AN: The final chapter and an epilogue left.

Thank you for reading.

Chapter 15

"Edward, I'm really so—"

His hands were tightly gripping the wheel. I watched him, as he watched the road. The speed of the car wasn't very fast. It was barely going over the speed limit. God, his face was rigid like stone.

Edward hated me. I completely deserve it. He was innocent and I blamed him for everything.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry." He jerked the wheel to the side and parked by the side of the road. We were at the Hansen farm and the cows who were loitering by the fence were watching the car. They would be the only witnesses to my begging for Edward's forgiveness. Cows had mean eyes and I totally deserved their ire.

I nervously twisted a strand of my hair. "I should have known that you didn't do anything with Alice."

"No, you shouldn't have. Why would have thought that when I even thought I did it? I did, Bella. I was certain that I would have done that shit." He finally turned to face me. "At least you wanted to find out the truth. I was willing to just believe it was true."

"Why were you at Emmett McCarty's?"

He shrugged. "Going back to the scene of the . . . You know . . .crime. Wallow in it. I should be the one saying sorry."

"No," I disagreed. "You were innocent."

"Not really, Bella." Edward took my hand and stared at our linked fingers. "I've been really mean to you."

It was the truth. Deep down I knew it. I stared at our hands too. "You've been going through some big stuff."

"That stuff had nothing to do with you. You know that, right? I shouldn't have used you to release the anger I have at my dad." Edward lifted my face. "I hope you can forgive me someday."

Forgiving him was easy. Edward healing himself was the hard part.

"I already have." I twisted the giant plastic flower ring that Jessica gave me for my last birthday. I watched as the clear pink blossoms spun around my finger. God, it was ugly.

His hand covered mine to stop my fidgeting. I looked into his solemn face and felt like I was going to throw up all over my shoes. Sometimes, you just know something rotten will happen. You feel it in the pit of your stomach and you feel sick. That feeling had been constant as I traveled around school and wallowed in my bedroom. It sucked.

"I'm leaving," he announced as he placed his palm on my cheek. "My mom and I are going to move in with my Aunt Mary in Chicago."

"Oh."

No. Things were never getting fixed if he left. He'd be gone and I wouldn't fix us. We could be okay. If he just stays—

"Mom wants to get her life together and my aunt can help with this kind of stuff." Edward wiped under my eyes using his thumb. The pads of his fingers were wet. When had I started crying? I hadn't even noticed. "No crying, Bella. This is going to work out."

I pulled my head away from his touch, and shook my head. "You leaving is never okay!"

"I can't stay here. With my dad? No fucking way." Edward sighed as he looked out the window. "The way Mom cried when she found out about Esme was just brutal. I almost took my fucking fist and punched his smug face. I just—"

"Just what?" I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

Edward placed his head on my chest. His tears soaked the front of my shirt. "I'm so tired of being angry."

I didn't know what to say. Instead, I held him tight and let him cry it out. Everyone needs to do that sometime. I know I do.

My life was going to be emptier without him. My heart would continue beating but I imagined it not so quickly and the dull ache that was left would be follow me forever.

"One more time, Bella? Please?" Edward asked into my chest.

"One more time for what?"

His head rose up. Eyes watery and tinged with red, Edward stroked my lips.

My answer was a whisper. "Yes."

He kissed me. It was sweet and gentle. It was an ending. It was good-bye.

XXXXXX

The school halls had been buzzing after the news hit. The sounds of whispering chatter filled the air. There wasn't a moment where there were times of just normal school time discussions like homework and the mystery meat in the cafeteria. Awful speculation is always more fun when you're a teenager. This wasn't an exception.

My dad read it in the morning paper. I heard him as he whispered it to Mom. It wasn't going to be a conversation for us kids to hear. Once Dad went to do the laundry, I stole the newspaper and brought it to my room. I ran my fingers over the newsprint like I was reading braille.

Emmett McCarty had been arrested.

They didn't name Alice as the victim, because she was underage. The crimes were listed like it was a grocery list. It might have been matter-of-fact, but it was still terrible to read.

Things in school were so tense. All through the town families read about the criminal that preyed on younger girls and had a drug den as a house. The parents might not have known that Alice was the first girl to come forward, but their kids did. We always knew more about what was going around in town that we weren't supposed to. It's exciting to find out things considered adult happening around us. Grown-ups think teenagers are stupid. The fact is they forgot when they were teenagers. I guess they could be the stupid ones.

Alice sat against a locker. Her head hidden in her knees. She looked wilted like a plant without any water.

People pointed at her. Some boys laughed. Tyler sneered at her. He walked up to her and announced, "Was it because he didn't pay you?"

She looked up with tired eyes. "What?"

"When you fucked that drug dealer? Did he not pay up after the sex?" Tyler crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you know how hard it is to find good pot in this town? You ruined it for everybody. That's just being selfish, girl."

"Go away," Alice mumbled. Her head went back down on her knees.

He crouched down close to her. "Brandon, I forgive you. Really. Unlike McCarty, I pay for services I re—"

Tyler never stopped being an ass. I refused to let him get away with it.

"Leave her alone!" I pulled his shoulder and he fell onto his back. It would have been funny, if Tyler's glare wasn't so scary.

"Bella, mind your own business." Tyler stumbled up. "Don't you have to dye your hair more stupid colors?"

"Really? That's all you got?" I stepped between Tyler and my friend. At least I had hoped she would still be my friend. "Alice is my business. Leave her alone."

