Trigger warning: this story mentions of gender dysphoria and transphobia. If that's a trigger for you, this might not be the fic for you. Take care of your lovely selves.
A/N: This is set around the start of HBP
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
For Carter, for Sara, and for you, whoever you may be
Two parents argued in hushed voices, incorrectly thinking that their child couldn't hear them.
"They might not accept her, Alex! They're very conservative on some things, you know what they're like!"
"I know honey, but they might surprise us! They're getting better and Jane wants to go, I don't think we should deprive her of that. She wants to know why she's so different from the other kids, maybe this will give her the acceptance she craves."
"Hopefully. I'm just worried that it'll do the complete opposite."
"Her letter was addressed to Jane, wasn't it? See, they're already doing better than most of the in-laws." A young girl who was sitting at the top of the stairs almost smiled at her mother's remark. Her uncle Max still called her Jacob, despite being told any number of times that her name was now Jane, and her great aunt Lilith refused to come to family gatherings, citing objections to her "lifestyle". Jane hated Lilith.
"Look Ash," her mother continued. "Her magic's clearly developing, that's two smashed glasses this week! It's important that she learn to control it. You and I are so busy, we can't possibly hope to teach her all she needs to know. If this is what she wants, I think we should let her go."
An uncertain silence descended, which was quickly interrupted by a soft pattering of steps as Jane quietly joined her parents in the kitchen. "I want to go to Hogwarts," she announced.
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A young girl with dark hair and green eyes sat alone in a train. She was just beginning to wonder how long the train ride was going to be, when the compartment door slid open.
"Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?" a short girl with curly dark hair and dark brown eyes asked, poking her head in the doorway.
"Sure!"
The girl eagerly entered the compartment, extending her hand as she took the seat opposite. "I'm Zoe, very pleased to meet you, um…"
"Jane."
"Very pleased to meet you, Jane!" Zoe exclaimed excitedly as the two girls shook hands. "Are you a first year too?"
"I am! I'm quite nervous, actually."
"Oh, me too! Both of my older brothers love Hogwarts, but you just never know, do you? They're both in Gryffindor, it's almost like a family tradition," Zoe giggled. "But I don't know. Anyway, what house do you want to be in?"
"I'm not sure really, maybe Gryffindor? That way we could be together," Jane smiled. As the two girls got chatting, Jane couldn't help but feel relieved at how easy this was. The joy of finding a new friend was unparalleled.
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A young girl was standing anxiously amongst a crowd of other anxious young children, all waiting for their names to be called out.
Please don't call me Jacob. Please don't call me Jacob. Please don't call me Jacob.
"Oh god, I really hope I'm not in Slytherin, I'd die of shame," one boy announced.
"Speak for yourself," another retorted.
"As long as I'm not in Hufflepuff. I won't be allowed back home if I'm in Hufflepuff," a blonde said, timidly.
"Zoe Davis." Jane jumped, watching her friend walk up confidently, taking her place in the chair. No more than a few seconds had passed before the hat yelled out "Gryffindor!" Jane clapped along with everyone as Zoe made her way to the Gryffindor table, where two older boys who looked like they might be her brothers embraced her in a hug.
"Jane Elder"
Oh, thank god.
Jane breathed a sigh of relief as she walked up hesitantly, fingers trembling.
Thank you thank you thank you.
She sat down, taking a moment to get comfortable in the chair. She eyed the hat as it came closer until Professor McGonagall placed it on her head.
"Well hello, Jane," a voice whispered in her ear.
Hello hat.
"And why are you so concerned that I'll call you Jacob?"
It's not my name
"I see. And do you have any house preference?"
Not really, maybe Gryffindor?
"Well, you've got stacks of courage I see. Wisdom beyond your years. Your self-esteem is lacking, however. Your ambition has dwindled."
If I make one true friend, then I'll be happy.
"True friends are hard to come by."
That's why I've only wished for one.
"Wise choice, and it seems you're well on your way with that," the hat responded. "But still you're afraid."
I'm not.
"You are, a little fear is important, having some self-preservation never goes astray. But whether you let it hold you back is up to you."
