Okay guys, I didn't warn you for the last chapter, but this time I'm definitely warning you to get your tissues out. Maybe even have someone nearby to hug. We've got a lot in this chapter; the big thing, obviously, but there's also some Tiva interaction (which we all love, right?). Please let me know if I've got everyone in character, because that's the thing that worries me most with this story! Also, I know I've posted this chapter sooner but I'm unavailable for the rest of today so I won't really be able to update until earliest 2 days now, so send lots of reviews to encourage me!

Chapter Ten: Bring Her Back, Daddy

The walk up to the Director's office had never seemed so long. He walked up, Penny held against his hip as she pointed down at his desk, protesting the whole climb that he had left the special coffee she had found for him, telling him how she even got to pay with McGee's coins for it, but he didn't reply. He was too busy trying to work out what he was going to say once they got to the directors office. He could feel eyes burning into him, McGee's no doubt confused and Ziva's coated with understanding. He stepped through the open door, into Cynthia's department, and she buzzed instantly through to the main office. Jenny Shepherd appeared in the doorway, approaching him and playing a hand on the shoulder that Penny wasn't occupying.

"Tony," she began, but he just nodded and mumbled a reply.

"Thanks for this."

She gave him a gentle smile. "Take all the time you need, I've had my calls diverted," she informed him.

Tony nodded, and they went into the office. He didn't think to close the door behind him but no one was going to disturb him. Everyone was going to see to that. They went over to the couch and he sat her down. She crossed her legs, leaning forward so that she was looking up at her father expectantly. He sighed. How was he going to do this? He'd had kids involved in their cases before, and he'd had to explain tough things to them regarding family members, but never this; never his daughter, never Alicia...he tried to speak, but no words came out. Nothing happened.

Penny tilted her head to one side as she always did. "Why are your eyes red?" she asked, breaking the silence of the room.

"They're a bit sore," he told her, managing to stumble over his reply.

"Why are they sore?" she asked him. "My eyes get sore when I do crying. Have you been crying?"

He nodded. "A little bit."

"Why?"

"I'm sad," he said simply.

"Why?" she repeated.

"I'm sad because of your mom," he choked out, struggling to hold it together.

"Is it time to go and see her now?" she asked him hopefully, the bright smile from moments ago crossing her face and he hated himself for knowing he was about to knock it clean off.

"Not today, Penny," he said, shaking his head.

She frowned at him. "I want to see Mommy," she told him. "you promised we'd go for lunch today."

He took a deep breath, leaning forwards and clasping their hands together. He found it strange to feel how tiny those hands were within his own; he'd never really thought of his hands as large until he'd seen how small and soft Penny's were in comparison. "Penny, when your mom said that you were coming to live with me, where did she say she would be?" he asked her cautiously.

"In heaven with the angels," she told him, as if heaven was simply at the other end of the Navy yard.

"Did she say why?"

"Because she was really poorly and the angels would look after her." She frowned harder. "Why can't we go see her?"

"Penny, I...I'm sorry," he stumbled, touching her face with his fingertips. Oh, god...he realised...I'm going to break her heart. Would she hate him? Shut him away? Decide that she didn't want to live with daddy anymore? "Mommy's gone to be with the angels now."

She just shook her head. "No, she's not. She's at the hospital."

"She was, yes, but now she's gone to heaven."

"When is she coming back?"

He shook his head this time, eyes filling with tears all over again. "I'm sorry, Penny, but she's not coming back."

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" Penny suddenly screamed, and he realised that his words were starting to take affect. First screaming, then crying...then heartbreak. "I don't believe you!" she repeated, standing on the couch and stamping her feet against the cushions. "I want to see my mommy! I want my mommy! I want mommy!"

He reached out his arms to try and contain her but failed because she fought him off. "Penny, you can't-"

"I want mommy!"

