Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Also, sorry for taking a little longer with the update. Life's crazy that way.
A couple of weeks went by, and soon final exams were over. Emmett and Rose decided to go on a one week trip to Cancun (all paid for by Rosalie's rich daddy) and Alice decided to stay in New York and have her family visit her instead. She said she'd head down for spring break, claiming these holidays to be far prettier in the big city than in Phoenix. So Bella stayed in the dorms until the last day she was able to and, when she was all but kicked out, decided to spend a couple of nights with Edward. Apparently, the Cullen family usually spent Christmas in Chicago, where Esme and Carlisle were from. They'd headed there on the twenty-first, and Edward had claimed to need two more days to tie up some loose ends. Bella had just told her parents she'd arrive home on the twenty-third, and that was it. Phil didn't need and Renée didn't want much explanation. Maybe that was why Bella was such an independent person? She'd grown up without having to make excuses as to why she had almost failed a class (which had, thankfully, only happened once), never asking permission to go out and managing most menial tasks in the house. Growing up, it had been a stark contrast with Emmett, who hadn't been able to put a foot outside of the house without being questioned about where he was going and who he was meeting. For the Dwyer household, it had all been about steering clear of drugs and keeping a good academic life. Any achievement further than that was welcomed but unasked for.
Digressing.
The first night Bella spent with Edward, she was clear that nothing was about to happen (sexually): she'd gone with him to some end-of-semester reunion with his architecture friends to some party. He had a friend, Jackson, who really grated on her nerves; he was constantly flirting with her, even in front of his girlfriend, and to make things worse Edward was none the wiser. It wasn't obvious enough for Bella to be more straightforward in shutting him down, but it was evident enough to her that she preferred spending as little time as possible with the guy. On the other hand, one of Edward's other friends, a guy called Westley, was a hoot. He was always regaling Bella with stories of his shit-eating dog, cracking her up until she found it hard to breathe. Him, Edward was jealous of. And even though the guy was pretty cute and hilarious as fuck, he seemed uninterested in her. During this particular party Bella managed to find out, after a few drinks in him, that he was hopelessly in love with some girl from the graphic design career who wouldn't give him the time of day. For every two beers he drank down, Bella drank half of one. Despite having this system in place, by midnight she was tipsy as fuck and hanging onto Edward's back for dear life as he carried her to his car.
"Maybe I drank too much," Bella hiccuped, resting her head on Edward's shoulder.
"I think you did, babe," Edward said, not at all amused. He didn't like it when Bella drank so much; she wasn't a woman of enough good habits for this kind of thing to be swept under the rug. He could hardly convince her of eating salad with her lunch, and now it was the third time this semester he had to carry a drunk Bella home. At least she could hold her dinner down.
"I'm sorry, Eddie," Bella hiccuped, tightening her arms around his neck. "I'm just not used to parties. I always get too nervous and end up drinking a teeeeensy bit more than I should."
Understatement, but he was glad for her honesty.
"It's ok, baby. Come on, let's go home."
By the time Bella had been dumped safely on his bed, Edward was beat from a long day. Before going through the hassle of changing Bella's clothes, he put on his pajamas: a Spiderman t-shirt and boxers. He only used pants when he went to Chicago. So he grabbed another t-shirt (Bugs Bunny this time) and boxers, ready to help Bella out of her dress. But when he turned, she was completely naked.
"Make love to me, Edward," Bella slurred, hurting him in his human decency. Clenching his jaw, he shook his head.
"You know I won't touch you when you're drunk, Bella."
She pouted. It looked a bit wonky thanks to the alcohol, but he still thought she was adorable.
"Why?"
"Because if, by any chance, you don't want me to touch you right now and I do, it'll make both of us feel terrible tomorrow."
"But you know I want you to touch me."
"I know baby. But I'm not taking your virginity after you've drank nearly a keg of beer, and I certainly don't want to be the scumbag that touches his drunk girlfriend."
Bella kept whining, hoping her boyfriend would change his mind and suddenly ravage her, but he never did. Instead, she realized that there was only one thing she could do right now: take matters into her own hands.
She stopped complaining all of a sudden, making Edward rightfully suspicious.
"Bella?" Edward frowned, turning around from where he'd been picking up Bella's tossed aside clothes. "You alive?"
When he turned back to see her, he wished he hadn't: she'd taken matters into her own hands, literally.
In front of him was only one of the best scenes ever. Bella had parted her legs completely, giving him ample view of her pussy. She had three fingers on her clit, rubbing tight circles, and the other hand had his duvet clenched.
"Oh, fuck."
Edward had no choice but to tug his boxers down and take his dick into his hand, unable to take the scene in front of him. He didn't know what the ethics were on watching his drunk girlfriend masturbate, but he also knew that Bella never blacked out or said things she didn't mean when she drank. Not to mention, she'd fessed up after Halloween about how quickly she sobered up, and—
Fuck, he just wanted her.
So, watching each other, they got themselves off. Edward came with a shuddering breath, Bella squeaking out his name. Heart rate slowing down, he gathered the pajamas he'd picked out for her and quickly dressed his enchantress.
"You're gonna give me a heart attack one day," Edward warned, and a sleepy Bella simply grinned.
"I certainly hope not."
And then they were out.
The next morning, Bella woke up with a dick against her ass and the worst hangover ever. She remembered everything from the night before, and she even managed to flinch in guilt at the spot she'd put Edward in last night. She didn't realize while drunk how hard it had to be to turn down your drunk, naked, willing girlfriend. And even if she thoroughly enjoyed her orgasm and watching Edward's, she knew of the conflict inside of him from the face he'd pulled at the end. She didn't know what she'd have done if it was Edward who had drunkenly started jerking off —ok fine, she would've done the same thing he had. But she knew Edward, Mr. Morality, had to have had his ethical questions about it. Maybe it was necessary, she realized, to establish rules with him about what to do if she begged to be fucked while she was drunk and he wasn't.
And when he woke up, that was what she did.
"Morning baby," Bella smiled at her boyfriend, her heart fluttering when his eyes slowly opened and met hers.
"Morning beautiful. How's your hangover?"
"Awful. But thanks for taking care of me last night."
"Always," Edward gave her a sleepy smile, and thirty seconds later she saw his eyes grow wide as saucers and flinch. "Oh fuck, Bella—"
"I know what you're gonna say, and let me stop you right there. First of all, don't feel bad about last night. Thank you for keeping your word and not touching me, and I'm sorry that I put you in such an uncomfortable position. I'd like to say I won't do it again, but I'd rather not make a promise I'm not sure I can keep. I just... thank you and sorry."
"Don't apologize, B. I like being the one to take care of you."
"You're the best. I just... It crossed my mind that perhaps I should lay down some ground rules for you so you know what to do if I'm drunk and horny, yeah? And I know you don't drink, but if you should ever want to for some crazy reason, is it ok if you lay some down, too?"
Edward nodded, glad about her suggestion. He always had a hard time saying no to her, but it'd be a lot easier if he knew what her limits were while drunk.
"Alright, so, first. No sexing me up, especially if we haven't done it sober yet. Now, I know I can be a bit... pushy sometimes. If I'm not taking no for an answer, I recommend sticking me in a cold shower. I mean it Edward. It wouldn't be just about you not doing something to me while drunk, but about me not doing anything to you. I'd feel awful if I made you feel powerless or uncomfortable because I wouldn't stop pushing you into it. And you've seen how stubborn I can be while inebriated, so I don't want to risk it. Second: third or fourth base with me. Kissing is fine, and I don't mind you squeezing my ass —I like that a lot, actually— but nothing further than that. Not because I don't want to do anything while I'm drunk... but because I don't know if I'd be able to react in time to feeling something's wrong. Like, what if for some reason it's hurting me to have sex, and I don't manage to get it out? Or, heaven forbid, I puke while we're doing it? Not to mention I peed on you while I was awake, I don't even want to know what could happen while I'm out of it. Oh, and only let me give you a hand job: knowing me, if I tried giving you a blow job, it'd go down the wrong pipe. And finally... I don't mind you watching me while I touch myself, whichever is my state of mind. These are the things I give you my consent to do in case of being drunk-horny."
Edward chuckled a bit at some of her rules but, ultimately, he agreed with them all. So he gave her his much shorter version of guidelines.
"I don't know how I'm like while drunk, baby. So if I start getting pushy, or if you don't want me touching you and I'm not receptive... Lock me in the room or something. And I don't want third or fourth base with you, either, in such a state: I might not be able to realize I'm hurting you and I'm not willing to take that risk. And I'm definitely ok with it if you want to watch or, uh, give me a hand job."
Bella nodded.
"Now that was a mature conversation," she teased, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "Now, let's go have breakfast. I'm hungover, not crazy."
They spent the rest of the day watching movies and cooking (Edward did the dishes). Bella also spent the first half of the day recovering from her hangover, then like an hour in the tub to rinse off yesterday's smell. Edward attempted to get in with her, but she was adamant about going in alone: if she was as dirty as she felt, she would prefer him not to witness the washing.
"I think you're being really inconsiderate of the ecosystem right now," Edward kept complaining half an hour after Bella was done with the shower. They were watching the last episode of Lucifer, a show the couple really liked because they could gush over the main leads being hot. Well, Bella gushed, mostly; Edward was only too aware of the fact that his girlfriend was hotter than half of Hollywood, not to mention blue-eyed blond wasn't exactly his type, though he could appreciate the female lead in his own way. If anything, he was far more baffled at the idea that Bella was swooning so hard over Tom Ellis, a man who, by no stretch of the imagination, looked anything like him. Maybe he was just not used to admiring other women in front of his girlfriend; Kate certainly wouldn't have liked it, and he'd never heard his dad make such comments to his mother. Though when his dad was gone, Esme Cullen wasted no time in talking about George Clooney.
Digressing: Edward was complaining.
"I told you, I was really disgusting after yesterday," Bella returned absent-minded, but when Edward continued with his whining, Bella sighed and shut off the TV. "Come on, let's go take a nap."
Triumphant over at least having annoyed her into cuddling, he hugged her from behind when she stood up and walked with her like that to his room. When they were inside, instead of heading straight for bed Bella headed to his closet. She was wearing his boxers and a tank top she'd brought over (since she was heading straight from his apartment to her house), so he figured she was looking for something warmer.
"Cold, isn't it?" Edward asked, watching as Bella rummaged his drawers for pajamas and a sweater. It wasn't cold, really, but it certainly was for Arizona. Which wasn't saying much, but still. The two of them were crazy cold these days.
Triumphant, Bella held up his track team hoodie. It read Cullen in the back, which made him horny to no end to picture her with it. Then again, it didn't take much to get him riled up with how much he wanted Bella Swan.
"I'd seen you wear it once, and I couldn't get it out of my head that it'd look so much better on me," Bella winked. She scavenged for sweatpants and a t-shirt, coming up victorious quickly. But then she set the clothes on the vanity, confusing her boyfriend to no end.
"I thought you were going to wear those," Edward raised an eyebrow, watching suspiciously as the woman he'd known since he was a little kid approached him slyly.
"I am, afterwards," Bella said cheekily.
"After what?"
Surprising him, she grabbed her shirt and boxers and suddenly took them off. She was wearing mismatched underwear —a pink bra and purple panties which had him rock hard within seconds. She must've changed her underwear
"Sex," Bella said, reaching her boyfriend. She grabbed hold of his belt and made quick work of taking it off (she'd sent him out earlier for eggs, since his bachelor pad was almost devoid of food). "I'm ready, Edward."
His heart would probably give out before he had a chance of taking off her bra.
"What brought this on?"
They'd literally been about to nap; what had changed her mind in the span of a few seconds?
Bella tugged his shirt up, chucking it off quickly and then getting started on his jeans. He helped with that, wanting her to talk.
"I'm just finally ready, Edward. Any and all reasons that had been holding me back before are gone now. I just really want to do it with you, and I really want you now."
His jeans hit the floor, leaving the couple in their underwear. They just stared at each other, the weight of what was about to happen hitting them.
"You sure you don't want this to be more special? I can book a room in a hotel or something," Edward offered, genuinely worried about fucking up Bella's first time having sex.
"No, I… I just want you, Edward. Now. That's plenty special to me."
That was all Edward needed to hear, because then he was on her. He dragged off her panties, unclasped her bra and all but threw her down on the bed. His hands were all over her —touching her without reservation, touching her like he could only breathe if he did. He was frantic, one moment kissing her and the next kissing her pussy. He'd been waiting to taste her again for so long, and he really needed to give her an orgasm before they had sex. He was furiously rubbing her clit with one finger, and he stuck his tongue inside of her. She was quiet, just latching onto his hair as he felt her pulse around him a few minutes later. Cleaning her up with his tongue, enjoying the twitching, he crawled up her body.
"If you want to stop, you've got to pinch me," Edward gasped, grinding his hips against Bella's warmth. They moaned. "Because my ears are ringing, so I won't be able to hear."
In reply, Bella dragged down his boxers, feeling him rock hard and warm against her. She touched him, gasping when he bucked in her hand.
"Please, take me Edward," Bella managed to wheeze out, moaning when he gave her a bruising kiss that tasted like her. He wasted no time sticking his tongue in her mouth, tasting every corner of her mouth until she was breathless and horny to no end.
"Alright. If it hurts, let me know," Edward took Bella's lower lip in his, distracting her briefly enough to push into her in one go. He almost came on the spot —she was warm, and so fucking tight. It had been months of wet dreams and copping a feel here and there with those two instances of oral sex and voyeurism, but finally, he was inside her. The woman of, literally, his dreams. He tried not concentrating on how good it felt —how tight it was, how perfectly she felt. He ran a finger over her nipple and almost came when she clenched. Suddenly, he was incredibly grateful for that awkward conversation a few months back where they'd discussed sex —the fact that they were both clean and that Bella was on the pill. He somehow couldn't imagine taking her virginity while wearing a condom.
"Doesn't hurt at all," Bella said breathlessly, locking her ankles behind Edward's back. Nonetheless she had a her arms around him in a death grip, letting him know that it wasn't exactly painless. "You're kind of big," Bella whispered, and he felt something clench in his gut and knock the air out of him. She didn't have to say much for him to get turned on.
Thanking all of his lucky stars that he was a bit bigger than average, Edward pulled out a little before pushing back in. When Bella just moaned, Edward sighed in relief —she'd been telling the truth about the pain, mostly. Confident now, he pulled almost all the way out before thrusting back in; Bella moaned again, and he let out a shaky breath before letting his forehead drop on her shoulder.
"Fuck, I'm not going to last at all," Edward whispered.
"I don't want you to. Just... move, for God's sake." Bella whispered, gasping when he pulled out and then thrust back in to the hilt.
"I want this to last, baby. I want to make love to you, and I want you to remember this for the rest of your life." Fuck, she was so wet down there it was all he could do not to slip out. He was at war with himself —wanting to fuck the living daylights out of her but also wanting to worship her like she deserved. He did the latter —he loved this woman and wanted to leave his mark in her heart. He figured perhaps there was time for hard and fast, but that now what she needed was soft and loving.
Because oh, love her he did. He first realized after Halloween; how everything was so easy with her, how she brought him so much peace. He truly hadn't felt unhappy with his relationship with Kate; he'd loved his ex, truly and fully, and he didn't regret dating her. It was just... Bella was different. He realized everything he hadn't had with Kate within the first two months of dating Isabella Swan; how he didn't have to be blinded to be lovestruck, how he could be lovestruck without spending every waking second with his girlfriend. With Kate, too much work to do had been enough excuse to put off meeting her, while with Bella, a heavy workload was motivation to get things done so he could see her quicker. His perspective simply changed, even if many of the situations presented themselves again. Maybe he was just so in love with Bella that he was taking almost every difference in the two women to mean that his current girlfriend was that much better than his ex; he'd found himself thinking negatively about Kate these days, which bothered him about himself. She'd been an incredible girlfriend, and it was unfair of him to put her in a bad light just because he was in love with his current partner. Still, the truth was, Bella meant everything to him —and he wanted to show her.
As Edward wished, Bella's first time having sex was soft and sweet. It was a testament to Edward's love for her, and it was everything Bella had wanted.
"Edward," Bella kept moaning, locking her ankles behind his back. "Oh, that feels good."
The whisper, sweet in his ear, made him bury himself balls deep in her, stopping with a shuddering breath.
"God, you almost killed me right there. Fuck, you're the sweetest girl in the world," Edward said huskily, taking his face out from the crook of her neck and laying a kiss on her lips. "I don't even want to know what your dirty talk would do to me."
Bella giggled, but she quickly stopped when the vibrations transferred down to where they were connected. They moaned, and mischievously, Bella started trailing her hand down Edward's chest, biting on his lower lip.
"I'm gonna be really sore tomorrow," Bella confessed in a whisper. "I'd never had anything inside other than my... and your... fingers."
Her statement was accompanied by a brush of his dick where they were joined; she started rubbing her clit at the sam time the last word left her mouth, but that was too much for Edward. He suddenly pulled out —making Bella let out a surprised whine— but then his fingers had replaced hers in furiously rubbing her clit. Gasping, Bella let him swallow her moans; just when she started twitching, she felt the pressure leave her. Before she even had the chance to cry at the loss, Edward had buried himself to the hilt inside of her, covering her lips with his —he pumped once, twice, three times and then they were coming together, a shot of heat spreading in her lower half as Edward emptied himself inside Bella.
"That was..." Bella gasped in disbelief, wondering at the flashes of light that had gone off behind her eyes. She hadn't noticed, but at some point her fingers had buried themselves in his hair and had made a mess of it.
"Incredible," Edward breathed, getting on his elbows so he could look down at Bella. "I don't remember ever coming so hard in my life."
Smug, Bella couldn't wipe off her Grinch-like smile. She'd done that, and no one else.
"Let me just get off," Edward muttered, pulling out of Bella.
"But I did," Bella snickered, her legs falling apart as Edward just chuckled at her seventh-grader humor. He was about to go get a warm towel to clean up the mess he'd made, but then... He saw the mess he made.
It was like a switch flipped. One second he was spent, and the next he was already hard again even though he'd come not even five minutes ago. But he couldn't help it; he'd taken one look at his cum dripping out of Bella and his dick decided to forgo recovery time, something that had never happened before. Something he'd never found particularly attractive now threatened to undo him at the seams, and desperate, he locked eyes with a shocked Bella.
"Is that... normal?" Bella whispered, and Edward quickly shook his head.
"First time this happens to me," he admitted, red like a tomato. "Turns out I've got a thing for seeing the aftermath of sex."
If he was tomato-red, Bella was firetruck-red. She stuttered her way through her next statement.
"Is it... do you need... Help? I mean, I probably can't come again, but I'm not too sore..."
Fuck, he loved her.
Instead of answering, he parted her legs, holding her thighs apart. He spread her lips, stretching her —letting him have the perfect look inside. His heart missed a beat, he swore; someday, he'd convince Bella to let him take a picture of this. He'd never been one for porn mags, but right now, he kind of understood.
This time, he saw himself get buried inside Bella, and there was almost a sensory overload. She felt like he saw her —glorious. Warm. It was even wetter inside this time, and the thought of what had made her so slick was enough to have him coming again in just a few pumps. He kept thrusting lightly, feeling the after-shocks of his orgasm reverberate through him.
"Fuck," Edward gave a breath of relief, his body finally sated. Still joined, he collapsed on top of Bella, quickly flipping them over so she was on top of him instead. He brought his knees up so he wouldn't slip out, not quite ready to break their connection. "You sure you're ok? I feel bad about—"
"I'm perfect," Bella interrupted. She'd offered, after all, and it wasn't like she needed a relationship where the tit for tat had to be perfectly balanced. "That was... thank you, Edward."
"Thank you, Bella."
A couple of moment went by, and then Edward tightened his arms around her.
"I love you, beautiful girl. Thank you for giving me your first time."
Her eyes burned. She'd been fairly certain he loved her, but it had taken the two so long to say the words she'd begun fearing neither would ever get the courage to say it. And now that he had, she felt like a piece of her lungs that had never breathed had suddenly opened up. She took in a deep breath, the deepest one ever, and she was glad she'd met Edward Cullen.
"I love you too," Bella said, her voice all choked up with emotion. "I've never been in love before... So you'll have to bear with me while I learn."
He kissed the top of her head.
"You silly girl. This is my first time being in love with you. No two loves are the same, so for all intents and purposes, this is our first time being in love." Sometimes, Edward forgot just how inexperienced Bella was in relationships. She was so beautiful, so smart, so all-around incredible that it was hard to remember she'd steered clear of love for a long time —and that she'd even had an unrequited love with him. He chuckled.
"What?" Bella turned to face upwards, quirking up an eyebrow at him.
"Just remembering there was a time where you pined over me. It seems like so long ago."
"I never pined," Bella lied, but both of them knew she was bullshitting no one. "Only for like five minutes. I quickly grew tired of myself for liking a guy in a relationship so most of my time was spent berating myself for not letting you go."
"Would you have gone after me if you thought I'd go out with you, even if I had a girlfriend?"
"No way. I wouldn't have liked you if I'd thought you were the type of man that could be swayed to cheat on his partner. My turn on is knowing you're loyal to a fault, even if it did once come at the expense of my mental health."
And his freshly-fucked hair, but she'd tell him that later.
Oh, and whenever he took his glasses off to clean them and he'd look at her with those clear green eyes.
Man, she was a goner.
After a few more cheesy moments, they decided to get cleaned up, and then it didn't take much longer for the two to fall asleep, holding each other tightly.
To make things better, Bella only elbowed Edward once in her sleep —being great at tossing and turning during the night— and called his name out twice before he, too, was out.
Winter vacations came and went much too quickly for Bella's liking. Even though she only got to see Edward the day before classes began, she'd been enjoying her alone time quite a lot. She caught up with all the comics she'd been missing out on, Skyped every day she could with Edward, and even went to visit Alice to watch the ball drop on New Years. She'd only gone from the 30th of December to the 2nd of January, and the tickets had been Phil's Christmas gift to her. Apparently, Alice had been scheming with her step-father so that Bella wouldn't have any plans for a few months. She stayed with Alice and, this was the kicker: Bella had totally forgotten to tell Emmett that his ex was dating his current girlfriend's cousin. It wasn't her 'secret' to tell though, so when Alice and Jasper had picked her up at the airport, it had been awkward at best. Jasper had taken the semester off from college, choosing to take some extra photography classes at NYU; Alice had been thrilled at the news, and had called Bella happy-crying over realizing she'd get to keep her new boyfriend for six more months. This, though, meant that Bella and Jasper hadn't seen each other since the end of second semester, which had left them scrambling to figure out what to do in order to let Emmett and Rose know.
Which had also been a surprise to Jasper and Alice.
"I didn't expect Rose to start dating Emmett, to be honest. She was always much more into the lankier type of guy. I don't think she's ever dated a linebacker."
Alice had snorted.
"Well, I'm not surprised. Did you see the knockers on your cousin? Emmett was always complaining about me only being a C cup. Mostly joking, but I feel he was actually bothered by it."
Bella had confirmed the theory.
"Emmett has literally told me he would've liked me if I'd had bigger boobs."
She'd told Jasper the truth, though —that she was no longer close with Rosalie. She wasn't upset anymore, but all the lies had been too much for a friendship on shaky ground. Jasper had found it strange that she'd quickly forgiven Emmett and not Rose, but he hadn't questioned it —he knew some friendships followed inconsistent rules.
"You don't think he'll be angry with you for keeping my relationship with Jasper a secret?"
"Nah. It wasn't my secret to tell, for one. Not to mention I left it quite clear I want nothing to do with his relationships anymore. That includes his exes —I honest to God forget sometimes you even dated that oaf." Bella had laughed. "Besides, I haven't really thought of this as a secret. I just think it's one of those things that shouldn't come out of my mouth. Least of all now that I know he's dating the cousin of his ex's current boyfriend."
That was a really weird connection.
Besides that, Bella had a blast in New York. She even managed to track down a graphic t-shirt store that Edward really liked and got him three shirts with brand new jokes on them —her delayed Christmas gift. Edward had gotten her a handful of comic books, and she'd nearly died when she realized she'd forgotten to get anyone gifts. She even got a few souvenirs for the rest of the Cullen family members —a bag of M&Ms for Seth, who had a sweet tooth, a bone pen for Carlisle and a mini lego house for Esme.
"Did you have fun in New York, love?" Edward asked when they Skyped the night Bella went back home. She nodded excitedly, giddy to see him tomorrow. He was getting back in the morning, at around eleven, and she was planning to immediately go to his house as soon as he said he'd landed.
"It was packed to the brim because of all the people waiting for the ball to drop, so Alice, Jasper, Eric and I went to a nearby park where we could mostly see it. The fireworks were beautiful, too, although the star of the show was Alice with how starry-eyed she got." Bella rambled.
"Eric? Who's that?"
"Oh, Jasper's roommate this last semester. He was a nice kid, but a little quiet. Oh! I did tell you, didn't I? That Jasper's coming back. If I thought Emmett and Alice were bad respecting PDA, then Ali and Jasper take it to a whole new level," Bella made a face. Edward knew his girlfriend didn't particularly like public displays of affection; when they were outside, the most Bella let Edward do was hold her hand and peck her hello or goodbye on the lips. Anything more than that was a no go. Which was fine; he also didn't like making a spectacle of himself.
"I wish I could've been with you, love," Edward said wistfully, and though Bella appreciated the sentiment, she knew that he'd had a blast on his own. He'd sent her pictures throughout the night via Instagram, and his night had seemed to be full of laughter and love. He had a big family, it seemed like; apparently, Carlisle had three sisters (and they'd all reproduced between two and four times) and a brother, and Esme had one sister and three brothers who had a varying number of children. So all night Edward had either little cousins hanging off of his arm or uncles and aunts rigging on him for having another girlfriend. Bella thought that was a wonderful thing to experience, and she wished to one day accompany him; her mom was an only child, as was her father, and Phil's family hadn't been as welcoming as him to his step-daughter. It was probably the only reason Bella didn't outright think of Phil as her father, even though he'd been married to her mother since time immemorial: she was always acutely aware about being Isabella Swan, not Isabella Dwyer. She'd tried changing her last name once, but Charlie had shown her such a hurt face that she hadn't dared bring up the topic again. Back when she loved Charlie with everything she had.
"I wish I could've been with you," Bella said honestly. "You look like you had a blast with all of your family."
"I did. Maybe next year you'll come with me?" He asked it with a shy yet hopeful face, making Bella's heart melt. Oh, how she loved him.
"I'd be more than happy to," Bella smiled, the grin slipping when she heard her mother call her downstairs. "Sorry, I've gotta go. Mom's calling."
Edward winked at her, said I love you, and disconnected.
Sighing, Bella slinked her way downstairs, growing confused when she saw Renée and Phil sitting in the living room. They were usually in the kitchen munching away on some of her mother's latest creations, so seeing them sat so properly made her weary.
"Mom? Dad? What's up?"
Bella didn't usually call Phil dad; usually just when she was overly emotional and, when she was a bit younger, when she wanted comics. The same thing applied to her mother, who'd gone through a phase of wanting grow closer to Bella by getting her to call her Renée or something like that.
"Uh, honey," Phil began, not quite knowing how to continue. "Something's happened."
"What is it?" Bella asked, growing nervous.
"Your father's getting re-married." Renée blurted out, clenching her eyes shut. "He wants you there as a maid of honor. Three weeks from Saturday."
Her eyebrows climbed up into her hairline.
"Charlie is? To whom?"
"Sue Clearwater. Remember her? You used to play with her older daughter, Leah."
Bella felt the ground shake underneath her.
Of course she remembered Leah Clearwater. She'd been trying, for the last five years, to forget anything that had to do with that woman's family.
"I'm not going. I'd rather have all my teeth pulled without anesthesia than go to..."
Bella didn't get much further than that before passing out.
-.-
"Bella? Love? Are you awake?" Bella heard a soft voice ask, then lips press against her forehead. That felt good, but she didn't want to wake up. Yesterday, after passing out, she'd stumbled up the stairs with Phil's help to her room. She'd heard her mother crying in the background, on the phone with Charlie, telling him that she wasn't going to press Bella about attending the wedding. That it was Bella's choice, and that was that. That if he had an ounce of love for their daughter he wouldn't push it any further. Renée didn't understand what was going on, but she was always a mother —and nobody would hurt her baby girl if she could help it.
Then, at around twelve (he arrived at ten), Edward called the house, freaking out —"Good morning Mrs. Dwyer, is Bella there? She said to let her know as soon as my plane landed, but none of my texts are getting through and she won't pick up her phone and it's been two hours..."
Renée had quickly cut off the ranting man. She hadn't been aware, up until that moment, that Bella had a boyfriend, but this certainly explained the spring in Bella's step as of late. She'd proceeded to explain, "Edward, is it?" that her daughter wasn't feeling well and hadn't gotten up yet, and as for the phone, the battery must've run out. She knew the part that freaked out Edward the most had been that the messages weren't getting through at all, not that they went unanswered; Bella religiously charged her phone, but she methodically ignored it. However, it was rare for her to go more than an hour without replying to a single message, rarer still for messages to not go in, and Renée suspected that her daughter was quicker in replying to her boyfriend.
So when ten minutes later a haggard-looking redhead had rang her doorbell, Renée had no choice but to let the boy in.
"Just keep the door open, please," Renée had informed Edward, whom she figured to be the Cullen's boy. He was the spitting image of his parents, whom Renée had met a handful of times at school events.
"Of course, Mrs. Dwyer," Edward had said, heart hammering in his chest. Bella's mother had made it sound like Bella wasn't just down with the common cold or something, and as a woman who was always in good health and had never missed a day of school in her life (well, just once, when she had appendicitis), it seriously worried him. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess, Mrs. Dwyer. I swear I'm not normally this rude."
Renée blew him off.
"It's Renée. And don't worry about it; we'll have time later for formal introductions. Now go console that daughter of mine."
With a thankful smile, Edward was off to Bella's room, where he ended up waking her up.
Renée slipped off to the kitchen, where she slipped her arms around Phil's back.
"Does he seem like a good boy?" Phil asked, closing his iPad.
"He does," Renée smiled. "He's adorable, too, all nervous because Bella hadn't gotten back to him."
Phil chuckled.
"Well, once Bella's better, we can interrogate him to our heart's content."
Upstairs, Bella was being peppered with kisses all over, and Edward's question made her groggily open her crusty eyes.
"Edward? What time is it?"
He kissed her cheek.
"A quarter past twelve, love," Edward said, pushing back her hair.
"Shit," Bella groaned, taking in her boyfriend's blurry face. "I'm sorry. I really wanted to welcome you home."
"Love, I don't care about that right now. What happened? Is everything alright?"
As soon as yesterday's memories crashed into her, Bella couldn't help her eyes from watering. Instantly, Edward knew something was very wrong.
"Is it... ok if I tell you somewhere else? I don't w-want to talk about it here in case my p-parents overhear."
"Alright, where do you want to go?"
"The t-tree house, please." She caught her reflection in the mirror behind Edward, and she flinched. "Can you give me a couple of minutes? I need a human moment."
Puzzled, Edward pulled back with a small smile.
"A human moment?"
"Yeah, because I currently look like a cross between Cousin Itt and a mop," Bella mumbled, making Edward snort despite the tears still pooled in her eyes.
"Alright, my beautiful mop. I'm gonna go get you something to eat. Any requests?"
"I'm not..." She started to say she wasn't hungry, but the look Edward gave her made her think twice about turning down his offer. "A sandwich and an apple sound good right now."
"Alright, baby. Want me to meet you in the back?"
Bella nodded, sniffling sadly. The two got up, and she couldn't help herself from laying a kiss on his cheek.
"I love you."
Blushing, Edward ducked his head and laid another kiss on her forehead, telling her he'd meet her in the tree house.
Edward went downstairs to the kitchen where he expected to find Bella's parents, but instead he found an apple and a sandwich already prepared with a note next to it.
