10.

The dorm fell silent as Lily opened the door and closed it again quickly behind her. Four pairs of eyes stared at her in surprise.

"Where have you been?" Dorcas asked immediately from her bed where she was brushing her hair. "I nearly went looking to McGonagall about you."

"I was with…" Lily trailed off, not wanting to say James' name aloud in front of Cecily and Ethel.

"John?" Emmeline suggested from over the top of the Charms text she was reading.

"Yes," Lily nodded. She glanced at Cecily who was plaiting Ethel's hair in front of the vanity mirror. The two girls caught her eye in the reflection and turned away soon after, obviously aware something was not right and that they had no part in whatever it was. Lily was glad for it, hurrying to her own bed where she stripped off her robes and wrapped herself up in her dressing gown, hoping for a nice hot shower before breakfast.

Dorcas and Emmeline gradually finished their own business and moved to Lily's bed as she gathered up her toiletries. "Well?" Dorcas said quietly.

"It was a disaster," Lily muttered, glancing over her shoulder at Cecily and Ethel. Neither of them appeared to be listening as they chatted quietly with each other. "I wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to me again; he hates me."

Dorcas and Emmeline shared an anxious look. "It can't be that bad," Emmeline offered gently and Lily searched for her towel. "What happened?"

Lily paused in her search to glance up at them but couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Come on, Lil," Dorcas added. "We're not going to judge you."

Lily sighed, knowing she was going to have to spit it out eventually. "I had a bit of a feel of his you-know-what," she murmured, averting her eyes from their curious faces. But they stared back at her blankly. "Oh for goodness sake," Lily hissed, making sure Cecily and Ethel were otherwise occupied. "You know, his penis." Again there was no response, but Emmeline was staring back at her in pure horror and Dorcas looked like she was trying not to laugh. Lily glared at them and resumed her towel search.

"Oh don't be like that," Dorcas said between chuckles. "It just came as a bit of a shock, that's all."

"I don't understand," Emmeline added in her clearly appalled tones. "Did he ask you to do that for him? Because that's really rude; he has no right to-"

"No," Lily cut her off with a sigh. "He didn't. That's why he got shtty with me."

"Oh," Dorcas and Emmeline said together, with matching expressions of sudden understanding. "You just thought you'd cop a feel then, eh?" Dorcas added with a smirk. "Honestly, Lily. What were you thinking?"

"You don't have to make me feel stupid," Lily snapped at her, catching Cecily and Ethel's attention. "I already feel like a fool as it is."

"What's the matter?" Ethel piped up.

"Nothing," Lily did her best to dismiss her. The two girls shared matching looks in the mirror before continuing their conversation. Now Lily felt bad about that. Cecily and Ethel didn't seem to have any other friends beside each other and Lily usually did her best to include them. Now they thought she was a bitch.

"Tell us what happened, Lily," Emmeline spoke again softly. "You must have had a good reason for doing it, right?"

Lily pursed her lips, plopping down onto the bed with her friends. "I don't know," she said dismally. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So you two were snogging or something?" Dorcas prompted her for more information. "You didn't just walk over to him and grab him by the nuts or anything crazy like that did you?"

Lily could not help but laugh at that statement and the girls looked relieved as she relaxed ever so slightly. "Nothing like that," Lily assured them. "We were practicing and I… I just got carried away, I guess."

"Oh Lily," Dorcas sighed, shaking her head.

Emmeline looked thoughtful, biting her lip.

"What?" Lily and Dorcas asked.

"Have you ever, you know, touched John's…"

"Pecker?" Dorcas suggested with a giggle. Emmeline rolled her eyes.

"No," Lily replied honestly.

"Then why did you feel the need to touch James'? You don't exactly go down there with people you've been dating for a long time, and I hope it's not part of your routine with James, so why'd you feel the need to do it? I'm not picking on you, I'm just curious."

Lily shrugged. She felt silly admitting the truth. "I know we were practicing for the party and all, but sometimes it just feels really good, you know - he's a good kisser. I do what Sirius taught us but he never seems to be really…I don't know."

"Go on," Emmeline smiled.

Lily sighed. "What I mean is, he makes me feel really good and I never feel like I'm doing anything for him in return and so I thought I'd just…try harder."

"So you went for the pecker grab," Dorcas added knowingly.

Emmeline glared at her. "Stop saying pecker."

Lily tried not to giggle. This was supposed to be a serious conversation.

