Prefatory remarks:
Here is a fanfic that I started years ago after Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because I felt Sirius deserved better after his death. Unfortunately, I found it too painful to finish the piece at the time. Then after reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I was disturbed that Jo Rowling chose not to honor Harry Potter's Godfather, but instead did a memorial service for Aragog – a man-eating spider. :Ugh:
Since I am going through my hard drive and uploading some short stories, I decided to dust this off and finish it.
This is set in the summer before Harry Potter's sixth year in Hogwarts.
Obligatory Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The poem "Remember" by Christina Rossetti is in the public domain.
Requiem for Padfoot
By L.C. McCabe
"Harry! Come down here!" called Aunt Petunia.
Harry Potter put down his quill and left the confines of his bedroom. He wondered what it was that his aunt wanted with him. His relatives had said probably seventeen words to him since he had arrived home for the summer two weeks before.
"You've got a letter," she announced as she held out an envelope for him.
"A letter?" he asked.
Harry had received only one letter before at Privet Drive that hadn't come by owl post. That had been from Mrs. Weasley and her utter ignorance of Muggle mail caused the postman to laugh about the explosion of postage stamps cluttering the outside. And yet, here in his hand was a white envelope addressed to him and bore only one stamp. He looked at the return address and saw the name, Evelyn Miller, Oral Surgeon with a London address on it.
Aunt Petunia looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Why would a dentist be writing to you?"
"I dunno," he said looking at the envelope again. He didn't see any other marks but when he held it closer, he smelled something like perfume. It had that strange odor that seemed like a cross between baked bread and freshly mown hay that smelled exactly like the perfume Ron had given Hermione last Christmas. A small smile crept over Harry's face as he turned to go upstairs and read the letter in the privacy of his own room.
"I'm not taking you all the way to London to have your teeth checked," his aunt called after him.
Harry sat down on his bed, carefully opened the envelope and looked at the letter. He smiled as he recognized Hermione's familiar script.
Harry,
I thought this might be the securest way to contact you, as I doubt our enemies will be monitoring the regular mail. My mum nicked an envelope from one of her partners so it would be less conspicuous.
There is something that should have been done weeks ago, but wasn't. That will be remedied soon. The date and time will be revealed to you in the fashion you have become accustomed to. Please dress formally.
Until then,
Hermione
P.S. Sorry about the perfume. I was afraid you might chuck this away as junk mail, but I was afraid to put any more identifying marks on the outside of the envelope. I was hoping you'd recognize the smell.
Harry read and re-read the message trying to figure out what she meant. What should have been done weeks ago? Take me away from the Dursleys? he hoped. And how was it to be revealed to him? Then he remembered the Galleon with the Protean charm on it. He quickly found it in the special hiding place in his school trunk and saw that it bore the mark of the following day's date at 8 am. He smiled as he thought of how brilliant his best friend was.
Harry then wondered if Hermione might get into trouble for casting the Protean charm while out of school. He shook his head and reassured himself that she would have found someone to cast it for her. He began wondering where she was spending her summer holidays. Was she at home with her parents or stuck back once more in gloomy Number 12 Grimmauld Place?
All Harry knew was he was leaving Privet Drive tomorrow morning, that alone was enough to lift his spirits. He had sent letters via Hedwig to Lupin every other day as he had promised, but the letters in reply were less than satisfying. Tersely worded letters devoid of all meaning was all that Harry got in return.
Tomorrow however, something was going to happen. Something was going to happen. Harry was going to see Hermione tomorrow. Then he thought of her letter and the "dress formally." Frowning, he shook his head. He didn't have a clue as to why.
The next morning Harry woke early and put on a pair of black dress trousers, a white shirt and his school tie. As he entered the kitchen his aunt raised her eyebrows as she looked at him.
"My friends are picking me up this morning," he said casually as he helped himself to some cereal.
"For the rest of the summer or just for the day?" she asked.
"I don't know."
"Well," she sniffed, "I hope they dress normally this time. I don't want any freaks on my doorstep. What will our neighbors think?"
Harry met her glaring eyes with a stony silence. Uncle Vernon then strolled into the kitchen and snarled in Harry's general direction.
"Is Dudley up yet?" he asked.
"No, he is still having a bit of a lie-in," she replied. "The poor dear needs his rest."
Harry almost choked on his cereal as he thought of Dudley sneaking in at 3 am smelling like a distillery. He needs to sleep it off is more like it, he thought darkly. Finishing his breakfast in silence, he looked up at the clock and saw that it was now 7:30. Uncle Vernon grunted a good-bye and walked out the front door.
Harry headed back upstairs and began to pack his clothes and books in his trunk, just in case he would be leaving for the summer. After all, he had some time to kill and keeping himself busy was better than burning a hole in Aunt Petunia's precious rugs or enduring her angry glares. Harry checked the clock again and saw that it was now 8:05. They're late, he thought.
Ding, Dong!
