prompt: effie, katniss, and johanna go out and jo starts asking them inappropriate questions about their partners (ahem) sizes

Of Sizes, Tequila & Content Cats

"This is a bad idea." Katniss winced, watching Johanna walking back from the bar with a bottle of what Effie suspected to be tequila, three glasses, salt and lemons.

"Drinking with Johanna is always a bad idea." she agreed, still unsure she had been right to let Seven's victor convince her to go out.

Twelve's bar was fairly new. It dated from the rebuilding and it was packed with the local youth, workers that wanted a drink after their long day and regulars glued to their stools. It was noisy and crowded in a way that had Katniss making faces as soon as they had put a food inside.

It was something of a familiar scene to Effie but she still felt a bit uncomfortable. She had problems with closed spaces since the war and the smell wasn't helping any. It reeked of sweat, ale and fried food.

"Don't spoil my fun." Jo rebuked them as soon as she managed to reach the table they had chosen in the far corner. "You need to loosen up." She pointed a finger at Katniss and then switched target to Effie. "And what's your problem? The place's not fancy enough for you?"

She shot the victor a brief glare.

Johanna had dropped in Twelve out of the blue with little to no explanation. Haymitch figured she had bolted, that living in Four with Annie and a toddler had become too much. Seven's victor claimed she was on a Tour. She had gone to her own District apparently, then to Two to visit Gale… She was floating around and was refusing to tell anyone what was the real problem.

Effie wished she would just spill it instead of dragging her and Katniss out like it was an usual thing for them to do.

"We're getting wasted." Jo warned them, pouring the tequila.

"I don't know…" Katniss made a face. "I was sick forever last time."

"That's part of the fun. Right, Trinket?" Johanna dismissed.

"I would not say that." she snorted. "But it would be nice to have Haymitch being at my own hangovered beck and call for a change."

And she had always been unable to resist tequila. She had a love/hate relationship with tequila. It was always fun on the moment but there was always hell to pay in the morning. Of course, it wasn't as terrible as vodka. Vodka was very, very bad for her…

She was reluctant to drink more than was reasonable with Katniss right there. She felt a need to be responsible and proper in front of the girl.

Resisting Johanna was impossible though.

She might be more stubborn than she was and all the goading and mocking had always made Effie eager to prove the younger woman wrong.

Katniss gave up on the tequila long before they did.

The longer the evening went, the more certain Effie was she would deeply regret it in the morning. She was vaguely aware of Katniss half lying on the table, still conscious but claiming she was too tired to sit straight… She was vaguely aware of teaming up with Johanna to tackle some men, who had though they would be easy preys, at pool – they were not – and making a scene out of it that would have people talking for weeks… Alcohol made her flirty and seductive and she made quite a few comments to younger men and to a couple of girls that she would be ashamed of once she sobered up… But the worst was the cigarette Johanna handed her and that she lit up without a second thought only to realize Katniss was staring at her with wide eyes…

"You smoke." the girl half-stated, half-reproved.

"And they say you're unobservant, brainless." Jo cackled.

And for some reason, Effie laughed too because it seemed very funny. Katniss sulked for a second and then started chuckling, apparently not sure why.

That was the point Effie decided they should head back before they were entirely too wasted to walk. Johanna protested but she insisted. It wasn't like back in the days: there would be no calling a car to drive them safely back home. Besides, it was late and they were alone.

Granted, she doubted anyone would dare attack the Mockingjay and Johanna Mason but men were idiots and they were all wearing stupidly frilly outfits.

It was only once they were outside the bar and tried to remember which way the Village was that Effie realized it might have been a bit too late for being careful.

"I'm toasted." Jo snickered, wrapping her arm around Katniss' shoulders and leaning heavily against the girl as they took a wrong turn for the third time.

Effie was trying hard to sober up and focus but the streets all looked the same to her at the moment and she couldn't remember if they were supposed to turn left or right at the bakery. Katniss was absolutely not helpful.

"I want to go home." the girl lamented, pushing Jo away. "Peeta's waiting…"

"Yeah?" Johanna taunted, wriggling her eyebrows. "You think you're going to get some?"

"Jo!" Effie chided, her cheeks flushing red.

