A/N: This is for Season 7 Round 6 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.
Position: Beater 1
Team: Pride of Portree
Prompt: War. Write a fic set during a wizarding war (either one we know about or one of your own creation)
Optional Prompts: #6 [Colour] Mustard, #10 [Phrase] At a crossroads, #12 [Action] Writing
Word Count: 1871
The Ridiculous War
"This is absolutely bonkers!"
Ron huffed and sighed in irritation as the class walked down towards the lake. He swore up and down that if he knew Muggle Studies was going to be this ridiculous that he wouldn't have agreed to take it. His argument was that Hermione and Harry were taking the class. It would be easy to copy off of Hermione seeing as she was a Muggle-Born herself. He wasn't even sure that it was worth it at this point.
"I happen to think that it's a very interesting assignment!" Hermione defended.
"Everything is an interesting assignment to you!" Ron snapped back.
"Can you save the fighting for the war reenactment?" Harry asked, nearly missing the tree roots under his feet.
"I second that, Mr. Potter."
Professor Burbage stopped suddenly in the middle of a small field surrounded by trees, the lake shimmering in the distance, before turning to face the class that had been following her. She smiled at them all standing there with notepads, irritated looks on their faces, and a genuine curiosity hidden beneath it all. She knew that most of this was aimed at the trunk that she dragged behind her. She noticed that Hermione was furiously scribbling down on her notepad and looking up to check on each student.
"Miss Granger, what are you doing?" Professor Burbage questioned, walking closer to where Hermione stood.
"I am writing down all the names of everyone in the class. Every Muggle war had a recorder so that if anyone were to die in combat, their records could be salvaged and their families would be notified."
Hermione Granger never ceased to amaze Professor Burbage. She also seemed to completely irritate her classmates just by opening her mouth. The professor nodded in approval.
"Then you shall be our designated recorder. Everyone, listen up. Our war reenactment has rules," she started.
"Of course it does," Ron whispered.
Several snickers could be heard but they didn't phase Professor Burbage. She was used to this kind of sarcasm when it came to the studies of Muggles. No one ever fully accepted the class as being something necessary. She, naturally, didn't agree with that at all.
"Rule number one, no magic. Any use of magic will automatically disqualify you from the assignment."
She withheld a giggle when she heard the chorus of groans and complaints that erupted from her students. She held up two fingers to signal the second rule.
"Rule number two, you must wear the fatigues provided in the trunk in order to be considered part of the war."
She flipped the latch open on the trunk and revealed multiple hideous mustard and teal colored uniforms. It was obvious that they would look terrible on any student. She motioned for them all to grab a jacket and noticed that Hermione wasn't reaching for one. In fact, she was too busy turning her nose up at everyone reaching in the trunk.
"Miss Granger, you need one as well."
"Why do I need one?" Hermione questioned, pointing the end of her quill at her own chest.
"Recorders are still part of the war. They must dress the part," Professor Burbage smiled and motioned for her to grab the last remaining jacket.
It was a mustard jacket that was twelve sizes too big for her. The sleeves fell over her hands and she was having trouble pushing the sleeves up so she could continue writing names.
"Do you think she still considers this is an interesting assignment?" Ron asked Harry quietly.
Several people around them laughed as Professor Burbage continued on with the rules.
"Rule number 3, remember everything we learned in class about the wars muggles fight in. This is an assessment to show whether or not you understood the material. I prefer a hands-on approach. Rule number 4, have fun! I know that doesn't sound like it should be happening in a war but this is a reenactment. If you have fun, you'll learn more."
The sea of mustard and teal colored students groaned in response and decided to pick their spot on the field.
"When you have selected your spot, you are only to touch or tag someone that has on different fatigues than you do. When you have tagged them, they are to simply lay on the ground until the reenactment is over. If you have a mustard colored fatigue on then you are to tag only the teal colored fatigues. So on and so forth," she announced.
"On your mark," she started.
"I think it will be easier to tag Neville," Ron whispered to Harry as they watched the squirmy boy in a teal fatigue.
"Get set," the professor continued.
"Or it will be easier to get you first," Harry whispered, looking over at Ron.
Ron was confused until he noticed that he and Harry were wearing two different colored fatigues. Harry narrowed his eyes in an attempt to sway Ron but he had a plan.
"Go!"
Ron ducked and ran from Harry in a completely opposite direction. Everyone was running, tagging, and laughing. Hermione was irritated with having to keep up with everyone getting tagged. She was also irritated that this didn't seem to be anything like a real war. No one laughed during a war. At least, not according to Hermione. She traipsed over roots and limbs trying to figure out who was tagged and who wasn't until she came upon Ron. He was hiding up against a tree in his mustard fatigue and he seemed to be avoiding someone in particular.