Harry quickly left his bedroom and hoped to be the one to open the door. As he approached the top of the stairs, he saw Aunt Petunia looking suspiciously at an old lady standing on the doorstep. The old lady looked up at Harry as he approached, gave a quick wink and said, "Wotcher, Harry!"
Harry grinned as he recognized Tonks's voice.
"Do invite me in, Harry."
Harry glanced at his aunt who looked like she was a volcano roiling with smoke and ash. He gave a small gesture for Tonks to step inside.
"I thought you were picking him up," Aunt Petunia said through clenched teeth.
"Yes, but I need to tell him a few things first. Please close your door," Tonks said smiling. "Harry please get your Invisibility Cloak and put it on. This is just in case anyone is watching your house, they will not know you have left."
"Is he leaving for the rest of the summer?" demanded Aunt Petunia.
"No, just for the day. He should be back well before nightfall."
"Well, what are you waiting for Harry?" Aunt Petunia snapped. "Get that thing and be off!"
Harry hurried up the stairs and grabbed his Invisibility Cloak from his trunk as well as his dress cloak. He draped the silvery fabric over one arm and walked down to meet his aunt and Tonks.
"Umm, Tonks, can you prove to me that you are who you say you are?" Harry asked.
"Sure, no problem," she said as she gave a look of concentration and changed her hair colour from little old lady grey-blue to a shade of bright royal blue.
Aunt Petunia's eyes popped as Harry snorted with laughter.
"Satisfied?" Tonks said as her hair colour reverted to the one she had chosen for her disguise. "Now Harry, we are traveling by car and you need to get into the back seat. I'm going to open that door and you will get in there, but you will need to keep that cloak on until you are told that it is safe to take it off."
"Where are we going?" Harry asked.
"We'll tell you in the car. Now let's go."
Harry complied by putting his cloak over his head and saw his aunt take a nervous step backwards.
"Good-bye, Aunt Petunia," came Harry's disembodied voice.
"It was good meeting you," said Tonks as she opened the door to leave.
"B-b-bye," stammered Aunt Petunia.
Harry followed Tonks as she walked towards a long grey four-doored sedan with dark tinted windows. He tried to look inside the car, but was unable to see anything. After Tonks opened the door to the back seat, she dropped a large straw handbag with garish flowers embroidered on it. The contents spilled out all over the driveway and this diversion allowed Harry to walk around her and enter the backseat without it seeming odd that she had the door opened for so long.
As Harry climbed into the car, he saw Hermione was sitting in the middle with Lupin seated near the other window. They were dressed all in black.
"Settled in?" Tonks said under her breath.
"Yeah," Harry replied.
Tonks then placed the handbag near his feet and closed the door. Harry started to speak, but Hermione shushed him. Tonks then got in the driver's seat and started up the car. She backed out of the driveway and drove down the street all the while humming, "God Save the Queen," very loudly.
After about ten kilometres out of town they drove through a long tunnel. As they came out of the tunnel, Harry saw that Tonks was glaring at the passenger seat next to her.
"I think it should be safe for us to talk by now," she said.
"Yeah, it's probably safe now," growled Moody as he pulled off his Invisibility Cloak. "You can come out now Potter."
Harry slid the silvery fabric off from his head and looked over at Hermione's smiling face.
"It's good to 'see' you, Harry."
"Okay, can someone please tell me what's going on?" Harry asked.
Hermione looked at Moody who nodded gruffly to her. "Yeah, go ahead."
"We are going to have a memorial for Sirius," she said quietly.
Harry felt something catch in his throat. A memorial. He had tried to shut the idea of Sirius's death out of his mind, but that had been an utter failure. The loss he felt was overwhelming and simply unbearable at times.
"I thought you might need to be able to say good-bye to him properly," Hermione said as she squeezed his hand. "Besides, everyone deserves to have a memorial."
Harry closed his eyes to prevent her from seeing the tears beginning to form. He didn't trust his voice to say anything and gripped her hand tightly. He remembered ruefully how a few months before he had fumbled in an attempt to be romantic and hold Cho's hand. Now he was holding Hermione's hand and romance was the farthest thing from his mind. He was instead drawing strength from her touch.
"We are going to Avebury to perform the service," Lupin said.
"Isn't that in Wiltshire?" Harry asked.
"Yeah."
"Malfoy lives there. I read that in The Daily Prophet," Harry said.
"Well, since his father's arrest, Draco's family has been forced to live with other relatives while the Ministry is searching their manor," Lupin replied. "I wouldn't worry too much about running into him."
"Is Ron meeting us there?"
Hermione looked downward and shook her head. "No. Mrs. Weasley thought it would be unsafe for any of them to attend. She's worried not only of Death Eater attacks, but that somehow the Ministry might catch wind of this. She thinks it could be dangerous."
"Why is that? Sirius is dead. What would be the problem?" Harry asked sharply.
Hermione sighed deeply, "Sirius was never exonerated, so according to the Ministry he is still guilty of killing thirteen people. Anyone who would grieve his passing would therefore be suspected of helping him when he was alive and could be charged with aiding and abetting a fugitive. Mrs. Weasley is afraid that we might all be arrested, even though…"
"Even though Sirius was innocent, and the world now knows that Voldemort has returned," Harry finished.
