AN: Thank you for reading.

Chapter 5

A vacant parking lot after school seemed like a place of sadness to me. The cars have gone and the voices that were carried on the wind have vanished. The joyful sounds of life has disappeared. It's a ghost town and there's a chill in the air that is going through my jacket. A place doesn't truly come alive unless people are in it to give the surroundings life.

It's the dreaded emptiness that makes me nervous. Like that old black and white zombie movie that was on late at night when I should have been in bed. There's nothing around you and then a rotting hand grabs your shoulder. At least I wasn't on a farm. That would be scarer than outside of the high school. That horrible movie is still giving me nightmares.

I have no clue if anything my brain is coming up with makes any sense at all. Zombies? There's nobody here and I'm sitting on cold concrete by myself. It makes you think. At least my thoughts aren't obsessing about the kiss again. Never mind, because there I go again. If I close my eyes I can see that perfect mouth of his coming closer and closer. His lips pressed onto mine.

That jerk hasn't spoken to me since it happened. I think he gave me some odd salute, but it was probably to James who has a locker nearby.

I swear if my father has forgotten that I had French Club this afternoon, I will never speak to him again. I'm serious. Never again will words will leave my mouth, even if he threatens to lock me in my room forever. At least I'll have my walkman.

Mademoiselle Gomez would have given me a ride home. Of course, she's probably at her house and comfortable watching TV or grading papers. I bet she has Days of Our Lives recorded on her VCR and can watch it whenever she wants. She's so lucky. My mother won't let me watch it. The woman is a dictator.

It's getting dark and the school's locked. I can't even use the pay phone, because its inside.

I clicked my new boots together and observed the thick, black leather coming together. They weren't actually new, but a present from Alice. She had found a pair at a thrift shop on Harris Avenue. It was this cool, little place that played jazz and you could buy housewives dresses from the fifties. I never knew they had Doc Martens hidden with the kitten heels and costume jewelry, but they did. Now Mom complains about my new ugly shoes every time I walk past her.

That's whenever she's home, which is almost never.

Mothers are supposed to be available, you know, whenever you need them. What if I needed to talk to her about women things like tampons or ask why my breasts aren't the size of Jess's? Why my heart feels like it's bursting every time I see Edward? I can't talk to Dad about these things. He helps with my homework, not navigate me toward becoming a woman. That would be way too embarrassing. Dad would act all weird and use books or something.

"Isabella, what are you doing here?" Alice asked.

It would be a lie not to admit she made me jump in fear. I swear to myself to never watch late night horror movies ever again.

She plopped down next to me and Jacob sat next to her. It felt good to be back in our trio again.

"French club was today. I'm waiting for my dad to pick me up." I glanced at my watch. "He's really late. What are you guys doing here?"

"Mocking the performance of the football team during their practice. Very quietly, of course. Those boys are very sensitive," Jacob explained. He watched Alice take a drink out of a Transformers thermos. "Take it easy, Al."

"I'm good." She said this with a slight slur. It was so slight, I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't fixated on her too bright cheeks and the way her eyes were watery like they were filled with dew. It reminded me of when my mom drank to much merlot with her books club. They would all laugh a little too loud and their reactions too slow.

The idea of alcohol terrified me. A little, I think. It's hard enough to be a teenager with the way my mind is all jumbled. I don't think a beer would make anything clearer.

Maybe Alice was coming down with a bad cold. One could only hope.

Jacob didn't seem to be thinking the same excuses as I was for Alice. His face was contemplative for a moment as he gazed at her, but it relaxed and he began to smile. "I know what we're doing Saturday night."

"Going to Emmett's?" Alice asked. "He thinks Isabella is purty girlie. That's a direct quote."

"I'll pass on that one." I wasn't quite sure if I would ever be ready to go there again. I suggested, "I'm sure there's something to watch at the movies."

Jacob looked at us with dismay. "The dance! We have to go!"

"We don't have dates," I stated the obvious. There was no way I would go there and hang out by the wall.

