12.

The door to the dormitory slid open and Lily groaned inwardly, pulling the duvet over her head. She had come straight here after the dispute with James yesterday and hidden away. By lunch time Emmeline and Dorcas and noticed her missing and they'd come straight up to see what was going on. Lily told them she wasn't in a talking mood and like the good friends they were, they left her alone. But twenty-four hours later she knew they'd be after answers.

"Is she still in bed?"

"Christ, there's no air in here. Open a window."

Lily heard the curtains being opened and light flooded the dorm. A cool breeze made the hangings around her bed flutter and she felt it on her toes, sticking out the end of the covers.

"You might be very cosy in this sticking pit of misery you've turned our dorm into, but some of us would like to breathe!" she heard Dorcas huff as her hangings were drawn back. "Enough already; what's going on?"

"We told everyone you were sick," Emmeline added as she felt the bed dip on either side of her. "Now Madame Pomfrey's expecting you for a check up. Suzie Mathers is telling everyone your pregnant."

Lily groaned aloud this time from under her blankets. "Too bad, I'm staying here."

"No you're not," Dorcas scoffed, yanking the duvet out of Lily's weak grasp and exposing her in all her messy-haired, pink-faced, bloodshot-eyed glory. "You look like shit."

"Yeah well," she huffed, snatching back the covers and pulling them up to her chin. "I feel like shit too."

Emmeline sighed. "Come on Lily, just tell us what's going on already. James didn't show up for lessons yesterday either and he's been in a foul mood all morning; we know something went on between you two."

"What happened? Did you try and get frisky with him again?"

Lily felt the tears welling in her eyes again. If only it was that simple.

"Oh don't," Emmeline said hastily, reaching out and stroking the stray hair from her face. "She's just joking, she didn't mean it."

"Unless of course that is the problem," Dorcas added warily. The two girls shared an uncertain look before tuning back to Lily. "You didn't…did you?"

Lily found herself snorting at their serious expressions and wiped her eyes, sitting up a little against her pillows. The last thing she really wanted to do was talk about it but she knew the girls could not be left in the dark. "I don't want to kiss James at the party tonight."

The girls shared another look, this time of surprise. "That's it?" Emmeline asked. "That's why you two are acting all depressed?"

"I don't get it," Dorcas added. "We've been planning this for weeks? Why the change of heart?"

"I heard John talking about me," Lily admitted, looking at her hands. "He regrets the thing with Judy and he wants me to meet his parents. I feel like a bitch for planning all this behind his back. I don't want it to end that way, you know? I just want to break up with him and be done with it."

"Well I'm not going to pretend I'm not disappointed," Dorcas said with a slight frown. "But if that's what you want, I guess…well that's just it then, isn't it?"

Lily smiled at her. She could tell both girls were disappointed but was glad they were being so good about it.

"But what about James?" Emmeline added. "Does he not want to give the money back or something?"

"No," Lily groaned. "He's just – he's angry 'cause he thinks I'm letting John off lightly. He's worried that I'm planning on going back to him, I think, and that-"

She hesitated.

"What?" Emmeline asked insistently. "Go on."

Lily took a deep breath, feeling slightly embarrassed under their stares. "He said he loves me." She paused as though waiting for cries of shock from the girls but they stared back at her completely speechless. Lily continued. "He said he'd only agreed to this whole thing because he wanted to kiss me and he thought I might fall for him. He lied to me – this whole time he was lying about everything." She felt the tightness in her throat and the familiar pinpricks behind her eyes.

"Oh Lily," Dorcas and Emmeline sighed, leaning forward and wrapping her up in a much needed hug before the tears could fall. "What did you tell him?" Emmeline added.

"That I didn't like him like that," Lily managed through her sobs. "And now I feel awful about it – he looked so miserable."

"I'm so sorry, Lily," Dorcas sighed as they pulled apart. "We should never have made you do this."

"Not your fault," Lily sniffed, wiping her face on the back of her hand. "I knew it was a bad idea; I shouldn't have let him get involved."

"That's not what she meant," Emmeline added sounding awkward. Lily glanced up at them to see them each averting her eyes.

"What?" she asked sceptically.