"Yeah. She wanted us to have the service for him in his old house, because of all the security measures there, but I…I didn't think he would have appreciated it being performed in a house he hated."
Harry removed his hand from hers and turned his head to look at the passing scenery. "So, Ron's not coming."
"No. He wanted to come," Hermione insisted, "So did Ginny, but their mother forbade them."
Harry started to feel like he had the previous summer, as if things were being kept from him.
"What else has been happening?" Harry said trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"We're all living at Grimmauld Place again. Dumbledore is afraid for our security. The difference is that this summer my parents are now living there, too."
Harry turned to look at her.
"Your parents?" he said surprised.
"Yeah, Dumbledore thought that they might be vulnerable because of their being Muggles, as well as, you know, a way to get to you through me. Besides, I haven't spent much time with them the last few years. They had insisted that I should spend the summer holidays with them this year." She gave a shrug and sheepish smile. "They missed me."
Harry reflected on it and realized she hadn't spent any Christmas holidays at home since their first year. In the fourth year it was because of the Yule Ball and then last year it was because of Mr. Weasley's attack. But still, he thought, Hermione had parents – good, loving parents – who were alive, and she hadn't seen much of them because of him. Over their second and third years, she stayed at school over the holidays to help ease Harry's loneliness because he didn't have a proper family worth going home to. And now, her parents were being holed up in that hellish house, all because of him. It was his fault once again.
"They now have Hestia Jones as their constant companion. She takes them to work and stays at their office watching out for any suspicious activity."
Moody grunted appreciatively from the front seat.
"It was a little strange for the first few days though," Hermione continued. "Hestia kept marveling at things she shouldn't have, such as dental x-rays. Mum and Dad's normal receptionist couldn't understand why they wanted help from someone who was as clueless as she was."
Harry gave a faint smile at the memory of Hestia looking amazed at simple kitchen gadgets in his aunt's kitchen.
"My father had us all in stitches one night as he regaled how Hestia reacted the first time that she heard the phone ring," she said with a laugh in her voice. "Everyone, except for Ron. He seemed to take it personally."
Harry nodded and smiled as he remembered the time that Ron had tried to call him on the "fellytone," but instead wound up yelling in Uncle Vernon's ear.
"So how are your parents getting along at Headquarters?" Harry asked.
"As good as can be expected. Mr. Weasley keeps peppering my dad with all kinds of questions. I'm sure they'd have become fast friends if it wasn't for…" her voice trailed off.
"What?"
"Well, Mrs. Weasley is none too pleased with me these days. She's practically blamed me for everything bad that happened last year."
"Why would she blame you?"
"Because of the D.A. meetings," she explained. "It was my idea and she was furious when she found out that Ron and Ginny had disobeyed her orders. I guess she expected as much from the twins, but she really lit into Ron because he's a prefect and all."
"How has she been treating you?"
"Umm, it's been a bit chilly. My mum was a little mad at me at first until I explained everything to her. Now every time that Mrs. Weasley makes a snide comment about rule-breaking, they wind up having a little battle of wills. The temperature in the room drops about ten degrees when they're both in it. Plus, my mum doesn't like Mrs. Weasley's cooking. She says that it is too high in saturated fats, so they've clashed over that as well."
Harry caught Lupin's eye. "So how are things going with you?"
"I just try to stay out of the way," he said dryly.
"How are the twins?" Harry asked.
"They're living in a flat in London," Moody answered. "I went over to help them with security measures, but they have their own peculiar idea of how to safeguard their place. It's not as lethal as I would like it to be, but if any Death Eater tries to break into that flat, they'll have a helluva time explaining at St. Mungo's how they got all the hexes they'll have."
"What about Percy? Has he come 'round on his senses?"
Hermione shook her head sadly, "Not really. There was a half-hearted attempt at an apology to his parents, but he seemed to be making excuses for why Minister Fudge didn't admit that Voldemort had returned earlier. Percy still feels that Umbridge is a lovely woman and what she did at Hogwarts was defensible."
Harry snorted at that.
"I know," Hermione agreed. "You've missed out on living in a big, gloomy house with two women trading barbs with one another without ever sitting down and working things out. Oh and Mrs. Black's portrait has a new rant that she reserves especially for my parents."
"I'll bet that's a lovely one to hear," Harry quipped.
"Yeah, it's really sweet," she said bitterly.
They drove in silence for the rest of the journey until they reached the outskirts of Avebury.
"Harry put that cloak back on," growled Moody. "And throw it over your girlfriend, too."
Harry opened his mouth to correct him, but found himself just shaking his head slightly instead. He wondered what it was that kept leading people to assume they were a couple. It seemed like he was constantly having to correct people about that perception. He didn't understand why people couldn't see he and Hermione were just good friends.