Edward: Phil and I headed upstairs for a nap. Take this to Bella; it's what she always asks for when she's feeling down. Thank you for taking care of her. — Renée
Smiling at the note, Edward grabbed it and headed out back to the tree house. It wasn't all that elevated, less than fifteen feet up, and he could tell it was getting old. Going up, he realized that the place was sealed tight to keep the rain out —instead of a pile of comic books, he saw video games everywhere (and yeah, some comic books here and there), a puff, blankets and a TV. He could definitely tell Bella shared this space with Emmett.
A couple of minutes went by, and then Bella was climbing up. She was wearing sweatpants and an ASU shirt, and it smelled like she'd even sprayed on some perfume to hide the fact that she hadn't showered today.
"You prepared that quickly," Bella observed, sitting down next to Edward on the puff. He handed her the plate, and thankful, she took a bite out of the sandwich.
"Actually, your mom made that. Apparently she knows what comfort food you like."
Edward waited patiently for Bella to finish her breakfast (brunch?), busying himself by braiding her hair. She'd taught him how to do it like a month ago when she claimed that her arms were too tired to move and needed his help. When he was done, he kissed her temple and leaned back.
"Are you ready to talk, love?"
Bella sighed.
"Do I have to?"
"No, you don't. But I think it'd help me understand you if I knew what this was about." Edward answered honestly, not wanting to pressure her into talking but also beside himself with worry about what had thrown her off so much.
About ten minutes went by with neither of them saying a word. Bella wasn't sure how to begin, and Edward didn't have the faintest idea what this could be about. So he waited while she thought, and eventually, she began her story.
"You know how my parents divorced a long time ago? Well, originally we're from this town called Forks, in Washington. It's a small place with small-minded people, so I was never thrilled about visiting. But I did miss my father; I was always a daddy's girl. I'd spend half of summer vacations with my dad, take turns with Christmas and Thanksgiving between my parents, and he would usually come visit me for spring break. Forks was always a bleak and dreary place, but I could take it because it was the place where I had my dad all to myself."
It was the most Bella had ever shared with Edward about her father, and he realized he'd always figured she didn't like the man. She'd spent two weeks with him in the summer and she'd complained every day about how much she hated the humidity.
Edward squeezed her hand in encouragement. Taking a deep breath, she continued.
"Six years ago, I visited my father during the summer just like every other year. The first three weeks or so had been great —I spent every second I could with my dad, and if not with Quil Ateara, one of my friends from the reservation a few miles from my house. I went to a beach party with Quil one day, and there was a couple of older kids —Leah Clearwater, Sam Uley, Emily Young, Embry Call. Leah's dad and my dad were fishing buddies, but I hadn't seen her since she'd gone off to college. Same went for Sam. I... during that party, Leah and Sam started taunting me. I don't even remember how it started or who started it. They started saying I was fat, ugly, that my dad didn't love me. That I... could only hold him back. I wasn't even fifteen yet, Edward. I took those comments to heart. I spent the next month starving myself —I spiraled down quickly. I even called my mom to tell her I'd be home by the end of the summer. I didn't want to leave Forks without having proved to those assholes that I really was beautiful, that I really was skinny, that I was irreplaceable to my dad. How sad was that? I'd never cared about my appearance before I had two idiotic college kids telling me I wasn't desirable, and I never cared again after them. So... at another party..."
Bella took a moment to compose herself.
"I still don't know what they gave me. They must've spiked my drink; they knew I'd be desperate to prove how cool I was, how much I needed their approval. Anyway, it's all a foggy memory, and I can never tell what was a hallucination and what was real. I remember seeing... S-Sam's face above mine... And then hearing L-Leah laugh. I blacked out, and when I woke up again I was in Quil's house. He... he saved me from getting raped, Edward."
Bella's heart-wrenching sob almost tore his heart in two. He tried holding her, but she put her hands against his chest and shook her head no. No, she wasn't done with her story yet. His heart dropped.
"Quil had called my dad and explained the situation to him. Dad came to pick me up, and he... He told me I..." Her voice got incredibly thin, and Edward had a terrible feeling about what came next. "He said I shouldn't have been drinking. My own father blamed me for almost getting raped. He told me it was a good thing Quil had walked in when he had, and that he'd talk to Harry Clearwater about straightening up his daughter and her boyfriend. Dad said he'd make sure those two got a stern talking to. I... I almost got raped and my o-own father didn't do more than admonish the people who hurt me."
Bella cried from the bottom of her soul, and it took everything inside of Edward not to kill that damned man. She cried until she was red and her snot ran all he way down to her shirt, not that Edward cared; his girlfriend deserved to let out her suffering as loudly as she wanted to.
He still didn't touch her tough, knowing she wasn't quite finished yet.
"Leah and S-Sam didn't get charged or anything. There was no evidence except for Quil being a witness, and my father said it wasn't e-enough. Quil said he would go through with it, but I was just so t-tired, Edward. I didn't want to fight a losing battle. I spent the rest of that summer holed up in the house; I was afraid to walk outside and run into Sam, or Leah, or Embry. I couldn't even call my mom to tell her I'd be going back early because I didn't know how to explain I almost got raped and my father hadn't helped. Leah and Sam even got married, but they divorced a year after that and he started dating Emily, who'd kind of been his side chick back in high school. I ran into Emily last year in the airport; she told me Sam had told her about what had happened, and that he was still horrified with what he'd done. That he'd one day like the chance to apologize to me in person, and that he'd even accept it if I decided to bring charges against him. I don't know if I can believe Emily, but a small part of me found peace in knowing that he probably still agonized over what he'd done to me. Leah, on the other hand... I haven't heard from. And now..."
Bella swallowed hard, barely able to see past her tears.
"My dad is getting married to Leah's mother, Sue. Harry died like three years ago, and it doesn't surprise me my dad found love with her if I think about it. But it cuts deep knowing that my father would date the mother of my almost-rapist."
The story ended there, and now Edward couldn't hold himself back. He latched onto Bella as though his life depended on it, and he cried into her shoulder like he'd been the one all this had happened to. The pain felt raw, and the more Edward cried the calmer Bella felt. She'd never told this story to anyone, not even the beginning. In the course of one summer she'd been pushed into an eating disorder (which, thankfully for her, didn't have deep roots and she got her eating habits back on track relatively quickly), had almost been raped and had had her relationship with her father destroyed. She went back once a year to see the man, but she never said anything to him beyond "Hello Charlie" and "Goodbye Charlie"; she never left the house, either, for fear of running into the reservation kids. For fear of getting into trouble and not having anyone to help her nearby.
So Bella held Edward tight as the hour passed by, rubbing a hand up and down his back, cooing to him that she was alright now, that she was safe, and that she'd survived. That even now, what stung most wasn't the near-rape but her father's attitude. That she felt safe in Edward's arms, and that she was sorry for not opening up sooner. That she'd learned to live with the terrible events, as did most survivors. That she was a happy person, complete, sometimes bent out of shape but unbroken.
Eventually, his sobs died down. He'd slipped down so his head was buried in her chest, his arms wrapped around her like a vice. He'd rubbed his snot all over her shirt, and at some point she'd taken off his glasses so they wouldn't dig into her skin. Silent now, Edward turned to lay a kiss on her sternum.
"I love you, Bella. You're the strongest woman I know."
"Sometimes I don't feel very strong," Bella admitted.
"That's ok. Only strong people can be alright with being weak sometimes, because they know that no matter what they can be strong again. And that's you, love. Strong. Resilient. Loved."
It took them a while, but eventually they made it back inside the house.
At around the same time they did, the house phone rang.
Bella answered, kind of expecting who it would be.
"Hello?"
"Bella? Bella, it's me, dad. How are you? Mom told me you collapsed with the news." Charlie Swan immediately asked, and the sound of his voice made Bella flinch.
"I'm holding up," Bella said, so far the most she'd spoken to her father in six years.
"That's good, baby girl. Look, Bella, I know you told your mom you wouldn't come, but I really want you—"
"I'm not going. And I'm never visiting you again, Charlie. If you want to see me, you'll have to come down to Phoenix alone. You'll never see me step foot in Forks ever again."
"What? Why? Is it because it's Sue I'm marrying? Bella, I... Please, give her a chance. She's a good woman."
"And her daughter laughed as her boyfriend nearly raped me, your only daughter. I swear, if you ever mention the Clearwater family to me again, you'll never see me. Ever. And you know I'm good at keeping my promises. Have a nice day, Charlie."
Then Bella hung up, hand shaking as she put the phone back in the receiver.
"You did great, baby," Edward cooed, helping Bella to her couch. "You were really brave. I'm so proud of you."
She was too shaken to cry, too tired after the previous cry-fest. All she knew was that one moment she was telling her boyfriend about something she'd never told anyone, and the next she was telling her father her true feelings. She hoped she was free of him; free of his fake love and betrayal. A part of her, deep inside, knew that her father had played a major role in how withdrawn Bella had become in high school; even if she hadn't been the most outgoing person before, after that event, she'd stopped trying to have friends. Emmett was good enough, and the rest could come and go. Though she never quite trusted anyone to have her back, it was enough that she didn't think about her issues on a daily basis.
Huh, it was true, it turned out. Some of the most messed up people went on to become psychologists.
The rest of the day was spent in the treehouse, Bella and Edward regaling each other with stories of what they'd done during winter vacation.
Everyone wanted at least a little bit of normal in otherwise strange days.
The fourth semester went by quickly.
Life was hectic as always; everyone had a lot on their plate and little time to sort everything out. Bella didn't go to the wedding, and she made no excuses when Grandma Marie called to ask why she hadn't gone. "I don't agree with his choice of wife, Grandma. And yeah, it's personal." Jasper came back from New York, and it only took him a handful of days before coming clean to Emmett and Rose that he was dating Alice. Rose was kind of grossed out, and Emmett had a flash of jealousy before he realized that, despite it all, he was glad Alice had found Jasper Whitlock. During the year Emmett had known the Texas kid, he'd realized the blonde was a really great guy with values that aligned themselves with Alice's. Emmett also figured that Bella had been in on the little tidbit of information, but he let it go; he understood how his best friend might've felt it was none of her business to announce Alice's relationships. Not to mention, it finally made it click for him, what Bella had meant about not wanting to be friends with any of Emmett's girlfriends. The awkward position Bella had been in with Alice and Jasper could repeat itself many times over if Emmett kept trying to stick his girlfriend and best friend together.
Rose and Bella's friendship, on the other hand, got better as well. Despite Emmett calling Bella a petty little thing, Bella really wasn't at all. Now, she wasn't an angel, so it wasn't like she'd say 'forgive and forget', but she could certainly forgive and not hold stuff over people's head. She was now at a point with Rose where they made small talk before hitting the sack, and even agreed when Emmett proposed going on double dates. Whenever they went on one, everyone had a blast; Emmett was goofy and Rose liked keeping his jokes in check, which made Edward and Bella laugh. Rose was a good and valuable woman, just not the friend Bella wanted at the time.
As for Bella and Edward, their relationship had been going steady. If she had to say one time where they hit a bump on the rode, it'd have to be sometime mid-February.
As always, it had stared because of something dumb. Well, dumb to Bella, but definitely not to Edward.
She usually tried having lunch with Edward on Fridays in the school's Subway or the sushi restaurant; he had run-on classes from eight in the morning to seven at night with just one hour to eat, so those two restaurants were closest to his classes. The thing was, it wasn't uncommon for one or two of Edward's architecture friends to tag along, so Bella had stopped seeing Fridays as lunch dates. Usually, she didn't mind; Edward's friends were a blast and he always looked happy hanging out in a large group. The problem?
The times Jackson tagged along.
He was the type of guy that made you feel uncomfortable even if they hadn't done anything. He was a funny guy, and quite popular thanks to his good looks and good grades. But Boy-Next-Door wasn't her style, and she didn't appreciate how she'd sometimes catch him making a mean joke to Edward. The worst time, Bella only felt the after-effects of his careless comments.
They were having lunch in Subway, and for a change, Bella left first. She had to pick up a comic book she'd ordered from the store, and her next class was in one hour; between her natural slowness and her not being one to rush, she needed to leave with time. So she waved goodbye to Jackson, Felix and Lennie, quickly kissed Edward goodbye and left.
Jackson watched her leave the restaurant.
"Dude, your girlfriend is hot as fuck," Jackson whistled as he watched Bella walk away, turning to wink at his classmate. "How'd you score that?"
Though he tried not to show it, Edward was incredibly annoyed. He hated this kind of talk for two reasons: first, he hated feeling that his girlfriend was being seen as a piece of ass and, second, he hated feeling like he was being told he dated out of his league. With Kate, this hadn't happened much; Kate was never as popular as Bella, and people seemed to think they were both within the same range of attractiveness. He wasn't one to have self-esteem issues, but there was only so many times a guy could be told his girlfriend was out of his league without feeling like he really was that ugly. He knew he wasn't the coolest guy out there, but he didn't feel undeserving of Bella's love.
