The next morning.
The Lopez-Pierce residence was in a state.
The previous evening's festivities had continued long into the wee hours of the morning. Sugar had taken to the karaoke stage for a song and it was then as she sang ''everybody have fun tonight, everybody wang chung tonight…'' that all hell truly was set loose (although Tina did speak up in the moment to inform everyone on how that specific song was culturally insensitive.) There was drinking and dancing, flip cup and body shots and even a game of strip poker that left dino!Mike shedding his costume only to be left sitting around in his undies. The shenanigans carried on for a great while.
Somewhere in all of the madness of the party Brittany and Santana, more than a little tipsy, had managed to make it up to their bedroom.
And that's where they woke up.
Santana jerked awake in bed when she felt something poke her in the rear.
She and Brittany were pretty darn adventurous between the sheets and neither of them were opposed to getting a little weird with it, but they both also believed in being properly prepared and that was something Santana wasn't in the mood for first thing in the morning.
''Brittany what the hell…'' Santana started as she turned over. She was wearing a bra with her bear suit pushed down and bunched around her hips. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and realized it was Brittany's unicorn horn that had been prodding at her butt. Brittany had fallen asleep in their bed upside down.
''Sorry,'' Brittany murmured and readjusted the hood of her onesie so the horn wasn't touching Santana.
Santana groaned then as she sat up and looked down at herself, she was half woman-half bear. She laughed as she spotted the bear head there in the sheets, looking like it had seen some things. Which yeah it kind of did. Santana vaguely recalled some unicorn/bear action happening before they passed out.
''I feel like I got run over.''
''What happened last night?'' Brittany asked. ''The last thing I remember is Sam doing a Keanu Reeves impersonation and Sugar laughing while shooting hot fondue out of her nose.''
''I don't even remember that. The last thing I remember is Kurt and Tina playing Quarters with Lord Tubbington."
Santana squinted at their bed and their slightly trashed room. Unicorn Brittany must've given it to her good all over because the place was a mess.
"If our bedroom looks like this I don't even want to know how the rest of the house looks," Santana sighed. "I knew I should've kicked everyone out before we came up here last night."
Brittany wasn't as worried. "How bad could it be? It's the glee kids. Other than Puck I can't see any of them turning into Motley Crew and wrecking the house. Lord Tubbington on the other hand-"
''Now that boy is a menace.''
Ten minutes later when they pulled their costumes back on and groggily made their way back down to the main floor of their home they came face to face with the aftermath of it all.
And it...wasn't pretty.
The aftermath was a trashed house, a sweat-covered stripper pole and Lord Tubbington fast asleep face first in his giant ass birthday cake. There was food and empty bottles and spilled over red solo cups strewn about. It seemed most of Brittany's casual dancer friends had called it a night and made their exit early on, but several members of the old glee club had ended up crashing there.
Tina was flopped out on the living room floor, cradling a bottle of tequila. Quinn and Kurt were curled up on a rug together. Sugar was snoozing on their pool table and covered in congealed cheese for some odd reason. The rest were scattered about, passed out on the floor or various pieces of furniture. They were still fast asleep, seemingly wiped out from a wild night in.
However the smell of breakfast permeating the space let Santana and Brittany know there was at least one of their friends who was wide awake.
''Good morning sleepyheads,'' Rachel sang as they walked into the kitchen. It seemed Rachel was one of those annoyingly alert people who actually enjoyed waking up at the asscrack of dawn.
''What are you doing?'' Santana asked suspiciously as she slid her bear head onto the kitchen island and took a seat on a stool.
Rachel shrugged and smiled. ''Can't I just make breakfast for my friends, all of which probably need a good, healthy meal after the antics of last night?''
''You're wide awake,'' Brittany noted.
''Yes well, I had my fun but unlike everyone else I paced myself,'' Rachel said proudly. ''I allow myself a few drinks now and again but I've never allowed myself to get too sloppy with it. If I do I suffer flashbacks from junior year when you vomited on me.''
Brittany shook with silent laughter at the memory. Ah the old days. ''Sometimes I forget about that. I totally covered you in my bodily fluids that time, didn't I?''
''Can you not say it like that?'' Rachel wrinkled her nose. ''Fluids? That makes it sound perverse.''
''Psh,'' Brittany shushed her. ''You should be so lucky to be covered in my fluids.''
Santana nodded along. "Yeah, Rachel, what's wrong with Brittany's fluids? Not good enough for you?"
Rachel's eyes widened. "What?! No! I mean! What?! I-"
Santana bellowed out a laugh and shook her head. "Rachel, we're playing with you," she assured her.
Brittany snickered and flapped a dismissive hand. "Yeah, we were just teasing. I mean obviously, I'm married which means Santana's the only one who gets the privilege of having my fluids."