Moody had put on his own Invisibility Cloak on and instructed everyone to be quiet again. When they arrived, he would go first to scout out the area to check the security measures and to see that they weren't going to be greeted by "unfriendly guests." Harry was amazed to look out the window to see the large standing stones of the famous Avebury Circle. The stones were roughly hewn and were of a variety of sizes and shapes. The road cut through the heart of what remained of that large megalithic circle. He smiled and pointed out to Hermione a pub named, "The Red Lion" that was part of the village in the midst of the ancient site.
As they passed the village, Harry started to feel a sense of awe and wonder creep over him as he concentrated on the green of the hillside and the white of the stones. They passed out of the circle and followed an ancient path of standing stones and turned eastward. Another two sets of stones set in a circular pattern were visible from the road. They then turned off the main road into a small private road that had a sign saying, "NO Trespassing. Private Property." A few hundred metres later, Tonks parked the car and turned off the engine.
Lupin opened his door and nonchalantly stretched as he left the car, pausing briefly to open the front passenger side door to allow the invisible Moody to exit. Lupin drew a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and lit it up, giving a visible excuse for his loitering. Tonks meanwhile appeared to be reading a map.
A few minutes later, Moody's gruff voice was heard to give the all clear sign.
Harry and Hermione waited for Tonks to open the door to the backseat and allow for them to leave. As they walked up the steep bank of the hill, the heel of Hermione's shoe got stuck in the soft ground. She almost lost her footing and was about to fall forward when Harry grabbed her. The Invisibility Cloak had almost slipped and fell off them.
"Are you okay?" he whispered as he helped her to her feet.
Hermione nodded and they quickly resumed their climb up the hill. Thankfully Tonks had not been walking directly behind them and so she didn't stumble across them as Hermione recovered her footing. They reached the top of the hill and saw that halfway down the hill on the other side there was a plateau with a small stand of standing stones in a semi-circular pattern. The stones were positioned around a dolmen that was situated up against the hill. A small group was waiting for them amongst the standing stones made of Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore, alongside a witch who bore a strong resemblance to Bellatrix, and a wizard with wavy brown hair. Tonks' appearance dissolved from the little old lady into her normal appearance with black hair. She gave a hug to the couple, leading him to realize they were her parents. Moody suddenly appeared from under his Invisibility Cloak.
"It's okay to come out now," he growled.
Albus Dumbledore smiled as he saw Harry and Hermione appear.
"At last we are all here together," he said as he raised his wand.
A blinding light sprang forth from the tip of it and surrounded them all, the stones, as well as a small grove of trees that stood nearby. Dumbledore looked satisfied as the light bounced around and seemed to glow in a huge circle around them that stretched about fifty metres in all directions.
"Now, we do not have to worry about anyone seeing or hearing us or our ceremony. This protection will last for the next few hours," Dumbledore said. "I would like to start off by thanking Miss Granger for making the wise suggestion of having this event and for organizing it. Everyone should be remembered for their contributions in life, even if we cannot bury their corporal body. Sirius Black was a tremendous character and not someone who blended in with wallpaper. He stood out from the first day he entered Hogwarts. Due to his family heritage, it was expected he would be sorted into Slytherin. He sat down and the Sorting Hat argued with him at first, but he was firm about his choice. The Gryffindor House was uneasy with him becoming a member. They thought it was an infiltration by an enemy, that is until he began cracking jokes. By the end of the Welcome Feast he and James Potter were the new stars of the house.
"Sirius was a brilliant student, and his ability to become an Animagus – without any training – demonstrated his innate skills and intelligence. His Animagus form, a dog, is symbolic of his true character. He was loyal above all else. Not to the Black family and their prejudices, but to his adopted family of those working against Dark Magic. He not only sacrificed his liberty after trying to avenge the murders of James and Lily Potter, but he also sacrificed his good name in the process due to the injustice at the hands of the Ministry. He donated the use of his familial home to the Order without a second thought. He also responded without delay to the Ministry in an attempt to save his beloved godson and friends. Sirius was a strong wizard who fought for justice, even when it was denied to him. He will be missed."
Dumbledore looked around the circle. "Who wants to go next? Perhaps family. Andromeda?"
She nodded and gave a smile. "Sirius was a dear cousin," she said. "His good humor in our family was like a lily pad on a stagnant pond. I used to babysit him and his brother over summer breaks, and would take them away from the Black family house. This allowed his mother to have tea parties without worrying about her oldest son playing practical jokes on her guests. I enjoyed going to the park, away from the family gloom, with a child who always made me laugh," She took a deep breath and sighed. "I remember how my family reacted when Sirius became a Gryffindor. There were many family gatherings, emergency gatherings. It is surprising they didn't disown him at that time. His mother berated his choice so badly that she made it clear to Regulus that should he dare to follow in his older brother's footsteps, he would be disowned." She shook her head. "Too bad Regulus listened to her and followed the Dark Lord. Sirius, I want you to know, there were members of your family who did love you and who knew you were innocent. You will be missed."
Ted Tonks hugged his wife as she broke down crying.
