Eric laid in the bed beside Sawyer listening to her breathe. He knew that it was still day outside by the fact that his nose would not stop bleeding. He grabbed the towel and wiped it again reminding himself to get rid of it before Sawyer woke up. He laid there in bed wondering why it was that no matter how hard he tried not to hurt Sawyer he always did in the end. He turned and looked at her sleeping beside him trusting him to protect her and he wondered why she was still with him.
He sat up in bed and rested his head against the headboard. He wiped his nose again and sighed when he felt the blood trickle down from his right ear. He knew he needed to get to sleep before the bleeds got worse but right then was the only time he had to think about what he was going to do next to help Sawyer forgive him. He knew that she would feel this pain and betrayal down to her soul. He had never cared before about if he hurt someone or not. Hell, several months before he hadn't cared about sacrificing Sookie to save Godric; he would have done anything to save his maker and would have accepted Sookie's death as a horrible thing but an unavoidable circumstance so his maker could live. Now with Sawyer though, his thinking was changing completely.
Now his mind kept going over everything he had done and he kept asking himself if he could have done something differently. He went over the things Godric and him had done during the two wars at the beginning of the twentieth century and he asked himself if he couldn't have done more the save people. He reached out and placed his hand on Sawyer's stomach and felt their children kicking. When he thought about his actions and the people they had hurt or caused death too it was now always in relation to the children he would claim as his. He wondered what they would think if he told them the horrible things that he had done? What would Sawyer think and say if he finally laid all out there? The people he had caused harm to had been someone's child as well and now all Eric could think of was someone hurting Sawyer and his children the way he had hurt others.
He closed his eyes and tried to push those thoughts aside and focus on the real problem. He couldn't though because what he had done to Finn was something he always did and didn't think twice about doing it. But when he had been in the basement looking at the horror in Sawyer's eyes he had known that he had reached the point of no return. He could no longer be the heartless, cruel Viking he had been for a millennia. If he chose to keep being that man, Sawyer would leave. She needed someone who was loving and caring; who was human. Eric opened his eyes and laid back down on the bed wrapping an arm around Sawyer. She snuggled close to him and he laid there asking himself how he was going to become a softer, more caring version of the monster he had become. He sighed and wished that Godric had been alive. In that moment he could have used advice from his maker. Godric had been softer the last time Eric had seen him and now Eric finally saw that that softness was not weakness like he had first thought. It was just another form of strength.
Eric closed his eyes and swore to be more like Godric and to show Sawyer that he could be soft and gentle. He needed her to see that he could do things without violence and death. He wanted her to be able to see that he was not a threat to the children and that he would never ever do anything to harm them. He vowed to change before they were born so that they would never see or know the dark, scarier side of him. He could hide it and push it away so that he could be the man that Sawyer needed and wanted. He would do anything for his Vacker; his heart. She needed him and he would be whatever she wanted and needed. He finally allowed himself to succumb to the sleep he had been fighting most of the day. He thought he had found an answer to his question and he could forget his worries for awhile and hold his love in his arms.
Sawyer slowly woke up hearing the emptiness of the house around her. She rolled over hoping to find comfort in Eric but found the spot next to her empty. She opened her eyes and moaned when she was greeted with the darken room and her empty bed. She wanted Eric to be there to help keep away the thoughts of Finn from entering her mind. He wasn't though and her thoughts turned to her dead brother. She wondered where Eric had buried him and if he had felt much pain at the end. Everything she didn't want to think about entered her mind and she closed her eyes to try to push the thoughts away. She turned when she heard the door to the room open and the light were flicked on.
"You are awake," Eric said carrying in a tray.
"Yeah, I am. What do you have there?" Sawyer asked sitting up and glad for the distraction from her thoughts about Finn.
"Your dinner."
Eric saw the shock come over Sawyer's features. He walked over to the bed and set the tray on Sawyer's lap. He watched as she looked at the chicken alfredo that he had made a small smile finally forming on her face. He sat down beside her on the bed and watched as she took the fork and knife in her hands. He knew that she had not been expecting him to cook for her and he had never thought of doing it. But he had woken up that night deciding that he should do it. He had spent an hour on the internet looking up recipes and then another two hours of trial and error but he had finally made her dinner. He just hoped it tasted right. He watched as she cut off a piece and bought it to her mouth. He waited patiently and watched as a smile came on her face.
"Wow, this actually tastes good," Sawyer said surprised.
"I am hurt that you are actually surprised that it tastes good."
"Considering you are a vampire and can't taste what you are making, yeah I am surprised. Why did you do this?"
Sawyer ate some more and looked at Eric. She really wanted to know why it was that he had made her a nice meal. Usually he just ordered her to eat and sat and made sure she did. This time he had actually spent time and made her food. She watched him and saw the look that came over his face and she stopped eating. She suddenly felt like he was going to tell her something horrible. She pushed the tray away and wiped her mouth with the napkin.
"What's wrong?" Eric asked confusion suddenly filling his features.
"Whatever horrible thing you have done now, just tell me. Please, I can't handle walking into the basement and seeing someone else chained there. So, spit it out, what did you do?" Sawyer demanded.
Eric looked at Sawyer the confusion still present on his face. It then went away and he realized what she thought. He looked in her eyes, "You truly believe that I have done something horrible?" he asked her demanding her truthfulness with the sound of his voice.
Sawyer sighed and knew that she shouldn't have said what she had but there was no turning back now, "Yes, I think you did something horrible and this is your way of softening the blow for me."
"You truly believe I am a monster."
"Eric, I don't- Dammit," Sawyer said as Eric left the room using his vampire speed. She sat there wondering where she had gone wrong. She looked down at the dinner Eric had made and suddenly wasn't hungry any longer. She turned and looked at the clock and sighed. She had to get ready and hopefully make it to Fangtasia before Sookie did. And hopefully Eric wouldn't be there for Arlene and Terry's engagement party.
Pam looked up shocked when Eric breezed into the hotel room he had rented for her so that she would not have to endure getting ready at the club with everyone running around and getting everything finished. Although, Pam would admit she had guilted him into it because she wanted to make him pay for agreeing to let Arlene have the club in the first place.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"Sawyer believes I am a monster," he stated.
"And that is a problem because...?" Pam trailed off opening her suitcase and pulling out a leather skirt and then searching for her pink corset and the low cut black blouse she wore under it.
"Pam, I am being serious here could you at least pretend to care about what I am saying."
"I am trying but so far you are just whining like a child. Or worse you are acting like that emotionally retarded Bill Compton," Pam turned and looked at her maker again wondering how he ever got by without her, "Sawyer does not think you are a monster. She never could."
"She saw me kill her brother."
"And yet you spent all day in bed with her, right?"
"And what is your point, Pam?"
"My point is that you are worrying about nothing. She does not think you are a monster because if she did she would have staked you during the day."
"She still might."
Pam shook her head and went back to going though her bags looking for a pair of nice pumps to go with her outfit, "No, she won't do it now. Although, I don't know why. Sometimes, I could stake you as well."
"Pam, I do love it when you talk naughty."
Pam turned but Eric was gone. She sighed and wondered what had happened this time to have her maker acting like a love sick teen instead of the thousand year old being that he was. She knew that Sawyer would never see him as a monster and she wanted to know why it was that he was worried about it now.
Sawyer smiled as Sookie yelled at Jessica as they all tried to get the last minute things together for the party that was going to start in an hour. Sawyer rubbed her back and stretched a little trying to relieve the ache that was beginning to form. Carrying two babies was doing a number on her body and she wondered if it was just as painful for women who were only carrying one baby. She got up from her stool and stood sighing in relief when that relieved the pain. She turned when the door to the club banged open. Suddenly the club went silent as Eric stalked into it.
Eric looked around and realized that everyone was staring at him. He looked ahead and saw Sawyer standing by the bar in a plain empire waist black dress that hit her knees. She looked beautiful to him though and he wanted nothing more than to go over and hold her. She turned away from him and began to talk to Jessica ignoring him. Eric stood straighter and stalked past them and to his office.
Sawyer winced when she heard the door slam. She looked at Jessica and saw the look on Jess's face. Jessica didn't say anything just patted her on the shoulder but Sawyer knew what Jess wanted to tell her. She was already thinking it herself. She needed to go talk with Eric. She needed to let him know that she didn't think he was a monster and that she didn't blame him for Finn's death. He had just done what he had to so that her and their children were safe. Sawyer sighed and wondered if there would ever be a time when she could forgive herself the same way she had forgiven Eric.