Santana's smile waned a bit in confusion. She wasn't really certain what kind of fluids Brittany was talking about anymore. "You know what, let's stop talking about fluids... at least not while I have an empty stomach."
''Well you should eat up then.'' Rachel offered her a plate of hot and steaming breakfast foods. Despite the fact that it was made by Rachel, it did smell sorta delicious. ''It'll make you feel better.''
''You know you've been surprisingly cool now that we've put our messiness to bed, Rachel,'' Santana said and accepted the plate with a weak smile. She dug in and soon Brittany did as well as Rachel served her.
''Well I really appreciated our heart to heart and our duet was thoroughly moving but you said something last night that made me decide to turn a new leaf in how I approach our friendship, Santana.''
Santana didn't think to question Rachel any further, she simply nodded and stuffed her face full of waffles. ''That's very mature of you Rachel.''
''What do you say we celebrate our renewed friendship and do lunch sometime next week.''
''Yeah?''
''I don't know about you but, Breadstix?''
Santana lit up at the thought of all that carby goodness. ''You're on, Berry.''
''Fantastic.'' Rachel grinned. ''Now, as much as I'd love to stick around and play chef for everyone else I have to be off. I have an important matter I need to tend to. I'll collect Jesse on my way out. Thank you both for inviting me last night.''
''Thanks for coming,'' Santana said, and with that they watched Rachel collect herself and walk out of the kitchen and down the hallway.
Santana and Brittany didn't say anything to each other for several moments, not until they heard their front door open and close.
''Look at you two being all cute together,'' Brittany teased.
''Shut up, we're not cute. I'm just trying to be a different kind of friend to her now. It's nothing.''
''You should've milked this new cuddly little friendship of yours and talked her into cleaning the living room up. I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to get cheese out of green felt.''
X
A half hour later they stood in the middle of their living room with two large trash bags. They began the boring and gross process of cleaning up while occasionally shaking and lightly kicking their friends awake.
''What the-'' Puck grumbled after Santana chunked a pool ball at his head.
''Get up,'' Santana ordered. ''And get to cleaning. You too Trouty.''
Brittany meanwhile was a little more gentle as she judged Kurt, Quinn and Tina awake. No one really woke Sugar up, as she woke herself up by farting rather loudly.
''Honies, I expect each and every one of you to clean this trash up. You see this coffee table?'' Santana asked no one in particular as she pointed to a low elegant table. ''It's Mies van der Rohe, it cost a fortune.''
''And I'd really appreciate it if the person who left dried sweat on our stripper pole would give it a disinfectant wipe down please,'' Brittany pleaded. ''I'm not trying to catch anything here.''
No one moved, they just blinked and squinted. Santana clapped her hands loudly.
''Come on peoples, let's go,'' she hollered with a firmer tone.
And at that, everyone leapt into action, gathering up party debris, cups, bottles, chip bags and such. They didn't do it happily however as most everyone was grumbly about it, especially after they saw Santana and Brittany stop working to plop down on a couch together. Why work when they could make their friends do it for them while they relax and get their cuddle on.
"You're the cutest bear ever," Brittany said, giving Santana a playful kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah?"
"Mmhm." Brittany went back in to place her lips on Santana's neck.
''Yeah well you're a pretty hot unicorn. Not to mention a really smart one too. You were right about me needing to have a real and honest talk with Rachel. This suit and the party, I would've never thought of any of that. It was a strange approach but I can't knock it because it worked. It got she and I back on track.''
''I told you I was going to use my genius powers to help you fix things.''
''And you did. I owe you one.''
''Maybe you can make it up to me later.''
''Of course.''
''On the stripper pole?'' Brittany requested, because sometimes she wasn't the only one who danced up on it for the other's enjoyment. ''I'll even throw some dollar bills at it,'' she added and playfully reached around to give Santana's butt a playful swat.
X
And so things went back to normal for the next couple of days. Everything was right with the world once again. And so when date night rolled around that Friday night Santana was sure to show her appreciation for her wife's brilliant way of bringing her and Rachel together.
She was going to take her out to see a dance troupe perform, reserved a private table at one of the city's most exclusive restaurants and wore her sluttiest underwear because afterwards when they went home she planned to give Brittany the pole dance of her life.
They had just finished eating and were enjoying a nice after dinner drink when Santana's phone vibrated face down on the table. She didn't bother to check on it because on date nights her attention and priority was always Brittany. It wasn't like it was important, more than likely it was just Kurt sending her a meme or Mercedes double checking to make sure their spa day the following week was still on.
She didn't look at her phone the first time or the second time or even the third time but when her phone began consistently vibrating to the point where it was moving across the table, Brittany told her to turn it over and see what was going on.
