AN: Teenage boys are the worst. They fall in these categories: The one who wants you, but you don't want him. The one you should be with. The one who might be right, but just not now.

Be kind. I still adore you all and thank you for reading.

Chapter 8

I think I might be having a heart attack.

Is that possible? I'm only sixteen, but my chest hurts. The whole area is so tight and I keep clutching at the neckline of my dress. I wonder if Pete will take me home so I can change. It isn't right. Nothing is right. I shouldn't be here.

Edward was onstage with some of his friends. I recognized James and Alec. I guess the drummer was the mysterious Garrett who was like an adult.

Edward's voice was rough and I thought he sounded like perfection.

"Have some water and calm down." Jacob handed me a bottle of water and started rubbing my back. "You need to take deep, cleansing breaths."

"I need to go home." We were standing in the middle of the dance floor of the bar. Aro's was filled to the brim with flannel shirts and boys with long hair. I felt like I had been transported to Seattle. This would be awesome if I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.

Jasper was looking around in disgust. "I can't believe you dragged me here! I stepped in gum! These are my new sneakers!"

"I didn't invite you anywhere," I pointed out and glared at Alice. It was her fault he was joining us. I wish he would just shut up so I could listen to the band.

She threw an arm around Jasper's shoulder. "You need to relax! Gum won't hurt your sneakers."

"My dad is going to kill me," he whined in response.

Aro's wasn't the type of place for Jasper. The floor was sticky due to some questionable substances. The lighting was dim and made him complain about it straining his eyes. The cigarette smoke Jasper claimed was causing his asthma flare up. This was a dingy, dive bar. What did he expect?

"Why did Alice invite him again?" I asked Jacob.

He grabbed my water and took a sip, then explained, "She thinks he has potential. There is a hottie hidden by his dorky clothes."

"I don't see it."

Jacob cocked his head to the side to appraise Jasper. "I think she might be on to something."

"You are both crazy." Though in truth, they might be a little correct. He could be cute with a personality transplant.

Edward looked at me. I think, because his eyes widened. He turned his gaze away from me. Instead it was directed where Tanya and her friends were standing. This was a horrible idea to come here.

Jessica came pushing through the crowd carrying two plastic cups. "That big guy over there says that he's going to have a party after the band plays! He wanted us to have these."

She handed me the cup that smelled like rubbing alcohol. I looked over to see Emmett waving and winking at me. I pulled the cup out of Jess's hand and stuck it on an empty table. "Don't drink that. It has alcohol in it. We will not be going to his party."

"Oh." Jess's face turned sad. She then looked at the stage. "Edward is actually pretty cute. Good job, Bella."

"He's nasty and his band is terrible." Jasper made a horrible face.

Jessica nodded. "They're a bunch of screamers. They sound like the stuff that Bella listens to. Who is again? Sound Jam?"

"Sound Garden and Pearl Jam," Jacob helpfully corrected her.

I now wished that all of them would be quiet.

"Thanks for listening. This is Fantastic Chicken Embryos. Good night!" James said into the microphone.

It was already over? They only sang three songs! They needed to perform a couple hours more. Then it would be close to curfew and I could completely have to miss out talking to him. Can't do something stupid like getting grounded.

"You're up, Isabella." Alice turned me toward the pool table that Edward and James leaned against with some beers that a big breasted waitress brought them.

"What if it's weird?" I swallowed thickly when he took a sip of his beer. The way he wrapped his lips around the bottle made me feel weak.

"Then you'll know he isn't worth it," Jacob answered instead.

I gave them all a little smile and headed over. Edward looked at me, put his beer down and started rolling the black ball on the table with his fingers.

James looked at me and said, "Hey girl!"

"Hi," I greeted James.

Edward turned his back to me and was starting to put the balls in that triangle thing.

"Hey!" I squeaked at him. My voice went up really high. Dogs probably could hear me from miles away.

He grunted something, but wouldn't look at me.

"You like the show?" James asked nicely. He was a pretty good guy.

