Try

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Chapter One

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Loki knew that Ragnarök would be the death of him. Just as it had been foretold that he would bring it about so too had the foretelling's told of his death. Perhaps his brother simply forgot that final part of the prophecy, or perhaps Thor simply held little stock in them, but Loki knew it would be so. Knew it even as he stood beside to his brother and spoke of a future on Earth, and he certainly knew it as he stood before Thanos, exchanging his life for that of Thor's. Mayhap he thought to cheat death a final time.

But in his heart, he knew he only hoped to die a valiant death. To prove himself a good brother. Not the worst. And maybe...just maybe, to find his way to Valhalla, the place where his mother now resided. To see her once again, to take back those last words to her, it was all he could hope for in the end. His death was no surprise, he knew in his soul it was nothing more than his attempt at noble suicide. He hoped his idiot brother took note however, to go for the head, but it was likely not. With his dying breath he spoke his final words to Thanos, telling him of what he saw.

For Loki lied when he told Thor he could not see the future. He, not unlike his mother, could see into the future. Though his gift was less prevalent it was there. Thanos would never be a god. He would die, not once, but twice, and that much Loki knew as fact. Some futures were changeable other immutable. Thanos' was sketched in stone.

As Thanos crushed the life from him Loki finally knew this was the end for him. His powers saved him before, but such would not be the case this time. The vision of him standing in the sunlight with his brother faded. It appeared that was one foresight that wasn't so certain because despite his assurance's Loki feared he lied one final time to Thor. They were never going to stand under the Sun together again.

Death came for him on a painful wave and darkness stole his sight. His brother's screams ringing in his ears. He died.

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"Son. It's time for you to rise." Sweet words, spoken from a ghost. From a voice he knew to be lost to him forever. "Open up, boy, we do not have long together."

Struggling against sleep Loki opened his eyes, eyes that took forever to focus on the figure looming over him. His heart stopped in his chest.

"Mother."

"I thought I was no mother to you?" She smiled, tone and expression softening the harsh words.

Frigga looked just as she always had, red curls artfully coiffed, blue eyes sparkling, and her smile all knowing. A soft blue and gold dress graced her regal figure.

"How?" Loki scrambled to his feet. Looking around wildly. They stood in a space swallowed by massive roots that rose from the ground to knot around them as far as the eye could see. The trunk the roots led to stretched impossibly wide and climbed so high that it appeared for all the worlds that its branch touched the stars above. Wind carried softly through the branch, moving the enormous leaves ever so gently. The rustling leaves the only sound.

Yggdrasil. They were at the heart of the world tree. What in the Hel?

"You died. Heroically. Tragically. But with purpose."

The fog plaguing Loki's mind slowly cleared as he focused on her words. Dead? Had he died? Frowning he shook his head, forcing his mind to focus. His memories returned in flashes, like stop motion, his death played out before him. Clutching his throat against the phantom pain Loki's eyes met that of his mothers.

"I died." He breathed. "I thought not to ever see you again." The second thought rolled into the first. At least some of his prayers were answered. At least now he could take back those hateful words. Stepping forward he hugged her for the first time in a very long time. It should have felt awkward, but it was like coming him. "I am sorry." Simple word that held the weight of his world.

Frigga pulled away from him, clutching his hands in her hands. "You are my son, as much as Thor and I know my boys. I knew you spoke from heartbreak, just as I knew you were lying not just me but to yourself that day. I love you."

Despite his best efforts to the contrary he felt tears come to his eyes. They escaped him, running in two quick drops down his cheeks. He desperately wished her words didn't matter, that they didn't mean anything to him, and that he hadn't died inside every day since her death to hear them again. But those were all lies and as she brushed away the tears from his face Loki gave up the facade.

"I love you too, mother." The words tasted of the truth upon his tongue and though he may never admit it to another soul it eased him to tell her once more.

She patted him gently against his cheek. "I know. I have always known."

"Where are we?"

"We are at the crossroads." She gestured to a path leading through the gnarled roots. "One road. Many paths. You must choose which to take. One leads to Valhalla, one to Hel of the many halls, and still another to the path of rebirth. Either path is admirable. One for warriors, one for lovers, and one for those not yet finished, but there is another path. One offered to the very few."

"Another?" Confusion swamped him. He was dead and would not choose to reincarnate, not then and perhaps not ever. He enjoyed who he was far too much to risk his soul to the whims of a new life. Therefore, he must be allowed entrance to one hall or another. It was Frigga's smile that made him truly suspicious. It was a smile he often wore himself when he was about no good or too much good as the case may be.

"I suppose it is ultimately your choice, but you are not meant for these realms just yet, it is for the greater good that you do not remain."

"Am I to be banished even from here? I doubt my ability to cause much mayhem here." He argued, feelings of betrayal stirring within him. "Have I not been punished enough in life for my crimes?"

"Loki, it is not further punishment that we seek for you but rather penance, a chance to be better, to be the God you were meant to be. Yes, you may choose to stay but you would be tossing away a much more glorious purpose. I have seen it." The words echoed in his heart, echoed in a way that he knew she spoke prophecy. Though he suspected she mocked him with the talk of a "glorious purpose" as those were words he'd issued during his less sane moments. "Without you our people will die, Midgard will crumble, and the nine realms will be the sadder for it."

"But I am already lost to the world. Honestly, they really are better off without me." Loki whispered.

What was she talking about? Firstly, he was in all reality no hero, no savior, even if he wished he could be. Literally no one trusted him, rightfully so, God of Lies after all, and his nature never failed to get the better of him. Leading him and everyone else down a path full of chaos.

"I am here to give you a choice." Frigga's tone had taken on that motherly edge. The one not to be trifled with. "A choice to remain here, hiding, or the choice to return and face your destiny."

"Why should I go back?" Loki crossed his arms and looked at the ground. "They despise me. I do nothing but fail and disappoint. Everywhere I go chaos and destruction follow even when I wish them not." He knew he sounded petulant. He was pouting and knew it. Thor seemed to still care for him, though based on his brother's last words to him, that may have finally been lost as well.

"What would have happened had you not presented the Tesseract to the would-be god?" Frigga inquired sharply.

He opened his mouth to speak when Loki's words did something they very rarely did. They failed him.

What would have happened? It was something he hadn't really considered. Loki reacted as he always did when presented with an opportunity. He took it. Squirrelling away the Tesseract to be used as leverage or a weapon or what have you. Despite appearances his intention hadn't been to use it against his people but for them. Not for himself but for others. Though no one would believe a word of it.

Taking pity upon him his mother gave him the answer. "Thor would have died. Followed by how many others as Thanos continued his pursuit of the stone? There are events that are taking place, events that are saving the universe, which would have been impossible had you not saved your brother."

He met those soulful blue eyes and wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that he made the right choice for once in his existence.

"I am not so certain he will see it that way." Loki looked around him, at the tree whose power fueled the nine realms and held them together. Laying a hand against the tree he felt the seidr thrum through his veins. Power he could wield like no other left alive. All because of his mother.

She spoke now of returning him to life. Of gifting him, once again, with more than he ever deserved.

"How is this possible?"

"Our family still holds power, even here." She laughed softly.

"Why did you not return? If Thor died could you simply return him?"

"It is a gift that cannot be given to one's self nor can it be used on one unless they have penance to make. Your brother always did play better by the rules. It is an interesting loophole."

"Odin's golden son who could do no wrong." Loki grumped.

"Thor's made his own mistakes." Frigga reached out and lay her hand on Loki's leather clad arm. "Your mistakes were just different."

"I killed eighty people in two days in addition to my other crimes." He wouldn't meet her eyes. There was more to the story but much like everything else no one would believe him, not to mention, it was his fault no matter the outside influences.

"Much to atone for. Luckily enough."

"But no one needs me. No one wants me. I knew that well enough the day I threw myself from the Bifrost." A rarely acknowledge fact. He'd tried to kill himself that day. Only to fall and fall before being captured by that tyrant. Loki cut his thoughts off. Not wishing to relive his torment aboard that ship.

"Your people need you whether or not they want you. Your brother needs you. Other's need you. I have seen it." Those words again. Prophecy.

Reaching out she grabbed his chin as she had not done since his youth. He allowed her to tilt his chin up until he met her eyes. "There are things I cannot tell you but trust me when I say you will find happiness if you just try."

Him? Happy? Not bloody likely. Yet Loki could not abide by the thought of being a coward. She'd said he could "hide" here if he wanted. Hiding implied fear. Fear of living with the consequences of his actions? With himself and what he truly was? Of the unknown. Mostly all of it.

The wind blew his hair. It danced across his mother's hand where she held him. Black as a raven's wing. So different from hers or Odin's. Even Thor's.

"I am not of your blood." He shifted his eyes away. "How I wish I was."

Pain tore at his heart. He wanted nothing more than to be Frigga's true son. A true Prince of Asgard. Odinsson not Laufeyson.

"There is something I can tell you. If you will listen."

Loki nodded his assent. Frigga dropped his chin before tucking his hair back behind is ears.

"This form, the one you think is a lie, is a true form for you. Begotten to you as a gift by your father it was formed of flesh and blood. Our flesh and blood. When you wear this skin it is the skin of us. Your eyes are the same shade as my mother's long gone and your hair your fathers before he went grey and your skin is as pale as mine own. You are strong as Odin, and better with magic than I. Where do you think those abilities came from? Laufey? Some distance Frost Giant female? You have two sides, like a coin, both are real. Just different. This makes you stronger. One day you must learn to love all of yourself. Aseir and Juton but do not think that either is an illusion or a lie. If it were, would you look as such now? Before the world tree? I think not."

His heart hurt, strained, at her words. Looking down at his hands he frowned.

"I thought this was just magic, hiding my true form. A spell so powerful it could only be broached by the cask. I have never tried to shift forms. Not intentionally. I have not wanted to see my skin blue or watch the world freeze at my touch. If what you say is true, then this form is just as real as my other? Can no magic rip it from me?"

