prompt : peeta plans to loose his virginity to katniss so he goes and asks haymitch for some pointers and advice on if there is anything special hes suppose to do for a girl

Haymitch, The Poet

Breakfast had become something Haymitch really looked forward to since Effie had brought Peeta back to Twelve – and had showed up along with him. It might have been absolutely stupid in its simplicity but he loved sharing coffee and toasts with her in the morning, eggs if he felt like cooking. Breakfast had always been a quiet time for them during the Games, a time they either used to strategize before their tributes showed up or to banter over a blueberry muffin. In Thirteen, they hadn't had many occasions to sit down and eat together. Their schedules had been different and, when they had matched, there had always been people around them to intrude.

So, all in all, the last three weeks of them having breakfast together in the mornings had become something he had really started looking forward to. Living together wasn't something they otherwise excelled at for now. She had too many expectations and he sometimes resented her overwhelming presence in his house. They would get there though. He really wanted them to get there. She had talked about sharing her time between Twelve and the city at first – because Plutarch had offered her a job in the entertainment industry that she was considering taking – but she had yet to pack and leave.

Which suited Haymitch fine because he enjoyed their breakfasts.

And their nights.

And their in-betweens, even the fights that left him hoarse.

So that morning, as he sipped his cup of coffee and smirked over the rim of the mug because she was trying not to smile while biting on her toast, fluttered as she was with his attention, he was in a very good mood. It might have had to do also, perhaps, with the foot she had hooked around his ankle under the table.

"We are ridiculous." she chuckled, wiping her fingers on her napkin. "I hope you realize that."

He did. He really, really did. But that wasn't enough to stop him from behaving like a kid in love.

He was entertaining the thought of clearing the table so he could have her on it instead when the back door opened on Peeta. Effie immediately patted her blond hair self-consciously – wigs might not be fashionable anymore but she still spent a good thirty minutes styling her hair every morning regardless – her foot discreetly retreating away from his ankle.

"Good morning, dear!" she greeted with her usual cheer. "Would you care for some coffee?"

Haymitch stood up to pour one for the boy when he nodded, gently pulling Effie's silk dressing gown close with one hand on the way because it was open wide on a lacy red nightgown that had Peeta's ear grow red. She tightened the belt with a flush and a small wince. She still minded the kids barging in without warning, Haymitch had long grown used to it. Still, that meant that she wasn't always presentable and that wasn't settling right with her.

He didn't mind so much. If Peeta was bothered by his lack of shirt, he didn't let on.

"Where's Katniss?" he asked, scratching his chest while he poured him coffee.

"In the woods." the boy offered, already sitting at the table. "She thinks she saw a deer yesterday. She said she wanted to try and track it down."

"Would be good." he approved. A few people had come back but rebuilding Twelve was a huge endeavor and resources were scarce. The government was sending rations over but an addition of meat wouldn't hurt. If Katniss caught a deer there would be plenty for everyone.

They chatted a little about the rebuilding while Peeta drank his coffee, wondering if more people would choose to come back and if Paylor would soon send the working crew she had promised. Effie kept toying with her hair and hurried in finishing her mug, clearly uncomfortable being in such an improper outfit in front of the boy. She excused herself quickly and disappeared upstairs to get ready, leaving him and Peeta alone.

He didn't realize immediately that something was odd. It was only after the fifth awkward glance Peeta gave him that he frowned, not quite understanding while the tips of the boy's ears were still red when Effie's infamous crimson nightgown had disappeared from the room. "Something you want to tell me, kid?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Peeta hesitated.

"Sounds serious." he snorted, taking a bite of the toast Effie hadn't finished.

"I was wondering if you could tell me about girls." the boy spat out in one rushed breath.

Haymitch choked on the piece of toast and Peeta immediately slapped his back only stopping when he shot him an incredulous look. "You want me to give you the talk?"

"No!" Peeta protested, red in the face now.

Fair was fair, Haymitch was fairly sure he was equally flushed. "Then, what?"

"You've been with women before…" the boy cringed. "More than one, I'm assuming."