"Oh damn! Did you fuck McCarty too? I mean . . . Shit! That's so fuc—" he began, but there was no way I was going to let him finish. I had anger coursing through me and my blood was boiling.

I punched him in the gut.

He didn't budge. Not even a little bit.

Instead, Tyler grabbed my shoulders and hissed, "You bitch!"

The principal walked up at that moment. It was a moment of good luck. I cried out, "You're hurting me!"

"Young man, what do you think you're doing?" The principal asked. He was furious.

Tyler's arms dropped off of me. It was like I was on fire and I burnt him.

"She hit me!" Tyler answered in protest.

"That's ridiculous! Miss Swan is a very well behaved student. You are coming to my office now!" The principal grabbed his arm and led Tyler away.

Alice stood slowly. She looked weak still. "That was very brave."

"You're the brave one. I was just lucky the principal thinks I'm a goody-goody." I gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She looked at her feet. "You don't have to talk to me. I know people are talking. You shouldn't have to deal with that. I told Jasper and Jake they should avoid me at school."

"Have they listened to you, Alice?"

She rubbed her eyes. "No."

"I'm not listening either." I took her hand. "If they talk about you, then they talk about me."

Alice stared at me a moment and then launched herself into my arms. "Thank you!"

Friendship can be the strongest feeling in the world. My heart wasn't completely useless after Edward. There was plenty of room for all my friends like Alice.

"Jacob told me Edward moved away. I'm so sorry." She pulled away slowly. "You okay?"

"I will be," I admitted truthfully. "If he and his mom find some happiness then I think it's a good thing. I want you to have millions of good things too."

Alice got a wistful look on her face. "I have a glimmer of something."

"I like to hear about glimmers." I started walking with her to the cafeteria.

"Jasper said that he loved me." She blushed a bright pink.

Love was in the air for her. I had sadness about Edward, but also joy for Alice.

"What did you say back?"

She giggled. I had missed that sound. "I told him to shut up."

I started laughing. "How romantic!"

"Now you shut up!" Alice started laughing harder, as she pushed me good-naturedly.

I had a glimmer too. We were going to get back to normal. We were going to survive this no good year.

XXXXXX

Months flew by. Things got easier, I guess. I was going through the motions sometimes. Big smiles at dumb jokes. Happy laughter would erupt at stories about friends' good fortunes. Big group gatherings at the bowling alley where I would constantly get gutter balls. Usual teenage stuff that were amusing at the time, but there were missing pieces that made me feel slightly numb to it all.

Alice and Jasper were happily entwined. Emmett's jail sentence made the weight that had been extinguishing her spark lift and she was shimmery again. Though there were moments where you would see the shadows roll in and her eyes would dim. Those were the times where I would give her a hug and just let her know I would always be there.

Carmen broke up with Jacob. I think she knew there was something not right between them. Jacob was safe though. I could see the reason she stuck it out for so long. She told us she was dating some kid from another school. She seems happy.

Jacob had his head in my lap, as we swung on the porch swing. He was back to wearing eyeliner and his hair was starting to grow long again. I had missed the softness of the stands. I ran my hand through it. So soft.

"You should invite Mike to your dad's restaurant opening," he announced. I tugged a strand of his hair and made him cry out. "Bella!"

"Stop playing matchmaker, Jacob Black." I looked out at the street where little kids were riding their bikes. It looked like fun. I should get my bike out and take some laps around the neighborhood.

"I'm taking Dan to it." Jacob met Dan at a support group for gay teens. I liked him. He was a kind guy. His parents threw him out and Dan was now living with his aunt who lived in town. Parents should never be cruel to their children. Unfortunately, I had seen too many times where this wasn't the case.

"Good. You can bring Mike too, Mr. Bossy."

The swing went a little fast as I pushed it.

"Hey!" Jacob yelled. "I'm going to fall off!"

That made me laugh loudly.

He continued with his badgering, "It's not my fault that you had fun with Mike at the prom. Stop trying to maim me with a deadly porch swing fall!"

"It was a group thing, man! Stop trying to make it happen. He kissed me again. It was weird. I'm now pushing him on Jessica. She thinks he's adorable." I poked Jacob in the forehead.

"Mike is terrified of her!"

"They'll be married someday," I stated. That just made Jacob laugh.

He was right. Mike was scared of Jess. She was like a barracuda with him. There was no escape. A barracuda? You couldn't escape from one of those, right?

"Kids, you want a snack?" My mom came up the sidewalk carrying the mail. She spent hours talking to Mrs. Harris over by the mailbox. They probably chatted about the weather or politics. Some adult type stuff that was boring.

Jacob sat up happily. "That would be great!"

He was obsessed with the hummus and veggie sticks my mom gave him. Didn't he know that we needed chocolate cookies or chips?

A postcard was tossed on my lap. I looked up at my mom in surprise. She winked at me and said, "You got mail!"

It was an image of The Adler Planetarium in Chicago. I turned it over with shaking hands.

Edward.

I hadn't heard from him since he left and now this.

"Bell . . . Is it from him?" Jacob asked excitedly.

"Yes," I squeaked. I cleared my throat and read aloud, "Going to Seattle with my mom soon. Hoping to meet Eddie Vedder. Be happy. Someday."

"Be happy someday? Or is it, be happy and someday something else?" Jacob asked in confusion. "What does it all mean?"

"There's hope." I traced hearts on the paper.

"What are you going to do? It could be years." Jacob took my hand.

"I'm going to start living again." I couldn't help but smile. "I might have a someday with Edward, but I need to experience my life now. I'm going to be happy."

I hoped Edward would be happy too.