"It was a little extreme, I suppose," Dorcas said thoughtfully. "But that aside, really, there's something wrong with the guy if he wasn't getting off even just a little bit by snogging you. Sirius describes it as the sexiest thing he's ever seen."

"Really?" Lily chuckled. "He was always such a grump during practice."

Dorcas shrugged. "He seemed pretty excited about it all to me."

"Well," Lily added, feeling herself blush slightly at what she was going to admit. "I suppose James isn't completely immune to a good snog; he had a stiffy."

Both girls shrieked in surprise. Ethel and Cecily glanced over at them again as they powdered their faces.

"So why did he object to a free hand job?" Dorcas hissed. "He was obviously having a grand old time!"

"Well," Emmeline said, looking thoughtful again. "I suppose it's just like Sirius, isn't it? He was trying to be professional – he can't help it if he enjoys it at the same time – but the job comes first."

"You know, I think she's right," Dorcas added.

"So, he is enjoying our practices?" Lily said with uncertainty.

"Lily," Dorcas smirked. "He had an erection; I think that says enough."

Cecily spluttered and the three girls glanced over to see her and Ethel looked scandalized. "What on earth are you three talking about?"

"Nothing," Emmeline, Dorcas and Lily called together, trying not to laugh. Cecily and Ethel rushed out of the dorm as though fearing they might be corrupted by hearing such talk.

"So really," Dorcas added a moment later as their giggled subsided. "You don't have to worry about anything, Lily."

Lily shook her head. "I think you're forgetting the point; he's angry with me. He went nuts!"

Dorcas frowned and glanced at Emmeline for further suggestions. "I suppose you just took it too far," Emmeline said with a slight shrug. "Yeah he liked what you were doing, but it was all part of the routine wasn't it?"

"I guess."

"See, you went and did something completely personal, something that wasn't part of your act. I mean, what would you have done if he tried to put his hand down your pants?"

Lily snorted. "First of all, I did not put my hand down his pants, okay? It was over his robes. But," she added grimly. "I supposed I'd be upset about it too."

"Then there's your answer," Emmeline sighed.

"He didn't have to get so mean though," Lily added sulkily.

Dorcas frowned again. "What did he say?"

"He basically called me a slut."

"He did not!" The girls look appalled. "That's it," Dorcas added, getting up from the bed. "I'm going to hex his pecker right off!"

"Don't," Lily cried, grabbing her friend by the sleeve and pulling her back to the bed. "I just want to forget about it alright?"

"But Lily, he had no right to say that about you."

"Well he didn't actually say the word 'slut'," Lily admitted. "He said some of my old boyfriends had been spreading rumours about me and that they were near enough true."

Dorcas and Emmeline shared a confused look. "What kind of rumours?"

"That I'd had sex with them. He didn't give me the details."

"Those arseholes!"

"Well it can't be that bad," Dorcas interjected. "John still believes you're a virgin, right?"

Lily nodded. "And James gave them a good pounding for it apparently."

"Oh that's so sweet," Emmeline cooed.

Dorcas and Lily looked at her.

"Well it is!"

"Maybe it's just me, but I'd much prefer a bunch of flowers," Dorcas muttered.

Lily laughed.

"Well I say don't worry so much, Lily," Emmeline smiled. "He didn't mean it, did he; he wouldn't be running around trying to protect your honour if he truly thought you deserved to be labeled a tart. I think everyone just got carried away, you know? Sometimes people seem angrier than they really are when they're embarrassed."

"That's right," Dorcas nodded. "Remember when we walked in on Ethel trying on her new thong when she said 'don't come in'? She screamed bloody murder and wouldn't talk to us for a week. James was probably just pissed off that you found out his little secret too."

Emmeline frowned at her. "Little secret?"

"That a bit of snogging gives him a hard on."

"Ah."

They each turned to Lily who was smirking to herself. "What?"

She released a tiny giggle, finding it hard to look either of them in the eye. "Big secret."

The girls had suggested she speak to James soon and apologize, because the last thing she needed was for him to be in a bad mood with her during the party, or worse, call off the deal altogether. She agreed entirely but the trouble was in finding him. She knew he was busy fitting in preparations for Peter's birthday with his already overcrowded schedule and his whole gang had stopped showing up for regular meals. Sometimes one of them would pop by, grab a stash of food and disappear from the hall again. They were probably spending all their free time in that mysterious room up on the seventh floor, but every time Lily had walked past in the past few days it was just a blank wall. Maybe he was actually avoiding her.

"You can't figure it out either."

She turned in surprise to see John walking toward her, his hands in his pockets. He stopped beside her and peered at the stone wall.

