Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All things Harry Potter belong to JKR
Authors Notes: I have previously posted this story, years ago. But reading it back I have decided to make some changes and continue the story I started with. This is just the first part. Rating, because of future chapters
In the astronomy tower Harry looked out on to the frozen lake that houses many creatures he dare not think about, for fear it will ruin the beauty of his peaceful place. A place where no one dares interrupt him because everyone who meant anything to Harry knew this was his place, the only place he took comfort, away from her at least. Although his feelings for her may never be developed or voiced, whilst he is looking out on to the horizon of what seems like endless mountains, he can picture what life would be like with her and finds solace in this thought.
This is why when he turns to find Sirius, his only remaining family, stood behind him causes him instant concern. He was so deep in thought that Sirius's presence, so close to him, made him startle. As Sirius joins Harry by his side and leans against the precarious railings, it's clear to Harry that Sirius has something on his mind.
Panic rising in Harry's chest "What's wrong? What's happened"
"Nothing. Don't panic, I just … well … Harry, can I ask why recently you have been spending more and more time up here, alone?" Sirius asked, careful trying not to come across too protective, although that is exactly the instinct that brought him here.
"It doesn't matter " Harry replied bluntly, but relieved this was the reason for his visit
"It does matter Harry, this is a time to be happy"
"I am happy, well, I mean I am …" Harry paused, looking for the words
"Harry, I am your godfather and I love you, no matter what you have done" Sirius says jokingly, pushing Harry on the shoulder, which to his relief causes Harry to chuckle.
"I don't know. Life. It's so complicated and I guess I spent so much time worrying about Voldemort that I forgot to live " The seriousness in his tone was now present again.
"Harry" Sirius surveyed his Godson "You were given a rough deal. No one can deny that. You have seen things, battled things that no one ever deserves to see. Are you struggling with those thoughts? Is it something I need to be concerned about?" The stress lines always present on his godfathers face seemed to deepen as these words left his mouth.
Harry didn't know how to answer this. It is true that recovering from his battle with Voldemort has not been a straight forward path. But he has made peace with this, and although he will never forget the horrific events that tortured his mind, he has learnt to except them.
"No, nothing to be concerned about"
Harry thought and seeing the concern in Sirius's face, he knew he need to elaborate "I have put those feelings to bed. I just never got to be a teenager. I feel like an adult, trapped in a 17 year old body"
"I understand Harry. But, do you really expect me to believe this is the reason for coming up here, in the cold for hours at a time" Sirius, ever concerned to overstep the mark studied Harrys expression, standing motionlessly waiting for an answer
Defeated Harry sighed " Its… well its … Hermione"
Sirius let out a small laugh, mostly in relief.
"It's not funny! I don't know how to cope with these feelings!"
Sirius still smiling said "Harry you worried me! My laugh was merely relief! Can I guess your concern?" No reply from Harry gave him the confirmation to carry on "She is your best friend, and you are trying to work out whether you should be honest with your true feelings towards her or not"
This comment caused Harry's head to shoot up, and Sirius knows he guessed correctly. Harry released another defeated sigh and decides that maybe Sirius knowing would be the end of the world
" I think" Harry took a huge breath "I love her Sirius, but I can't tell her, it's killing me" Sirius nods in the hope of urging Harry to continue, who was still looking out into the horizon. "Every time I think about her, I feel sick. Since The Yule Ball I started to look at her differently, but for some reason in the last few months it has become more real. This is the only place I can get away from her, in order to relief the crushing feeling I get whenever I see her" Harry let out a massive gasp of air; like he had been storing it away for the moment he is able to vent his feelings.
Sirius acted with little shock, as he knew this conversation would eventually happen between him and his godson.
"Well Harry, I can't say I am surprised"
"Why? Did you not hear what I said? I love my best friend" Harry said, on the verge of losing his temper.
