Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Also, sorry for doing this to you. :P
January of their last year in college, the happy couple broke up.
It was a number of factors that did it, not just one thing. It happened at a time when neither were expecting it, so the shock of it remained with both for a long time.
They'd been having a fantastic year, truly; they'd celebrated two years together the last semester, and both felt as happy with the other as ever. Then summer ended, and with it it took some of Edward's mental stability slowly but surely. He stopped going to therapy, and he even abandoned the piano (he never got around to showing Bella how he played, either). Everything went downhill from there.
On Bella's end, she'd been caught off guard by Edward's sudden negativity. She'd gone to do another course in micro-expressions for half of the summer, and she'd come back on cloud nine after having done her best in the workshops. She liked the classes from her second-to-last semester, and even her friendship with Rosalie had kept steadily improving. Anyway, Bella was having a great year… when suddenly, Edward's attitude changed in October.
It wasn't that he became someone totally different, but the untreated anxiety finally caught up with him. He started asking her not to wear her usual tight pants, even though he above everyone else loved how they shaped her ass; he went over to her dorm even when he had unfinished projects at home, making his grades fluctuate. His nightmares kept her up most nights. He would be nervous when she didn't reply to his texts after half an hour, even though he knew she was most likely reading through a comic. It was frustrating, to say the least, feeling like her privacy was gone and like the green monster inside of her sweet boy kept growing.
Bella knew that it was the anxiety disorder speaking, but it was Edward choosing not to get treated. They started arguing more and more often —if not about Bella's aloofness, then about Edward's anxiety issue. They still had their sweet moments —Sunday mornings neither ever felt like arguing, so things seemed like they always had— but bit by bit they started feeling like the other wasn't listening.
When they broke up, Edward wasn't ready for it.
"I'm just saying, if you think I should go back to the psychiatrist, then I think you should go with me. Something's up with you too, Bella," Edward was arguing, clanging pots as he attempted to make dinner.
"Edward, what's wrong with me is I'm tired of you feeling like your anxiety is going to suddenly disappear. It's not; it's a medical condition which needs the corresponding treatment. Please, help me help you."
Edward groaned, putting down the uncooked pasta he was about to put in the boiling water.
"Bella, I'm fine. I can handle this much."
"Well, I can't!" Bella finally declared, getting up from the kitchen counter. She went up to Edward and stuck her finger in his chest, frustrated. "I'm tired of your mood swings. I'm tired of feeling my heart hurt because your nightmares won't go away. I'm tired of you fighting me when I tell you I'm going to wear what I fucking want, and I'm tired of you asking me over and over again if I'm sure I love you. I never encouraged you to have the jealous or insecure spouts, so I'm sure it's not me who's fed fuel to the fire. And I've been telling you for months now that you need help, and I've given you time and I've given you tools, but you… You're stuck, Edward. And I need to move forward."
He looked down, stone-faced.
"Are you breaking up with me?"
For a moment, he remembered Kate breaking up with him. How he'd felt confused back then, not knowing what exactly he was meant to do or think. He'd felt down for three days, and then life had gone back to normal. Now, he felt like someone had carved his heart out. Now, he didn't know when he'd be himself again.
Her eyes threatened to well up with tears, but she bit them back. She knew that if she broke down now she wouldn't be able to get this out. Eventually, she nodded.
"I love you, Edward, I do. I want the very best for you. I just… don't think I'm it. You started feeling this way ever since we started dating and maybe we're just not meant to be together. Maybe I hurt you more than I help you." Feeling small and like she had a knot in her throat, Bella spat out the rest. "I love you, but I don't like you very much right now."
Edward looked down at his feet, pushed his glasses up his nose. He pursed his lips together, scrunching his brows up. He was trying not to cry, but he didn't want Bella to know. He didn't want to burden her with the knowledge that he was dying inside.
He cleared his throat.
"I understand, Bella. Is this… it?"
Feeling like she wanted to lock herself away, Bella said yes. It was. This wasn't some time apart, this wasn't a break, this was final. She didn't want him changing for her, which she thought was something he might attempt if she said it was only some time off. She needed him to change for himself, because he needed a bright future.
"Alright, if it's what you need. Do you want me to give you back your things?" Edward asked in monotone, and sniffling, Bella shook her head no. "Yeah, me neither. Do with them what you will."
"Mine too," Bella whispered, also looking at her feet.
She wanted to give him one last hug, but if she did, she'd break down sobbing, and she didn't want to burden him with her tears. Besides, this was her decision, and she wasn't about to regret it. It wouldn't be fair.
"Bye, Edward," she mumbled, and without waiting for him to utter a word, Bella left.
Wordlessly, he went and got in his car, then drove on automatic to his parents' house. It was Sunday afternoon, so he knew everyone would be in. It didn't matter.
He parked inside the garage, walked inside and found his parents lounging on the couch in their pajamas. Seth was probably upstairs playing some video-game.
"Edward? You're home?" Esme asked, surprised to see her son in the living room. When she saw his face, she hurriedly got up. "Baby, what's the matter? Did something happen? Are you hurt?"
Carlisle got up too, eyebrows scrunched together and analyzing his son from head to toe. Physically, everything seemed fine but… was that blood on his knuckles? Later, they'd find a hole in one of the garage's walls, and their hearts would hurt more.
As it was, Edward's eyes suddenly welled up with tears, and he shrunk three feet and became the kid they'd once known him to be.
"Mom, Bella broke up with me," Edward said, in a voice so small and broken that both parents felt their hearts shatter.
Then he broke down crying in Esme's arms, and neither mother nor father could remember a time when their son had sobbed so brokenly.
"I still can't believe you and Edward aren't back together," Rose kept saying, shaking her head in disbelief. "And that you're even going on a date!"
"Well, it's Valentine's Day, and I was sort of tired of all the invites," Bella retorted, grabbing the first skirt and shirt she could find.