He sat there beside her, frozen as Penny's tantrum took affect, flinging her arms up and down, screaming. Her cries got more anguished as well as louder. He didn't know what to do. Should he try to hold her? Leave her to scream it out? Run away and hide? The latter was the strongest urge, to bury his face in a pillow, cover his ears and wait for all of this to go away. He knew he couldn't, but he didn't know what else to do. Laura had offered to stay with him on her way out so that he wouldn't be alone when he told Penny but she'd done enough already, he'd told her. Now, he wished she had stayed. She would know what to do. Maybe he should get one of the others...Ziva...Gibbs...the Director...they'd know what to do. Someone had to know, because he didn't. He just kept repeating that he was sorry, but Penny didn't hear him. She just screamed and screamed.

"I want mommy! I want mommy!"

And then he acted instinctively. He slipped his arms around her even though she fought against him, hitting out with her tiny fists, each hit connecting with his body but not hurting him. She bucked and twisted wildly, still screaming, but he stood his ground, holding her until her anger faded and she went limp against him, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing against him.

"I want mommy!" she sobbed.

"You've still got me," he told her, his own tears streaming on his face. "I'm still here."

"Bring her back, Daddy. Bring Mommy back," she begged him in coughed sobs.

"It'll be okay," he just whispered in reply to her. "We'll be okay."

--

Down in the bullpen, Jenny noticed that Ziva kept moving her eyes from her computer screen up to the door of her office. Everything was silent save for the tapping of keys. Gibbs had returned moments after Tony had gone upstairs, and had silently nodded before going back to his own computer, drinking his entire coffee in two gulps before throwing it roughly into his trashcan. Ziva and Jenny exchanged a look but nothing was said; it was clear that this was bringing back memories of Shannon and Kelly for him.

After a short while, the unmistakable screaming of a child was heard, followed by loud and uncontrollable sobs. Jenny sighed, and leaned forward where she sat at Tony's desk, all of his teammates and his leader looking up to the door; all hoping that Tony would be the stronger man and not run through the doors helplessly. She noticed the particular expression on Ziva's face. Ziva, of all of them, had bonded with Penny almost as much as Tony had. She had been there late into the night twice, and had spent time with her during the day. Jenny knew that it was hurting her to hear Penny's pain too.

"It's not easy," she acknowledged.

"Explaining death to a child?" Ziva questioned.

She nodded. "Especially when it's someone they love so dearly."

Ziva sighed. "Tony looked heart-shattered."

"Heart-broken," McGee corrected instinctively, but even his tone was sympathetic for their senior field agent.

"Don't mistake parental pain for heartbreak, Ziva," Jenny told her. "That look in his eyes...he's not in pain for Penny's mother, because he knows as an adult that she was in pain and that there was nothing he could do to help her, but Penny...she doesn't understand that, and that's what's killing him inside...knowing that she needed someone to do more for her mother and he wasn't able to be that person."

"I was under the impression that he loved Penny's mother," Ziva frowned.

"He loved her, yes," Jenny nodded. "But he wasn't in love with her."

It was half an hour later when Tony finally came out of the Director's office. He came down the stairs slowly, with Penny fast asleep against a huge wet patch on his shoulder; clearly she had cried herself to sleep against him. He held his daughter against him with a softness that none of them had seen from him before, other that Ziva, who had been there with them at home. He came down silently, not making eye contact or conversation with any of them as he reached down and grabbed his bag. There was the odd sniff of held-back tears, and it was clear from Penny sleeping that the sounds weren't coming from the little girl but instead the man who held her. Gibbs approached him, standing directly behind him

"Tony."

"See you tomorrow, boss. I'm taking her home," he said, his voice emotionless and barren before he had straightened up.

"Tony," he said, more forcefully this. Tony straightened up and faced him, finally making eye contact and revealing the haunted look in his eyes. Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and spoke softly to him in a manner that Tony wasn't used to from his boss. However, the words would have had no affect from anyone else other than him. "No one should have to do what you just did," he said.

"But I did have to," Tony whispered.