"Dates aren't needed! We have each other!" Jacob clapped his hands. "You can invite Edward. It would be so romantic. Kissing under the tacky tinfoil stars."

Alice put down her thermos. "That isn't a good idea. Cullen doesn't do activities in school."

"You'll think he'll say no?" I was pretty sure he wouldn't be caught dead at the dance, but there was always this glimmer of hope in my chest.

"I'm not saying that! I just don't want you to get your feelings hurt." She wrapped her arm around me and placed her head on my shoulder. "I want only happy Isabella."

"It would be romantic, Alice! I think he has a poet hidden inside that broody male model face. How about, no matter what, we go together," Jacob said. He wasn't going to take no for an answer. Suddenly, he shivered. "Fall's coming up fast. Get your stuff and Pete will drive you home."

He pulled me up and then Alice. I looked around the still empty parking lot. "What about my dad?"

"He forgot, honey," Jacob stated sadly. "Come with us and let's talk about your hair for Saturday. I'm thinking about braids."

XXXXXX

I don't know why I didn't just barge in. Stomping and yelling about being forgotten, even though I had a great time riding around with my friends. I would never admit that though. My anger was too important of a tool at the moment to get some extra guilt allowance.

The fight made me pause. Their voices were hoarse making me think that they had been going at it for hours. It didn't sound like my parents. Sometimes they would snap at each other, but what they were doing to each other made them sound like strangers.

That's why my hiding behind the door listening to my parents screaming at each other was probably a horrible idea. I could have just walked in and stopped it, but I was frozen.

"How about you just head back to work, Renee?" I heard a pot being tossed into the sink. The noise of it hitting the sink echoed through the house. "You'd rather be there anyway."

"What would you know? I'd rather be with my family, but one of us needs to support the family. Would you rather have the children starve, so we can all play Twister together in the freezing cold? Maybe that's the perfect game. We'll need the body heat, because we won't be able to afford to heat our home," Mom snapped.

There was more banging of pans. "I'm sure old Phil will support you. Get you all heated up."

"Jesus, Charlie, stop it. Phil's my boss!"

"You never slept with him?" Oh my God.

My mom let out an offended gasp. "Of course not!"

I rested on my head on the wood paneling of the door. It was cool on my heated face. I shouldn't be hearing this. I didn't want to know any of these things.

"Why is your face looking like that, Renee? What are you hiding?"

My mom's face was like an open book. My father could always read her better than anybody.

"Fine! He kissed me! It was a simple kiss and nothing more. I told him to stop and that my family was too important," she admitted. "Wouldn't it be better if you stayed in the dark?"

Yes.

"No. A kiss is still huge, Renee. The fact that you are so blasé about it makes me completely question who I married. You need to quit." His voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper. This was the angry version of Dad. The quieter he got, the more furious he was.

"It won't happen again! I laid out the boundaries! We need for me to work!" My mother was pleading. I could picture her ringing her hands.

"Quit." My dad was not going to bend.

My mother was silent. I could hear the steady ticking of the cuckoo clock. Could they hear my heart? It sounded like a thunderstorm.

Finally, she said quietly, "Get a job and I'll think about it."

Neither of my parents were taking any prisoners.

"I'm not going to let you whore around with my girls in the same house," Dad spat.

Mom let out a sharp laugh. "You're one to talk. How about that cooking instructor?"

"She's in her eighties. I think I can control myself."

The door opened and I heard footsteps down the hall. Bree was yelling the whole time, "You forgot me! There was no one there!"

I stepped out from behind the doorway and pressed my finger to my lips. I said loudly, "I know! It was seriously not cool!"

My parents' faces as we walked in looked embarrassed, but they tried to cover it up.

"Monkey, Mom and I got our wires crossed on who was going to pick you girls up today," Dad lied. "We are so very sorry. It won't happen again."

The only thing they were concerned about was tearing each other apart. If Bree and I are were still stranded at school, I doubt they would have noticed.