Word had gotten out fast that Bella Swan was single and ready to mingle within days of her breakup, and more and more boys had come back with a vengeance to ask her out. She wasn't interested in any of them, not even the one she'd agreed to go on a date with. In fact, she wasn't sure she had gotten his name right. But he'd seemed nice and not pushy, so she decided to go for it; he also looked nothing like Edward, which was a plus.
"But you're not ready to date again, darling," Rose frowned, looking at her friend assess the outfit choice on the mirror. It matched, and she'd look beautiful as always, but she hadn't spent more than twenty seconds picking it out. It was such a stark contrast to even her first date with Garrett that Rose didn't know what to say.
"I'm… not. But I need to get out again, and this is just one small step."
Truth was, Bella did go see a psychiatrist after her breakup; she hadn't thought Edward had been petty about saying she should go to one, and had instead taken his advice. She was diagnosed with minor depression and put on a low dose of anti-depressives, then sent with a psychologist. She was even going twice a week, hoping to get some things out. They were talking everything out —her father, the near rape, the eating disorder, her relationship with Edward and the breakup. They even talked about her relationship to Phil and Renée, and her friendship with Emmett and the whole thing with Rose. Well, they'd skimmed over most of it, because they were currently focusing on the breakup —what was affecting her the most.
"We're going to examine Edward's behavior, Bella, but we're also going to analyze yours."
So far, they'd only gotten around to broaching the subject of how Bella felt responsible for Edward's anxiety and how, one of the key points in their relationship, was that Bella often had one foot out the door. It had been tough for her to admit that was the truth, but she inevitably did: she was so scared of screwing up all the time, so scared of finally being in a relationship, that she'd put up with certain behaviors for far too long. "You shouldn't have waited a semester to put your foot down on Edward treating his anxiety, Bella. Being in a relationship means that whatever one does affects the other, so it's not like his bad decisions are his alone anymore."
It was tough, honestly, but Bella enjoyed talking out all of her own worries and feelings of inadequacy. She knew now that it wasn't just about pressuring Edward to get treated on his own, it was also about leading by example. Certain signs of depression had been overlooked, but now Bella was doing what she could to get better. One of the things she should do, her psychologist said, was get out of her room more —chances were slim she'd feel better by doing what she always did. Monotony wasn't depression's friend.
"Yeah but honey, you don't have to date in order to go out. We could go to the movies, or we could go do something else you like, you know? Doesn't have to be a date. Is this… about wanting to move on?"
Bella shrugged.
"Attempting to, anyway. I'm just looking for a fun night out, Rose, not a relationship. Don't worry about it."
Eventually, Rosalie stopped her worrywart line of questioning, and Bella got ready for her date in around five minutes flat. A knock resounded on the door, and when Bella opened there was a guy with dirty blond hair and piercing blue eyes smiling for her.
"Hi, I'm Josh. Are you Bella's roommate?" Josh greeted Rose, who smiled stiffly and said she was. "Nice to meet you. Anyway, we're running late. Bella, shall we?"
She bid adieu to Rose, and off they went on a date.
Ten seconds after Bella left, Emmett went into the room, eyebrows raised.
"Bella wouldn't have given the time of day to a guy like that before. He looks like a player, doesn't he? What's she even thinking?" Emmett muttered angrily, plopping down on Rose's bed with a huff. She sat down next to him gingerly and laid a hand on his arm. She sometimes forgot about how fiercely the two best friends loved each other, but times like these made her remember.
"She's thinking she's hurt and needs a change of pace. I hope for her sake the date goes well, but I'm not sure what will happen if it does. She says she's not planning to get into a relationship, and I think she's right. She's not ready."
Sighing, Emmett kissed Rosalie on the cheek.
"I need to hit the sack, alright? Early start tomorrow with practice. Love you."
He got up, smiled when Rose got up as well and laid a kiss on him.
"Love you too," she said, and before he could go he remembered something.
"Right, there's this frat party I got invited to two weeks from today. Wanna come with me?"
Rose scrunched her nose up.
"Sorry, I've got a cooking class the next two Fridays. But have fun without me, alright?"
Emmett nodded, gave her a chaste kiss and left.
Sighing, Rose laid a hand on her stomach and plopped down on the bed.
As everyone had predicted, Bella had a terrible time on her date. Josh was boring as fuck, she told Rose, and he took her to the movies. At least it was a good movie, or else she would've fallen asleep. Then he took them to the club, where Bella proceeded to ask for a Margarita and called it a day with the alcohol. Then Josh took her home (at least he had enough sense not to drink and drive), and he tried kissing her —but Bella managed to scurry away. She told him thanks for the night, but that she felt they were better off as friends. The look in her eye had made it clear that 'friends' wasn't it either.
Bella decided to focus on herself for what remained of college, at the very least. She'd lost focus of herself in some things, and she knew she needed to get back on track.
"So, you still haven't told him about the little bun in the oven?" Bella asked Rose the night of the frat party. They were pigging out on popcorn and ice cream, happy to watch a comedy special on Netflix.
"I haven't known how to. I mean, what's he gonna say? And I found out after New Years, you know? I feel like I'm gonna let the little fact go by for seven more months and then surprise him with a new baby."
Bella pressed her lips together.
"That doesn't seem feasible. I mean, he loves your boobs, sure, but he's bound to realize you've put on a few pounds below in an oddly round shape, right?"
Rose sighed in frustration.
"I just… I know that this is going to derail his plans, you know? He's so set on marriage, then white picket fence, and then babies that I don't want to know what he's gonna do when he finds out the condom broke. Shit, Bella, I just… I don't know how to tell him."
A part of Bella wanted to threaten Rose with telling Emmett herself if she didn't do it soon, but she also knew this wasn't up to her. They were the parents to be, and they had to sort it out themselves. Bella only found out because after hearing Rose rush out of the room to puke, she found a positive pregnancy test in the trash can; brilliant, Rosalie was not. Bella knew her best friend though, so she knew that things would be alright; she was close to getting Rose to believe that, too.
In the frat party, Emmett was having his own stroke.
He'd gone in, ready to have a couple of beers and then call it a night, when he'd seen a familiar face in the crowd. He'd gone up and scared the bejesus out of Jacob Black.
"Jake! Dude, what're you doing here?" Emmett boomed, guffawing when some gin and tonic fell on Jake's shirt. Vanessa was there with him, laughing at her boyfriend as well. "Hey Ness."
"Hey Em."
"I got invited, you douchebag. I thought this might be one of the last college parties I'll be invited to, so I thought what the hell? Let's go for it," Jake downed the last of his drink and turned to properly greet Emmett with a bro hug. "How's it going dude?"
"Good, good. Here just for a beer or two, and then I'm out. Practice has been grueling this week so I'm looking forward to a day off tomorrow."
Jake grimaced in sympathy.
"I get what you mean. This week there's been an awful lot of nearly totaled cars, so I've been working my ass off ten-fold. You here with your girl?" Jake asked, scanning the crowd for a tall blonde. They'd met in another party last year and had hit it off in a surprising way; Rose had nearly become a mechanic herself, only her father had insisted on her pursuing an academic degree. She hadn't been opposed enough to put up a fight, but a part of her did feel like she would've liked more to be surrounded by cars all day.
"Nah dude, Rosie had a cooking class or something."
"And that best friend of yours? How's she doing?" Jake asked, not needing to say 'after the breakup' but knowing it was understood.
Emmett shrugged.
"She's doing fine, little by little. She had us worrying there for a bit, but she's getting her shit together quite nicely now. And Eddie? How's he?"
Jake sighed.
"Not as well. He's just barely started going back to therapy, and that was after a super heavy intervention from Mrs. C. He's dating this Lennie chick, and she's nice don't get me wrong, but she's not Bella."
"That name rings a bell," Emmett frowned.
"She was dating a guy called Felix a while back, they're some of his architecture friends," Vanessa helped out, and Emmett nodded in enlightenment.
"Right, right. Is it getting serious with this Lennie girl?"
Jake and Vanessa looked at each other, scrunched their noses and shrugged.
"Dunno. He's only told me so far that they've gone on three dates, but nothing else. And that she's nice, whatever that means. He's being secretive, that little asshole. Doesn't want me calling his mother with details."
Emmett shook his head.
"I'll never understand him. He stopped talking to me after they called it quits, you know? Talk about brooding."
Nessa shook her head in understanding.
"He said something about wanting a clean slate or something. Dunno, he's weird." Vanessa offered. They heard Jake's name being called in the distance, and with a brief goodbye, the couple left.
Sighing to himself, Emmett left the party. He wasn't in a festive mood anymore.
The same day Bella ran into Edward again, Rose told Emmett she was pregnant.
The pregnancy news were relatively simple: they were in Rose's room, she got swept away and told Emmett that she was two months and a half along. Emmett fainted. When he recovered, he cried in happiness for like three hours and swore to protect Rosalie every step of the way.
Bella and Edward's meeting was a lot more painful.
It was a Wednesday night, and Bella had gotten out of class late. She was tired, but she also needed to do some grocery shopping for personal hygiene things. She was in the process of trying to find her shampoo when she felt someone tap her shoulder.
Turning, she found some guy she'd never before seen in her life.
"Uh, hi?" Bella quirked up an eyebrow.
"Hey," the guy, who had jet black hair and wore a really thin shirt, gave her a bright smile. "Sorry, I'm sure you don't know me, but it's just that I've seen you a lot around the library. I'm Eric."
Bella smiled tiredly, not wanting to deal with this at eight at night when she was dead on her feet.
"Sorry, but I need to rush a little, yeah? Nice to meet you, Eric." Bella said, then turned back to trying to find her shampoo.
But Eric didn't like that answer.
He started getting pushy, telling her that he just wanted her name, that he thought she was beautiful, that he was thinking of maybe a drink when she wasn't so busy. And Bella, despite all the times she was asked out and how good she was at saying no, was too tired to think of clever ways to get out of this. She felt herself shrink into herself more and more, and her heart started pounding when she felt the Eric guy grab her elbow when she turned to go away.
"Don't touch me, Eric," Bella heard herself say over the pounding of her heartbeat. But he was getting angry at being dismissed, and his hand tightened on her. She looked around, tried to find someone to help her, but the aisle was empty and she'd seen no one walk by the last minute or two. Should she shout for help? She hadn't seen a security guard inside, so she didn't know where they were. Would someone come if she asked for help? She repeated herself. "Don't. Touch me."
She clenched her eyes shut, ready for the onslaught of anger, but then there was some rustling and the hand was removed from her arm. Instead, she fell back into warmth.
"She said not to fucking touch her." Edward's voice came from behind her, and sagging in relief, Bella let Edward settle her by placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Beat it, four eyes. This doesn't involve you."
Edward straightened, eyes narrowing.
"It does. I'm giving you five seconds to get out of here before I call the security guard and have you thrown out. Now, asshole."
Eric narrowed his eyes back, took another look at Bella, and scoffed.
"Whatever. Not even worth it. Probably going to be a bad lay anyway," he sneered, gave Edward the evil eye and walked out.
Edward turned around to assess his ex-girlfriend, not caring about the stupid insults.
She looked scared, pale as could be, and she had her hand in a tight fist. He didn't remember seeing her so scared before, and he briefly wondered how often things like this happened to her. It wasn't a good feeling.
"Bella, look at me. You're ok now." Edward said, grabbing her fist and prying her fingers open. They shook, and the only thing he thought to do was cover them with his own hand. "He's gone, you're fine."
Blinking back tears, Bella swallowed hard and gave her best shaky smile to her ex.
"Thank you for helping me, Edward."