"You guys were great!" I sounded like an eager groupie.

James gave me a smile. Edward just gripped the edge of the table.

"Hey, man, you want to go first?" James asked Edward.

There was silence. Edward gave a long sigh. He glanced up and the dusty light sconces. Finally, he decided to grace me with a look. He was completely annoyed that I was there.

I tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill over. Edward already thought I was a complete loser. It would just make me feel worse to give him one other thing to add to the list of all my faults.

Edward grimaced and hit the pool table. "I need to talk to Tanya."

He walked away to find Tanya.

"I'm, you know, sorry about Ed. He's being a tool."

"It's okay," I said weakly.

Edward kissed Tanya on the cheek. His hand was on her waist.

Nothing was okay.

My heart shattered into jagged pieces.

"Isabella?" Alice wrapped her arms around me. "What the fuck just happened, Jamie?"

Hot tears dropped from my eyes. God, I'm so dumb.

"You know how Ed is, Ali. He can't handle shit." James rubbed the back of his neck and said to me, "Girl, I'm sorry."

Alice let me go and grabbed a pool stick. "He's a dead man."

"Don't," I whispered. I pulled the stick from her hand. "Jake was right. He isn't worth it."

The water streaming down my face was hot. It was burning lines to show everyone here how stupid I am.

"Jake!" Alice yelled over to him. He came over, followed by Jessica and Jasper. "Take Bella to Petey's car. I'm going to grab him and we're out of here."

I saw Edward glance over. Immediately I buried my head into Jessica who had her arms open to embrace me. It was embarrassing to have him see me fall apart.

Why did this hurt so much? How could a broken heart lead to my whole body hurting? Edward is the cruelest person I ever met.

"Let's get you home," Jacob said gently.

He came to support me on the other side of Jessica. They were shielding me to protect me from Edward's eyes. My true friends knew that he didn't want to be with me. I was just something he used and discarded. The dirty tissue that he blew his nose in and littered on the ground. A gross description, but he left me feeling pretty disgusting. It was an accurate description.

"I told you that he was a jerk, Bella. Thinking you could be in a relationship with him was stupid," Jasper said.

I wanted to punch him.

"Shut up. Just shut up." I bet I looked like a mess. I was a mess.

Jasper threw his hands in the air. "I wasn't trying to be mean! You are just too smart to fall for anything he says."

"Please shut up!" My voice rose and eclipsed all the other noises in the room.

It wasn't planned but I looked over to Edward one final time. My imagination was telling me that he seemed sad. I knew better. He never cared at all.

XXXXXX

My plan was to sneak in so my parents wouldn't see my puffy face and bloodshot eyes. Like all my plans tonight, it was doomed to fail.

"Did you have fun, kiddo?" my dad asked. He was sitting in a chair with his feet propped up so he could watch Seinfeld. He must have taped it on the VCR. He could watch those things repeatedly. It was bordering on obsession.

"Yeah," I sniffed. Edward once again made me a liar.

"Bella, you okay?" My mom put down the paper she was reading and removed her glasses.

Mom had stopped working late and brought home her unfinished work instead. It sucked that she still had to work with Phil, but we really did need her paycheck. I think this was her way to try and show us that she meant that we were more important. I don't know how much it was working though. The house was too silent and laughter too rare these days.

"I said I was." I sniffed. It was a dead giveaway. "I'm going to go to bed."

I had barely made it upstairs and collapsed onto my bed, when there was a knock on the door. Mom appeared with a carton of ice cream and two spoons. "You look like you need some chocolate swirl."

That was all she needed to say. The waterworks started again. Even though I had been furious with her, I just really needed my mom right now and she knew it.

"Why doesn't he like me?"

"Oh Bella!" My mom put the ice cream on my nightstand and sat down on the bed. It felt like I was being snuggled into a warm, comforting blanket when she pulled me into her arms. That was what love feels like. "I know it feels like that right now, but—"

"I'm so ugly. That's why." I put my head on her chest and tried counting the beats of Mom's heart to calm myself down.