"Don't be such a prude!" Seven's victor scoffed. "It's not like Haymitch isn't fucking you left and right."

Katniss blanched. "I'm going to be sick."

Through the sheer providence of a miracle, Effie spotted the meadow in the distance. She wasn't sure it was a good thing but it certainly was better than stumbling on the bakery again. Progress.

"Oh, come on…" Johanna snickered. "You're a big girl now, Katniss. What do you think they do all day in that house?" She lifted her eyebrows and nudged Effie. "Or you're finally done with the sex? Haymitch's old now. You…"

"Haymitch is keeping me very satisfied, thank you very much." she snapped haughtily. "Do I ask you about your conquests? No, I do not."

"You can." Jo snorted. "Last week in Two? Let me tell you something about Gale…"

"What about Gale?" Katniss frowned, too aggressive.

"Well…" Johanna grinned, clearly missing the growl of warning in the girl's voice. "His hands aren't the only big thing…"

"Oh my god." Effie gasped. "You didn't!"

"I so did." Seven's victor cackled.

"Did what?" Katniss hissed, completely lost. Alcohol had made her grey eyes completely glassy. "What did you do?"

"Fucked him." Johanna shrugged as if it wasn't a problem at all. As if there was no history between the boy and Katniss. Effie decided she probably didn't care. "Peeta must have one hell of a dick."

"What?" the girl repeated. Effie swiftly placed herself between them before Katniss could get a stupid idea – like jumping on Seven's victor in the middle of the street.

"You've dumped Gale." Jo explained "And, fuck, if he doesn't have a nice big dick… I'm thinking Peeta must have an even bigger one."

"You are so tacky." Effie sighed, shaking her head and urging them both to walk on in what she hoped to be the direction of the Village. "And size isn't everything."

"Oh, please." Johanna sneered. "You're saying that? Everybody knows Haymitch is hung like a horse."

Katniss made a gagging noise and then made a face. "How is that good?" The girl shook her head. "Too big can't be good."

"There is nothing like too big." Jo laughed. "But I guess now we know Peeta's dick isn't that good."

"There is something like too big, actually." Effie cut in. "And could we stop discussing Peeta's penis? It is making me extremely uncomfortable."

Johanna rolled her eyes but they managed to take a few steps in silence. Effie could have jumped in joy when she recognized the slope that led up to the Village. She couldn't wait to get home. She was entirely too drunk to play buffer.

"I can't believe you slept with Gale." Katniss spat, mid-slope.

"It's not like you were ever going to cash in on that." Johanna scowled. "It was a shame for that tree to remain untapped. Plus, he fucking knows how to use that thing…"

"Am I dreaming or do I detect some fondness?" Effie teased, suddenly more interested. "Exactly how long has this been going on?"

"Nothing's going on." Johanna grumbled. "I take him for a ride sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" she insisted.

"So Haymitch's too big for your cunt?" Jo retorted. "How about we talk about that?"

The victor had clearly intended to shock or repulse her into silence with her vulgarity but Effie barely blinked. Alcohol had always made her a lot less bent on propriety.

"I will have you know he is exactly the right size for me." she replied and, because tequila always made her competitive, she couldn't help herself. "You could never handle it."

"Gale's big." Jo replied.

"Haymitch is bigger." she hissed, stopping in her tracks to glare at her friends, hands on her hips.

"Yeah?" Seven's victor challenged. She lifted both hands with a smug smile, clearly mimicking a size. Effie clumsily grabbed her wrists and brought them further apart with a smug grin of her own. Jo studied the distance between her hands and then looked up at her. "Yeah?"

"Oh, yes." she purred, proud like a peacock.

"You're both lying." Katniss scowled. "That's far too big."

"How's Peeta doing then?" Jo mocked.

Katniss brought her hands a reasonable – and respectable – distance apart.

"Not bad." Jo commented.

"It is certainly a little over average." Effie nodded.

They both sounded disdainful if not patronizing to Effie's ear and it was no luck Katniss picked up on it. The girl made a face and scoffed. "I don't care what you say. He's perfect for me."

She blushed red and Effie did too because, honestly, it was more than she had ever wanted to know about the children.

