visit with Gram and dinner with Charlie had worn me out. Emotionally, not physically. I wasn't eighty-seven years old, jeez.

Walking into my apartment, I headed straight for the fridge. There was a gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream calling my name, and it was going to help in assisting me with replaying my earlier conversation with Gram.

I wasn't an emotional eater or anything. Not at all. I didn't eat my feelings; I ate gratifying, delicious ice cream, and I was pretty sure my feelings were not an ingredient of any sort.

Spoon in hand, I opened the freezer and watched as a few bags of frozen vegetables, my precious ice cream, and an ice tray plummeted to the floor.

"Good job, Bella," I muttered to myself and dropped to my knees to pick up the mess. Grabbing the ice cream first, I lifted the lid and smiled. The mess could wait; ice cream therapy could not.

My butt hit the floor before I could think about how fucking weird it was, and I dug into the gallon with my spoon; my accomplice; my friend. Yeah. Sitting on the kitchen floor devouring ice cream definitely did not qualify as emotional eating.

I was three spoonfuls in when I heard my front door open and couldn't even bring myself to care. If someone were breaking in, I'd surely die happy.

"Bella?" Alice called out.

"In here," I attempted to say with a mouthful of goodness, but it sounded more like...not what I intended.

Alice and Jasper turned the corner and laughed. It was loud. And annoying.

"Told you she didn't slip in the shower and accidentally hang herself," Jasper said with a smirk. "Ooh, is that Mint Chocolate Chip?"

"Fuck off!" I snapped as Jasper sat himself on the floor next to me. "What do y'all want?"

"You've ignored me since our chat Wednesday night. I gave you space since I assumed you and Edward were locked up all weekend making sweet, sweet love. The only thing you're making sweet love to is my nemesis."

"Yeah, being lactose-intolerant must suck," Jasper said. I concurred and handed him my spoon. "Also, your first thought regarding Bella's silence was death, not sex."

"Okay, so I assumed you had an accident that rendered you disabled from calling for help." Alice shrugged.

"Good to know you assumed I was dead before thinking I was getting laid."

"People still say that? Getting laid?" Jasper asked.

"Uncalled for!" I hissed and pried the tub of ice cream out of his hands.

"No. What's with the wallowing? That's uncalled for." Alice gave me a pointed look before she realized what might have happened to cause said wallowing. "Oh, no. No, no, no. Bella, don't tell me..."

"Yep."

"How do y'all do that?" Jasper asked, glancing between us and wishing he could read our minds. Yeah. Alice and I were known for partaking in mind conversations. We were pretty awesome like that, but for your sake, we'd verbalize this one.

"You fucked it up, didn't you?" she asked, dropping her head. "I did my best, set everything up for you. All of my work...gone...down the drain."

"Alice, give me a break."

"A break? You don't deserve a break! You deserve a nice punch in the face!"

"When is a punch in the face ever nice?" Jasper stood on his feet and reached down to help me off the floor.

"Yeah, Bella is also wondering about said nice punch," I joked.

"Damn it, woman. I have lost all faith in your sanity," Jasper muttered, looking disappointed in me. "No more sugar for you, Sugar."

Alice held her finger up to shush him, and said, "You wanted to make Edward jealous, to prove he had feelings, remember?"

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be agreeing to this or not, so I just stared. Blank stares always get you far in life.

Jasper sighed. "Worst idea ever, Bella. Haven't you seen any chick flicks?"

Romcoms weren't my thing. Sorry if I wasn't into overpaid, overrated actors portraying to be involved in something that terrified me.

"It worked! He got jealous and, what do you know, he also has feelings! Feelings for your dumb ass!" Alice yelled, causing Jasper to snicker.

I refrained from flipping off his Counter-Strike playing, weed-smoking, Cheez-it-loving ass. Goldfish were obviously the better choice.

"Fuck. It's really bad when Alice is the voice of reason," I whispered to Jasper.

"Trust me, I know," Jasper and Alice said simultaneously.

"I think this is the part of the movie where I cut my wrists to make myself feel some sort of pain." I wasn't actually into that or anything. I was clumsy enough already, so there was no way I'd purposely inflict pain on myself.

"Nah," Jasper said with a smirk. "You're more romcom than indie flick. No razor blades needed for your happy ending."

Meh, that's probably a good thing. I sighed in relief. "If my life has to depict a movie genre, I'll take romcom over horror, I guess."