"Geez, kid, you don't mess around, do you?" he chuckled because it was either laughing about it or being mortified. "Yeah, I've been with more than one. More than two or three dozen probably."

Peeta made a face at that. "Well, I haven't. And Katniss and I…"

"Ah, ah, ah." He stopped him right there, lifting both hands in the air. "You wanna have that sort of talk, we ain't mentioning Katniss."

"She will have to sort of be involved at some point." the boy joked and Haymitch shook his head, wishing he could wipe the images that it conjured out of his mind. "Okay, okay! No mention of Katniss."

"Good." he sighed in relief, rubbing his eyes. "So what are you asking, here?"

Peeta wavered, distractedly playing with the butter knife. "Last night, we…"

"We, as in you and a totally hypothetical girl who isn't the closest thing I have to a daughter." he muttered to himself.

"Yeah, that we." the boy snorted but his amusement faded fast into awkwardness again. "Things got a little heated? She had a nightmare and she came to sleep with me and… We kissed and it just kind of got… Out of hands?"

"Please, tell me you're not trying to tell me you've slept with her without protection and now there might be a Mockingjay fledgling on the way." he begged. "'Cause that's the thing you want to go to Effie about. Not gonna lie, she's gonna scream but she probably has a solution too. Me, it's just gonna get my blood pressure higher and then I'm gonna try to strangle you."

"We didn't sleep together." Peeta sighed.

"Oh, good." he said in relief. Then he shot a look at the kid and amended "Well, maybe not for you."

Where was booze when you needed some? He hadn't touched a drop since Thirteen. Not exactly by choice either. Twelve wasn't exactly well supplied and he couldn't go through another withdrawal. And, really, with Effie and the kids there, it wasn't so bad. He wanted to try sobriety for a while. For old times' sakes. To see if he could actually make something of life.

"I just feel we could get there soon, you know?" the boy said.

"I'd rather not to." he admitted. But he would make sure the kids were well-stocked in condoms. And he would also make sure Effie had a talk with Katniss about getting her on the pill. They so weren't dealing with a baby right then.

Peeta's face closed and he slumped a little in his chair. "Fine. Forget I said anything. I knew it would be weird to ask you anyway."

"Why did you?" he whined a little, standing up to clear the table. That would please Effie and that would give him something to do. Two birds with one shitty stone.

"You see a lot of older men in my life right now?" the boy scoffed. "I'm sure Doctor Aurelius wouldn't mind spending our next session giving me sex pointers."

Fair was fair.

He hadn't had much more guidance the first time he had been with a girl but he had been listening to Chaff for long enough that he knew more about sex than was needed at that point anyway.

"Okay." he relented and he was going to regret it, he already knew it. "Shoot. What do you want to know?"

The look of relief on Peeta's face was unmistakable. "I want to make it good for her."

"First times are awkward and it's worse for women." he countered without thinking.

"Have you ever been with a girl who had never done it before?" the kid asked.

That was the kind of things he hadn't mind talking about with Chaff, Beetee and Blight so much. With Finnick on occasions. Peeta, though… Peeta was too close to a son and it was really weird. Or maybe it was the lack of liquor that made it so odd.

He kept on putting everything away, thinking he might just do the dishes because it would keep his back to the room and that would be way easier to have this conversation that way.

"Yeah." he answered at last. "My first time."

"Oh, so you were both…" Peeta hesitated.

"Yeah." he nodded, deciding he was definitely going to do the dishes. And make it last. "Wasn't that bad. It was sweet, even. We didn't really know what we were doing but figuring it out is part of the fun."

"How old were you?" the boy asked.

Haymitch watched the hot water pool in the sink and added the soap as an afterthought. The memories weren't bad but like everything in his life, they were so tightly entwined with the Games that… "Nineteen." There was only silence behind him and Haymitch glanced at the boy over his shoulder, an amused smirk on his lips. "Not the answer you expected, kid?"

Peeta gave him a sheepish shrug. "I thought you'd have started younger. With the Quell and everything… I thought girls would have been all over you."

