Chapter 1 - The Game Starts

"Yes yes young man, take this one," the shopkeeper pulled out a box so old, even the dust on the box had started collecting dust.

"Looks good," Ron said as he turned the box around and read the label. "Jumanji. Hmm. 'A gamefor those who seek to find... A way to leave their world behind...' I actually like it. Doesn't sound ominous at all."

The shopkeeper let the kids discuss as he stroked his cat, fiddled with his handlebar moustache, and kicked a puppy that was lying on the floor for that very purpose.

"What do you think Hermione?" Harry asked.

She was so deep inside Hogwarts: a Mystery that she only managed to nod her head.

"Seriously? You guys can't think of a single way this could go wrong? No offence sir," he added towards the shopkeeper, "but that guy is obviously evil! Why am I the only sane person here?"

The door of the shop opened and Luna's head appeared inside. "You're just as sane as I am." And then the door closed.

Harry rubbed his forehead.

"You're just being paranoid, mate. This is a simple board game for our DA break that all of us can play! See, it even says 17+ on the box!" Ron said.

"... That's not how it works Ron."

Hermione turned another page on her book, "Oh! Apparently the chamber was also opened in 1696, but all they found were a couple of farming tools and an Old English note that read, 'Nice try finding shortcuts. Now get to work, bitches.'" Her face fell. "Oh wait... That was Hufflepuff's Chamber of Drudgery."

"Fine!" Harry shouted, "Fine, we're taking this stupid game. How much?"

"I don't take money for cursed items," the shopkeeper said, then laughed an evil laughter.

"See Ron? He bloody told us that the game is cursed."

"I'm sure that's fine Harry."

Harry took the box, grabbed the robes of Ron and Hermione, and starting pulling them into the castle.

'Too much of frozen-lava candy,' he decided. 'I am not eating that stuff ever again.'

Behind his back, the gift shop vendor and the sweet shop vendor high-fived each other, and then went back to their evil lairs to plot more evil.

Harry stood in front of a blank wall in the seventh floor corridor, getting ready to think of exactly what kind of room he wanted for the DA session. He was planning on drilling them on the shield today, primitive, but incredibly useful if you had to run away.

An iron door appeared, and as he grabbed the door handle a green spark flew from the box he was holding onto the door.

Ron walked through the door, completely ignoring this weird coincidence.

Harry looked at the box. Had he imagined the whole thing? He must have, he decided finally, as he left the box in one corner of the room and moved the seats around to create more room for spell-casting.

A green root, magical in nature, made its way from the picture on the box, and it gradually seeped into the floor. Harry was focused elsewhere, specifically on whether Hogwarts robes had always been this tight around the chest for the girls. It might impede their movement, he thought.

The class started, and Harry tried his best to teach them how to make a decent shield in even the most tense situations.

Hermione had been a peculiar case, refusing to so much as look up from the book she was reading (some kind of muggle animal encyclopedia). Harry had had to fire an incendio at the book, and he saw what must be the most perfect solid shield he had ever seen. For 6 seconds. After that he was busy trying to dodge and shield the barrage of curses coming from Hermione's wand. On the one hand, the class got a live demonstration on how important the shield charm was... On the other, he didn't need the robes, right?

Soon, he decided it was time for a break.

The green root from the game had vanished completely by this point.

"That's it! Well done Neville!" Harry said, when Neville finally managed to make something that could conceivably be called a shield, if you looked hard enough.

"Let's take a break." Sighs of happiness filled the room.

Now came the hard part.

"So... uh... I brought something..." Great, now everyone was looking at him. "It's a game I thought we could play..." he trailed off.

"Sure," one of the Weasley twins said.

"Yeah, let's see what you brought," the other continued.

Harry simply walked to the corner where he had left the box, and tried to lift it up, but it refused to budge.

"Um... I can't move it."

"Come on Fred, let's help our benefactor," Probably-Fred said.

"Yes, it looks like Mr Potter needs some muscle to help him, George," Probably-George agreed.

They too couldn't budge the box.

The DA started laughing.

"It looks like we have been pranked," Fred said.

"Do teach us the sticking charm later Harry." George said.

"I didn't do anything," Harry murmured.

"What?"

"I said I didn't do any charms... the box is somehow stuck on the floor." Harry said, much more loudly this time.

"If we can't move it, we must move ourselves then," Luna said as she stood up and made her way to the box. "Jumaji," she continued, "I approve."

The rest of the group followed her to the box, curiosity on everyone's faces.

"Come on mate! What are you waiting for? Hop in!" Ron said from the sort of circle everyone was sitting on.

If he couldn't stop the madness, he might as well join in.

As soon as he sat down, the box unfurled itself, and grew much bigger to accommodate all the DA members.

"That's awesome! Where did you find this game Harry?" Cho asked.

"Just a shop from Hogsmead," Harry replied modestly.

Tracey giggled, and Daphne smacked her in the back of her head. Harry tried to stay as far away from the Slytherin girls as he could manage.

"Why are there so few guys and so many girls in our group?" Susan asked suddenly. "Me, Hannah, Hermione, Luna, Katie, Angelina, Alicia, and the bitches who are trying to trap Harry." She thought some more, then added, "Oh, and Daphne and Tracey."

Harry easily ignored the enraged cry of Cho and Marietta. "There must be a good reason for it," he said with finality.

"I swear Potter, if all of us end up in your harem after this, I am taking a permanent polyjuice potion using Draco's hair," Daphne gave her two cents.

Everyone in the room threw up a bit in their mouth.

"That's not gonna happen, yes? YES?" Harry asked looking through the screen at the author of his story.

"Uh, sure," the author replied, hastily changing the future plans for his story.

Harry nodded. "Good. Now, who wants to be the red pawn?"

AN: Blame Reddit for this particular craziness.