"I heard you. But, Harry, sometimes it's easy to see when two people are meant to be together. Although they may not see it, to those who love them, it is as clear as day. Now I can't tell you what to do but you said you never had time to just be a teenager. Embrace these feelings, stop worrying if they aren't reciprocated" Sirius winked at Harry and made to walk off
"Wait, where are you going?" Harry didn't want Sirius to abandon him when he had just poured his heart to him
"I have to teach a class Harry. We aren't all lucky enough to be young and in love with study periods off! When you tell her, come and tell me" With that Sirius winked again at Harry and walked off, leaving Harry startled at his sudden disappearance and continued with his thoughts.
He looked out onto the horizon and for the first time in months he felt as though things became a whole lot clearer to him, maybe he just had to say it out loud, or just have it confirmed that he wasn't been stupid. He can't go on living like this, he had battled demons in his head before, although this actually might be more terrifying. With this he left the astronomy tower, determined, knowing exactly what he had to do. Although the thought of losing his best friend scared him, it scared him even more to grow old without her and not knowing what might have been.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The whole school was buzzing. A ball was being held in aid of Professor Dumbledore's 30th anniversary of being headmaster at Hogwarts and will take place tomorrow evening. The much-loved headmaster wanted to celebrate this occasion with the staff as well as the students of the school he committed his whole life to. It was all anyone had thought about for weeks, even Hermione.
She sat quietly in the corner of the library lost in thoughts. However, unlike Hermione these thoughts were not related to her school work, which usually consumes all of them. Harry Potter has been at the front of her mind for years, usually encompassed with terror, out of concern for her best friend. However, this was different, these feelings were so strong it controlled all of her. Feelings of love. Looking down at the tattered book in her hand, as she read the same sentence for the 20th time she became aware of someone standing behind her.
She turned around to see him stood there. Standing tall above her, in an old pair of jeans and a simply grey hoodie, but she thought he couldn't look more perfect. His messy hair, draped over his forehead, dripping wet from the pelting snow, and his emerald green eye's piercing her chocolate brown ones. Hermione blushed as she thought about how easily he looks sexy and then realised he was looking at her and so shyly looked to the floor;
"You're wet" She said in a small voice.
"Nothing gets past you Hermione" He said cheekily and smiled in the way that makes her heart melt like warm butter. "Can I join you?" Hermione just nodded and tried to concentrate on learning about dung beetles and the few uses they possess. Then she looks up to find Harry staring at her.
Harry took a depth breath "Hermione, do you have a date to the prom?" Hermione is torn between lying to try and make him realise how she can be desirable, or to hold on to the slight hope he may ask her. She goes for the latter.
"No, do you?" Her heart thuds even harder as she waits for the answer.
"No" There was a long pause, which was a relief to Hermione as she was able to catch her breath and try to slow down her heart rate, although this is a futile attempt with Harry sat right next to her, as usual she was unsuccessful.
"Umm … I was just thinking Hermione, with Ron going with Luna and all, and since neither of us have dates, we could go together. Just so we have someone to sit with and walk in with and stuff, I mean it's not like a date or anything, unless you … no, I mean, it will look good as the head boy and girl. What do you think?" Harry blurted out. Hermione had to use all of her willpower not to scream
"Yes that would be a smart idea." Hermione couldn't be sure but she could have sworn that she heard Harry breathe a sigh of relief. That was the end of their conversation on the dance and they walked back to the common room. Since September when they were made head boy and girl they have shared a private common room with two separate bedrooms attached to it. It had been the best two months of Hermione's life at Hogwarts. It was set apart from all the houses and gave them total privacy. A perk of the honour of becoming head boys and girls. And a hell of a perk it had been to them both.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Harry couldn't contain his excitement and after dinner he made his way down to Sirius's office which had his bedroom adjoining it. After Sirius's name was cleared, Dumbledore offered him a job and a room. Harry was naturally thrilled, and now he gets to see his godfather whenever he wants, and he wants to see him now. Harry flew down the stairs nearly propelling himself off the end, as a staircase moved unexpectedly. Within minutes he was stood outside Sirius's door, he gently knocked on it and heard a 'Come in' from inside.