Frigga shook her head. "Not even our deaths, obviously, and not your will or any other magic's. You can learn to shift forms at will if you try."

There was that word again. Try. It was as though she thought he'd given up on life.

"Have you not?" Frigga cocked her had to the side. Eyes boring into his. "The man I raised would not have held such hesitation. You lived boldly. Without regret."

"Oh, I regret a great many things." Loki uncrossed his arms, looking to the sky.

The bright blue sky was nearly imperceptible from between the branch of Yggdrasil but still is shone star like among the leaves. He found his hand drifting to his neck. He could still feel the tyrant titans grip on his throat. Crushing the hope and life from him. The look on Thor's face. He remembered that too. Was there still hope for him and his brother? To truly be brothers again? Did his people really need him? Frigga rarely spoke untruths to him, well, aside from his true parentage.

"Go fix it then. It is time you live for yourself, as yourself and not as what others think you to be."

"And what if I am bad?" He smiled his wicked smile.

Frigga only laughed. "It is in your nature. It is part of your power, your appeal, but you can choose what to destroy. What to take that nature out on. Will you do great and wonderful things, or will you do great and terrible things? It is up to you." Frigga glanced down the path. "It is time for you to choose." She gestured to the path.

Dark roots arched over the trail, leading deeper into the heart of the World Tree. Loki's eyes shifted between that path and his mother.

"Will I see you again?"

"Unequivocally. No matter the course you choose. The only difference is on when." The sureness in her voice soothed him.

Stepping forward Loki once again in braced the woman who'd raised him. "Until next time then, mother." He stepped back out of her arms. She let him with a knowing look.

"Until then my son." With a gentle pat to his cheek she was gone in a sparkle of gold and wind.

Loki turned to the path and began his journey.

For some reason he'd assumed the walk would be long, perilous, but the dark and winding path lasted for only minutes. It led him down into the root system until nearly all the was gone and he found himself standing before a dark opening in the vast expanse of Yggdrasil's trunk.

He stared off into the darkness.

Sighing Loki knew he had to step through into whatever vastness awaited him on the other side. He had to choose. Life? Or what came after? Fear had no place here. He knew and yet still he shook slightly. His body remembered falling through the cold darkness of space. Falling and falling until. No he couldn't go that route. It was time, time to make the right choice, for once in his life. Not the selfish one.

Closing his eyes Loki stepped through into the darkness.

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He fell. Spinning, tumbling, into the dark. A silent scream tore free from his mouth. The vast nothingness surrounded him, disorientating him. There was no light, no sound, or air. The vacuum pulled at him. Tears gathered as his heart hammered in his chest.

No. Not this again. Please anything but this. Had he chosen wrong? Was this all some trick? A nightmare perhaps? Or his own personal hell?

Falling.

He knew not how long he fell but despair tore at him. Made him wish for it to end no matter where he finally landed. Prayers to his mother slipped from between his lips. Shaming him in his weakness. His fright. Yet still his body plummeted. Turned and spun. He knew this was the price he paid. Nothing came easy to him. Nothing for free.

There would be an end. He could feel it suddenly. As though something rushed to meet him as violently has, he fell toward it. Just before he met the oncome force, before two immovable bodies collided Loki screamed. The screamed reached his ear.

Loki's eyes flew wide as his body thundered into the ground and Earth's Sun blazed before him.

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The impact knocked the wind from his body and left him in a sandy crater. Loki simply lay there for a moment. Willing his lungs to breath. Nothing felt broken. Honestly, the Hulks smash had been worse.

Dragging himself to a sitting position Loki looked down at his hands. His body. He wore the clothes he'd died in; he was still trying to decide if a change in wardrobe was in order when he heard a voice he thought not to ever here again.

"What the Hel was that?" Thor's voice thundered.

"I don't know man but it nearly landed on my ship." Another male voice spoke up.

Other voices he didn't recognize argued briefly over what they'd seen. The argument interspersed by the odd phrase, "I am Groot".

Rubbing his head with his hand Loki considered the merits of just killing himself again and being done with it. This was not going to end well, and he could feel his brain cells dying by the minute as he listened to the merry band of idiots argue. Who the Hel were they and why was Thor with them? Body aching Loki pulled himself out of the sand, revealing himself as he stood up in the waist deep hole, and began dusting himself off. Jaw clinched he intentionally kept his eyes averted from the crowd before him.

Thor was going to kill him or at least maim him, would believe this to be another trick, and some part of Loki did not want to see that look in his brother's eyes when he saw him alive…again. It would not be a kind look. His hand shook only slightly as he fussed with his clothes.

"Brother?" Thor was confused. Not unusual. "Loki?" Now angry. Once more, not unusual. "What is this?" Now a roar. Loki didn't look up. Instead he counted in his head as he examined his bracers. Better to just let Thor get this one out of his system early.

Three…two…one.

Thor hit him like a mountain, predictable, and plowed him deep into the sand from which he'd just came. The last thing Loki saw was Thor's meaty fist coming for his head.

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