It was a muggy, cloudy day at PigZit Academy for Wizard Ragazzi. The cafeteria just served pumpkin pizza and Giuseppe Stromboli was in a helluva mood. Hammered, the half-giant pitbull trainer, just sat on Giuseppe's muthafuggin birthday cannolis!
Giuseppe Stromboli was in pretty foul humor when Red-Headed Nincompoop walked up to him and said "Oy, Harry - what are we doing for your birthday" in his stupid, pansy ass British accent.
Himmoine, the brawns of the whole operation pinned the Red-Headed Nincompoop against the wall "Eh, Nincompoop - whatchu think you're doin there, callin my boy Giuseppe this ape-ass bullshit name, huh?"
Giuseppe Stromboli rolled up his sleeves, grabbed the Nincompoop by the collar and said "Yeah, wise-guy. What the hell you think you're doin? I gots me some Cannollis to eat."
"Oh, I'm sorry Harry. I didn't mean to upset you," trembled the Nincompoop, "I just thought I should tell you that I'm getting really worried about You Know Who finding out about our little science project."
"Aw, shit. Himmoine, get outta here. I gots to talk to this lame-ass SOB about *science class*" Giuseppe chortled, mocking the Nincompoop with a silly voice. Giuseppe turned to the Redhead, whispering "Eh, numb-nuts. You better keep the low down on my peej operations, ya see. You don't wanna be mixin in with the wrong crowd on this. That there polyjuice recipe is between you and me, and I know you need the dough, so youz better keep your trap shut."
"Okay, Harry" replied Ron - I mean, the Red-Headed Nincompoop.
"Now make like a tree - and get outta here! Don't make me use my BANG NOODLE, Nincompoop." Himmoine shouted as the Redhead scuttled away.
[This is only the beginning. Please continue this *fantastic* story in the comments]
[This is hybrid fanfiction, Harry Potter + Harry Potter Giuseppe Stromboli Memes, I'm just getting meta and taking it waaaay further than it needs to go, but oh well...]