Hogwarts a History – Mazes and Monsters year 2 remix
Chapter 09 – Shiver my timbers, Shiver my bones
…
"A pirate ship! Are you serious!"
Was he? Now that he heard it out loud it really didn't feel like he should be.
"That is so crazy," said Dean, his tone apprehensive yet his growing grin suggesting some silent plotting.
"But how?" said Sally-Anne. "How would a pirate ship get down here? And how is it sailing like that? I mean, this is gold, not water."
"That is a very reasonable and well thought out argument," said Luna, looking the twice named girl dead in the eye. "You should stop doing that. It's not at all helpful."
The girl gulped, the thin lenses over her eyes proving no defense against 'that' look. "sorry."
"It can't be a pirate ship," said Ron. "See that flag? That's not a pirate flag, no skull, just a snake."
"The skull and crossbones flag is just a fictional creation Ronald," Luna explained. "Real pirate flags looked like all sorts of things… except real flags."
"How do you know that?" he demanded.
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a ninja, you know."
"Long held tradition," Su Li added without so much as blinking, "on both sides. Ninjas and pirates go together like cold water and boiling oil."
"That well?" Harry mused, having once seen such a phenomenon.
The two ninja girls nodded.
"Lovely."
"Uh, guys. It's getting closer," Neville nervously noted.
The ship with the serpent flag bounced along the golden waves. Its crew, barely visible at such a distance, scurried about the deck like busy ants. There was also something odd about them, thin and wiry to a man, or so it appeared.
"So, what do we do Harry? Come on!" Lavender demanded.
"I'll tell ya what we're gonna do!" Dean shouted excitedly. "We're gonna take that ship."
"What!"
Harry was on a similar wavelength to Lavender in this instance, albeit not quite as loud, but he could see the look in his roommate's eyes. Captain Dean would have his ship, by thunder.
Harry was fine with that though. If Dean wanted to be in charge, meant Harry didn't have to be for once.
"Aye Captain!"
Lavender gaped as Dean went giddy with sheer glee.
"Uh, captain," Neville quavered. "They're running out the guns."
The ship was turning, presenting its port (or possibly starboard) side. Tiny windows opened and six long iron barrels were shoved through.
"Oh, shite!" Ron astutely summarized.
"What do we do now?" cried Sally-Anne.
"Prepare to receive!" shouted Dean.
"Can't we just return to sender?" said Luna.
Six cannons roared the answer, their shots falling short, sending up clinking golden spray.
"Ha! They're too far off," Ron crowed.
"Not for long," Harry observed as the ship turned to the approach again.
"What now captain?" said Seamus.
"Return fire!" Dean ordered.
"With what?" said Ron.
It wasn't like they'd come loaded for dragon. Sure, they had their wands, but what spells did they even know that would be useful in such a situation.
"The Appleby Arrow!" Seamus cried.
Oh, yeah, well, they did have that.
It was a bit of a shame none but Seamus had given the spell much practice, but it wasn't a difficult bit of magic and all but Su Li, who hadn't been part of the duel club, managed to get one off.
Not a single one hit, not even Seamus or Harry who came closest, relatively speaking, "We're still too far out," Su Li observed, since there wasn't much else she could do at the moment.
"Judging by the best arc," said Luna, "They'll be close enough to blast us before we're close enough to hit them."
"Crap!"
"So what now?"
"We need to get in close," said Dean. "Close and out of line with those cannons."
"How? We're sitting ducks here," Ron said.
"Quack," Luna illustrated.
"We need a mast and a sail," said Dean. "Come on, there's enough here to spare, someone can do it."
The twins looked at each other, sighed, then went to work. In a few moments they had a seven-foot pole rising from the center of their bowl and a six-foot crossbeam. What it didn't have was a sail.
"Now what? This isn't going to do us much good," Ron complained.
A robe or two would have solved the problem easily enough. Too bad they'd all gone casual on their little adventure, not a robe in the group. That just left…
"We all have to make sacrifices," said Lavender, a little too pleased, "Well, come on lads. Off with'em. Don't be shy."
They weren't SHY! Nor were they dumb enough to suggest the girls should pitch in theirs as well, that path led to a quick and painful demise that had nothing to do with pirates.
