"I'll always love you. Always. But right now, with everything that's coming up…I think we're better off as friends. Just like we used to be."

And with that, we were no more.

I had no warning to the break up. One day he was the kind, loving, attentive boyfriend he had always been, the next…he was no longer my boyfriend. He was barely my friend.

And yet, I still love him so.

I cried that day. I cried hard. Friends tried to comfort me, but all I wanted was him. His strong warm arms around me; his soft, smooth voice whispering comforting words into my ear. But I couldn't have that. Not anymore.

I left him alone for a while. Distanced myself. Not easy in a school like this, with our friends all being the same, the paths to our classes constantly crossing.

Then it got too much. I needed to escape.

Now, normally I wouldn't admit to this. But I guess, if I want any kind of healing, everything needs to come out.

I made myself hurt. Physical pain, to release my emotional pain. I used anything I could get my hands on, which really was anything. Living in this place allows for access to a great range of tools for self-harm. And it worked, for a short while.

Then I started to become numb.

It started to take more and more to make the pain start. Deeper and deeper to make myself bleed. I realized I was sick, but I didn't know how to make myself stop.

I wasn't even sure I wanted to.

Then I found new ways of escaping.

Alcohol.

It numbed me, allowed me to do things I normally wouldn't dream of doing. Hooking up with random guys, following them to their rooms, and letting them have their wicked ways with me.

I didn't care if I hurt him.

And yet, I did. I wanted him to suffer, the way I suffered. But I loved him too much to let him.

I knew that he knew what I was doing. How could he not? It was all over the school. My other friends had already turned on me because of it.

And he still let it go on.

All it would have taken was one word from him, and none of it would have happened. Even just hello.

And then it happened. I drank too much, and went where I shouldn't have.

I went to him.

It wasn't how I imagined it would be. I screamed, and yelled, and woke the whole house up. I hit him, I cried, I threw myself at him. In the end, all he did was turn his back, and walk away.

I knew right then I had lost my best friend.

For good.