"Ah Harry, how do you feel now? Any clearer" Sirius asked hopefully.
"Iaskedhertothedanceandshesaidyes!" Harry said, too fast for Sirius to understand. Harry couldn't help it though; his excitement had taken over his speech. He just stood there grinning waiting for Sirius to become enthusiastic. Sirius blinked hard twice, looking up from his dark wooden desk that he was perched on the end of.
"Excuse me? Slower…" Sirius was trying to hide his laughter.
"I asked her to the dance and she said yes!" Harry replied, still with a massive grin.
"THAT'S AMAZING!" Sirius said, not disappointing Harry with his amount of enthusiasm as he gave Harry a loving slap on the shoulder, "So you told her how you feel then?" Sirius assumed
"Well, not exactly" Sirius looked at him confused, "Well, I said that we should go as heads of year, since Ron is going with Luna. But that means I can tell her then,"
"Right, well I guess it's a start. Well done, that still took some balls but have you considered that it may be difficult to talk to her alone tomorrow. All the staff and all the students will be there." He didn't want to put a damper on Harry's excitement but also didn't want him to blow his chance. You could see Harry thinking about this and then like a light bulb flickering on, his face became full of hope once again.
"I will suggest a walk. We always go for walks so she won't suspect anything other than boredom" But then another thought occurred to Harry and his face fell.
"What's wrong? That sounds like a good idea," Sirius asked him concerned.
"I don't have anything to wear. I wasn't planning on going to the ball originally, but Dumbledore made it clear I had no option. It must have just slipped my mind to get a suit." Harry's head fell, staring at the ground. Sirius however had something that he believed may just work.
"Wait there," With this Sirius leaves Harry in his office while he goes through to his bedroom. He appears a few minutes later holding a suit jacket.
"This was the suit that your father wore on his wedding day. When he died I decided to keep it until you needed it, saving it for something special. I think it's time you had it anyway, plus if I'm not mistaken, it's the same jacket James wore to our last ball at Hogwarts as well, when he finally told your mother how he felt." Harry looked at it, trying to hold back his tears. He didn't have much that was his parents, only a few pictures of them. One always stood out to Harry, them simply dancing in front of a fountain before they had him. This was something he could treasure and he couldn't be more thrilled, as a single tear feel from his eye. Sirius was taken aback; he had never seen Harry cry about his parents.
"Sorry, I… usually don't umm… I just don't have anything of them like this, only a few pictures. It's the first time I have something I can say was my fathers." The smile spreading across Harry's face as he studied the jacket. Sirius was relieved that he made the right decision to give it to him now.
"Don't be sorry. Well, try it on" Sirius said, worrying now that it won't fit him. But of course, it does, perfectly. Harry looked at himself in the mirror and turned to Sirius,
"Thank you. Now I have a jacket!" Harry said, trying to stay focused on the task in hand. "I have trousers; I have one good pair that Molly Weasley brought me in case of important visitors, what with me being head boy. And I also have a good shirt. But I don't have a tie…"
"Wait, I have one!" Again Sirius disappeared into his bedroom and re-emerged with a midnight blue thin tie. "This Ok?" Harry took the tie,
"Yes, that's perfect. Thank you Sirius." Harry smiled at Sirius and went over to give him a hug. "Will you be coming?"
"Of course. Couldn't miss seeing my godson with his new lady" Sirius replied teasingly, and was punished by a punch in the arm from Harry. "You better go Harry, you need your beauty sleep and it's nearly lights out anyway"
"Thanks again Sirius" Harry turned at started to walk away towards his and Hermione's common room. Sirius watched him unable to believe how much he reminded him of his best friend, James.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX