~Chapter Sixteen~

Kiss the Girl

The in and out of dating got me all confused.
I built up expectations and I'm feeling used.
Seems that everybody's into fast food;
Everybody's into quick.
I want someone to take the time – fine dining, not rushing.

Tell me: how many frogs do I have to kiss…
Before I find my prince, before I find my prince.

~Frogs and Princes, by Natasha Bedingfield

Disclaimer: Me No Own; You No Sue.

I grinned, eager to immerse myself in an epic prank once again. Forget what Renge said, my jokes and pranks were not solely a means of hiding my true nature. I was a prankster – always had been; always would be. Nothing that she said could or would ever change that. After all, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words would never hurt me.

Sammy's P.O.V.

I smirked at the little cat that I'd doodled in the margins of my notebook paper. With a flourish, I signed my initials near the edge of the doodle, mentally congratulating myself on creating such an accurate drawing of Beelzeneff. It was a damn good replica, even if I do say so myself. Hell, it even had the same evil, little grin that the original voodoo doll did. Neko-chan would be so proud of me!

Speaking of my darling Neko, I wonder if the Black Magic club is holding a séances any time soon? I wondered, poking at the cast on my fractured left hand as I pondered the answer to this very important question. Really hope so… Especially since I need to talk to him and explain his part in our plan in further detail.

Mitsukuni cocked his head to the side. "…why are you grinning like that, Sammy-chan?"

I ignored his whispered question, mainly because I had been ignoring the members of the Host Club for several days now, including Haruhi. However, my smile widened drastically, signifying that I had indeed heard my (much) shorter classmate. Instead of answering him, I focused on the rest of my notebook paper, the majority of which was covered in the details of the Ultimately Nasty Instigation Concerning Our Remarkable Neko by Sammy, Hikaru, and Kaoru Exclusively!

It is also known to its creators – affectionately – as the Unicorn Shake; for short, since we've been saying the entire name for close to three days now. And, saying that over and over can really begin to grate on one's nerves, especially since it is quite tedious to shout that many words at one another as we pass in the hallways while traveling to our respective classrooms.

So…yay, for monikers!

Most of the steps on the worn sheet of paper had already been crossed out, meaning that the preparations for the plan were almost complete. Now, Hikaru just had to locate the missing green berets that were needed for the Which One is Hikaru game, and Kaoru needed to finish editing the picture of Haruhi that I had managed to procure.

And no – I refused to tell anyone how I had the good fortune to stumble across Steve's computer password. Nor would I mention the fact that I hacked into his files, which included over a dozen pictures of the adorable Haruhi. Why the fuck was it always Haruhi? Not that I wanted the crazy Schatten König to keep documentation of my epic awesomeness; however, it would have been nice to know that Steve loved his little blue dog. Sigh.

For those of you that wish to know, his username was The Shadow King; his password was Heir to the Throne. …yes, it was rather amusing, wasn't it?

Moving on, I also needed to convince the amazingly scary Neko to part with one of his wooden voodoo dolls – the ones that he kept under lock and key in one of the countless rooms in his dungeon. Very Spanish Inquisition of him, don't you think? Needless to say, we only had three steps left to complete.

Come to think of it, simply telling Neko that his magical powers of doom were needed was probably not a good idea. I mused in retrospect.

The silly cat had quite the vendetta against the Host Club, not that I had any reason to consider this a bad thing. On the contrary! It was wonderful, considering that I was currently working on a plot to undermine them, as well. With my trusty Marauder's Map – also known as the Unicorn Shake plan – I would successfully rid myself of Lucius Malfoy and his band of slimy Slytherin stooges.

…I meant to say: Tamaki and the members of the Host Club, but I suppose my previous statement will work in its place, seeing as they are both blondes.

Speaking of handsome blondes, I found myself wondering if Neko believed that the Twins and I had given him the liberty to change Tamaki into a frog. Snicker, snicker. After all, the crazy boy was French. Ha! French…frog. Oh, that's good.

"Is there something that you wish to share with the rest of the class, Steel-san?"

Ah, the sweet voice of my immensely annoyed sensei...!It was like music to my ears. Well, right up until the very moment that he began to grit his teeth in annoyance, that is. That man should really see a dentist about that nasty habit. He might need braces, perhaps a retainer.

"After all, you really seem to be enjoying yourself," he dryly added, to which the majority of the class laughed. Takashi and Mitsukuni merely frowned at him in annoyance. In spite of this, the teacher smiled smugly and raised a hand to calm the class. "Care to share, my dear?"

My eyes widened, practically emulating innocence as I chirped, "No, sir! …okay, I lied. Do you remember when you sent me to find your stapler at the beginning of class?"

He nodded uncertainly, clearly unsure if it was safe for him to answer this strange question.

"I wanted to tell you that that I found an 'itsy, bitsy, teenie, weenie, yellow polka-dot bikini' in your desk drawer," I sang cheerfully, adding the corresponding dance moves as I did so.

Complete and utter SiLeNcE.

The class promptly burst into laughter again; however, this time it appeared to be with me and not at me. Mitsukuni choked on the crumbs of a piece of cake that he had secretly been inhaling – er, eating – before joining in with his own sweet, bubbly laugh. Even Takashi cracked a smile and emitted a small chuckle at my shenanigans.

The teacher blanched, and then promptly began speaking in English. "Miss Steel, I would greatly appreciate it if you kept this information to yourself should the situation arise where someone in authority inquires after your knowledge of such a thing."

Beads of sweat trickled down his forehead, gathering at the corners of his beady eyes. The balding man dabbed at his face with a clean handkerchief before returning it to his pocket. After a moment of his continued fidgeting – in which I was greatly reminded of Peter Pettigrew – I decided to have mercy on his poor soul. May he rest in peace.

Thoughtfully, I tapped my lower lip. "I suppose that I could do so, but my secrecy comes at a price, Yamaguchi-sensei," I drawled with a lazy smile.

Mister Yamaguchi released a weary sigh. "Very well, Miss Steel. What is it that you require in return for your silence?" He rubbed at his tired, brown eyes with a shaking hand.

"It's really quite simple. All you need to do is let me leave in…" I glanced at the digital clock that was hanging on the classroom wall. Forty minutes until class ended, eh? "…five minutes. That should give me more than enough time to complete my errands."

He sweatdropped. "That's…all? There is really nothing else that you wish to include in your demands?"

What am I – a kidnapper? I thought with amusement. Honestly, I prefer to play the role of burned spy, if you don't mind! Michael Westen is totally beast. Sexy, too! Cue perverted grin.

"Nope~!" I swung my feet under the desk, seeing as I couldn't quite reach the floor when seated in the chairs at this school. "Nothing at all, sensei."

"…just a hall pass?" Mister Yamaguchi clarified, eyes narrowed warily at the sight of my deceptively innocent smile. Sugar, spice, and everything nice, I was certainly not.

I stuck a pencil down the cast on my left arm and scratched at the itching skin. "Preferably one that is signed for yours truly, but yes, that is it in a nutshell."

Itchy, itchy…!

I really shouldn't have punched that wall last week because – let's face it – this cast was most inconvenient. Last Saturday, I'd wanted to spend the entire day hosting a video game marathon, but holding the nunchuk in my left hand was next to impossible! And I was not a court jester, so I could not juggle both the Wii Remote and the nunchuk. Alas, my Saturday was not spent playing the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I couldn't even play Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, which only required one remote!

No, I spent my weekend watching reruns of the Brady Bunch instead. Which was not my idea of fun…at all.

"Deal!" the exasperated teacher cried, diving for a stack of blank passes that graced the corner of his desk like the Holy Grail.

He was more than likely afraid that I would take my offer from the table. Ha, as if! When I played poker, I had a tendency to bluff, not fold. …sucker!

I immediately set about shoving my blueprints and textbooks into the depths of my gluttonous backpack. Next, I placed my pencils and pumpkin erasers (leftovers from trick-or-treating last year) in my Yoshi purse. And, finally, I slid my bare feet back into my green converse, both of which had black laces. In other words: they matched my green long-sleeve shirt and black skinny jeans. I loved Slytherin colors!

Once that was done, I skipped over to Mister Yamaguchi's desk and retrieved my Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card. Mitsukuni and Takashi made to follow me as I bolted from the classroom, intent upon passing Go and collecting two hundred dollars; however, our sensei had the good sense to threaten them into staying seated. Thus, I was left to scamper through the hallways without any hindrances.