He started to walk away, but Jenny caught up with him at the elevator, holding the doors as they were about to close. "Tony, you have grievance leave," she reminded him. "I suggest you take it."

He nodded silently, and Jenny allowed the doors to close, shutting him off from the only people he knew could help him.

--

Later that evening things hadn't improved, not that he expected them to. Tony and Penny sat on the couch, with the little girl sobbing silently, clutching her bear fiercely as her father lay behind her, both on their sides facing the television. Old reruns were playing, but neither of them were paying attention; it was just something to fill the apartment with more sound than their sniffs and occasional choked sobs. Occasionally, Tony should rub tears from his face, unaware that he was crying because he was unable to focus on anything other than Penny's sniffles, which made him feel useless and empty as he was helpless to stop them. So he ritualistically rubbed away and tears he found, not wanting Penny to see him crying.

Six o'clock came and went, and soon they had been lying on the couch for six hours more than they should have been, mourning the loss of the woman they'd not been prepared to lose. The sound of a knock on the door broke Tony out of his trance, one that had him ignoring all phone calls made that afternoon, and he looked at the door. There was no movement on the other side of it, but he went up and opened it, Penny not reacting at all to his absence. On the other side of the door was the dark haired woman he'd found himself wanting that afternoon, when he needed to comfort his daughter and remembered the only woman he'd feel comfortable calling and asking for help.

"Ziva," he croaked. "What are you doing here?"

"Have Penny and yourself eaten this evening?" she asked him.

"No," he said, running his hand through his hair as he realised he should have thought about not only lunch, but dinner, by now.

"Then I am here to make you dinner," she said, walking past him and into the apartment. She stopped in the hall, looking into the lounge at the little girl, gripping her bear so hard in case she felt it too would leave her. "How is she?"

Tony came to stand beside her, shaking his head as he gazed at her. "Barely speaking and there's no stopping the tears," he told her.

"And yourself?" she asked, bringing her gaze to him.

He continued watching Penny, unsure of how to answer that. After a few seconds of hesitance, he shuffled his feet. "Let's go into the kitchen, I'll bring Penny," he told her.

Having lifted her from the couch in her crushed state, Tony carried her into the kitchen, sitting her down in one of the chairs before taking a seat beside her. The chair was too big for her, and the night before they'd brought a pillow through for her to sit on but he hadn't thought of that now. It just made her look tinier than she actually was. Ziva began to look through the cupboards in their silence.

"What would you like for dinner?" she asked them both, turning to face them.

Penny just shrugged. Tony shook his head lightly. "I'm not really that hungry."

"Penny, what would you like?" she asked the little girl.

Penny looked at her father, and then to Ziva, and answered in a tiny voice; her first words since she had cried herself to sleep against Tony in Jenny's office. "If Daddy's not hungry than I'm not hungry too."

"Both of you are hungry, and you are both going to eat something," Ziva told them. "Is there anything special either of you would like me to make?"

Tony sighed. "To be honest, Ziva, anything. I'd eat thirty packets of mayonnaise if it was all there was."

Under any other circumstances, she might have rolled her eyes, but instead she looked to Penny again. "Penny, is there anything you would like?"

"Thirty packets of may'nase," she whispered.

Ziva nodded, and then ignored both of their replies. "I will call a pizza."

"'kay," they both whispered in response.

--

The pizza was eaten in silence, and not long after Penny succumbed and fell asleep in Tony's arms. Silently, he lifted her and carried her through to his bedroom, where he placed her beneath the blankets. She immediately curled up with her teddy, but did not reach to seek him out as she had done the night before. Instead, she barely noticed that he wasn't there. He remained in the doorway for a long time after that, until Ziva came up the hall and stood beside him, leaning on the opposite side of the door frame.

"Is she sleeping?" she asked in a low voice, not wanting to wake her.

He nodded. "Yeah...I broke her heart today," he said, his own voice in a whisper.