It had been two months, and the changes in the other had been minimal. As for Edward, the only thing that had changed was he no longer had his hair all gelled up. It looked messy, the way Bella had always liked on special occasions; he was wearing a Ghostbusters t-shirt and his usual glasses, and she was glad about that. Familiarity was good. As for Edward, Bella looked virtually unchanged except she'd cut her hair. When they'd broken up she'd worn it near her ass, but now it just barely touched her shoulder blades. She looked even more beautiful, which tugged on something inside of him. Had she missed him? He hoped she had.
"It's my pleasure. How… how are you, Bella?"
She gave him a small smile.
"I'm good. I've been going to a nearby Church to help give some free counseling; I don't know if you remember me telling you I wanted to get into that. And you? How're your classes?"
He was still jealous of how easygoing she was even in situations like this. She was cool in a way he could never be.
"Of course I remember. I'm glad you got in. My classes… I'm doing well. I haven't gone below a B so far, so I'm really trying my best."
"And you? Have you gone back to therapy?" Bella asked, and it made something inside of Edward ache when he saw how genuine her concern was. She still wanted the best for him, he knew. Even though he'd made the last few months unbearable for her.
"I did, like three weeks ago. I'm finally feeling like myself again. Thanks for asking."
Bella's smile was even more radiant this time. It made his heart skip a beat.
"I'm really glad, Edward. Y—"
"Edward! I lost you for a moment there," Bella was suddenly interrupted, and from behind Edward stepped Lennie, one of his architecture friends. Lennie's smile faltered when she saw Bella. "Oh, hi Bella! How are you?" Lennie asked, looping her arm through Edward's. "Haven't seen you in a while."
It felt like someone had stuck a needle in her heart. Like she was suddenly unable to breathe. That's how she was. Her heart was wounded, but outwardly, Bella smiled at Lennie. It wasn't her fault the two had broken up.
"Hi Lennie, I'm fine thanks, and you?"
"I'm great, thank you. Edward, we should get going. Henry's waiting for us in the car," Lennie tugged on Edward's arm. He looked down at Lennie and how she was suddenly clinging to him, and then he looked up at Bella and how she had a very focused look on her face. He recognized that look; she might've fooled anyone else, but he knew that wasn't her nonchalant look.
"Sorry, don't let me keep you. It was good seeing you, Edward, Lennie. Have a nice night," Bella said, turned around and left the supermarket, hygiene be damned.
Edward glanced down at Lennie.
"You didn't have to do that," he said, referring to how he'd called it quits after the fourth date. She'd understood, knowing he wasn't ready to take things further.
"I know, but you looked like you'd have a seizure if you talked to her alone a second more," Lennie shrugged, giving her friend a bright smile. "She didn't seem to mind me."
Edward sighed, untangling her arm from his.
"Believe me, she did."
And it brought him no satisfaction.
-.-.-.-
The news of Rosalie's pregnancy had Emmett calling for backups. He needed to tell his old-fashioned parents, and he needed Bella's support for it. No way was he going in alone. So one week later, the trio headed north during the weekend to try and break the news.
It went surprisingly well.
Mr. and Mrs. McCarthy really liked Rose, and they knew that she had all the money she could want for, so they were at least relieved in knowing that the baby wouldn't struggle. When everyone started crying, Bella excused herself and said she was going to be stepping out. She walked to a nearby park where, to no one's surprise, she bumped into Seth. He was a junior, would be a senior come August; the couple of years that had gone by had made Seth more and more handsome, and when she saw him taking a picture of the fountain, she was all too happy to call out to him.
"Seth!" Bella called, and he seemed to shake on his feet before he whipped around to see her.
"Bella?" It'd been since New Years that they'd last seen each other, and honestly, he was ecstatic to see her. Three months and a half felt like too long. "How are ya?"
Bella smiled brightly, glad to see the younger Cullen.
"I'm doing well, and you? What are you doing in this side of the city?" Bella asked, leaning in for a hug once she'd reached the younger boy. He returned the hug, and Bella realized he seemed to have grown an inch.
"Well, I've taken all the pictures imaginable by the house, so I thought I'd drive a little further. And I'm doing well," Seth gave her a crooked smile that reminded her too much of Edward's, then slipped. "Mom and dad… they miss you."
"Do they?" Bella asked, glad; she wasn't sure they wouldn't hate her for hurting their baby's heart.
"They really do. So do I. My brother, he… didn't take the breakup too well. You know, he's better now, but he really misses you." Seth sighed, hanging his head. "Sorry if that makes you feel awkward."
Bella reached up and ruffled his hair.
"I miss him too, you know. And I miss your parents, and I miss you."
"Then why… Can't you get back together?" Seth muttered, shuffling his feet. He felt like a little kid next to Bella, even though he towered over her.
"Because I don't know yet if the issues that made us break up are resolved yet. And I also think he might be dating someone new," Bella said, the words feeling like sandpaper on her mouth.
Seth rolled his eyes.
"Lennie? He went on a handful of dates with her —on her insistence— and then said his heart wasn't in it. You know he still loves you, Bell."
"You don't know that," Bella said, even as her heart soared. So, that was just an act last week; that made her feel better. "Who told you?" She doubted Edward had been so forthcoming on his love life with his family.
"Jake. Well, he told my mom, and mom told me," Seth explained, which certainly seemed plausible. "My brother never seemed to grasp that Jake is more my mom's best friend than his."
Bella laughed; it was true.
"But really Bella, he still loves you. Hold on," Seth said, and whipped out his phone. He told her to give her a moment, looked something up and then shoved it in her hand. "Look, I never got around to sending this to you, but here it is, even if a little later."
It was an album made up of pictures of Edward and Bella at Riley Biers' wedding. It started with them on the dance floor, some of Edward brooding as he watched Bella dance with someone else, a few of Bella coaxing Edward to dance just one more song. Then she got to the pictures that Seth took when they'd been hiding out back, and she couldn't help but cry. The little sneak had been hiding more time than he'd let on, almost their whole interaction. So he'd managed to capture a lot —even though it'd been well into the night, Edward and Bella had been in a well-illuminated spot, which had allowed for pictures without flash (thereby not giving himself away). He'd captured all the moments; them hugging each other, Edward whispering in Bella's ear sweet nothings, their kiss. It was so beautiful that, before Bella gave the phone back, she sent the whole album to herself.