With a last scoff, Katniss quickened the pace and disappeared between the Village's iron gates. Jo and Effie followed a few steps behind.

"So." Effie prompted. "You and Gale…"

"He's just a good fuck." Jo grumbled. "Drop it." Seven's victor buried her hands in her pockets. "If he's that big, maybe I should try Haymitch."

"I will murder you and feed your body to the geese." she warned in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Cute." Johanna snorted. "I'll snap your neck before you can touch me."

"And Haymitch will avenge me." she sighed. "See, you trying to seduce my man is not ending well. You should stick to Gale."

"He's younger anyway." Johanna cackled. "More stamina."

"More stamina or not, I would advise you to clear things up with Katniss." she hummed. "That's my stop."

She left Johanna to stumble after the girl and hurried home. The front door was unlocked – thankfully – preventing her from being forced to struggle with her keys. She followed the lights to the living-room where Haymitch was sprawled on the couch, a half full glass resting on the floor in easy reach, a book propped on his stomach. He looked up when she walked in and smirked, eyes twinkling in amusement.

"I'd ask if you'd fun but… It's kinda obvious you did." he mocked. She kicked her heels off, unzipped her dress and let it fall at her feet. He lifted his eyebrows and tossed the book on the coffee table. "You've been naughty, sweetheart? Got something you need to make up to me for?"

"I may have flirted with a few people." she admitted, unclasping her bra and tossing it in the vague direction of an armchair – it missed.

"Yeah?" he growled.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your penis, Haymitch?" she asked, her drunk mind jumping tracks quickly. She slid off her thong and crawled on the couch, straddling his body. "Because I do. I really, really do."

"Guess it's a safe bet to say my dick loves you back." he chuckled, loosely wrapping his hands around her wrists when she started unbuckling his belt. "Any particular reason you're so in love with my junk tonight?"

"You are bigger than Peeta and Gale." she announced.

His eyebrows shot up again. "Not quite what I was expecting but alright."

This time, he didn't try to stop her when she opened his pants and palmed him through his underwear. His breath caught a little, which only made her grin harder because she loved those noises he made when he was trying to be quiet.

"I am going to suck you off." she told him. "Because you are mine. And you penis is mine. Only mine."

His hands squeezed her wrists and then ran up and down her arms. "You're drunk."

"I want to give you a blow job." she pouted. "So you remember I am the best if Johanna tries anything."

"Johanna?" he frowned.

"She likes big penises." she nodded. "And you are bigger than Gale."

His frown deepened. "Johanna fucked Gale?"

"Johanna said she wanted to have sex with you." she insisted. "I warned her it would only end in murder but, with her, you never know."

He studied her for a second and then shook his head. "You're wasted."

"I'm serious." she hissed.

"Seriously wasted." he taunted, tugging on her arms so she would lie down on his chest.

It wasn't exactly what she had had in mind but she snuggled close to him anyway, almost purring in contentment when he grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and tossed it over them. She loved it when he took care of her.

"Do not sleep with Johanna." she warned.

"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen." he scoffed.

"She might try something." she insisted. "I do not trust her."

"You think I'd sleep with her?" he grumbled, annoyed. "She's a kid."

"She is attractive." she countered. "And she likes…"

"Yeah, she likes big dicks, thanks, I got the drift." he cut her off. "She's not getting mine."

"Because it belongs to me." she hummed.

"Because she's a kid." he scowled.

"And because it belongs to me." she pouted, propping her chin on his chest to look at him.

He stared at her and then rolled his eyes. "You seriously want me to say that?"

"Yes." she hissed.

He snorted, smirking once more. "You're fucking possessive when you're wasted."

"I am fucking possessive all the time, I simply have better self-control than you do." she deadpanned. "Please, do say it."

"Fine." he granted, chuckling. "My very big dick belongs to you. Happy?"

"Why, yes, darling." she purred, resting her cheek on his chest again. "I will be very sick tomorrow. Tequila was involved."

"You don't say." he teased, running his fingers through her hair. "Get some sleep."

She hummed and curled up on him like a content cat.

She was certain she would live to regret that night the next morning but she couldn't quite bring herself to care right at the moment.