"Pardon?"

"This is where Pettigrew's do is, isn't it?"

"Oh, oh yes," she said. "Bit of a mystery." She didn't want to share the secret of the room with John. It was James' secret and he had been reluctant to even show her it the first time he tried to bring her up here. Once upon a time though, she wouldn't have questioned letting her boyfriend in on the surprise. But that seemed ancient history now. She had already broken up with John in her mind – he just didn't know it.

"Fancy a walk?"

Lily looked up at him to see him smiling back at her. "It's a bit cold out isn't it?"

"We'll stick to the corridors."

She could hardly argue her way out of it and allowed him to take her hand as they started along the hallway. He glanced at her now and again, smiling. Lily smiled back reluctantly feeling awkward.

"It's Valentines Day soon."

"Yeah." She was amazed at how difficult it was to talk to him now. They used to be able to gabble on about anything and everything.

"Let's do something nice."

She couldn't help but think they wouldn't be a couple come Valentines Day, but she had to play along. "Like?"

"Well, there's a Hogsmeade visit, isn't there?"

"Hmm."

"I'll take you to that café all the chicks like." He'd once said he wouldn't be caught dead in a place like Madame Puddifoot's and she realised he was trying to win her over, but she just couldn't get excited. "Let's stay in one of the inns overnight; we can sneak back early the next morning."

Lily glanced up at him skeptically.

"That's not my way of asking for sex," he added quickly, sensing her hesitation. "I just think it might be fun, don't you? Sometimes I wish we were in the same house so you could sneak into my dorm and we could just lay together, just for the sake of being close to each other. I'll pay for it, what d'ya say?"

She was a little taken aback. First of all he was being sweet, and secondly, she realised he had left no room for Judy in his Valentine's plans. Her mind instantly flew to the probability that she had dumped in the past few days, but glancing down she saw that he wore no ring. "That sounds nice," she admitted. It was a pity he was such a pig. He always was a bit of a sweetheart; it was why she'd been attracted to him in the first place.

"I'll get Father to book it," he nodded, sounding pleased by her agreement.

Lily could not side her surprise. "You're going to tell your father you want to sneak out of school and shack up with some girl for a night?"

He chuckled in response, leading her down a flight of stairs. "It does sound dodgy when you put it like that. But you're not just some girl are you? He knows about you, he'll be okay with it."

"He knows about me?"

"Don't sound so surprised," he said, looking down at her in amusement. "You think I wouldn't tell me parents about my girlfriend of six months, three weeks and…four days? Maybe five," he added in an undertone. "Anyway, they know all about you - can't wait to meet you actually."

She couldn't believe he knew how long they'd been dating for and was rendered speechless by the fact. Lily had been rounding it to about six months for the past two months at least – nearly six months/about six months/just over six months…I think.

"That's something I've been meaning to speak to you about as well," he continued. "Would you consider coming to meet them next holidays?"

Meet his parents? What sort of lousy, cheating boyfriend wants his girlfriend to meet his parents? Where did Judy fit into this? Was he one of those kinds of men that married but kept mistresses on the side? Did he think his behaviour was actually quite normal?

"Oh gosh," Lily said, feeling a little overwhelmed. "I don't really know John."

He looked disappointed, dropping his gaze for a moment before looking at her with sad eyes. "Well, whenever you're ready then I suppose. It's just that Mother's been onto me about it for a while – she's keen to meet you – they both are. And I want you to meet them of course. I don't want to pressure you about it though… I know things haven't been quite normal with us lately." He released a long breath. "Maybe in the summer? It would be good if I could give her some sort of time to get her off my back."

"Sure," she forced a smile. "In the summer, when we've got NEWTs out of the way." She knew they wouldn't be together by the end of the month but she still felt guilty. He envisioned them still together after school – wouldn't that be the perfect time to go their separate ways, naturally, so he could be with Judy without a nasty breakup? But he didn't want a breakup. He wanted her to meet the family.

"They'll love you," he said, having found his smile again. He gave her hand an extra squeeze. "I hope you like them – Mother can be a bit eccentric at times, but she means well. Father's pretty laid back – he'll bore you to tears talking about his work. Just nod a lot; that's what I do."

She released a strained giggle, utterly confused by his behaviour. He had dropped the sex talk as he had promised and now he was acting like an angel – like a perfect boyfriend – like he used to be when they first got together. But she had seen him sneaking off with Judy on more than one occasion. What was going on in his head?

"Evans!"

They stopped half way down a staircase, turning to see James Potter standing at the top behind them.

