Author's note: Are you ready for a flashback and to see what Bella has to say? Thank you all for your thoughts and reviews. I really do enjoy hearing from you and it definitely keeps me going!

Disclaimer: Unedited.

TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of RAPE, assault attempt, gambling. Please don't read if this is a traumatic, triggering subject for you. I can sum it up if you message me. 3

…

"She's pulling me through

It's a small crime

And I got no excuse

And is that alright? Yeah

Give my gun away when it's loaded (Is that alright with you?)

Is that alright with you?

You don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it? (Is that alright with you?)

Is that alright? Yeah"

9 Crimes - Damien Rice

...

Five years ago

My phone is buzzing uncontrollably. I can't pick it up because I'm holding my two playing cards. An Ace of Spades and a King of Hearts. I already know what I'm going to choose but the wager is too big to not be nervous.

I make the decision, going on a limb, feeling lucky because I've already won so much by beating those shit heads earlier.

I look around for Bella but I don't see her. I love to look at her before I wager heavily. She usually gives me a smile with a small nod, supporting me and whatever the outcome may be. I don't see her and hesitate before finally tapping my finger on the table for the dealer to hit me.

Everyone gasps as the card falls on the table. Everything is silent except the buzzing of my phone. When I see the Queen of Diamonds on the table I smile, feeling really fucking good about my decision. I hold my hand up to signify that I am going to stand and don't want any more cards. The dealer nods before laying her cards on the table. A fucking King of Diamonds lays next to her Jack of Spades and four of Hearts.

Holy fucking shit!

I throw my hands in the air and yell, throwing my cards on the table. The crowd watching the game cheers around me, patting my back and shoulders so hard I have to use the table to keep myself from falling over.

My phone is buzzing again and Bella's name and number come across my phone but quickly goes away as she hangs up. But it isn't her call that makes my stomach drop, it's five missed calls and the alert saying that she has pressed the panic button multiple times.

When we moved to the city and found out she liked taking walks at night, I got her a keychain with a panic button on it. Not only does it alarm loudly but it notifies me on my phone. She has only pressed it once when she was having a panic attack in the next room and couldn't yell.

Fuck.

My abruptness causes confusion but I push through the people congratulating me on my win as I dial Bella's number over and over. She doesn't pick up and I have no idea what to think. Something is wrong and she was just calling me but can't pick up not even five seconds later?

It feels like forever before I get to the entrance of the casino. The humid air hits my already hot and sweaty body. My chest feels heavy as I wave my arms to flag down a taxi, wondering if it would be faster to run.

The hotel is probably five minutes and the way Las Vegas traffic is, running will be faster. I stop waving my hands and turn in the direction of the hotel we're staying at. I decide to dial the police instead of calling Bella again, if she can't pick up who knows what condition she's in. My heart sinks at the thought of her heavy body lying lifeless on the floor.

I push the image out of my head as I sound like a crazy person trying to tell the emergency operator the situation and where she needs to send people.

"It looks like we've already got a unit and squad car out there, Sir." The operator tells me but I don't feel any relief. Something bad has happened and I can't get in touch with my wife to make sure it's not her. But unfortunately, I know the inevitable. It is her. She would never press the panic button if otherwise.

I can see multiple police cars and the ambulance like the operator said. A crowd is gathering, wondering what is going on. I don't have to push through too many before I find an officer patrolling the entrance of the hotel.

"Hey!" I shout at him. "I need to get up there. It's my wife."

He's holding his arm in front of me, telling me to wait. It takes everything in me not to try to push past him. I could probably do it but it would only make matters worse and I need to focus on Bella.

"Officer Marcus, what's your name?" He asks.

"Edward Cullen. My wife, Bella Swan or Cullen called me multiple times and pressed a panic button I gave her." I explain all that I know. "I didn't know she left by herself earlier and we've been staying here for… vacation."

Officer Marcus nods and walks away, pulling his radio out before talking into it. I hear him repeat what I told him. I can't make out what the other person is saying but I hear them say 10-4 and he walks back over to me.

"Come with me." I follow him past other officers and into the hotel.

Employees are standing by the front desk, eyeing me as they give their statements.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I ask once we're in the elevators and the doors have shut.

He sighs and he clears his throat. "There was an assault with a deadly weapon and a rape attempt."

My heart begins racing as he leads me to the elevators. I immediately wish I didn't like being on the top floors of hotels because the ride feels slower than the world is moving.
When we finally reach the floor we've been staying on, I try not to push past Officer Marcus to our room. I can see other officers standing outside of the building and in front of two guys I recognized from the casino earlier this week. They smile smugly as I walk past them. I beat them and this is all my fault.

"They did this?" I ask, turning towards them, rage taking over my body. The officers grab onto me as I move to get to the two bastards sitting handcuffed on the floor.