"It was Sirius' idea really," Emmeline began to explain hesitantly. And you know what I'm like around Sirius – I couldn't say no."

"And I just though the whole scheme would work better if you were caught with James instead," Dorcas added. "We knew he must fancy you a little but we never expected…we didn't think he was so… you know," she finished weakly.

Lily frowned. "I'm not following."

Emmeline gave her a sorry look. "You remember that day you and John saw me snogging Sirius?"

"Yeah?" Lily replied suspiciously.

"Well, we kinda set that up."

Lily knew that somehow these girls had been planning some sort of scheme of their own behind her back and they felt awfully guilty about it, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure she knew what had gone on. "But you've fancied Sirius for ages."

"Which is why I volunteered to be the one to kiss him," Emmeline replied. "I wasn't about to say no to my one and only chance to kiss Sirius Black, was I?"

Lily was a little angry that they had potentially messed up the original plan and somehow caused a chain reaction that led to the horrible incident with James, but in her reasoning, Emmeline sounded so much like James when he had explained why he had agreed to kiss her that she remained silent, waiting for them to continue.

"See," Dorcas took over. "Sirius told us that although he didn't mind helping you out, he'd much rather let James take over because he thought it would annoy John more. Although after his little confession I'm beginning to think he had an ulterior motive," she added with a sigh. "We told him that you'd already said no to James but he was really persistent and he came up with this idea that if you and John were to see that he had a girlfriend, then you'd have to find someone else anyway."

Lily couldn't believe that they'd gone and planned this without her ever knowing. "So James knew about this?"

"No," Dorcas replied with a shake of her head. "Sirius was going to tell him but you were on your rounds together. We knew you'd ask Remus though so Sirius told him to refuse when you asked – which you did. All Sirius had to do was talk James into saying yes if we could persuade you to ask him too, but before we knew it James had stepped in and offered all on his own."

"So really," Emmeline added quietly. "Technically you could say that this was Sirius' fault if you're looking for someone to yell at."

Lily could not help the small chuckle that escaped her. "I had no idea."

Both girls looked relieved. "So you're not angry?"

"Well yes," Lily replied pitifully. "I'm angry with myself, and with him, and just everything! This is so messed up."

"At least some good came of it all," Dorcas added tentatively. "Emmeline technically got a shot at going out with Sirius; that's good, right?"

"Well, not really," Emmeline said dully.

"Really?"

Emmeline shrugged. "He's a bit of a pig actually."

Dorcas and Lily laughed. "We could have told you that, dear." Emmeline groaned, falling to lie beside Lily who patted her head in mock consolation.

"So Lily," Dorcas began in a tone that Lily knew meant she was digging for information. She repositioned herself to be more comfortable, pulling her legs up onto the bed. "Looking back on all of this, now that it's over and everything, you're saying you got nothing out of all that snogging? You and Potter – you're just friends?"

"No," Lily snorted. "He hates me – we're nothing again."

"Oh come on," Emmeline added. "He doesn't hate you. He's just…heartbroken."

"Thank you," Lily scoffed, looking down on her. "I'm feeling much better about myself now. So glad we had this chat."

"You're too sensitive, Lil," Dorcas sighed, shoving the redhead slightly as she too lay down on the bed, folding her arms over her chest. "The point is he doesn't hate you - I don't think the boy can hate you. He must have loved you all this time and stayed quiet about it, pining away without ever telling a soul – 'cept maybe his mates – how awful."

"Oh!" Lily groaned, throwing her arms up at the ceiling. "What is this? Make Lily feel like a bitch day?"

Dorcas and Emmeline giggled at her distress. "No, no," Dorcas said though her sniggers. "We've got off topic. I was asking you, well, how you feel about him after all this?"

Lily shrugged. "I want to be his friend still. I missed him the last time, you know?"

Dorcas smiled at her impishly. "Just friends?"

Lily gave her a stern look. "Not you too. Why is everyone so keen to tell me how I feel? I think I know!"

"We're not trying to play matchmaker here Lily," Dorcas added. "It's just we don't understand how you can possibly have learned to be so intimate with a boy – especially that boy – without developing some sort of crush at least."

"Intimate?"