Dumbledore gestured to their daughter, but Nymphadora Tonks shook her head. She shared a hug with her mother and father.
"I would like to say a few words," said Professor McGonagall. "I will admit that I had initial misgivings about having a Black family member in Gryffindor. I was worried he was a spy, but those thoughts quickly went away when I saw the laughter he elicited. He and James were the ringleaders and while I disapproved of their hijinks as students, I found them to be brilliant and spirited." Her voice was becoming thick with emotion and her chin trembled. "With them around, there was always laughter – even in the darkest of times."
"Thank you," said Dumbledore who then turned his head to Lupin.
"As someone who participated in his hijinks," said Lupin with a small smile on his face, "I want to say Sirius was like a brother to me. Together we comprised the smallest pack of dogs, one lupine and one canine. This last year living with him at Grimmauld Place rekindled our friendship that was forged when we were children. We fought dark forces together, but with laughter, love and light. I will carry those fond memories with me for the rest of my life."
Tonks squeezed his hand and gave him a comforting smile.
The next in the circle was Moody. He shrugged. "I will miss having him as an ally."
Dumbledore turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, would you like to say something?"
She nodded and pulled out a piece of paper. "I struggled in finding the right words to say, but I found the words from a poet from over a century ago.
Remember by Christina Rossetti
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad."
Hermione folded the paper and slipped it into the pocket in her dress. All eyes turned to Harry to hear what he was going to say.
It was a moment he had been dreading. As each speaker had taken their turn, he could sense it coming closer to the time when he would have to speak. He had been wracking his brains trying to think of something he wanted to say, and something that hadn't already been said. As he listened to Hermione, he knew what he had to say.
"Sirius, I will never forget you. Never. Not as long as I live. And if it is the last thing that I do, I will clear your name. I hate having to deny my association with you and how much you have meant to me. I will restore your good name," Harry said resolutely.
He felt his throat tighten and bowed his head. Dumbledore nodded and the assemblage slowly walked toward a grove of trees. Hermione had put a comforting hand on Harry's back as they walked to a small picnic laid out for the mourners. Harry wordlessly ate the sandwiches that were provided and there was a quiet pall that hung over the meal.
After he finished eating, Harry stood up and walked over to a large stone near a small pool of water. He sat down on the stone and stared at the surface of the water.
"Mind if I join you?" Hermione said as she approached Harry.
He shrugged and soundlessly indicated a space next to him on the stone. They sat quietly next to each other for what seemed like ages. Hermione seemed to sense that he needed to be alone with his thoughts and was content to simply provide company.
After about ten minutes, Hermione spoke. "Harry…I don't want to get your hopes up too high, but I thought of a way that you might be able to talk with Sirius again."
He looked sideways at her, "Go on."
"I've heard that the celebration of Hallowe'en is to recognize when the veil between the living and the dead is at this thinnest point in the year."
Harry had flinched at the word veil.
"And then there's the thought of séances," Hermione continued. "I'm not even sure if those things are real or if it's just at Muggle charlatan parlour trick, but maybe you could ask Trelawney to try. I mean, I don't have much faith in her talents, but maybe on Hallowe'en we could try…"
"Maybe…"
"Because, I'd like to say good-bye to him, too," Hermione said, her voice cracking.
Harry had been struggling for weeks as to whether he should ever tell Hermione and Ron about the Prophecy. As he looked at her, he knew that the time had come.
"Hermione, there's something about Trelawney that I haven't told you…" began Harry. "She's not quite the fraud that she appears to be."
Hermione gave him a puzzled look.
"Trelawney was the one who made the prophecy about Voldemort and me," Harry continued. "After I got back from the Department of Mysteries, I had a long talk with Dumbledore. I learned what was in the prophecy."
Hermione's eyes grew wide. "But I thought it broke…that it was lost…"
"The official record of it was lost, that's what Voldemort was after. However, Dumbledore had heard the Prophecy when it was first given. He told me what she said."
"And?"
Harry then told Hermione about the Pensieve and Dumbledore's memory that he saw.
"The words that most disturb me the most," Harry said, "is 'Either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.'"
She sat in stunned silence as she absorbed his words.
"So, you're the only one who can stop Voldemort?" she said finally.
"According to the prophecy," he said numbly.
"And that means that you're going to have to kill him?"
He nodded. "And probably die in the process."
"Oh Harry!" she said as she threw her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly. "I can't believe you shouldered this knowledge, this burden all by yourself. First Sirius and now this. It's not fair, it's just not fair…"
Harry said nothing, because he had been feeling the same thoughts for weeks. Hermione released him and then looked deeply into his eyes.
"Why you?" she asked.
"Why me, what?"
"Why is it always you, Harry? What is so special about you? Why were you the one that was prophesied to kill Voldemort? Why not someone else? Why not Ron or Dean or –"
"Neville?"
"Or Neville," she agreed. "Why was it you?"
"I don't know. And Dumbledore said that I had the power that the Dark Lord knows not."
"What power would that be?"
Harry shook his head and said bitterly, "The Power of Love."