Mom started running her fingers through my hair. "You're beautiful. Don't ever forget that."

"You only say that because you're my mom."

"Baby, Jasper thinks you're so lovely. You can tell by the way he looks at you," she cooed.

Jasper? That is so untrue. He's always acting like I can never do anything right. Also, Jasper is gross.

"No, Mom! Edward Cullen!" I cried. "Jasper is awful!"

Mom wrinkled her nose in thought. "Cullen? Dr. Cullen's son? How do you know Carlisle's son?"

"School." I don't know what possessed me to say it, but I added, "He's such a good kisser!"

My crying that had slowed down picked up again at the thought of his lips on mine.

"Kiss? I . . . Ahh . . . Honey, when have you been kissing Dr. Cullen's son?"

"School," I repeated. "He doesn't like me, Mommy."

I was the most pathetic creature ever.

"Oh baby—" She pulled me close. "I know this feels like the end of the world, but this is how we learn."

"Learn to be stupid?" I whimpered.

"Learn to be strong and not let people hurt you. That boy doesn't respect you? Then you don't let him in. You show him your power. Because, sweetheart, you are powerful. Deep inside there's a light that no boy that can put out. You embrace it and not let him win. You are too wonderful to be not treated like gold." She kissed the top of my head. I heard her mumble, "A jerk just like his dad."

I hugged her tight around the waist. "I think I'll have some of that ice cream now."

She grabbed the container and handed it to me. "We need to make an appointment with Dr. Polar."

"The gynecologist?" I looked at her in shock.

Mom stroked my cheek. "You're growing up. We need to get you on the pill."

"I'm not having, you know, that thing." My face felt hot. This was so embarrassing.

"Sex? I'll have to speak to you father, because you're always going to be his little girl, but I think this is necessary. Not that you're planning on doing anything, and I pray that you really consider all the options first, but kissing usually leads to more. I'm keeping my young lady safe."

I just ate my ice cream in glum silence. Mom's fingers still stroking my hair. Ice cream made things tastier, but never better. I would just have to learn to move on.

XXXXXX

There was another note. His chicken scratch looked even messier than usual, like he was urgent to get a message to me. It was probably wishful thinking on my part, he was probably being distracted by the cobwebs in his stupid brain.

I ripped it up into little pieces before dropping it into the trash can. He could rot in that boiler room forever for all that I cared.

"You going?" Alice asked. She stood next to me and read the bulletin board of school announcements. "We should join the chess club."

"Jasper is in the chess club," I pointed out with a grimace.

Alice snorted. "Oh I know. I want his king to take my queen."

Gross.

"That's revolting." I found myself glancing at the stairs down to the boiler room.

"The options are to ignore, to yell, or to kiss again." Alice squeezed my hand. "I'll support you no matter what you decide. I will also make his life miserable."

I had to think. The way he made me feel ruined my whole weekend. I felt so small.

I took her hand. "I want him to know."

"Know what, my darling?" She gave my hand a squeeze.

"How much he made me hurt."

Alice let me go and pointed to the stairs. "Let him have it, tiger."

Her blessing made me stand taller and try to stamp down all my insecurities.

Down the stairs, I found Edward waiting outside the door, with his hands pushed deep down into the pockets of his jeans. He was wearing a purple bowling shirt that had always made me feel particularly giddy. Today it just made me sad.

He motioned to the door with his head and I followed him inside. As soon as the door closed, Edward had my face in his hands and began kissing me.

There was no more joy of his mouth being on mine. I thought these stolen moments between us were a beginning, but instead this was the end of my dreams of him.

I pushed Edward away with all my might. "No!"

"What's wrong with you?" He asked. His words didn't match the way his eyes stared at me. He knew good and well what my problem was. "I missed that."

"Making out with the dork?" I crossed my hands in front of my chest. "You didn't miss me at all on Friday night? I was right there. You just didn't feel like I was important enough to talk to."