"It could be Lord Tubbington," Brittany said. "You know he has that warrant out for his arrest. If he was out driving your Ferrari again and got pulled over-"
"I swear to god, why do you give him the keys."
Brittany just shrugged. "Because I'm not like other moms, Santana, I'm a cool mom."
Santana took one last sip of her cocktail before placing it down and picking up her phone. Unfortunately it wasn't Lord Tubbington.
When Santana swiped up to unlock her phone she was met with dozens of notifications. There were numerous texts from her manager and publicist telling her to call them back ASAP, of course even if she wanted to it was proving difficult to do because her Twitter and Instagram notifications were filling up the screen at a ridiculous rate. Each time she would swipe them away a dozen more would appear. On top of that she could tell from her top bar that her email was piling up as well. She wasn't exactly sure what was going on but from what she could gather something somewhere about her had leaked. Her name was trending along with #sannybear.
''What the hell,'' Santana said in confusion as she angrily tapped at her screen, trying to get to the root of the matter to find out why she was suddenly being bombarded.
Breaking E! News: Santana Lopez is a member of a SECRET FURRY SEX CLUB! Photo evidence!
Access Hollywood: Santana Lopez's secret life as a FURRY EXPOSED!
TMZ: Santana Lopez's double life as a FURRY ENTHUSIAST! Custom costumes! Tail play! Call her Ms. Wanky if you're nasty!
"What's going on?" Brittany asked.
Before Santana could answer though Brittany's own phone began blowing up with notifications from her social media as people began tagging her in things as well.
"Santana, why is the internet calling you a furry icon?"
"Because," Santana said, gritting. "It seems someone took pictures of me at that party and leaked them to gossip sites. Now the whole world thinks I'm a freaky furry!"
Apparently deep into the previous evening someone at the party had taken a few very interesting photos of Santana roaming about while in her bear suit. It only took a couple of clicks online to find the "sordid evidence". A few of the photos showed her with her bear head off chugging a drink down. A few more showed her suggestively dancing with someone - Brittany - in a unicorn onesie. There was also a short clip of them getting handsy in a corner as Brittany moaned "Sannybear" over and over again.
Someone had anonymously sent the photos and footage into a media outlet which immediately posted it along with weird and lascivious headlines all of which seemed to indicate she was a furry and a freaky-deaky one at that. It was sort of a snowball effect. One website took the speculation and ran with it and soon dozens upon dozens of others took the initial article and speculation as fact, declaring Santana had a double life in the furry community.
Within a matter of minutes it turned into something huge and uncontrollable. Once the news reached Twitter there was no containing it as soon the public began making memes with the photos and taking a kind of delight in the oddly sexy details.
Brittany looked confused as she tried to get a grasp of what she was seeing. "Your fans are being pervs. This one on Twitter says 'I don't care if she is a furry, Sannybear can get it'."
They had walked into the restaurant quietly and inconspicuously, however leaving the place in the same manner was going to be difficult.
The story broke fast and furious online which of course sent paparazzi into a frenzy in the real world. By the time she and Brittany paid their bill, gathered their coats and made for the exit, a few dozen photogs had swarmed the entrance and exit. They practically had to strong arm their way to the car waiting for them at the valet as paparazzi shouted obnoxiously at them.
"Santana, Santana, is it true? What do you have to say to all of these furry rumors?"
"How long have you lived the furry lifestyle?"
"Brittany, how do you feel about your wife's involvement in the furry community?"
"Does she make you call her Sannybear?"
Despite all the shouting and the jostling they managed to slide into their vehicle with Santana in the driver's seat.
"If I hear one more person say Sannybear," Santana began, seething as she slapped the steering wheel. "I'm gonna do something!"
Santana drove them back to their house mumbling in Spanish under her breath the entire time. When they got through the front door Santana made a few calls. She yelled at her publicist to squash the story who in turn told her it was too big to control at this point. "Listen Santana, I'll line up some interviews for next week, those will allow us to do a little damage control and shape the aftermath. But as for anything else? I'm afraid you're going to have to let this play itself out. Give it a few days and people will get bored and move onto something else. You know how these things go. Just lay low until then and don't make any public statements until I say so….and maybe sit out on the next few secret furry sex orgies."
"For the last time I'm not actually a furry!"
She ended the call with a grunt and plopped herself down onto her couch and planted her face in her hands. Just then Brittany came into the room with a glass of water. She sat next to Santana and offered it to her.
"What'd your team say?" she asked.
"That they're working on a plan to do some damage control next week but otherwise it's out of their hands. They said to let it run its course. In the meantime I'm just supposed to let myself become a laughing stock."
Brittany snaked both hands up and went to rub Santana's shoulders, trying to lessen her frustration. "How bad could it be?"