"Am I the only one that remembers the pecker grab?"

"Pecker?"

"Pecker."

The two girls fell into hysterics around her but Lily continued to stare at the ceiling with a slight frown fixed upon her face. First James, and now these two. Everyone was trying to put words in her mouth. Why didn't anyone believe that a girl and boy really could be friends and nothing more?

&&&

Lily was in awe as she stepped into the party room. Those boys had really got all out in the organizing for this party. Peter Pettigrew was the luckiest teenager on the planet; this party was destined to be one for the history books. Everything looked amazing. The room was bigger than she had even realised with a full sized dance floor complete with flashing lights – a million stolen charmed fairies, she presumed with a smirk. The furniture reminded her of that in the common room, which gave the place a nice familiar feel to it and even a fire burned in the hearth. At the far end of the room was a long table dotted with all the party treats you could ever want and another, slightly smaller table loaded with, in Lily's opinion, far too much alcohol. The lights were dimmed and everything seemed to come from either the fire or the fairy lights which appeared coloured, flashing behind the balloons were hung from every angle. Music played from an invisible source – a wizarding group no doubt that Lily wasn't very familiar with – interrupted every so often from squeals of shock by the guests as hidden party poppers exploded over their heads, littering the carpeted floor with streamers.

"Don't linger," someone said to her, and she felt a hand in the small of her back, pushing her forward. "We need to get everyone in without the teachers noticing." She recognized the voice to be Remus Lupin, who was holding the door open as everyone crammed in. He gave her a smile and she waved before allowing herself to be steered into the center of the room by the crowds. Dorcas took her hand and she clasped onto Emmeline's so as not to be lost in the throng as they made a snake line to the buffet table.

"Fancy a drink, Ladies?"

Lily looked up to see Sirius pouring cups of something Lily did not dare to try – not this early in the evening anyway. "Butterbeer for us, I think," Dorcas replied, giving Lily a knowing smirk over her shoulder.

"Don't poison anyone, will you?" Lily added as she took the bottle he held out to her. "I don't think my Head Girl status allows me to keep quiet when McGonagall starts asking why half of Gryffindor ended up in the hospital wing tomorrow."

The girls giggled but he merely smiled at her comment. Lily realised she hadn't spoken to any of the Marauders since the incident with James and that whatever James was feeling right now Sirius was probably feeling it too, for his friend. She smiled back meekly before nudging Emmeline and pushing her toward the couches by the fire. They froze upon finding Peter and James occupying the next sofa.

"Go on," She heard Dorcas mutter behind her, giving her a slight poke in the back. "Don't make it awkward."

Lily sent a glare before following Emmeline around the couch and settling herself between the two girls. James glanced at her briefly before turning determinedly away, watching the people on the dance floor. Peter looked too caught up in his birthday so care what was going on between the Head prefects.

"Thanks for coming!" he said to the girls, smiling gleefully.

"No, thank you," Lily replied, determined for James to see he acting normally. "Happy birthday, by the way. Everything looks fantastic."

"Thanks," he grinned. "Though I didn't do it all by myself, these guys did most of it," he added, indicating James beside him. James did not acknowledge him.

"You really outdid yourself, James," she said, raising her voice purposely. "I like the party popper idea." She was certain it was his idea; he was the only one with a close Muggle-born friend.

Finally he turned back to the group. "Thanks," he replied tonelessly, taking a swig of… well, whatever Sirius had poured him.

There was a short pause in conversation before anyone spoke again.

"You three look nice," Peter announced pleasantly. "Really pretty."

"Thank you," the three girls spoke together, making them giggle.

James had turned back to the dance floor. Lily glanced at Dorcas again who gave her a pitying look in return.

"Hey, who wants to dance?" Emmeline said, calling their attention.

Lily sighed. "I will," she replied. She didn't want to have to look at James for any longer if he was just going to sulk all night. She really was trying, why couldn't he?

"Great," Emmeline said, reaching across Lily and taking Dorcas' hand. She dragged the dark haired girl to her feet. Lily tried to stand up but Dorcas pushed her back down. She frowned. "Coming Peter?"

"Oh, I don't really dance," he replied uneasily.

"Nonsense," Emmeline said to him, releasing Dorcas and taking his hand. "It's your birthday; you have to dance!"

Lily watched as the two girls pulled the boy around the couches and toward the dance floor. He stood awkwardly between the girls as they shimmied around him. Lily tried not to laugh. To her surprise however she heard James exhale a scoff of amusement.

She glanced across at him and they made brief eye contact before James quickly broke it, pretending to be watching Peter. "Are you going to talk to me or not?" she asked gently.

He turned to her again and his smile faded. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing," she sighed, falling back into the cushions. "Forget it."

"Fine," he replied nonchalantly, taking another sip of his drink.

There was short silence in which neither of them looked at each other.

"I like your dress," he spoke finally, still not looking at her.

She glanced at him momentarily, somewhat surprised but relieved for the sudden icebreaker. She smoothed the material over her knees. "Thanks. It's the one I wore to my birthday," she replied in an equally offhand tone, brushing the creases out of the fabric across her lap.

"I know. I'm glad it cleaned up alright."

She hesitated, wondering what that meant, until she remembered spilling butterbeer all over herself when she had caught John with Judy. "Me too."

"I didn't tell anyone, you know," he added, giving her a sidelong glance. "Not even Sirius."

She shrugged, finally popping the top on her butterbeer and taking a swig. "He found out anyway, didn't he."

James turned his face toward her at last, looking puzzled. "He did?"

Lily frowned. "Where have you been this past month?"

James' expression softened but he averted his eyes once again. "I didn't think you'd tell him that."

"Well of course I did; isn't he the one who told y-" She paused, frowning harder than ever. "Are we having the same conversation?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't think it would be that easy to forget."

"Humour me."

He looked uncomfortable and glanced over his shoulder before speaking. "At your birthday – at the top of the stairs – when you, ah-" He seemed to be doubting himself now.

"Go on."

"You pissed yourself?"

Lily's nose turned up in revulsion. "I most certainly did not! Where on earth would you get such a silly-" And then she groaned in realisation. "I split my butterbeer you moron."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. Thank God you didn't tell anyone." She rolled her eyes and heard him snorting into his drink. "It's not funny James," she chided him, but even then she felt her face break into a grin of its own accord. That stupid laugh of his always got her going.

"It is a bit," he smiled wider at her reaction.

"Not if everyone had found out that the Head Girl had wet her knickers!" She groaned again at what might have been. "How embarrassing."

"Well I thought you had and I still love you," he added as a consolation. She wasn't sure if it was just part of their banter or if he really meant it but either way they both seemed to consider it for a moment before either spoke again.

Her smile faded as she glanced back at him and he smiled weakly in return. Lily sighed. "I don't want to go back to ignoring each other," she told him honestly.

He sighed too, dropping his gaze to his cup between his hands. "Lily…I can't."

"Can't you try?" Lily pleaded with him. "I just want things to back to the way they were – when we were kids."

"But we're not kids anymore," he told her, lifting his gaze to look her in the eye. "Things aren't ever going to be the way they were Lily."

"So what do we do?"

"You're the only one that can make that decision," he said plainly. "But we're never going to be just friends."

He wanted her to choose. All or nothing.

"You can't make me love you back, James."

Lily didn't think it was possible but he looked even more disappointed than before. Perhaps he had truly believed she would come around. "Then that's that isn't it?" he said stiffly.

Lily didn't know what to say to him. The idea of this conversation had been to make up, but it seemed no matter how many times they tried, James was right, they couldn't be friends. They would go back to ignoring each other and it would hurt Lily deeply but she knew it was probably nothing to they way James would feel; pretending to be her friend and having to hold back on his true feelings - it would be like teasing him – showing him what he wanted but never letting him have it.

When she didn't respond he got to his feet, placing his cup on the nearby table. "Excuse me," he added before disappearing into the crowds.

Lily ran a tired hand across her brow. She didn't want to let him go but what else could she do?

"Mind if I join you?"

Sirius seated himself in James' vacant spot.

"Speaking to me now?" Lily sneered, leaning back into the couch and folding one leg over the other.

"Only because Remus beat me to James. I got left with you."

She scoffed, turning purposely away. "Save yourself the agony then. I don't need sympathy, thanks."

"I'm not here to give sympathy; I'm here to inform you of what a heartless bh you are."

She scoffed again, looking up into his face, which appeared rather expressionless despite his harsh words. "Don't put the blame on me, Sirius Black. The girls told me everything; this whole mess is your fault. If you were his friend you would never have done that to him."

"If you were his friend then you wouldn't have left him miserable."

"Well for your information, we're not friends anymore so it's still your fault."

"You're the one that broke his heart."

"You're the one that set him up for heartbreak!"

"Well if I'd known you were such a heartless bh I would never have done it!"

"You already used that insult," she smirked. "And besides, I never did anything to make you think I was interested in him. You're just an interfering little snot, that's what you are."

This time Sirius scoffed. "Didn't do anything to make me think you were interested? Come off it, Evans, I had to watch you two dry humping on the floor of a broom closet! You loved it!"

"Wash your mouth out!" Lily scowled at him. "I did no such thing."

"And what's this I hear about you trying to give him a hand job?"

Lily gasped. "He told you about that?"

"I may have beaten it out of him with a pillow, but yes, he did!"

Lily very nearly growled. "That's besides the point. That all happened after you set him up."

"But you admit to enjoying it."

"I've admitted to everyone that I enjoyed it," she huffed. "I am allowed to, you know – I may be a girl but I'm a teenager too. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

"No body admits to enjoying sex with their best friend."

"There was no sex," she replied, sounding horrified. "Just stop this," she snapped, lowering her voice as she began to loose her temper with his meddling. "He's my friend – or was, anyway," she added. "We kissed – that's all. And yes, I liked it. Get over it, move on, stop interfering with my life." Did they all think she was stupid, trying to catch her out and get her to admit she was in love with him?

But he didn't look at all troubled by her response. He just sat there, staring back her with a smug look about him. "Okay," he seemed to admit evenly. "I get it; he's your friend."

Lily took a breath of relief at the breakthrough.

He continued calmly. "He's a good-looking bloke I suppose and you're a pretty girl. Makes sense – you're only human." He rose from the couch with a sigh. "You just like to get physical sometimes; I get it now."

"Thank you," she muttered quietly, grateful that someone was finally seeing things her way. She would never have thought Sirius to be the first to understand but she hoped he might knock some sense into James.

"There's just one thing though," he said, stopping suddenly upon making to leave the area.

Lily cocked her head to look up at him. "And what's that?"

"I'm probably wrong," he said with a slight shrug, but you said you're his friend, right? And you can't seem to keep your hands off him-" Lily made to interrupt what she assumed to be a crude comment but he continued. "-Isn't that what most girls would define as the perfect boyfriend?"

For the first time she hesitated. "W-what are you talking about?"

"Oh but don't listen to me; what do I know?" he added offhandedly. "I mean you're just friends, like you said, and you would know best of course." He took the butterbeer from her hands though she hardly noticed as she stared across the room with her nose turned up in a rather unattractive expression of severe concentration. He took a swig for himself and did not give her back the bottle. "See you around, Lily."

"What the fuck?"

But he'd already stalked off in the direction of the dance floor.

"What did Sirius Black just say to you?"

Lily was startled to see Cecily standing beside the couch, eyeing her with concern. "Excuse me?" She felt oddly breathless.

"I'm not being nosey," the girl added tentatively, walking around and placing herself beside Lily. "It's just that you look… upset."

"Not upset," Lily replied, finding her voice to be a little higher than usual. "I feel a bit sick actually." She pushed her hair back from her face, taking a long breath. Then she realised she hadn't needed to put down her butterbeer first. Where had that gone?

"I know we're not the best of friends Lily," Cecily added, catching her attention. "But if you want to talk about it…" She trailed off as though Lily was supposed to understand what she was referring to. Lily did not.

"Did you see me holding a butterbeer earlier?"

Cecily gave her an odd look. "Pardon?"

"Never mind," Lily muttered, shaking her head. "I think I'm going mad. No, I am going mad." She glanced over her shoulder spotting James sat with Remus at a table in the corner. She'd always considered herself a rather sensible girl who was always very much in control of her own feelings and actions. Sirius Black on the other hand was a notorious idiot. The idea of him being right about something like this was just ridiculous! But he might actually be that – right. God, she really was mad.