Sniffling, she gave it to Seth.
"Those pictures are beautiful, Seth," Bella mumbled, using the back of her hand to wipe away the tears. "I love them. I really do, you're a brilliant photographer."
Seth blushed and thanked her for the compliment, but that wasn't the point.
"Bella, you two are just beating around the bush. You see the love in that picture as clearly as I do, right? You two, even during New Years couldn't keep your eyes off each other. Jake said that things had been going downhill for a few months already, but you know as well as I do that neither of you loves each other any less. The two of you just didn't try hard enough to work through your problems, whatever the reason might've been. Won't you give each other a chance? Was the problem so insurmountable?"
And she was forced to listen to the words of a snotty seventeen-year-old, knowing that he spoke the truth and that maybe, just maybe, she could work through shit with Edward. That they'd broken up because of his untreated anxiety, and that her depression had made her unwilling to work through what she might've once tackled head on, and that if last week was of any indication he was just as over her as she was over him.
Hope fluttered in her chest.
"What do you say? Give me a ride to your brother's?"
-.-
Dong-dong.
"Coming!"
Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
"I said—" Edward began to reply irately to whoever was insistently ringing the doorbell, but his words died in his mouth when he realized it was one Bella Swan.
She looked a little winded, like her own thoughts had made her dizzy. She was wearing a flowery pink dress, and her hair was pinned up the way he liked it. She looked like she'd been somewhere important, while he… was still in his pajamas.
"Bella?" he managed to get out, and smiling nervously, Bella nodded.
"Hi, Edward. May… May I come in?"
There was a beat, and then he was ushering his ex-girlfriend inside his apartment. The night was chilly, and the dress didn't even have any sleeves; she'd never dealt well with the cold.
"Want some hot chocolate?" Edward offered, knowing that even though Bella drank coffee without problem she didn't like it that much. She nodded eagerly. "There's a sweater hanging on the couch, if you want it."
Did she want to wear her ex's clothes?
Fuck yes.
While Edward prepared her drink, she went over to the living room and found said sweater. It was huge on her, as always, and it smelled just like her favorite boy. She decided to wait on the couch, needing a few more minutes to figure out how to get out what she wanted to say.
The hot chocolate was done in no time, and Edward slowly carried two cups and set one in front of Bella. He sat on the same couch but on the other end, sipped from his mug.
"What brings you here, Bella?" Edward asked gently, taking in his ex. Here, he felt at liberty to stare as much as he wanted, even when it might not have been the wisest course of action. If he'd had the ability to paint or draw, he would've littered his apartment with portraits of her.
"I, um…" Bella cleared her throat, reaching down for her cup, careful not to burn herself. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."
His brows furrowed.
"You come visit me for the first time in three months to… Know how I'm doing?" Edward asked, genuinely confused. Biting down on her bottom lip, Bella shook her head no. Her heart stuttered in her chest.
Edward was apprehensive, feeling dread curl around his heart. Bella hadn't usually worn dresses unless he'd asked, so seeing her like that made him wonder if maybe she'd been on a date with someone she liked. He'd heard a few weeks back about Bella going on a date with some jock, and that had made him say yes to going on a date with Lennie; he'd been burning with jealousy and had needed something to put his mind off of it. He hadn't learnt anything else about the date, but he'd found out who the guy was —some guy called Josh who looked nothing like him. Maybe things had progressed? Maybe Bella was here to say she wanted her things back, as a symbol of her finally being done with him for good? His heart ached, and Bella hadn't even said a word.
"Bella," Edward called, reminding her that she needed to say something.
"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous. This is hard for me to say, and I don't know how to begin," Bella said nervously, and when she looked up and to the front, she had an idea. "Do you think you could… Play a song for me? On the piano. I never did get to hear you."
He always ended up escaping from having to do it, much to her frustration. Now though, Edward simply gave her a calculating look before heading to the piano. He didn't know if this was his last time alone with Bella, and he would do anything she asked of him.
So he sat down, placed his hands in the appropriate keys and started playing.
Bella would've pointed out it wasn't a song she recognized but, then again, she knew very little about classical music. All she knew was that Edward poured his heart out into the song, which seemed haunting and frantic and exciting, and at some point she started crying even though she didn't know why. When he ended, he walked back to the couch, where Bella faced him.
"What's that song called?"
Edward looked down.
"Bella's Lullaby," he whispered, making her heart stutter once more.
"You wrote that? For… me?" Bella asked, shocked. When he nodded, she scooted closer to him and placed a hand on his knee. "Edward, look at me," she pleaded, and when he did, she gave him a wobbly smile. "You're so talented. Thank you."
He smiled back, a small knot undoing in his throat as he put a hand on top of hers. She was warm like always, and her hand felt impossibly smaller.
She swallowed hard, decided to just ask.
"Edward, how are you doing with… with therapy? Really?"
She waited with bated breath as he took a shuddering breath and answered.
"A lot better, truly. I'm kind of angry with myself that I was so reluctant to go back even though it does me so much good. I even started properly going to the sessions to talk instead of just working through things with my piano."
Bella sighed in relief. She was so glad. She squeezed his hand.
"I went to the psychiatrist like you wanted me to. I was… diagnosed with minor depression. I've been on meds and going to the psychologist, too. I'm honestly so much better than ever." Bella gave him a smile that lodged itself in his heart.
He was glad, too. Her happiness was everything to him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't see it," Edward said, the only thing that came to mind to say. Guilt started crawling over him. "I wish I could've helped you."
"You did, so much. Don't doubt that. This has been with me for a while, and before you it was probably major depression. You helped me with what you could, but some things just can't be cured by anyone but yourself. I… I've talked through a lot of things with Monica, my therapist. Can I tell you a little about them?"
Edward nodded, and so she did.
