I'm truly sorry, I did know writing was difficult, I just never expected it would be THAT difficult. If someone is still interested I'll love to hear your thoughts.

...

How to admit the truth

A week went by and Hermione wasn't any closer to come to terms with her feelings. On one hand she was the ultimate instigator to all of this, and weird as it was she had already fully forgiven him for the ministry's stunt, but that was the easiest part, somehow, having been a side effect instead of his actual target made it that much understandable, her problem now was a lot bigger.

He had killed people, that she was aware and in peace with, he had killed people that were important to some of her friends, that one was a bit more tricky, but as not even Ginny had met her uncles it made it seem like old history. He had killed people she knew, he had killed people she loved.

He killed Remus.

He killed Remus and she had forgotten about it, that thought alone was enough to send her into drinking herself to oblivion.

Now, one thing that is important to know about Hermione, is that she knows how to deal with her problems in a healthy way, she had been the first of all her friends to reach out to a therapist, she had been the first one to understand she needed help, and in the first years after the war she had kept a tight reign over her actions and made sure she healed before continuing with her life. So, taking a week off to actually drown in self pity and alcohol was not something she was familiar with. Harry had tried to come to the rescue, as he was wont to do, Ginny made a couple attempts after his failure, even poor Neville reached out, but finally it had fallen to Ron to be her saving grace.

He might have never been the most sensitive person, nor the most reasonable, and he was still annoyed at her for creating the program in the first place, but surprisingly he was the one to actually drag her back to sanity.

Ron hated Antonin, there was no other way to put it, and it was real actual hate, but at the same time he loved Hermione enough to understand that she was not being naive, she was just trying to be fair, and sometimes that meant forgiving those who were wrong in hope to build a better future. And so Hermione finally felt strong enough to continue on with the hell she herself had created.

Antonin,

I don't even know where to start, as I said I'm sorry for the way I left last time and for the following silence. I did receive your owl, I just needed some time to think.

I believe that so far I have been fully supportive and have embraced the spirit of this program, unfortunately last week, after my departure, I was confronted with a couple of things that for some reason I allowed myself to conveniently forget.

We all know who we are, and I came into this experience knowing the baggage you were carrying, and somehow in the biggest scheme of things I managed to overlook something really important to me.

Remus was my friend, yes, the werewolf, not only my friend, but he was someone I deeply idolized, someone I truly believe given the proper chance would have made this world a better place.

His death is something that will forever haunt me, and until now, somehow I managed to forget that it was you who killed him. I already knew you had killed people, but lately I can't help but remember how cold you were about him, in particular the first time we met.

So I just need to know, is there an ounce of remorse in you about him?

H.

…..

Hermione,

Can't we meet and talk about this in person?

Antonin

…

No.

…...

No, a simple no, not an apology, nor an excuse, plain and simple no. He knew he would have to write the best letter of his life. All things said he knew there was no way out for her, she had already pleaded his case knowing fully why he was in prison so he knew this wasn't her way to back out, nonetheless it was worrying that the only person on earth that seemed to give a damn about him was losing faith.

The biggest part of his plan relied on her advocating for him, and also, he had never been in the habit of lying to himself, somehow, in the lapse of a couple of weeks, he had come to care about her opinion.

That said, if he was honest he couldn't care less about that Remus guy, whoever he was he had been an adult fighting in a war, therefore he had to have known death was a more than probable outcome for him. Now, how to say that without further upsetting her was going to be a real challenge.

Dear Hermione,

I don't know where to start. This last week has been complicated, therapy is going well, unfortunately as I keep working i can't help but start developing some deeper relationships with the hospital wards, meeting the Longbottom's this week have been challenging, I really missed being able to talk to you, being able to give everything a meaning.

As you can imagine the atmosphere at the hospital is thick, the rest of the workforce is also remembering who I am, it seems.

I would love to be able to say that I'm full of regret over the death of Remus, unfortunately I never met him, he is someone I killed before being killed, I guess this is not what you want to hear but I'd rather not lie to you. I care about your opinion.

Not that I think is going to be healthy for me, but maybe we could meet so you could tell me about him? I don't know what is going to come out of it, but it truly seems important to you.

I hope against hope that you'll give me the chance.

Antonin

….

Half an hour later the doorbell rang, as soon as he opened the door his hands were full, as there was a really sad little witch hugging the life out of him.

The letter worked. And this was not the reaction he had been expecting, what to do next was a real mystery.