He then told her of the showdown between Voldemort and Dumbledore in the lobby of the Ministry of Magic and how for a brief time Voldemort had tried to fully possess Harry's body, but was exorcised due to what Dumbledore said was the power in Harry's heart. He also told her what the headmaster had said about the permanently locked room in the Department of Mysteries.
"Harry, that must have been the room we tried to get into but couldn't. The one that melted Sirius's knife."
"Yeah," he nodded with disinterest.
"What do you think would have happened if we had gotten it open?"
"I dunno. Unleashed the Power of Love on the world?" he joked.
"Don't make light of it, Harry," she warned. "It is a very powerful force of nature."
"Yeah, well, I guess after spending a few weeks with the Dursleys I'm not feeling all that loved."
"Harry you are loved more than you know," she said quietly. "You are surrounded by people that care about you. People who love you."
"Don't try telling me that my Aunt Petunia has been secretly harbouring concern and compassion for me all these years, but she was just afraid of spoiling me," he said sarcastically.
"Harry…" pleaded Hermione.
"And don't tell me that the Weasleys love me, because if they did, they would have been here for me. To hell with the risks! I needed them here today."
"I'm here. I'll always be there for you Harry," she said softly.
They embraced and she began to cry in his arms. As he felt her body trembling, he found himself joining in the tears. The first real tears that he had allowed himself to shed over Sirius's death.
The words "I'll always be there for you Harry" reverberated in his mind. His parents would have said the same thing to him, except that they didn't live long enough to keep that promise. Sirius would have also promised to be there for him. How many more people in his life would be taken from him? Hermione had almost died that day in the Department of Mysteries. He could have been at her funeral instead of a memorial service for Sirius. How would he have handled that? When Harry thought of school, Hermione was always in his thoughts. She was always by his side. He couldn't imagine life without her.
"Let me know how I can help you, Harry. You know that I would do anything for you," she whispered in his ear.
Anything? She'd do anything for me? His mind began to race to understand exactly what she meant by that. Would she be willing to kill for me? Then he remembered once again the doomed rescue mission for Sirius. If she was willing to die, then she certainly would be willing to kill for him, Harry reasoned.
Then his mind went in a different direction. Would she be willing to…Harry froze. He had never thought of her in that way before. As he did, he started noticing how incredibly soft the fabric of her silk dress was and he became forcefully aware of the soft curves of her body being pressed up against him and how it was beginning to make his body react. He took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind but instead breathed in the pleasant scent of her hair. His fingers began to trace the path of her bra straps on her back. Hermione stiffened and pulled away from him.
"Did I say something wrong?" she said worriedly.
Harry was staring at her. "You'd do anything for me?"
Harry began to kiss her without thinking, as if he was following through on a dare. Hermione was caught off guard and didn't respond at first, and when she began to return the kiss, he became more reckless. This was a desperate kiss, as if he were simply testing the waters to see what her boundaries were.
As Hermione pushed him away, she had tears in her eyes and looked terrified.
"What do you want from me Harry?"
"I don't know," he said honestly.
"If you want me to be your girlfriend, I will be, but if you just want to use me physically, to release your tension or anger, I beg of you, please don't," Hermione choked as tears streamed down her face.
Harry looked at her and wondered what he really wanted from her and why he had kissed her in the first place. He couldn't believe that he had done something so impulsive and selfish that would cause her such pain.
"Why is it that every time I kiss a girl, that she cries?" he asked.
"Because you are emotionally devastating," she said wiping the tears from her face. "Please don't use me to get back at Life or Cho or anything else. I couldn't bear that. It would destroy me."
Hearing Cho's name was like a drop of poison down his throat. When he thought back to his interactions with Cho over the past year, the overwhelming emotion he felt was pain.
"Cho? You think I want to get back at Cho?"
"Maybe. You've fancied her for a long time. She's everything that I'm not. She's pretty and popular and –"
He couldn't believe that she was comparing herself to Cho.
"Hermione, you're everything that she's not. You're brilliant and loyal. You've never once betrayed me. Not even when you went to McGonagall behind my back about the Firebolt. Sure. I got mad at you for that, but you were right. It was from Sirius and you had seen me almost die on my Nimbus 2000 three times. I was too excited to get a 'new toy' and didn't recognize the potential danger in that gift. You did, and you were willing to do something that would make me angry because you wanted to protect me. I'm sorry that I behaved badly towards you about that whole thing."
Hermione nodded.
"You also know what I need, even when I haven't a clue," continued Harry. "Like the D.A. I didn't want to do it at first, but it was exactly what I needed last year. I swear I would have gone mad, if I hadn't had those meetings to look forward to. And today, I needed to grieve and to remember Sirius properly. You knew that and you organized this service for me. Thank you." Harry thought for a moment and then added, "Did you know that my last argument with Cho was about you?"
"I thought you said it was about Marietta?" she said looking puzzled.
"The argument started over her, but then Cho insulted you. I defended you and that was the last time we ever spoke."