She told Edward what she should've (if she's been able to) before breaking up with him. That she was tired most days, that increasingly she was sad for a reason she didn't know. That she'd told herself it was the situation with him, but really that he'd had nothing to do with it; that maybe him having issues he couldn't resolve brought hers to light. She told him she started feeling guilty about his anxiety, responsible, and that she hasn't realized she tended to assume guilt over things she'd had no control over, like Lauren's meanness. It was a long time coming, Bella told him, and neither of them noticed because she was always doing her best to make those feelings go away. She said sometimes we're in denial and can't see want seems so obvious looking back. She'd felt useless to him, Bella confessed, like if she couldn't pull him out of his funk it must've meant that he didn't care about her anymore.
At this, Edward gaped.
"Bella Swan, you out of anyone know best that some things it doesn't matter how much we're worried over we need to change at our own pace. Me being unable to get my head out of my ass never had anything to do with you."
Bella gave him a tired smile.
"I know that now, but I wasn't sure then. I guess that, somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to figure things out together."
Edward gave a heavy sigh, tired as well of the deep subject. He glanced up at her, saw she was fiddling with her skirt. Another question popped into his head.
"What brought all of this on?" He asked, willing his heart not to run away from him with hope. "I mean, I'm glad you're telling me, but why now?"
Bella but down hard on her bottom lip.
"I ran into Seth. He..." Edward paled, not knowing how much his blabbermouth of a brother had spilled. "He showed me the photos he took of us at Riley's wedding. I hadn't seen them."
Edward blinked.
"Hadn't you? I wanted to send them to you, but Seth had told me he wanted to be the one to do it. What... did you think about them?"
Blinking back tears, Bella polished off the last of her hot chocolate and put the cup down. Determined, she scooted closer to Edward and turned to face him.
"I realized I never told you all that I loved about you. And that made me feel like a fool." Bella admitted, feeling only slightly less foolish about having to admit all her faults.
Edward swallowed hard, and he turned away to look at his piano.
"Tell me."
Lips wobbling, she did.
"I love how you think I'm more beautiful than Lilly Collins even though she's my girl crush. How you never push me to be more sociable in the mornings or ask me if I'm in a bad mood since you know asking is only going to put me in one. How you keep your house stoked with Diet Coke even though you defy reason by preferring Pepsi. How green your eyes are, and how you always wear inoffensively hilarious t-shirts no matter who makes fun of you for it. How you've never once made a comment generalizing about women. I love how you put your family above anyone and never pretend otherwise; how you protect me even when I think I don't need it. How you don't take advantage of me when I'm drunk, which made me unconditionally trust you. How you always pretend I don't snore even though we both know I'm worse than a guy with sleep apnea if my allergies are acting up. How you take my words to heart. How gifted you are in architecture. How you always think twice before saying something hurtful. I love how much you loved me," Bella confessed in a whisper, as though it was a secret neither had been privy to.
She swallowed hard, wanting to get one more thing across.
"When I first started liking you… It all started with you lending me out the books from your library. It made me excited every time you gave me a new one. I started looking forward to your lunch breaks, and then I started dreading when it was time for you to leave. I remember one time you came in with your contact lenses, that time your glasses broke, and I was suddenly so aware of how green your eyes are. That was it for me; there was a moment where it suddenly clicked that you were the most interesting, smartest, funniest and most handsome guy I'd ever met. My heart… it never stopped jumping at the sight of you, you know. I used to think Emmett was the most attractive guy I'd ever meet, but after that time I was sure that wasn't true. You're everything I want, both mentally and physically."
She licked her lips, hoping against hope that he'd finally turn and look her in the eyes. Still no luck.
"You're the best thing to have ever happened to me, Edward Cullen. I'm sorry that I got scared and ran away. But I… I still love you with everything I am, to the point where it hurts." She felt her voice shake, but she wanted to get out the most important thing. There was only one bit missing. "I'm here to tell you I still love you so much I feel a hole in my stomach every day when I think I can't at least hear your voice. I love you so much that when I thought you were dating Lennie I nearly got run over because I couldn't even see where I was going. You're the only boy I've ever loved and I can't bear to think of ever loving another one. Can... Can you forgive me?"
Will you take me back?
Surprising her, Edward started crying. He'd only ever cried seriously (he was a crybaby when it came to stupid things, like commercials) that one time at Riley's wedding in their whole relationship, and it had been the happy type of tears; now, his shoulders shook, and he had to take off his glasses because of how foggy they were. Not knowing what this meant, but unable to take it anymore, Bella approached cautiously and laid a hand on his shoulder. He shifted, and then she wasn't seated anymore but on his lap, feeling like a teddy bear more than a person. He had her in his lap, face buried in her chest, arms around her waist in a vice grip and crying like his life depended on it.
Bella didn't know what he was crying about —if it was because of her declaration of love, or her pitiful plead to be taken back, or because of how much she'd made him suffer. Maybe it was all three options. Still, she cried along silently, running her hands through his now-silky hair over and over again.
Neither knew how long they were in that position for, and Bella didn't care that her dress probably could've passed for a shade darker than it was. When someone finally spoke, it was Edward in a raspy voice.
"I thought you'd tell me you'd found someone else. I heard you went on a date with the captain of the basketball team."
Bella hummed.
"Huh, so he was from the basketball team. I went on one date with him, and then I tapped out. I'm not into jocks."
"I'm a jock."
"I'm into you, that's different."
Not to mention, track-and-field was something Bella was unsure classified him as a jock, but whatever. Her statement was true.
He held onto her even tighter.
"I really hadn't expected you to call things off. I was really shocked. I'm even more shocked now to hear you want me back."
Bella kept running her fingers through his hair, even though he'd turned his head sideways so he could talk.
"Should I have brought my boom box? Made this more romantic?"
Edward chuckled.
"You telling me I'm more handsome than Emmett is plenty romantic."
Bella's smile faded.