"They were." he confirmed, turning back to the sink. "Might surprise you to hear but I'm a one woman man. And I was in no place for that after my Games."

"Sorry." the boy offered genuinely enough. "The woman… Was she your first time?"

"Thought we were gonna talk about you." he snapped but then he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The kid was just curious. "No, she wasn't. The Capitol killed my girlfriend along with my family after my Games. Thought the girl would have told you."

It wasn't getting any easier to say the words or to talk about them but every time he managed, he felt a weight lift off his chest.

"I'm sorry, Haymitch." Peeta said. "I didn't want to bring back bad memories."

He focused on washing Effie's pink mug thoroughly, trying to keep his shaking hands under control. "They're not. Bad memories. Just…"

"Difficult?" the boy suggested.

He gave a grunt in answer and he volunteered the rest because he was sure Peeta would ask anyway. "The girl I was with? She was a victor from Eight. Alina. I liked her. Didn't love her but I liked her." He didn't clarify what had happened to her, the mere fact that she had been a victor was self-explanatory. The war had taken care of their specie. "It wasn't awesome but it was okay. It gets better with experience. Thing is, sex isn't… It's supposed to be fun, yeah?"

He finally rinsed Effie's mug and placed it on the drying rack, deciding it was more than clean enough. He moved on to the next one. He had rinsed it and put it with the other one when Peeta spoke again.

"I don't want it to be just… fun. I want it to mean something." the kid argued. "I love her. I don't want her to think that I just want... I do want it but that's not all I want."

He sighed and dropped the dishes pretence to turn around and study the boy. "Sex can be fun and still mean something. You don't want to make a big deal out of it 'cause you're both gonna be tense and it's gonna be awful. The more pressure you put on yourself, the worse it's gonna be. Just be respectful of what she wants. Make sure she's okay when you do something new. If she doesn't like it, just do something else. And make sure she's ready before you… You know."

Peeta cleared his throat, deliberately averting his eyes. "How do I know when to…"

"For fuck's sake." Haymitch cursed, lifting his own eyes to the ceilings because really. Somewhere Chaff was laughing his ass off at him, he could see it. He hadn't signed up for this when he had decided to mentor the boy. "Okay. Asking is never a bad idea."

"Won't that ruin the mood?" Peeta winced.

"Less than if you accidentally hurt her." he deadpanned. "After a while… Well, you get to a point where you know the other person's body, yeah? You don't need them to tell you anymore but at first… Yeah, asking is definitely the thing to do."

"Alright." the boy said. "And… How do I know if…"

"The wetter the better." He rushed the words out quickly and thought about everything but Katniss. This wasn't about Katniss. This wasn't about Katniss. Or about the fact that he would probably never have sex again after that really, really awkward brand of conversation. "Ask what works for her. Show her what works for you." He tossed the kid a distressed look. "Anything else you need to know?"

Peeta shook his head and bolted out of his chair. "Thank you, Haymitch. I'm sorry it was awkward but I really needed to talk about it with someone and…"

"It's alright." He made a face. "That's what I'm here for, yeah? Well, not just the sex talks but…"

Mentoring.

"Thanks." Peeta insisted.

Haymitch wasn't sorry to see him dash back to his own house truth be told.

He breathed a sigh of relief and left the kitchen, intending to go for a long shower that hopefully would get his mind off that conversation. He hadn't been expecting to find Effie leaning against the hallway's wall, just out of sight, a mocking grin on her red painted lips. She was dressed in a tight blue dress and it was a shame he had just sworn off sex because…

"The wetter the better." she repeated, clearly having difficulties keeping her amusement in check. "You are such a poet with words, Haymitch."

"How much of that did you hear?" he groaned.

She shook her head, her grin turning into a real smile. "I think you handled that very well."

"Most awkward conversation of my life." he mumbled, rubbing his face.

He felt himself being pushed against the wall and he didn't resist, smirking when she pressed her body closer to his, her lips brushing his ear. "Shall I show you what works for me and let you tell me what works for you, darling? Would that help?"

She strutted away before he could answer.

It only took him two strides to grab her around the waist and bring her back.