"Oh," she said and looked stunned.
Harry began to feel a jumble of emotions. He wasn't sure exactly how he felt, nor what Hermione was feeling at the moment. Then something she had said earlier came back to him. Something he hadn't really processed. She had offered to be his girlfriend, if he wanted her to be. He began to wonder if it was something that she was offering to do out of pity for him. He immediately discarded that thought because he never knew her to treat him with pity. Then he considered that maybe she had wanted to be his girlfriend for some time. As he thought of that possibility, it seemed like the pieces of a puzzle were suddenly all coming together.
Harry started remembering things that in isolation seemed to be the kind of thing that only indicated that Hermione was a good friend, but put all together – it painted a picture of someone who cared for him deeply, but had never spoken up about it. He thought of their conversation of how his Valentine's Day date with Cho had gone so horribly wrong. She never encouraged Harry to try and make things up with Cho, she only told him what he did wrong. Hermione also brought up the idea that Harry viewed her as ugly. He thought it was a strange thing for her to say at the time, but now he realized she must have felt she was unworthy of Harry's attention due to her looks. He then remembered how Hermione had forced him to tell about his kiss with Cho. He never would have told her about it otherwise. He had thought it odd that Hermione knew so much about what Cho was going through and feeling, including being worried about being thrown off her Quidditch team due to her troubles with flying. Hermione wasn't the biggest Quidditch fan in the world, not if she spoke about the "Wonky Faint" and felt was a cause of bad feelings and tensions between the houses at Hogwarts. No, she wasn't interested in the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, Hermione was interested in Cho because she must have been jealous about Cho all along. Harry had to know if he was right.
"Do you love me?" Harry asked quietly.
"Of course, you're my best friend," Hermione shrugged trying to sound nonchalant.
"Hermione, are you in love with me?" Harry pressed.
There was dead silence for a moment. Harry wondered if he had said something to insult her again, and began to wish he could take it back. Then she silently nodded and cast her head downward as if she were ashamed to admit it.
"Why?" he asked.
"Why what?" she said looking up at him confused.
"You know me probably better than anyone else. You've seen me at my worst. Why would you be in love with me? Especially after last year, why would anyone be in love with me?"
A slow smile crept across her face. "What do I love about you? You're so brave. I've never known anyone as selfless as you are. You risked your life to save mine, way back in our first year. When you couldn't even stand me. I'll never forget how you and Ron came to rescue me. I was terrified and frozen with fear, and you tried to get me to run to safety, but I couldn't move. Then when the troll looked like it was going after Ron, you jumped on its nasty, smelly old back without even thinking. You did it out of instinct. It is something I will never forget. I've learned so much from you by being your friend. I've tried to face and overcome my fears, but I still…Oh, Harry, the most difficult times in my life was the first two months at Hogwarts, before I had any friends, and those four months in our third year when we weren't speaking to one another."
She then turned, looked at the lake and a few tears fell down her cheeks. "Harry, I've been in love with you for years, but I've known that you didn't feel the same way about me. Now that you know how I feel, I hope you won't stop being my friend, because I'll understand if you don't want my love. I just don't know what I would do if you weren't in my life, because your friendship means everything to me."
Harry felt a powerful emotion sweep through him, as the wall of denial that had been built up inside of him crumbled like a sandcastle. He knew instinctively as he brushed the tears off her face that she had always loved him and no one else. He knew that she had wanted to go to the Yule Ball with him, and not Viktor Krum. He now understood why she had held her head so high when Rita Skeeter had written an article in The Daily Prophet linking them together romantically, because she had wished that it was true. Harry had been blind to the love that was right next to him and sought out Cho's pretty face instead.
Harry saw her crying and understood that Hermione's tears were for him, because she loved and cared for him. Not for anyone else. Harry had been so bothered by Cho's tears because they were shed for Cedric and his memory. As Harry looked into Hermione's face and saw the look of mingled pain, anguish, hope and fear, he realized that it was a reflection of the same emotions that he felt. He also felt a new emotion welling up inside of himself, that of love. He realized that he loved Hermione. That he needed her love and that he couldn't exist without it.
He cradled Hermione's face in his hands and began kissing her tears away. Harry kissed her forehead, her eyelids and then finally her lips. This time his kiss was gentle, tender and sweet. He told her with his lips all that his words couldn't. He wanted her love. He needed her love. He needed her. Hermione hesitated at first, but then began to return his kiss. She put her arms around his neck and Harry began to feel a wave of love and acceptance rush over his body. He broke the kiss and wore the first genuine smile on his face in months. He was glad to see that smile mirrored on Hermione's face.
Harry then bowed his head and rested it against her forehead. "Hermione, I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I've been a real jerk towards you. I didn't realize that…that…you…" he choked.
"It's okay," she said soothingly.
"No, it's not," he said shaking his head. "I promise that from now on, I won't take you for granted. And that…I will try to show you how much you mean to me."
Harry kissed her again, this time there was a yearning quality to it. He didn't know what was coming over him, but he wanted nothing more than to demonstrate his love and devotion to her. Not in words, but in deeds.