"Do you think… I'm a terrible person? For changing my mind. It sounds so foolish even to me, that I broke up with you and three months later I'm back begging you to take me back. Most people wouldn't have."
Edward squeezed her harder.
"I'm not most people, I'm the person who knows you and loves you most. And you're not terrible, love, you could never be. You held on as long as you could, and you were looking out for both of us. That, if nothing else, forced me back on my feet and you to face yourself. People break up and get back together all the time, baby. There's no rule saying once you break up you can never get back together."
"Taylor Swift did."
Edward chuckled.
"Your one flaw is liking that woman."
Bella giggled.
"I also like your favorite bands, so don't complain." Edward was an avid Bastille and Jukebox the Ghost fan; neither was Britney Spears-level famous, but the fanbase was solid. Still, if Edward was a snob about anything, it was about music.
They broke apart enough for Edward to look up and make eye contact with the woman who, he was sure, was the love of his life.
"I was ready to do a whole makeover thing for you, you know. To get you back. I figured maybe if you'd thought I was a little cooler you would have me again."
Bella ran a hand through Edward's hair.
"If there had been anything I didn't like, I'd have told you from day one. You know I'm not one to beat around the bush. To me, you're absolutely perfect. I love your shirts, and your glasses, and how your hair needs a weekly tub of gel to stay down. If you choose to keep this hairstyle, I'm all for it; my hands will appreciate staying dry a little longer. But ultimately, it's all about how you feel. If you feel more confident one way or another, do it. If you think a new wardrobe, hair and glasses will make a difference, I'll support you all the way through. All I want is for you to love yourself the way I do."
Edward saw it in her eyes, how much she meant it. She still looked at him like he was precious, and that was all he truly wanted from her.
"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, Isabella Swan. I was fine by myself these last three months, complete. But you make me feel like I'm more than I am. Like I must be the best person around if you love me half as much as I love you. I can only describe it as constantly feeling like you're forgetting something, and that you know you'll be happy once you remember, but you just can't get there." He pushed the hair out of her eyes, loving as always. "Loving you is to remember, I guess."
Bella tried not to sob.
"You're so cheesy," she blubbered. "I can't believe you said that. And I can't believe how much I'm falling for it."
Edward grinned, feeling the last few tears leak out.
"Want me to say something real corny?"
Bella shook her head.
"Once a day only, or I'll get diabetes. Just kiss me already you Casanova."
Laughing, Edward did. He grabbed his girlfriend by the cheeks and brought her closer to him, and slowly, like he was afraid he'd forgotten how to do it, he let his lips press against Bella's.
Her breath smelled like chocolate, and he was sure his did too.
"You should always eat chocolate before kissing me," Bella muttered, smiling against him, and then deepened the kiss.
Noted, he wanted to say, but found himself unable to.
"You're what?"
"I'm pregnant, and I'm keeping the baby," Emmett said proudly, then coughed. "I mean, Rosie is. We're keeping it."
Edward gaped.
A lot had happened in the time he'd broken up with Bella, it seemed. He hadn't seen Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper or even Garrett in the last three months, feeling they were all more Bella's friends than his. Evidently, he'd missed a lot in the lives of his friends. He was only grateful he had a second chance at being involved.
Once Bella and Edward had formally reconciled, they both informed their friends (minus Jake, the blabbermouth) almost immediately. Everyone was overjoyed at the information, knowing how much the couple had struggled, and Emmett had been quick to request an audience (his words) with the reestablished couple. They'd met up two days later in Chompie's over breakfast, joined by Jasper.
"I can't believe this, dude. Seriously?" Edward coughed, gulping down some water to calm himself.
"Yup. I mean, we're all ecstatic. Best part is Rosie'll be able to graduate, so even if this is a little soon, she'll finish the year with a degree and a little bundle of joy." Emmett beamed, not caring one bit about Jasper and Edward's surprise.
Oh my God, Jasper thought to himself. It's started. The whole 'I've got friends in college with kids and friends who can't afford a cup of coffee' time of my life.
It was not a pleasant thought.
"So, I know this is a little early, but we wanted to do this as soon as we could. I wanted to ask Jasper if he could be our baby's godfather…" Rose grinned, the absolute happiest Jasper had ever seen his cousin.
"And if Bell could be the godmother. It would mean the world to us."
Bella wasn't surprised, but she had a question.
"But I'm not Catholic. Can I even be?"
Emmett grinned sheepishly; Debbie Downer never missed a chance.
"Not recognized by the Church, but legally and emotionally yes. Rose and I… we'd trust no other people more to take care of our little person should anything happen to us. We'd be eternally grateful if you two agreed to take on this role."
Jasper and Bella looked at each other, neither doubting for a second that they'd say yes.
"It would be my honor," Jasper drawled, overcome with love for his cousin and the unborn child. He didn't have any siblings, but Rose was the closest he had to one.
"Nothing would make me happier," Bella swore, letting her own tears leak out. Damn, she loved that big stupid oaf more than she loved her parents on some days. She couldn't wait to be an aunt (albeit not related by blood) and spoil his children rotten.
Edward squeezed her hand lovingly, letting her know quietly it was ok if she cried. Not that she didn't know this; she had a hard time crying, but once she did, she went at it hard. So far, the only times he remembered her crying was when she'd fought with Emmett, when she told him about Charlie, at the wedding (which had been happy tears), and during their reunion. Him, on the other hand, cried even when he thought something was just passably sad; once or twice Bella had caught him crying during commercials, which had been mortifying. It didn't surprise him about Bella, though; he thought that it somehow fit her cool persona if she didn't cry often, and at the same time, she was never any less cool if she did. He knew he was less cool, though; he was an ugly crier, and Seth was always quick to point this out. Younger siblings did wonders for for your self-esteem.
Alright, so he was whipped, but could anybody blame him?
He had the most awesome girlfriend ever.
He'd been a fool to let her go without a fight, and this was a mistake he'd never repeat.
"I'm glad," Emmett sighed in relief, giving his best friend a broad smile.