"Now I wonder," the hat continued. "Slytherin perhaps? Your ambition would no doubt prosper. So, too, would your confidence. Although, perhaps Gryffindor would be a better fit. Plenty of courage, despite lacking confidence. Determination is there, although could definitely use guidance."
I am determined.
"I know, but you will need help, guidance to ease your way. I sense great struggles within you, Jane."
I have struggled, but I'm doing okay.
"So your preference is Gryffindor, Miss Jane?" the hat asked her, not unkindly.
It is.
"Very well."
"Gryffindor!"
A series of cheers immediately erupted from a table in the far-left corner. Jane began to walk over nervously, feeling a rush of exhilaration.
An older boy with an unruly mop of red hair extended his hand as she took a seat next to Zoe. "Hello Jane, welcome to Gryffindor! I'm Ron Weasley, Gryffindor prefect."
"Jane Clarke," she answered nervously, trying to stop her hand from trembling as she extended it. Several other kids shook hands with her, and there were cheers of congratulations from everyone in her vicinity. They want me here. I belong here. I'm just like them.
"We're together," Zoe whispered to her excitedly.
"Lovely to meet you, Jane! I'm Hermione, I'm also a Gryffindor prefect." An older girl with brown, bushy hair extended her hand towards her, smiling warmly. Jane shook her hand, shyly. She surveyed her plate, which had suddenly become overflowing with food. "Wow," she whispered, her mouth falling open.
"It's pretty amazing, isn't it?" an older boy with jet-black hair and glasses said, sitting across from her. "It happens every year and I'm always awestruck."
"Do you ever get used to it?" Jane asked, unsure whether she was asking about the feast's sudden appearance or the great hall and it's enchanted ceiling or Hogwarts itself.
"Honestly, not really, but that's the beauty of it," the boy remarked. "I'm Harry, by the way."
"Jane," Jane reached across the table, shaking the boy's hand. "Lovely to meet you."
"Likewise," the boy smiled warmly, before turning his attention back to his food.
She looked around the hall, at all the other kids eating and laughing, enjoying each other's company, at the ceiling which was the clearest night sky she had ever seen, at the feast which contained more food than she could eat in a year, and she couldn't help but feel content, her earlier fear almost forgotten.
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"Welcome to the Gryffindor common room!" Ron said, leading them through a portrait. "It's widely said to be the best of the house common rooms and you can see why!"
"Are you saying that you've been to the other house common rooms?" Zoe asked. "I thought we weren't allowed to-"
"Well, no of course I haven't. That would be against the rules," Ron said quickly. Jane got the impression that he was lying, but kept her mouth shut.
"But I have it on good authority. Now, the boys' dormitory is the staircase to the left, the girls' is the one to the right. Pretty straightforward, although I should warn you, in case any of you are thinking of getting up to any funny business, no boys are allowed up the stairs into the girls' dormitory," Ron explained, gesturing to the respective staircases.
"I wonder if the vice versa applies," one of the girls snickered.
"But what if we just want to chat?" a boy with dark brown hair asked.
"The stairs are enchanted to turn into a slide if any boy tries to climb them," Ron explained. "So, all chatting will have to take place in the common room, I'm afraid."
Jane felt her stomach drop. A slide? I am a girl, so it shouldn't turn into a slide, right? Oh god.
"Now, you've all had a big day. I suggest you all have an early night." With that, Ron led the boys up the left staircase as the girls began to make their way up their respective stairs. Jane held back, however.
"Coming Jane?" Zoe asked.
"Yep!" Jane started forward, pausing at the foot of the stairs, her hand gripping the bannister for dear life. Tentatively, she took one step, anxiously looking down, sure that at any moment the stairs would disappear beneath her feet. Nothing happened. Two steps. Again, Jane glanced down, the feeling of relief at the sight of the solid stairs beneath her feet giving way to joy. Three steps, four, Jane took in unison, feeling her fear dissipate away.
13 steps. Jane stood proud at the top of the staircase; a wide smile spread across her face. "I knew it," she whispered. "I'm a real girl."
"Well of course you're a real girl," Zoe replied, staring at Jane in bewilderment. "Why wouldn't you be?"
"Nothing," Jane replied, no trace of the fear and uncertainty that had plagued her for so long. Finally, she was home.