"Everyone else can see it," she muttered unconsciously. How had that happened?

"I know," Cecily replied, sounding hesitant. Lily turned back to the girl with raised eyebrows. Even Cecily knew! The girl continued. "But you mustn't get upset. I've always admired you for being so strong – when people call you…Mudblood." She whispered the word. "Don't let something like this get you down. You should confront him," she added, sounding very resolute all of a sudden. "It's just not right. Don't you let him get away."

Lily had always considered Cecily to a rather mild mannered girl; she and Ethel kept pretty much to themselves and she was surprised to hear the girl sound so interested and determined. In fact, come to think of it, she didn't know how Cecily had become so knowledgeable about her situation at all. Perhaps her late night whispers about James with Dorcas and Emmeline hadn't been very quiet at all.

"I feel like such an idiot," Lily confessed feeling ashamed. She'd been terrible to James and all because she was too stupid to see what was right in front of her. She'd been given a second chance with James but in trying to save the friendship again had she stopped it from developing into something better? Something that was so obvious?

"You're not an idiot, Lily," Cecily offered kindly.

Lily smiled at her but could not help the butterflies in her stomach at the thought of confessing to James that she had been wrong all along. "He's going to think I'm a complete nut," she grumbled thinking how not two minutes ago she'd pretty much told the guy she wanted nothing to do with him.

"I think you have every right to make a scene."

Lily glanced over at her again. "You do?"

Cecily nodded.

Lily bit her lip in thought wondering if James would even speak to her now. What if she'd upset him so much that he refused to listen to her confession? Lily shook her head. "What will I say to him?"

Cecily looked a little taken aback at being addressed for such important advice, and then thoughtful. She glanced back at Lily with a devilish look Lily had never seen on the girl before. "Tell him he's a pig. Tell him so everyone hears; that'll show him."

Lily's mouth dropped open involuntarily. She wasn't quite sure what to say; Cecily looked so proud of herself for coming up with such a suggestion. "Gosh, Cecily," she began hesitantly. "I don't think that's really the best approach, do you? I am trying to apologise after all."

Cecily looked thoughtful nodded on instinct, but then she paused, her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Why would you apologise?"

Lily gaped at her. "Because I've been a cold hearted bitch and broke his heart?"

Cecily shifted in her seat looking thoroughly embarrassed. "We're not talking about John, are we?"

"We're talking about John?"

Cecily averted her eyes, looking awkward. "Obviously not. Sorry, I thought that maybe Sirius came to tell you – I thought that's what you meant when you said everyone knew – not that I knew of course, I just saw them and I thought I should tell you."

This time Lily frowned in confusion. "Them?"

Cecily turned slightly, and Lily followed her line of sight to where John and Judy were unmistakably kissing in a corner. The area was shielded by a set of curtains – the boys sure had this party planned to every detail with a special area for snogging couples – but it looked as though someone had left it open just a tad and it was just enough so that their was no mistaking the people inside. "I'm sorry Lily," she added apologetically. "I just thought someone should tell you."

Lily merely huffed as she watched the two try to eat each other's faces off right in the middle of the party, in blatant view of everyone. It was funny; out in the courtyard that night they had looked almost romantic. Here they looked like a couple of drunks, inexpertly trying to maul each other. It was disgusting. But what was more disgusting was the fact that they were being so obvious. Didn't he care that she might see him? That someone like Cecily might see and come and tell her? Didn't he care that seeing this for the first time might come as such a shock that she would spill butterbeer on her expensive new dress and sandals and cry herself to sleep, missing her – Peter's – eighteenth birthday party?

"Are you okay?" Cecily hesitantly interrupted her thoughts.

"He is such an insensitive prick," Lily muttered, glaring at the couple. A few students turned away with odd looks as they passed the open curtains, no doubt speculating on the status of Lily Evans' and John Willis' relationship. Looking about now she could see a few people looking directly at her as though wondering if she had seen yet or what she was going to do about it.