After their kiss ended, he looked her squarely in the eye.
"I want you to be my girlfriend," he said firmly.
"I'd like that," she said smiling with tears in her eyes. They gazed at each other in silence for a few minutes and then a look of worry crossed her face. "What about Ron? What should we tell him? I don't want this to hurt him, because well…I think…I'm pretty sure that he likes me in that way, too."
Ron. Harry felt like a knife had been pierced his heart. He and Ron had never really talked about Hermione and how either one of them felt towards her, in a romantic fashion. Harry had guessed that Ron might feel that way because of how Ron talked about Viktor Krum, but he wasn't sure if that was due to jealousy or if he were being overprotective. How would Ron react when he found out that they were now a couple?
"I don't want to see you two fight again," said Hermione. "I couldn't stand it when you two weren't talking to one another. I would hate to hurt your friendship with him."
Harry brushed the hair off Hermione's face and wanted to erase this sense of unease that had come over them. He had finally realized what Hermione meant to him and he wasn't about to lose her or deny his feelings just because it might make their other best friend jealous.
"I don't know how we are going to tell him, but right now, I don't care how he reacts," said Harry flatly. "I've had more than my share of bad things happen to me to last a lifetime. I've opened my heart to you, and I'm beginning to feel hope for the future knowing that you will be there by my side through everything. I'm not about to deny how I feel about you, just to spare Ron's feelings. He'll just have to deal with it. Besides, he's lucky. He's got parents who are alive and well and that love him. He can find someone else to love. You're mine."
He leaned over to kiss her again, but Hermione put a hand up to stop him.
"Harry, you don't think that kissing here is…disrespectful, do you? I mean, we are near graves."
"Death is a part of Life. Right now, I want to reject the fear of my own mortality and celebrate life. I think my parents would approve of that."
"They would have," agreed Lupin as he walked up behind them.
Harry dropped his hands from around Hermione.
"It's a little late to try and show some decorum," said Lupin slyly. "I've been watching you two from a distance. I want to say that it would have made Sirius happy to know that the two of you finally got together. We had a running bet as to how long it would take."
Harry grinned sheepishly and slipped one arm behind Hermione's back.
"I came to tell you that it is time to get going," said Lupin.
Harry stood up and held his hand out to help Hermione off the stone. Then he put the Invisibility Cloak over them as they headed outside of the Sacred Grove. Arm in arm they followed Lupin towards the awaiting car.
"I was right about one thing," said Hermione playfully.
"What's that?" asked Harry.
"You're not a bad kisser."
"Neither are you," he agreed. "I'm thinking, long car ride, back seat, girlfriend, and my dad's old Invisibility Cloak. That has all the makings for a nice long snogging session."
"Harrrrry," Hermione said sounding embarrassed, "Moody has that magical eye. He could still see us under that cloak and…"
"Hey, he already thought that you were my girlfriend. We'll just be confirming that fact," Harry said grinning and giving her hand a squeeze. "Lupin seems happy for us and I'm sure he can fall asleep like he did on the Hogwarts Express. Besides, I don't know when I'm going to get the chance to be so close to you again and I want to experience firsthand a little more of that Power that the Dark Lord knows not."
End.
Author's note:
If you enjoy my writing, I invite you to discover my novels Quest of the Warrior Maiden and Fate of the Saracen Knight with my author name of Linda C. McCabe. I used to be a notorious H/Hr shipper back when the series was incomplete and there were ship debates – I used the name "Pallas Athena" or just "Athena." There was a theory bandied about hippogriffs being a symbol of love with the suggestion that Harry and Hermione flying on the back of a hippogriff might indicate that they were the One True Pairing. In following up that theory, I read the epic poem Orlando furioso by Ludovico Ariosto because it was the first time a hippogriff was used as a character in literature. I wanted to read the poem in its entirety to see how the hippogriff was used in context. I had no idea I was about to be carried away by a saga of chivalry, secret romances, betrayal, revenge and magic. The storyline that captivated me the most was the tale of impossible love between Bradamante, a niece of Charlemagne, and Ruggiero, a Saracen knight descended from Hector of Troy. They were both renowned warriors who met and fell in love on the battlefield, then had to fight to be together with honor – which was difficult since they were on opposing sides of a holy war. It is a Romeo and 'Joan of Arc'-styled star-crossed lovers' tale that I had never heard of before. After finishing the poem, I felt cheated. I had heard all about Guinevere and her ill-fated love triangle with Arthur and Lancelot, but I had never heard of Bradamante, a kick-ass heroine who was sent on a quest to rescue her beloved being held captive by a wizard.
I decided to devote my talents into adapting that poem into a series of novels so that Bradamante's story could be enjoyed by modern day audiences. If you enjoy my writing, please consider trying my novels. I have started recording a serialized videocast on YouTube where I read the chapters and include classic illustrations to enliven the videos, please check them out. There are links in my author profile if you would like to learn more about the Bradamante & Ruggiero series.