Bree was threw her backpack on the ground. "Jane's mom dropped me off! Do you know how embarrassing that is? She offered to buy us food at the grocery store! She thinks we're poor!"

My mind was still trying to make sense of my parents fighting. What if they got a divorce? Would we have to move and change schools? Who would I live with?

I was making this all about me. I knew it was bigger than a teenage girl petty needs to stay in the same school/. There was a little sister who was going to be devastated. My parents wouldn't be in love anymore. I remember the story of their first date at a roller skating rink. Mom kept falling, but Dad was right there to keep her upright and try to steal kisses. If their love couldn't make it, what hope was there for the rest of us?

"Are you sick? Your face looks like you're going to throw up." Bree's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"I'm fine," I said, not bothering to insult her. I just looked down at my toes. "I have a lot of homework. I'm just going to go upstairs."

"Bella?" My dad asked quietly. "Do you want some—"

I looked up and Dad's frown grew. He knew that I had heard everything. I guess I got easy to read from my mom.

"Really, I have a big project for english class to work on." I held the strap of my book bag tightly. I could feel the fabric cut into my palm.

"But, Bell—"

I just turned and walked up the stairs.

A few hours later, I was buried in my covers pretending it was a secret hideout and I could cry without interruption. There was a quiet knock on the door, but I closed my eyelids tight and willed them to go away. I heard the door open, but I just kept pretending to be asleep until they walked out a few minutes later.

I didn't know if it was Mom or Dad, but I wasn't ready to talk about what I heard and I doubted that I ever would be.

XXXXXX

"I have a question," Edward said as he sat next to me.

I could smell him approach before I even saw him. Edward's jacket had a woodsy smell that was coated with the odor of his cigarettes. Maybe his scent was reminiscent of a forest fire.

"Oh." I continued to look at my copy of Romeo & Juliet. It was fitting, because love was tragic.

It was decided by me this very morning that nothing except getting good grades was worth the effort. I hadn't slept at all last night after listening to my parents' issues. If their relationship was imploding then all relationships would have the same fate. Edward and his kisses fell in the same category of doom. He is now only talking to me, because he wanted something. That means he wasn't worth any effort of all.

"Well, you know, this . . . Umm . . . Shakespeare," He slowly explained. Sort of.

I flipped a page. "Yeah. I know of this Shakespeare guy. We're studying him in this class."

"Right." He moved in even closer to me. His arms crossed on the desk. "I don't get it."

"Get what?" That when you ignore a girl she might want to punch you in the face.

He whispered in my ear. "They way they talk. It sounds funny. Nothing makes sense."

"It was written in the past. I bet they would think the way you talk is hysterical," I snarked, pulling away slightly. "Your question?"

"Can you help me write my paper?"

Of course that was what he wanted. Get the smart girl all smitten and then have her write a paper for you. Silly me was hoping he was going to invite me to the dance. Silly me is really pathetic.

I wish I could rip him apart with my words. Instead, with head held up high, I said, "I'm pretty busy."

"It's just that—" He began as he shifted. Edward's pinky rubbed against my thumb.

"Hey, Edward!" Jacob bounced over to us.

Edward looked at him in annoyance. "We were, like, talking here."

"I noticed. You going to the dance?" Jake completely ignored Edward's tone. "We're going."

"Nah. Those things are lame." Edward began twisting his ring.

"I can't wait to go with you Jake!" I said brightly, as Edward looked at me in surprise. "It's going to be fun."

All of a sudden, Edward squeezed my hand. "I might see you there. I got to go."

He hopped out of the chair and out the door.

"

You still have class! It hasn't started yet!" I called to him. I shrugged at Jake. "What was that?"

"Edward Cullen, Man of Mystery and Confusion," my friend announced with a smirk.

Jacob was right on the money.

My little, traitorous heart heated quickly in excitement. My sensible brain was filled with dread. That boy was going to be my undoing and I was completely willing to be lead to my destruction.