"Jesus, Jackson, Edward's a great catch. Don't make him sound like he's just the upgraded version of minced meat," Lennie scowled at her classmate. He could be a real douchebag sometimes; she wouldn't even sit in the same table as him if he wasn't so desperate to impress Felix, her boyfriend. Felix had a soft spot for Jackson, though who the fuck knew why.
"I'm not saying he's not a good guy," Jackson attempted to defend himself, poorly. "I'm just saying Bella's probably the kind of girl who got crowned Prom Queen and dated the quarterback of the football team."
It made Edward furious to hear someone make those kinds of assumptions about his girlfriend, but he wasn't good with confrontation. So he just said "Nah, she wasn't." And left it at that.
But he stewed.
Oh, he stewed on it long and hard until he'd taken everything out of context, even when he was back home and trying to work on homework. He got a text from Bella saying she was coming over in twenty, and he decided to have a quick shower to wash off the day's muck. When he opened the front door, Bella was frowning. In front of her was a guy that looked like her boyfriend, but wasn't him. He was wearing a boring t-shirt (which Edward only did when he was being pressured to clean up), his hair was wet and pushed back without the usual gel, and he wasn't even wearing his glasses. Either he was wearing contacts, or it was a miracle he'd manage to open the door for her without tripping on air.
"Edward? What's wrong?" Bella closed the door behind her in a hurry, getting on her tip toes and running a hand down Edward's cheek.
He brought his hands up and caught her fingers, bring them down so he could kiss her palms. So she used her other hand to run it through his hair; she rather liked the texture of his hair sans gel, but she'd never ask him not to use it, since he didn't like his hair looking unruly. He sighed heavily.
"You'll think I'm dumb," he said, trying not to think about how much he liked how the blue summer dress looked against Bella's skin.
"Try me."
He fiddled with her fingers for a moment before tugging her into the living room; he sat down, and she followed his lead. Their fingers were still entangled.
"Are you... out of my league? Sometimes it kind of feels like we're in a bad 80's movie where the most popular girl went for the geeky kid even though it wasn't expected. And I just... I wonder sometimes if you'd prefer it if I were cooler or something."
As soon as the first sentence left Edward's mouth, Bella wanted to kill Jackson. She knew that dick was behind this, but now wasn't the time to hunt the prick down. But she was angry —and Edward could tell from how red her face was.
"Edward Anthony Cullen, who do you think I am? Some empty-headed clone of a pretty girl? I want to pull your hair off so badly right now." Bella got up from the couch, pacing back and forth. She was livid. "Why... We're not in a movie, Edward. This is the real world. You're the greatest man I know, of course I'm in love with you. We've been over this. I'd love you no matter what you looked like, and I have never, not once, liked you in spite of how you look. Are you saying I'm only attractive to you because I was popular in high school? Is that it? My greatest asset is having a pretty face, and yours is somehow fooling me into believing you were more than just some geek?"
Bella tried breathing evenly, but it was hard with how hurt she felt. She came to a stop in front of her boyfriend, who had his fingers dug into his hair.
"This relationship is between you and me, Edward. I'm sure as hell not dating Jackson. I... I need to know you believe in us, baby. That you know I love you, that there's no such thing as dating out of your league, that I find you so hot it used to be hard for me to even look at you. You're worth so much, and it breaks my heart to think you could doubt yourself for even a moment."
She bent down and kissed his forehead.
"I'm going back to my dorm. Call me when you're ready to talk."
Edward shot out a hand to Bella, stopping her from leaving.
"Love, I... I think there's something wrong with me. For a while now, actually." Edward managed to get out, not looking at Bella. "Ever since we started dating, I've... I've been feeling restless, like the other shoe is about to drop but I don't know why. I'm so happy when I'm with you, so I've tried telling myself it's just lack of confidence, but... it feels like it's something else."
Bella swallowed hard, biting back the hurt at feeling like dating her had made Edward feel bad, and put on her big girl panties. Edward was telling her he felt something was wrong, and she'd listen.
They spent the next hour talking out what Edward was feeling —how he had trouble falling asleep, how tired he'd been these days, how his mind would often be like a blank slate. One moment he was obsessively worrying about how Bella only loved him because he'd been there, and the next he was trying to tuck some sense back into himself, or he'd be telling himself he was bound to fail a class, or that something was wrong and he just didn't know it. He had to stop talking a couple of times because of how badly he'd been shaking, and Bella did her best to hide her tears from him.
As a psychology major, she knew what was wrong with him. As her girlfriend, she didn't want it to be true. Everyone wanted an easy life for those they loved, and what Edward was struggling with wouldn't make his semester any better.
So by the time Edward was done pouring his heart out, Bella tucked his face against her chest and told herself to be strong. She took a deep breath and thanked God that she knew what she did.
"Edward, call your father. He needs to recommend you a good psychiatrist."
Wow, I just realized how heavy this chapter is. There were two pieces of real-world things I wanted to include: the near-rape and the mental health issues. As for the near rape, it isn't really based on anyone's experience, although I had something similar (loosely said) happen to me. I was about fourteen and a cousin of mine (who I only saw once and never saw again) started... well, coming on to me, and it was one of those sexual-but-not-too-sexual kind of things. My father left him alone with me, even though he must've been twenty already. The guy was also adopted, so he wasn't even related to me by blood. So I told my father, told him how dirty I felt, and he just... didn't really care. Didn't think it was a big deal. If I'd given this guy an inch more he would've taken a mile. Don't get me wrong: I love my father, and he loves me and my sister dearly. But he's also a man born in a different time who happens to be emotionally congested who is also incredibly loyal to his extended family. So where I'm going with this is, even the people who would give their life for you can make mistakes in how they handle a situation. As for the mental health thing, I just think it's not something talked about nearly as much. Some mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, are incredibly common -and yet aren't spoken about or they're joked about. Having anxiety doesn't mean you're broken, and having depression doesn't mean you're ungrateful. It means you need help to sort yourself out, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Leah.
P.S. Also, the wedding was a blast! I cried a lot; my cousin and his girlfriend had been dating for sixteen years before deciding to tie the knot. They took patience to another level. It was also interesting for me to see how US weddings are; the ceremony and reception weren't like anything I'd ever experienced. Also, since my cousin's family is Latin and his girlfriend is Thai, it was a funny combination of people. My side of the family spent most of the wedding wondering when the dancing would start, and when the DJ started playing some really American songs, nobody danced. Then he put in some bachata (or was it salsa? I can't tell musical genres apart), and boy were we quick to bust a move. :P Know your audience folks.
P.P.S. Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews, favorites and follows!