"Do you want to go back to the dorms?" Cecily offered kindly. "I'll come with you."

"No," Lily replied with a sigh, her eyes flicking back to the girl. "I'm fine."

Cecily eyed her sceptically. "Are you sure?"

Lily even surprised herself as she caught herself smiling. "You know, I'm just glad that's not me." People around the room were looking at John right now like he was a piece of filth – everyone knew he was supposedly dating the Head Girl. If she had kissed James they would all be looking at her like that. It was an awful feeling. Instead they were looking at Lily with pity. She didn't need it though – she was through with John and she'd long got over the shock of his 'affair'. It came to her quite suddenly that it really was time to get over this whole thing. It had taken over her life for too long and James had suffered for it too. She would break up with him – quietly – after the party. She was so ready to move on with everything.

"Oh." Cecily looked a bit unsure of where to proceed. "Well, is there anything I can do?"

Lily glanced over her shoulder, scanning the room. James was still sat with Remus, slumped over a table at the far side. Remus looked rather helpless, speaking occasionally but James only appeared to ignore him. The former caught her eye but his expression was hard to read – something akin to anger, which was understandable. Yes, it really was time to move on with everything. Tonight she was determined to set everything the way it should be. She smiled at him before turning back to Cecily.

"Thanks, Cecily," Lily told her. "I'm glad we spoke."

Cecily may have muttered something in response but Lily didn't really hear as she crossed the party room, sidestepping the happy guests as she made her way toward her goal. Remus looked up expectantly where as James turned purposely away.

"Mind if I have a word with James?" she asked, hoping to sound as normal as possible while her heart hammered in her chest.

Remus glanced at his friend who did nothing in response, and got to his feet hesitantly. "I'll just be, ah-"

"They're on the dance floor," Lily provided happily.

"Thanks," Remus nodded. He quickly scuttled out of her path, glancing back over his shoulder, not that Lily noticed as she dropped into his seat opposite James. His eyes were brimming though he wore a determined expression that said he refused to cry in public. She hated knowing that she had made him feel that way.

"What do you want?" he muttered grimly, still not looking at her.

Lily refused to rise to it, though instinct told her to snap back at him she merely smiled. She could play it off coolly – this was supposed to be a nice moment, not another argument. She didn't care that it was completely embarrassing to be admitting how she felt after telling him to fuck off moments before. So much time had been wasted already because of her. She would tell him exactly how she felt. Right now. "To be honest, I was just thinking about how much I'd like to snog you again."

His whole body seemed to stiffen before he slowly turned his face toward her, his nose wrinkled in distaste or confusion. "What?"

"Well it sounded cooler in my head," she muttered. "Look, I need to apologise to you – I've been-"

"You want to kiss me," he cut her off.

"Well…yes, I suppose I do," she agreed. "But before that, I wanted to say-"

But James took her by surprise, getting sharply to his feet and reaching across the table to take her by the wrist. He pulled her to her feet and literally dragged her across the room until they stood in plain sight of John and Judy, still trying to devour each other with the curtain open. She stumbled to a halt, completely speechless at his reaction. What was wrong with him?

"James?"

He was aggressive, careless, his expression hard, and she whined suddenly as her skin twisted in his firm grip. Finally he released her arm, but only to pull her possessively to him by her hips. She gasped. A number of people nearby turned to watch the odd display with interest.

"I hate you for doing this to me," he hissed into her ear, sounding tearful. "I fucking hate you." He pulled back and she could see the pain in his eyes and she realised he'd got it all wrong.

"No," she said quickly, noticing the stares of the people around them. "This isn't about them," she added, glancing toward John.

"Of course," he replied, still sounding bitter. "It's about you. It's always about you."

Before she could object to his assumptions he had yanked her forcefully to her again and there was no time to register the surprise on her face as he crashed his mouth to hers. She tried to pull back but he had her in a vice grip, refusing to let her go. He was demanding, instigating their routine with one hand on the back of her head at all times, crushing her to him. When she wouldn't cooperate he bit at her lower lip, causing her to gasp so that he might plunge his tongue in her mouth. She tasted her own blood. His free hand squeezed her too hard instead of the soft caresses she was used to. She didn't like it at all.