Grumbling and griping and absolutely NOT blushing, the men of Gryffindor gave up their shirts.
"Come on boys, don't have all night," Lavender leered as Parvati and Padma took the offered cloth.
It was quick work, nothing fancy. The patchwork sail of young men's dignity was thrown over the beams and stretched across the mast.
"All ready captain," the twins giggled.
"Very good," said Dean.
"Captain! They're lining us up for another round!" cried Neville.
"All hands, grab hold of something. Mr. Potter! Bring me the wind."
"Aye Captain!" Harry shouted, whispering the spell and their little boat into action, and none too soon.
Cannon roared their vicious assault. Geysers of gold exploding behind the tiny craft as it skipped across the metal sea to the beat of barking guns.
"Turn us in toward them Mr. Potter. Let's get in close and have a look at the blighters."
Harry maneuvered the craft as commanded, but it wasn't necessary for them to close the distance to 'have a look' as it were. They were close enough, and Neville's gasp proved.
"They're! They're skeletons!" he cried.
Skeletons, draped in bits of tattered clothing of a generally nautical stitch. They scrambled around the deck trying to turn their ship to bring the young magicals back into view of their guns.
"Should have figured it'd be something like that," said Dean with a captain's nonchalance. "We'll need to get her in the air one more time. All hands, prepare to board!"
"Are you CRAZY!" Lavender screamed.
"Why is that important?" Luna wondered aloud.
Drawing in dangerously close, so close they could see the whites of their skulls where their eyes should be (mutilated quote), the opposing crews prepared for battle.
Swords, hooks, and other nasty accoutrements were brandished by the skeleton crew. The pasty skinned bare chested boys, and fully clothed girls, brandishing their wands were slightly less impressive to look at, especially the boys who all needed a bit more sun.
Impressions changed slightly when they drew up alongside the pirate vessel then shot into the air like the top of a geyser.
"GO!" Dean shouted.
As one, Su Li, Luna, and Filene leapt to the deck.
Filene won 'first blood' by centaur kicking (otherwise known as mule kicking) the two nearest pirates over the edge and into the roiling horde.
The majority turned to the two smaller invaders who, shared a look, grabbed a sleeve, and in half a blink, shed their civilian clothing revealing their ninja garb.
"I see the paint washed out," said the baby blue ninja girl.
"No, it didn't," said the dark blue ninja girl. "This is a new one."
"What happened to the old one?"
"I burned it."
"Aw!"
Enraged at the presence of 'the enemy' on their ship, the undead buccaneer' charged, fighting with a reckless violence only the undead can really get away with.
It did them little good. Su Li was a small target and quickly got in among them, striking at joints and smashing small bones with a short, hard rod.
Luna, she of the magical ninja bag, was using its contents to pelt the overly scrawny sailors in a seemingly endless barrage of random junk. No less than three kitchen sinks were involved.
"They seem to be doing well," Padma observed from above the fracas.
"Were we planning to join them?" asked Harry, carefully tracking the fight, wand held tight and ready.
"Just waiting for the captain," said Dean, having already decided none of the interchangeable bone boys was the one running the show.
"Maybe it doesn't have a captain," said Lavender with foolish optimism and girlish naivety.
Every ship has a captain. Even if the crew consists of one, they are, by default, captain. And you could be sure, a proper ship with a proper crew, even a skeleton crew, would have a proper captain, and just so.
He burst from below decks, preceded by a thick billow of smoke. A sort of beard hung from his jawbone in ringlets that glowed at the ends like burning fuses. His dress, while tattered, was of a clearly superior cut, with a long coat of steely blue and a great black tricorn hat with a long green feather in it.
"Think that's him?" Seamus smirked.
"With a hat that big, how could it not be," Ron smirked back.
"A crown for the man that brings me that hat!" Dean cried with nautical vigor. "Bring us aboard and clear out these lubbers. Let's get this boss battle underway."
What little remained of the skeleton crew was scattered abruptly when they dropped their tiny 'boat' on the deck. Their remains were quickly brushed over the sides and everyone turned to face the captain.