"Get out of here," Ron whispered harshly, looking around to see where everyone went.
"I need to make sure I get your name down when you inevitably get tagged," Hermione said, lifting her nose up while she smiled.
"I'm serious, Hermione. Get out of here,"
"Or what?" Hermione countered.
"Or I'll-" but he stopped short.
In the clearing, he spotted Harry who seemed to be looking for him. However, Harry wasn't the only teal jacket to see Ron against the tree. Seamus Finnagan and Dean Thomas surrounded him and had their hands held out in front of them. They were all at a crossroads. No matter which way Ron would run, he would be caught by one of them. He felt cornered. Before he knew what was happening, his instincts kicked in and pulled his wand out to protect himself.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Ron shouted.
Seamus Finnagan levitated in the air as everyone below him looked up in shock. Hermione was impressed that Ron actually used the spell correctly. A loud shrieking could be heard through the woods as Professor Burbage wove through the trees to their exact location.
"Mr. Weasley! What did I tell you? This is not a wizarding war! Use your wand again and it will be confiscated!" Professor Burbage warned.
She hastily tried to get Seamus down from the spell but he had already whipped his wand out to cast a spell at Ron.
"Stupefy!"
Ron went flying through the air and landed face first on the ground. He slowly stood in his spot but he was already too late. Spells were flying every which way and the forest was filled with an immense amount of color. Professor Burbage held up her hands and tried her best to get them all to settle down. Eventually, she took cover behind a large oak tree. A group of girls were running around screaming because their hair was falling out. Someone laughed from behind and sent them flying upwards,hair trailing behind them.
Dean Thomas cast the body-binding curse at a couple of guys who had just cast the leg-locking curse in his direction. Harry was ducking and trying to cast the little spells here and there. Hermione would just cast a spell that tripped everyone so that she could get their name and the spell that they just used for her own records.
"This is complete madness!" Seamus shouted, running around with his hair falling out in his hands.
"Obscuro!"
A blind fold covered Neville's eyes as he ran through the forest, afraid of what might happen next. It caused him to trip, and he fell waving his wand in a flailing motion as he hit the floor. He didn't even have a target, but still sent someone tripping along behind him.
"Incendio!"
Some managed to set fire to the fatigues of another nameless student, causing them to dive into the nearest puddle. Students were rolling around laughing as someone had cast the tickling charm.
"Tarantallegra!" Ron bellowed, not really aiming for anyone.
It landed on his opponent and caused them to dance about uncontrollably. While they were dancing, Ron took the opportunity to hide behind a bush where he found Harry hiding.
"I can't believe this! It's all your fault!" Harry accused.
"I didn't mean to cause a wizarding war, Harry! I just went with my basic instinct when cornered. I was at a crossroads!" Ron defended.
"Your basic instinct is to whip out your wand and levitate people?" Harry hissed.
"Well, yeah! We're wizards, Harry!"
"You're right, we are. Look, maybe we can put a stop to this. Let's just blindfold everyone we come across. That way, no one can see us and we can get out of dodge quickly," Harry suggested.
"Good plan," Ron agreed.
"On the count of three...one...two…"
Ron stood ready with his wand in his hand.
"Three!"
They both appeared from behind the bush only to see that several people were already waiting for them. It was another crossroads for Ron and Harry knew how he would handle it. He cast multiple different charms and spells that backfired, sending him flying through the air by his own hand. Harry just shook his head and continued fighting.
Hermione had eventually given up and sat down on the ground. She shook her head in disbelief as the war of colors continued around her. Everyone ran in all different directions and all with wide range problems.
"Idiots," she huffed, furiously scribbling down who hit whom with what.
No one noticed when Albus Dumbledore had found them all in the forest clearing. He held up his hands in protest and shouted for everyone to stop.
"Silencio!" he called out, waving his wand around in a large circle.
Everyone's magic ceased to work, forcing them to listen while standing in their spots. They all gathered around Dumbledore who waited until they all had calmed down. Professor Burbage peaked out from behind a tree, a little shaken up and weary, and wobbled out into the open.
"Ron Weasley started it!" Seamus shouted, pointing his finger in Ron's direction.
Ron growled in response and gave Seamus a look that could kill.
"I didn't ask who started it, Mr. Finnagan. I'm ending it. Everyone will have detention this afternoon in the Great Hall. Clearly, we need a lesson on following rules," he instructed, looking at every student before landing on the trio.
"Everyone, back to the classroom," Dumbledore commanded.
Everyone followed him back through the woods quietly. Well, almost quietly.
"So, did the mustard fatigues win?" Ron questioned.
Everyone groaned and Hermione just rolled her eyes before speeding up her walking pace. It was just another ridiculous question for a ridiculous war.