"McGonagall wants us in her office."

"Oh," Lily said faintly, releasing John's hand. "Right," she said, brushing her hair behind her ears. "I'll be right there."

James nodded but did not move from his position. Lily felt awkward as John leaned in to kiss her on the lips. It was just a peck, but she blushed under James' watchful eyes. "See you later." John gave her a happy smile before jogging off down the stairs. Lily watched him go in case he turned to wave, which he did, and then made her way up to where James was standing patiently.

"Did she say what it's about?" she asked, falling into step as they began their way along the corridor.

"There's no meeting," he replied nonchalantly, without looking at her. "I thought you might want an excuse to get away."

She glanced at him in surprise before turning to look straight ahead herself. It was very thoughtful considering how he had spoken to her during their last encounter. "Thanks, I did."

He did not reply and they fell into awkward silence. She had been looking for him for the past few days but now she had him she wasn't quite sure what to say. It was a touchy subject. Dorcas had said the best thing to do was probably just to-

"I'm sorry I touched your pecker."

-blurt it out really fast.

Dorcas was very wrong, she decided. Her face burnt again in humiliation. James was looking at her as though he was afraid for her mental health.

"Pardon?"

"I'm sorry," she said again, finding she couldn't look at him. "That came out wrong. I meant to say I'm sorry about…doing what I did. It was very inappropriate…just like this conversation."

He snorted in a way that told her he was trying not to laugh but he really couldn't help it. "I'm sorry too," he admitted eventually. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. You took me by surprise."

"No, you probably should have," Lily sighed. "I wasn't thinking straight."

He nodded slowly as though to accept her apology but she saw the look in his eyes – like he still wasn't entirely sure what was going on with her.

She cleared her throat, causing him to look at her. "It's just that when we practice," she began, feeling her face burn at the thought of telling him what had been going through her mind that day. "I know that's all it is – a practice – but I just get the impression you're not getting a lot out of it so-"

He scoffed. "I got forty Galleons out of it."

"I know," she said, feeling more stupid by the minute as everyone seemed to be pointing out to her what an idiot she had really been. "But I'm talking about the, um, physical rewards."

"Oh," he said, a wrinkle appearing between his brows. "Well, I'm not exactly in it for those."

"But you do experience them, don't you?" she added, glancing at her shoes.

"Well yes," he replied stiffly. "Obviously."

Yes, it had been rather obvious the other day…

"Well if you don't mind me saying," she began, trying to sound positive as he appeared to be growing sullen - like he thought she was picking on him. "I think that's good!". He raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean, not that I'm consciously wanting you get a- um," she paused as she realized she was rambling awkwardly. "It's just that I thought I was the only one, you know, that got pleasure out of what we've been doing. I felt stupid – I wanted you to feel that too."

He gave her a small smile. "Lily, I'm being paid to grope a beautiful witch – I can't not get pleasure from that – it's hormones."

She was glad he seemed to understand and she returned the smile. "I just couldn't help but think I was weird because we don't really fancy each other, that's all."

He turned his face to look at her properly at last but his expression was unreadable. Lily raised her eyebrows questioningly but he turned away again without saying a word.

"So," Lily tried her best to move the conversation along now that was settled. "The party's this Friday then?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Came around quick."

"And we're still okay?"

He looked at her again as he realised what she was getting at. "Oh yeah, yeah, course. We're good."

"Good," she repeated, feeling relief. "Are you free this week then? I promise I'll keep my hands to myself," she added, trying to lighten the mood.

He allowed a small smile but she noticed it did not reach his eyes. "I'm kind of busy, Lily. We have to get supplies – drinks, food…stuff – there's not a lot of time, you know?"

"Of course," Lily tried to remain cheerful. "And there's a match next week – you're probably flat out."

"I am."

"Right." She was disappointed; Monday morning's escapade had left her feeling a little unsettled about the entire thing. She really wanted another practice to make sure they had everything right.

"But, now that you mention it," he added. "Sirius was talking about it the other day. He thought it might be an idea to have a bit of a 'private showing' before the big night. You know, show your friends too and everything - so we can see what they think of it."

"Like a dress rehearsal?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, when?"

He frowned. "Not too sure to be honest," he said. "I'll get back to you. Anyway, I gotta run – practice starts in twenty."

"Sure," she nodded, coming to a halt at the bottom of another staircase. "See you then."

He gave a curt nod before taking off at a jog up the steps. She watched him until his feet disappeared at the top and decided to make a slow walk to…well, anywhere with no boys.