"Tony..."

He shook his head. "I can't go through with this, Ziva," he said, falling into the same self-doubt he'd had the night before.

"Yes, you can," she told him.

"Why did this have to happen?" he challenged her. "To Alicia? To Penny?"

"I do not know," she admitted quietly.

She looked at Penny, and when she looked back again she found that there were tear spilling over his cheeks, which he instantly wiped away. "This is ridiculous," he scolded himself.

She took his hand, in the same comforting manner she had done the other night, the same way which made his skin tingle, and enclosed it in her own. "Tony, you do not need to be strong all the time."

He scoffed. "Says the emotionally guarded Mossad ninja," he said.

She didn't rise to the bait as she usually did, but instead kept her gaze trained on him. "You have lost someone you cared for as well," she reminded him.

He watched his daughter, seeing the gentle rise and fall of her chest, and sighed. "I can't afford to break down, Ziva. If Penny sees-"

"Penny is sleeping," she pointed out.

"I can't break down," he repeated. "She needs me to be strong. If she sees me crying then-"

She cut him off this time by tugging him by the hand she held, leading him down the hall and into the lounge. She sat him down on the couch, placing herself beside him and then holding both of her hands in his own. "She will not hear you here," she assured him quietly.

He shook his head still. "I can't, Ziva."

"Look at me, Tony," he didn't naturally. "Look at me," she repeated, more tenderly this time, and perhaps it was the unusual tone in her voice that caught his attention. "Do not hold yourself away from this. Yes, Penny needs you to be strong and you are being very strong. But she also needs you to show her that it is okay to mourn our losses. It is okay to cry, Tony, for yourself and Penny. It is okay for you to be releasing your emotions. There is nothing stronger that you can be doing for her than that."

He leaned forwards over their clasped hands, and she caught the shimmer of tears against his cheeks. She smiled reassuringly even though he was no longer looking at her. She replaced one of her hands on the back of his neck, swirling her fingers through the fine hair on the base of his skull when she felt a single tear drop onto their hands.

"You are a good father, Tony," she told him, when he seemed to relax a little at her touch, almost like a child being comforted by a mother. "It will be okay."

"No, it won't," he protested.

"Not so soon, but in time it will be."

"How do you know that?" he challenged her, bringing his streaming eyes to meet hers.

"Because you are trying," she said.

"And that's enough?"

She nodded. "It is enough for Penny." He leaned forwards again, taking deep, controlled breaths. "I understand that this is causing you pain, Tony. I know that, but you cannot change what was happened. If it were possible, we would correct this, but we cannot. You need to remember that you are not alone in this. You have Penny, and the two of you can help one another, and you also have me."

"You?" he asked, lifting his head again.

She nodded. "You are my partner, Tony, but you are also my friend. We have been there for each other in the past, and I am here for you now. So if there is anything you would like me to do...anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."

He nodded slowly, keeping his eyes trained on hers. "Okay."

They remained there for some time, eyes locked, with her hand still drawing circles on the back of his neck in a way which made her mind scream out was wrong. There was a strangely romantic notion to her regular action, especially now that their eyes had locked; him begging for comfort and her unsure of what lines could and could not be crossed to provide it. There was something in those brown eyes she gazed into, making her realise that he wasn't just screaming out for comfort, but for her specifically, and it wasn't in the way that he was usually chasing after girls. No, the look in his eyes had nothing to do with finding a sexual partner for the night; his eyes wanted something more.

"Would you like to be alone?" she asked him, when he didn't look away and his gaze began to drain on her. "I can leave if-"

As she started to withdraw her hand from his neck, he grabbed it, holding it in mid air and bringing her closer without intending to. "No...I..." they locked eyes again, and she saw the true weakness he was hiding within them. "Please...stay."

"Tell me what I can do to help," she prompted him.

"Just...be here," he requested.

She nodded slowly. "Okay."

So...how many tissues did we all need? I needed four just writing it!