"The internet is a brutal place, Brittany."
"Well who do you think took the photos?"
Santana sat up, alert all of a sudden. "My Snix sense knows exactly who it was."
And just like that Santana went from defeated to suddenly recharged with a vengeance now that she realized she had someone to blame.
Of course.
"Rachel," Santana said in greeting a few moments later when she decided to call the culprit behind all of this madness.
"Why, Santana, what a lovely surprise. What made you call?" Rachel's voice was dripping with false sweetness when she answered.
"You did this to me, you told the internet I was a furry!"
"Correction: I gave the internet the pictures, the internet concluded you were a furry on their own. I may have given the media the photos but I sadly didn't create this particular sordid narrative."
Santana laughed. "So you admit it?"
''You once told me image is everything and that there was no such thing as bad publicity,'' Rachel reminded her. "Why so angry?"
"Because! This is me we're talking about. I've spent years building my public image: Santana Lopez, sultry female hearthrob and lesbian icon. And now?! You've turned me into a joke! Everyone thinks I like getting off in a bear suit!"
Rachel wasn't phased. ''You know, Santana if I recall correctly, that night you said you'd do anything to make it up to me! You even suggested I give you a taste of your own medicine."
"I didn't mean like this!"
''Well, now you know how it feels to be on the other side of it, don't you? Public humiliation doesn't feel so good does it."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"The same thing I did, I suppose," Rachel said. "Let the story ride out and do a series of interviews to rehab your image. You should be thanking me, Santana."
Santana squinted, Rachel was giving her the same speech she had delivered to Rachel not too long ago.
"You're trending on all the platforms, everyone has your name on their lips," Rachel said, twisting the metaphorical knife. "You're the talk of the town, you should capitalize on it. Make some Sannybear merch, I'm sure your stans would buy it."
"You're gonna pay for this," Santana said casually.
"Oh, I'm sure I am," Rachel said, unperturbed. "See now I've learned that trying to stop you was fruitless because you, much like myself, are an unstoppable force, Santana. The only way to beat you is to play your game."
"If I wasn't so pissed off I'd say I was proud of you. You wanna play? Cause I can play all day every day."
"I'm sure you can."
"You're laughing now but you better get ready for my next move because it's going to be tit for tit."
"I think you mean tit for tat."
"No I mean tit for tit, I know what I said, Berry!"
"Game on, Santana…or should I say Sannybear?"
"Sannybear is gonna kick your ass."
And that was that. The line went dead.
"So I take it you and Rachel are back to being frenemies?" Brittany raised an eyebrow.
"Oh I'm gonna make her pay," Santana laughed again, this time as a million different ways in which to screw with Rachel flashed before her eyes. "She thought I was bad before, now she's got another thing coming."
"Are you sure that's how you want to play this? I mean yeah these rumors are sorta embarrassing-"
"People are making gifs of me in a bear suit twerking."
"Okay they're super embarrassing but think about it like this. If you leave it alone now and just let Rachel have this one, it's all over and you can both go back to being good. But if you decide to go at her again and provoke her you're opening yourself up to more possible humiliation."
"I'm already humiliated!"
"So what you're saying is that all of this, the party and the scheme and the bear suit and the apology and the homoerotic Shania Twain duet, was for what? Have you learned nothing?"
"Nope, not a damn thing."
"So what you're saying is you never truly wanted to change or improve your friendship with her, you just want to spend the rest of your life torturing and humiliating Rachel Berry for fun and entertainment?"
"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes," Santana said, passionately as if she were reciting vows.
"You're ridiculous."
"That's why you married me."
Brittany nodded. "I did. Alright, so what now."
"There's not much I can do but ride it out. In the meantime while I let all of this quiet down I'll just plot my revenge on Rachel. Whatever comes next has to be big and ten times as messy as before. If what I did before was performance art, my next piece will have to be an utter masterpiece."
"I have faith in you and if all else fails I can always use my genius mind for evil."
"So much for a quiet and romantic date night huh? Your wife is being cancelled for her furry proclivities."
"I don't care, and if I'm being completely honest here, I gotta admit seeing you in a bear suit had me feeling some type of way if you know what I mean."
Santana wiggled her brows, more than a little proud. "What can I say? Sannybear can get it."
And so it was.
Santana would spend the rest of her days torturing and teasing Rachel Berry, with a little help from Brittany now and again. Just the way it should be.
They would spend the next several decades cancelling and uncancelling each other and Santana wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
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Author's Notes: This has been sitting in my docs for ages, figured I'd finally upload the ending. The original reason I wrote this fic is because I wanted to create my own origin story for the Sannybear nickname you see being used in a lot of brittana fics. It's so weird but I also kind of love it. How this nickname showed up out of nowhere and just became a thing in the brittana fandom.