"Did you actually think I could ever say no?" Bella asked in disbelief, gauging him. Emmett shrugged sheepishly.
"I was 98% sure you'd say yes, but I was 2% unsure if you'd say no based on not wanting to partake in any religious activity."
Bella scoffed.
"Emmett, I'd convert to Pastafari if it meant I could be involved in your kid's life in any way. I'm an extremely clingy person," Bella said, and this time Edward gave her disbelieving eyes. Emmett and Rose stifled their laughter. "What?"
"Baby, I love you, but I nearly have to beg you to snuggle with me. Last time I went away on that class thing to the East coast for a week? You didn't send a single text, I had to call you to make sure you knew I was coming back."
"I didn't want to interfere with your activities!" Bella cried in outrage, and Edward smiled smugly, point proven.
"Face it babe. I'm the clingy one in this relationship."
Rose gave him a quizzical look.
"You sure that's a good thing to be?" She asked, faintly amused by how the couple argued and what they disagreed about. Last time she and Emmett fought, it was about the toothpaste in the sink, and she'd nearly thrown a toothbrush at him in her fury while he'd nearly thrown out her hairbrush in retaliation. Rose honestly couldn't think of a single time she'd seen Edward angry despite knowing him for nearly four years, and Bella had only gotten angry that fateful day that changed their friendship. She was the type that was quick to annoy, but slow to anger.
"Well, it's what we are," Edward shrugged, swinging an arm to lay it across Bella's shoulders. He laid a kiss on her temple, melting her frown. "And how boring would it be if we were both the same?"
Appeased, Bella changed the subject, and they spent the rest of breakfast talking about Emmett and Rose's plans for the future.
"I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain!" Bella was singing. It was a Friday, and thankfully she and Edward had a light day. She was making dinner while he set the table —in all their years together, he hadn't gotten better at cooking, so Bella usually took up the job. He was, however, a master dessert maker, so he was always in charge of anything that had to do with confectionery.
"But it's not raining, love," Edward pointed out, laughing at how off-pitch his girlfriend sang. He was charmed as always, but even he could tell Bella was not musically gifted.
"Sing something for me. Dinner's nearly done, but I need something to motivate me to finish."
Edward thought about it.
"Alright, but you need to let me hug you while I sing," Edward negotiated, and feigning exasperation, Bella agreed.
"But only because you're so freaking hot," Bella said, making Edward laugh and approach her. He snuck his arms around her and plastered himself to her back, chuckling when she moved back and stepped on his feet.
He cleared his throat.
"I wanna be your lover, I wanna be your friend. I wish I could tell you I'd last till the end. I'm in a blue haze… a blue haze."
Edward sang his heart out, recalling the song he'd been obsessed over for the last month. It was a great song, and the beat really called out to him. The band wasn't well known by any means, but he loved it.
When he was done, so was dinner.
"Who's it from?"
"You won't know them. Amber Run, they're called. But it's a nice song, isn't it?"
Bella huffed.
"When I asked you to sing for me, I meant something more along the lines of the Jonas Brothers or something. But I guess that was fine." Bella laughed when Edward crushed her in a hug and lifted her, then took her to the kitchen island. He deposited her in a chair, then grabbed the food and brought it in.
"I swear, even if they ever get back together, I'm never ever singing any of their songs. Ever."
Bella sighed sadly.
"I was gonna tell you I'd marry you if they ever did and that we'd use one of their songs for our wedding, but since you're so against all this, you and I will have to live in sin forever."
Edward glared at her.
"Are you trying to emotionally manipulate me?"
Bella batted her eyelashes.
"Is it working?"
Edward groaned.
"Don't even think about it," he warned, handing her the salad. "Also, I was thinking…"
"Uh oh."
He pressed his lips in a flat line, resisting the urge to laugh at how proud Bella looked of herself.
"I was thinking that maybe you and I should go say hi to our parents tomorrow."
Bella flinched.
"Do we? I mean, your parents probably hate me, don't they? And mom is gonna make such a huge fuss about us being back together. She cried a lot, you know."
Edward shrugged.
"Well, so did we. Look, I don't want to stretch this anymore when we've been back together for two weeks already. You know all they want is for us to be happy, and if my parents went crazy and said something mean, you know I'd stick up for you, right?"
Bella sighed.
"Yeah, I know. I guess that it just makes me feel nervous."
He stood from his chair and went over next to Bella; he tilted her head up and bent to lay a kiss on her.
"I'm nervous too, but I want our parents to know we're happy. Right?"
Then he kissed her again, and Bella's heart couldn't keep up. Truth was, they hadn't had sex yet, and she felt a little like a born-again virgin. Even just this had her heart racing to keep up.
So when Edward pulled away, all she could do was sigh dreamily.
"Right."
Oh wow, this was another heavy one, wasn't it? Sorry it took me a little longer, but I did warn y'all, didn't I? I'm actually cutting into my study time right now to post this, but I felt you'd all suffered long enough. So sorry it was a little shorter, but what's coming next will take me a little longer. I think perhaps there's two chapters left to this story -I never planned to make this one long, so if anything, I've kind of gone beyond my original plan (which was like four chapters). As always, thank you so much for your sweet reviews. They always make my day.
Leah.
P.S. ALSO DID YOU SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS (the original JB by the way) ARE BACK TOGETHER?! DID YOU SEE THEIR NEW SONG? Honestly, I never liked any boy bands as a kid, only the Jonas Brothers. I still regret giving away one of their posters. I never had a preference over one brother or the other, either, which is odd. I probably used up all the fangirl in me for Twilight, and even that's not saying a lot; my level of fangirl has always been 'writes FFN and calls it a day'. Also, I've never written fanfic about real people; if I had to say, I find it a little weird, but hey, maybe that's just me. So my level of love for the JB was 'buy their CD and a poster'. Wow, remember those? Lol, kidding. But yeah, I'm still over the moon. So for their next concert, expect to see a twenty-something girl who is very excited but also very chill.