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Chapter Forty-Two

"Not here. We can't talk here." I shook my head as Edward exhaled. "I don't want to risk my mom coming home," I explained, letting my voice drop an octave. "Is there somewhere else we can go?"

"My place," he offered.

I shook my head again. I didn't want to taint his place with more confessions about my mother; my life.

"Somewhere else."

"Have you eaten?" He asked and then muttered, "Of course you haven't. Get dressed and we can go to the diner."

"Okay," I mumbled. "You can wait in the car."

Edward refused. "I'll wait for you in here."

"But if my mom-"

"I don't care." His voice was as soft as his stare and I had to focus on something else. "I will wait for you down here."

I ran upstairs and threw on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. I pulled my hair back and grabbed my cell and keys.

We drove in silence to the diner. It was a little past nine and the only people there were the waitress and an older man sitting at the counter reading a newspaper. Edward grabbed my hand and we walked to the back choosing the last booth.

We sat across from each other and stayed silent as the waitress set water in front of us. I was looking down at the menu when I felt his foot nudge mine.

"What are you going to order?" he asked as the waitress stared quietly.

"Um." I breathed. "Pancakes or...I don't know. I'm not that hungry," I admitted.

"Eat."

So, I ordered pancakes and he ordered an omelet.

"We can share if you want," he said as the waitress walked off.

And then he stared at me and reached for my hand across the table. I let him hold my hand as I took a deep breath.

"I told you I was in school. In Colorado. That was true," I mumbled but kept my eyes on his. "I never lied to you Edward. I kept things from you, but I never lied." His responding smile was small as he squeezed my hand.

"My mom lived in Arizona at the time, when I left for school. She was acting weird the summer before I left and I chalked that up to her being emotional about me leaving. But then..."

I dropped my eyes from his.

"Hey," he whispered. "It's okay."

I nodded. "I came home for spring break. All my friends were going to Florida, but I told my mom I'd go home to see her and she told me not to bother." My eyes began burning and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "I flew home and she didn't pick me up from the airport. I took a cab and figured she had just forgotten about me."

Edward listened intently and handed me a napkin.

"She was in the bathroom when I found her. There was a lot of blood, an empty bottle of pills and an almost empty bottle of alcohol sitting next to her. I don't remember the first thing I did," I admitted. "I think I threw up."

"Bella..."

"I tried calling 911 because I was scared. But she began throwing up, which I figured was a good thing if she did take any pills." I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice. "She yelled at me. Then she begged me not to leave," I recalled, fighting the urge to throw up. "She got blood all over my pants, I remember. She threatened to hurt herself again, and I didn't want her to do that."

"Bella. You can't be held accountable for what she does to herself."

"I know," I uttered, pulling my hand out of his to wipe my eyes.

"Do you?"

"No."

Edward exhaled and dropped his head in his hands.

"A week after that, we moved. I dropped out of school. I lied and said there was a death in my family and I needed to be closer to home," I explained and Edward lifted his head to look at me. "My friends. My roommate. They all assumed a close family member had passed away. Which wasn't really a lie. She was not my mother anymore." I shook my head and chuckled humorlessly. "She hasn't been for a while now."

Edward left his side of the booth and I scooted closer to the window as he sat next to me.

"What's with the moving to different states?" he asked and handed me a glass of water.

"We do move a lot and I'm not sure why. She doesn't really explain that to me, and I'm too scared to ask. I just know it's usually every six months when she gets restless and wants to start fresh. That's what she says- she wants so start fresh."

Edward growled. "What about your father?"

"What about him?"

"Does he know about how bad she's gotten?"

"No. He knows we move and he knows she's been depressed in the past. But he doesn't know about the...attempts."

"Attempts?" Edward asked as he blanched.

"Half a year later." I nodded. "I told her I was going back to school and she..."

"Can your father do something? Can he help?" Edward asked before waiting until the waitress walked away to speak again. "Maybe-"

"No. He left a long time ago," I murmured and the tears began streaming faster down my cheeks.

Edward wrapped his arm around me and said, "But he didn't leave you, Bella. He left Renee."

But still.

He had left.

My head fell against his shoulder and I whispered, "Actions speak louder than words, I suppose."

That didn't apply to Edward though. Both his actions and words spoke volumes. They were practically screaming at me. On a scale from one to ten, I assumed his actions had the ability to go to eleven.

He brought his lips to my temple. "Thank you for telling me, Bella."

I wiped my eyes. "Thanks for listening and not running away."

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered.

I knew he meant what he said.

A/N: Spinal Tap reference for the day- check. Thanks for reading.