"Yeah, no shit!" Jasper said animatedly. "Who wants to get hacked up into little pieces while showering? They could at least wait until you're out of the shower, right? That'd be a little more fair."

"I totally agree. Or what about stabbing someone in their sleep? Total cheap shot when the victim can't defend themselves."

Alice kicked a bag of frozen vegetables towards us, catching our attention.

"What the hell kind of movies do y'all watch? Can we stay on topic, please?"

"Right. Sorry." I nodded and decided to get to the good stuff. "Edward said he's in love with me." Aaaand, deep breath.

I expected shock. I expected Alice to squeal and beg for the details. I expected something, anything, other than the yawn she produced.

"Pretty sure I caught on to that, like, two minutes after talking to him."

"That was buzz kill, Alice," Jasper said seriously. "You could have at least pretended to not know."

"I agree with the Counter-Strike lover."

Frowning, Alice kicked another bag, broccoli this time, and asked, "So, why did you go all Hormonal Bella and screw this up?"

Okay, people bringing up my hormones was starting to get a little old. Although, maybe my hormones did have something to do with, well, all of this. They were partly at fault for making me agree to date Edward in the first place. Like my Gram said, he has really great hair, so it's not like I had a choice in the matter. My ovaries made me do it. Fuckers.

I held one finger out and began listing reasons why it would never work. "He doesn't have a job," I said.

Alice rolled her eyes and said, "So? He's loaded."

"Alice!"

"Oh, come on! You work in a fucking bar, Bella. You're judging the guy for not having a job?"

"It's not a bar," Jasper said, taking my side. "It's a bar and grill. Except, you do usually work after eight, so yeah, you pretty much work in a bar."

Assholes. But point taken.

I held out a second finger. "I don't like spring rolls."

"I don't know what the hell that even means, but I'm almost positive you're just looking for reasons why this won't work out."

"Stop being mean, or I'm demoting your friendship status."

"Oh? Who do you expect to keep you in check, huh? Angela? Sorry, I don't trust anyone who flosses three times a day." Alice pretty much high-fived herself. I had no idea that was even possible.

Alice and Angela never quite got along. I was their common denominator, and it ended there. To put it simply, they were just too different. Angela never uttered a bad word about Alice. But, yeah, the flossing three times a day thing...

"Don't be a bitch," I scolded.

"Next thing you're going to tell me to do is to stop breathing."

"Whatever shuts you up."

"Learn how to deal with the truth and maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when you hear it," Alice hissed. Alice never hisses. Even Jasper looked frightened.

"What truth?" I feigned confusion.

"You're in love with a guy who uses more hair product than you do," Jasper piped up.

Alice shot him a glare, and I said, "Nah, I've ran my fingers through those locks. No residue."

"Fucking A!" Alice screamed. "Jasper wins again."

"Wha- oh my fucking God," I mumbled, dropping my head. "Don't tell me you guys made a bet on whether or not Edward uses hair products?"

Jasper smiled triumphantly. "We didn't make a bet on whether or not Edward uses hair products."

"Okay, good." Relief overcame me as I deemed my friends normal. That is, until Alice spoke.

"Actually, the bet was whether or not you ran your fingers through his hair while y'all-"

"That's it!" I screamed, pointing at Alice, then Jasper. "Demoted! Both of you!"

"Stop being so hasty with this decision making of yours, Jesus," Alice said without smiling. "Before you demote me, let's figure out what you're doing to do."

"I can't do anything. I overreacted, over PF Chang's no less. Edward probably thinks I'm some psycho now."

Disgust took form on Jasper's face. "Who blows up in the presence of PF Chang's?" Alice elbowed him in the side. "Oh, sorry, not the point. Why don't you try talking to him? Maybe apologize for whatever you said. We guys aren't complicated creatures."

I thought of Gram's advice, and skimmed the Spark Notes of Alice and Jasper's unconventional attempt at advice. Note the sarcasm dripping from my tone.

"I'll sleep on it and figure something out," I promised.

Jasper mussed my hair before disappearing from the kitchen, giving Alice and me a second alone. She grabbed hold of my arm and said, "I love you, Bella. But I'm not sure I can help you anymore. This is all you now."

"I know."

"Don't be scared, okay? It's worth it."

Even if I wasn't one-hundred percent positive if she and Gram were right about it being worth it, I figured I owed it to myself to at least try. Or in the very least, apologize to Edward.

A/N: Hope y'all enjoyed getting inside Bella's head, even though it's a scary place. Epov will be Friday or Saturday. Thanks for reading! :)