"Please don't make me handcuff you too. We got them, your wife needs you." A female officer says, tugging onto the back of my shirt. I don't fight her because I know getting arrested wouldn't be best for the situation and I need to focus on Bella.

We walk into the open living room quietly. It looks like a mess in the room and I'm sure something is damaged but I will pay whatever I have to as long as she is safe.

Bella sits on the couch with the comforter wrapped around her. She was in a daze and she had been crying. Her lipstick was smudged and her hair a mess. Her chest was more red than the rest in big splotches. When I sit next to her, she doesn't acknowledge me.

"Bella." I speak softly but she still flinches. "I'm here, Bella."

I reach out to touch her leg but she quickly moves away from me. She positions herself to look at me, dead in my eyes. I feel like my soul leaves my body as she shoots daggers into my breaking heart.

"But you weren't." Her voice is broken and I know I have broken us.

…

Present

I watch as Bella takes a moment to decide how she will react to my request to talk about that night. She bites her lip and furrows her eyebrows as she goes over how she feels.

My stomach turns and I'm starting to wish I could take it back as I watch her shake her head as the flashbacks from that night go through her head.

"What about it?" I can tell she's trying to keep her tone at a steady pace. She doesn't look at me and I want to abort the mission, but I have to try.

"We never talked about it. We ignored it, got divorced and never talked about it. I think we need to." It is something we need to talk about but I am sure she didn't expect it to happen after making love to each other.

I also want to tell her about April and the game I have chosen to play to end all things associated with gambling for once.

"I was attacked because of you and you weren't there." She speaks fast and I know this is the first time she has talked about it ever.

I can feel my heart trying to come out of my chest. Our composers are compromised as the seconds pass without saying anything. She continues to play the memory over and over, her breath quickens and she rubs her palms against her legs.

"I wasn't. And I want to apologize for that."

She shakes her head. "You divorced me. You left me."

It's not a lie. Much like my father, I left my wife when she needed me most. I ignored my vows and left at my earliest convinience. I was more like my father than I had ever been and I didn't hate myself for being a coward until the moment she walked out of the divorce mediator's office.

Even though it was easy and civil, it damaged everything and I always knew if she let me back into her life it would never be the same.

"I did. I shouldn't have. I didn't uphold my vow to protect you as a woman and as my wife." I look her in the eye, hoping she can see truly how sorry I am. She doesn't look back at me and I think her eyes are closed. "Please Bella, look at me."

Her head snaps in my direction and her eyes are read. She's crying but she doesn't look sad, she looks angry but when she speaks she surprises me.

"Fuck you Edward."

Her words hit me hard. This isn't how this was supposed to go.

"Was all of this some ploy to make yourself feel better?"

She shatters my ego but I don't blame her. I left her to resolve her feelings by herself and the pent up anger she has is valid.

"Bella, no." I reach for her hand but she pulls away.

"Have sex with me then bring Vegas up with some sad apology." She continues to unleash her wrath and I take every hit.

I wasn't expecting this but I really don't know how else this could have gone. I decided to speak up on a whim but I had already thought about her response. With everything that has happened in the past months, I've been waiting for the best time to talk to her. Each month, it was something new and with April getting closer we need to do it soon.

When Renee showed up I saw her fully lose control and I didn't want her to do that with me. I fully understood why she would and now that it's happening I want to turn back time.

I have never liked when Bella was upset with me. I avoided conflict so much that every now and then we would lash out all of our frustrations from months ago.

I don't want her to be mad at me but if the subject of Vegas and the way my addiction continues to come back into my life at the worst times.

"No, I love you, Bella." I stand up, hovering over her in a way to try to make her see how sorry I am.

"I know." She sighs but not in defeat. She stands up looking right at me. "But you don't deserve to."

I know she is right but her words still sting. I hate that she is so resentful to me but I would be an asshole to not understand why.

"Bella." I grab her hands and she doesn't pull away this time. "Please forgive me." I am begging and ready to get on my knees for her.

She continues to cry and begins to hyperventilate. Tears run down her face and I place my hands around the sides of her head then wipe them away with my thumb. She grabs my wrist, closing her eyes to my touch.

"I can't," she cries harder. "Please, Edward, I can't." She begins to fall to the floor and I hold onto her as we sink to the floor. She grabs my shirt and cries in my chest. I keep my arms around her tightly and let her cry even though she just told me she can't forgive me.

I rock her and shush her until she is quiet again. I rub her back and tell her she is okay as well as safe.

"I'm sorry," she whispers quietly. "But I don't want to talk about it yet."

I tell her not to be sorry and that we don't have to. I still don't blame her for her reaction but I don't know how I am going to tell her everything before April.

…

Author's note: Were you expecting her reaction? How is Edward going to be able to tell her everything? Let me know your thoughts in the review!