Patiently he waited, his eyes glowing with the same blue fire that danced across his cutlass saber.
"That is a pretty neat trick," Ron whispered.
"Maybe you'd like to ask him how he does it," Harry whispered back.
"Uh…" Ron stammered, "nah, I'm good."
"Wands up!" Dean ordered, standing at the head. "Let's see what he can do."
Pop the cork off a large bottle, that's what he could do. Swig its contents down a non-existent gullet, that's what he could do. Leer at them with empty eyes and belch a breath that smelled like nitro.
"Uh oh," said Harry. "I think I've seen this trick before. Everyone DUCK!"
Like a prophecy fulfilled, Harry's warning came just in time. Fire spewed from the bony maw, strafing the deck and the invaders boat, turned on its side as a shield.
"That is so unfair," Lavender whined. "How are we supposed to fight that?"
This question felt less relevant when Filene posed the next one, "Why is he holding his sword like that?"
Answer, so he could give it the twist.
Under the blades command, the ship lurched hard to one side. The invading craft was flung from the deck and it was only much scrambling and cursing that kept the witches, wizards, and one centaur, from joining it.
"How are we supposed to fight that?" wailed Neville as he desperately clung to the rail.
"Get the sword!" Dean said, scrambling for purchase on the tilting deck.
The bony captain cackled, throwing them, screaming, to the other side of the deck.
"Okay! Get the sword, quickly!"
"Hey Seamus! Think he should be in range now," Harry said, raising his wand.
Seamus grinned in understanding and the two boys took aim.
The ship righted itself when their first barrage sent the bone captain stumbling back, his mystical control of the ship momentarily broken.
The boys rolled and came back fast, firing a continuous barrage before they could be tossed about again.
Their aim wasn't great, even if the ship hadn't been moving, but it was good enough to keep the skeleton moving, dodging or slashing at their Appleby Arrows.
"Come on ya swabs! What're ya waiting for?!"
With the others joining in, the tables turned. More and more arrows came closer and closer till one, at last, hit its mark.
The hail of arrows ceased, and the skeleton looked down at the arrow piercing his coat.
"Haha! We got him" Ron crowed.
The skeleton looked at them, then at the arrow. Considering a moment, he sheathed his sword and used the free hand to pull out the arrow, dropping it to the deck where it clattered noisily in the pausing silence.
"Oh, right, skeleton. Forgot."
Seemed to be the thing to do. Everyone had forgotten about Filene in the melee, and she chose that moment to remind everyone she was there.
"Hee yah!" her back hooves threw a powerful force, channeled into the skeletal captain who made a magnificent arc.
"There he goes," Seamus observed.
But not very far. A hand outstretched snatched a rope that leapt to said hand, swinging him back across the deck and up to the helm.
"Get him!" Dean barked, rushing his bony counterpart before he had time to recover and draw his sword.
Su Li was the quickest to engage, bounding heights beyond the scope of normal men, or twelve-year-old girls. Her short blades struck like vipers, bouncing off the skeleton's bottle that severed as defense and offense.
Stronger than the average glass, it swung with toppling force. The little ninja, disarmed, vaulted out of reach before the backhand could catch her.
"Excuse me captain."
The pirate growled at the unassuming boy with the sparkling green eyes, then he pulled out the big wrench.
Moving to face him, the undead pirate discovered his boots, and by extension his feet, were stuck to the floor.
"Going somewhere," a pair of voices giggled.
Before he could growl at them, he found his mind entirely on wrench. The blow echoed as his head spun round and round and round like a top.
You could almost see the swirls in his eye sockets when it finally stopped, lolling drunkenly on its socket.
"I'll take that," said Harry, snatching the hat.
"And that," Dean added, appearing from behind and swiftly unbuckling the sword.
"Filene! Your turn."
"Hee yah!"
Sailing another magnificent arc, the pirate captain left the ship and vanished beneath the golden waves with a tinkling splash.
"Mates!" Dean declared, "the ship is ours."
A chorus of cheers met his declaration, but like any other chorus, there was always one sour note.
"So, what are we gonna do with it then?" asked the ginger note.
"I… well we… uh… shit! Hell if I know," Dean shrugged.