"Get the fuck off my girlfriend!"

Suddenly it all stopped and she felt as though James was ripped apart from her. She saw everybody staring at them; some looking intrigued, others confused, but the thing that caught her attention the most was John pulling James back by his hair. He cried out, a low growl of pain and Lily gasped, her hands covering her mouth. She felt the sticky feel of blood on her fingers and pulled them away in disgust.

"Johnny! Johnny stop it!"

A crowd had gathered and Judy could be heard over the shouting and music, screaming at John to stop as he dragged James backwards. John ignored her as she began shouting at the other boy. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" he yelled, letting go of James as he fell to the floor.

Lily found herself speechless, unable to make herself move to stop the fight that was going on before her. She saw Sirius and Remus trying to push through the crowd and could hear Dorcas shouting her name but it was soon lost in the cries of the mass of people around her.

James quickly got to his feet, retrieving his wand and scowling at his attacker as he aimed it threateningly. "Don't make me use this," he hissed. Everyone knew that James was an O-grade student and quick with a wand– one shot and John would go down like a ton of bricks.

They had never really planned what they would say after John had seen them kissing. They weren't sure if John would wait until after the party to see Lily about it privately or if he'd confront them then and there, but it was clear now that he had chosen the latter. Lily had imagined in her head that if that were the case she would tell him all about seeing him with Judy and then she and James would flaunt away arm in arm leaving John speechless. Right now she didn't want to speak to John and she didn't want to leave with James either. She hadn't wanted to go through with any of this at all.

"I should be hexing you!" John growled, bravely (or stupidly) appearing non-perturbed by the threat. "Teach you to keep your dirty mouth away from my girlfriend!"

James smirked. "Maybe she likes it when I use my mouth on her."

There was a gasp from the crowd followed by instant chatter and the crude suggestion wasn't lost on Lily. James glanced at her as though waiting for her to join in – to tell John she was though with him for cheating on her – but the only thing that escaped her lips was-

"NO!"

SMACK!

Her warning came too late as John lunged at James, hitting him square in the face and James went down hard. Something went crunch and she was sure James' nose had been broken. The blood that began streaming down his face confirmed her suspicions. Instinct told her to drop to her knees and help him but her feet remained firmly planted on the ground. He was looking up at her with a scowl – as though she had been the one to hit him.

"Lily," John called her attention, stepping toward her with outstretched arms.

"Don't touch me," she spat, knocking his hands out of the way. She finally crouched beside James, mainly in an attempt to get away from John, and tentatively touched his face. He mirrored her previous action, slapping her fingers away. "James, please-"

He got to his feet with a little help from Remus who had just appeared behind him having found his way to the front. Sirius made a lunge toward John but James pulled him back. "Leave him," he ordered darkly. "He's not even fucking worth it." Lily and most of the audience watched in shock as the three boys pushed their way roughly back through the crowds and out of view.

"Are you alright?" John tried again; taking her by the arm while her back was turned.

"I said don't touch me!" she cried, pulling out of his grip and shoving him in the chest. He was a large boy and it did nothing but jolt him a little. She turned on her heel again intent on following the three Marauders. The gossiping crowds parted willingly for her as she made a dash for the exit. She could hear John calling her name and Judy calling his.

"Lily, wait."

"Johnny! Johnny, come back."

"Lily!"

"Johnny! Johnny just forget her!"

"Let go of me woman! Lily!"

She ignored them all, stepping out into the cold corridor outside and slamming the door shut behind her. James was nowhere to be seen.

And for those who didn't know the lyrics…

Judy's turn to cry

'Cause now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Oh, when Judy left with Johnny at my party (my party)
And came back wearing his ring,
I sat down and cried my eyes out
Now, that was a foolish thing

'Cause now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Well, it hurt me so to see them dance together (together)
I felt like making a scene
Then, my tears just fell like raindrops
'Cause Judy's smile was so mean

But now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

(Instrumental bridge)

Oh, one night I saw them kissin' at a party (a party)
So, I kissed some other guy
Johnny jumped up and he hit him
'Cause he still loved me, that's why

So now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Yay, now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry, Judy's turn to cry
(fade out)