"That was because you know." He shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. "I know. You didn't want your cool friends to see you with such a freak. God, what would they think of Mr. Cool if the found out you were kissing some poseur."

"It's not like that, Bella!"

"It isn't, Edward? Why don't you tell me how it is?" I went up to him and stared into his face. The answer was always there. They were always together. He never talked to me in front of her. It was all coming together. "Are you trying to hide this from your girlfriend, you cheat? I have enough cheaters in my life."

My mother cheating on my dad at home. Edward cheating on his girlfriend with probably everybody in school.

He put his hands on my shoulders and I shrugged them away. "What girlfriend?"

"Tanya!"

"She isn't my girlfriend," he admitted to lied. Who knew with this guy. "Our dads just think we are. It pisses them off."

"You have got to be kidding me? You have a fake girlfriend and a hidden slut in the basement of school. You're living the dream, Cullen"

He pulled me back to him. "You're not a slut. How could you say that?"

"Because you would probably have sex with me in this nasty, dirty room. That's an incredibly romantic gesture, Edward," I snarked. "I'm nothing to you. A big, fat, ugly zero! But you know what? I'm too good for you!"

There was silence for a moment and Edward placed his forehead on mine. "I like you. You're like a nice girl. That's not usually what I do."

I moved away. "That's why this won't work. I'm a nice girl who isn't going to be your joke anymore."

"Don't go." He seemed so sad. Edward was a big faker.

"Can you honestly tell me that you want to be seen with me? That this is a legitimate thing?" This was his chance to show me something real.

He swallowed and closed his eyes. "I can't. Not yet."

My answer was in those words.

"I won't be doing this with you again. Go to hell, Edward Cullen."

I turned and didn't look back. My tears might not be seen, but inside I was weeping. On the outside I would be brave. I would be strong.

XXXXXX

It is a waste of a sunny day to feel so sad. My apple didn't taste so sweet. The breeze, that made the limbs of the tree I sat under sway, made me too chilly. This was a rotten, no good day. I was supposed to go to the diner with Jessica this afternoon, but I think I might bail.

"Why so glum, chum?" Mike sat next to me. He pulled the earphones he wore away from his ears. That walkman of his was always glued to him.

I sighed. "Just one of those days."

Edward was leaning against his car surrounded by his friends. He didn't seem too chipper. I guess losing his idiotic kissing partner put a damper on his day. I watched as he took a long sip out of a Snapple bottle. I hated that I wished he would become a better person and would want me. Strong women didn't beg for someone to change, They were confident in themselves without having a boyfriend.

Mike took off the headphones and stuck them on my ears. "You need to listen to this. I listen to it when everything seems off."

"Toad the Wet Sprocket?" They were singing about walking on the ocean. I couldn't help smiling a tiny bit.

"I threw in some Blues Traveler and Counting Crows on this ultimate of mix tapes." Mike put his feet out to stretch.

"You're the mix master," I teased.

He gave me a wink. "If you fast forward you'll find your theme song."

"Oh?"

"It's the song, Good. Better than Ezra. It's because you're so good, girl." He wiggled his eyebrows comically.

I roared with laughter. "You're a goof, Newton!"

There was the sound of shattering glass. I turned to see Edward staring at us. His face was furious. The Snapple bottle had shattered into bits of dangerous shards. It was like how he left me feeling. Jagged and broken.

Jasper rode by on his bike and noticed us. He almost crashed into a tree.

"I better get going. I need to find Jess."

Mike held my arm for a brief moment. "Hold on a second."

I watched at he pulled out the cassette tape from the walkman and a pen from his backpack. Mike wrote something on the little label, then he placed it in my hands.

"Mike's Kick Ass Mix to Make Bella Smile?" I read aloud.

"For you." He nudged me in a shoulder. "Seriously though, smiles look good on you."

For the first time I wanted to smile thanks to a good friend. Even with a broken heart, it felt good.