Nice try, boys! But this girl has some mischief to attend to! I crowed gleefully…in my mind, of course. It does not do to say such incriminating things aloud. Gonna make the Marauders proud! …I love you, Sirius Black, even if you are madly in love with Remus Lupin.

After a few minutes of playful scampering, I found the classroom that I was searching for: the chemistry lab! No, I wasn't visiting said lab to acquire any dangerous chemicals – I wanted to annoy the members of the Host Club, not kill them. It's kinda hard to date the guy that you have a crush on when he's dead. Unless he's a vampire. And he isn't. …I think.

I knocked on the wooden door and, upon receiving the signal to enter, skipped into the room with a cheeky grin on my face. Damn, I was in such a good mood! There was nothing in this vast world that could ruin my day, not even the unexpected appearance of the one and only…Shadow King! Cue evil theme music: Akumajo Dracula Medley.

Damn. There aren't any descendents of the Belmont bloodline attending this school, are there?

"Miss Steel, why are you in my classroom?" Steve demanded with a frown etched upon his face. His fingers gripped a glass beaker like a drowning man would a life saver.

…and no, I am not referring to the gummy ones, although they are quite delicious.

I smirked up at him in amusement. "Honestly, Ootori-san. I know that you're accustomed to ruling the kingdom that is the Host Club, but you have no power here. This is not your domain, Ganondorf," I slowly explained, as if I were talking to a toddler. Ruffled his inky black hair for good measure.

His right eyebrow just twitched. Success! I have irked the Shadow King. Mwahahahaha!

"Is there something that you need, young lady?"

I smiled at the chemistry teacher, an older woman that appeared quite kind, if not a little eccentric. Ah, well – who am I to judge?

"Yes, ma'am," I chirped. "I need to borrow Nekozawa-san for a little while. If you can spare his overwhelming genius, that is."

The older woman chuckled, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she did so. "I like your style, kid. Just show me your pass and, if everything checks out, I will certainly loan you the use of my most prized student," she said with an amused smirk.

With an elegant bow, I held the small slip of pink paper towards the chemistry teacher. She quickly scanned over the signature – "Advanced Physics and Astronomy, eh? Pretty hard class…" – before summoning Ferris Bueller to the front of the classroom.

"Yes, Hayashi-sensei?" Neko politely inquired. His nose was still buried in the chemistry textbook, so he had yet to notice my presence. "Did you need me for something?"

Miss Hayashi raised an eyebrow at her favorite student. "It appears that you have other matters to attend to, my boy. Please make sure that you copy the notes from a fellow student, and don't forget to complete pages seventy-seven through eighty in your lab book."

"But, what am I to do now?" he asked, apparently confused at this sudden change in his schedule. Baljeet was still not aware that Buford had cleared any and all previous events in his precious timetable.

In response, I cheerfully handed him his backpack – which I had packed mere seconds ago – and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the door. Ignoring his feeble protests, I shut it behind us and ambled down the hallway, doing my best to stay within the white tiles and not the pink ones. Neko finally caught up with me when I had resorted to loitering outside the Third Music Room whilst I prepared to instigate my next step.

He held up a hand as he bent over, panting a few words. Sounded a bit like – "Wait a minute!"

Clearly, he was not used to being so physically active. Hikaru and Kaoru frequently claimed that it was difficult to keep up with me when I was intent upon a mission – not that I had ever believed their words; pretty little liars. I patiently waited for Master Neko to recover his strength and then made my way into the vacant room, slipping by several tall, marble pillars and over to the secret door that I had discovered yesterday afternoon.

It led into the dark belly of the dungeons and I was honestly expecting Professor Snape to leap from behind the door at moment to quiz me on the most common place to find a bezoar – the stomach of a goat. Duh!

"Where are you taking me…? What are we doing? And why did I have to skip the rest of my chemistry class to participate in your tomfoolery?" Neko queried with a whine.

…'tomfoolery?'

With an amused snort, I rolled my eyes. "When you finally quit bombarding me with questions, I will actually answer some of them," I drawled. "Patience is a virtue, young Neko-chan."

Neko flushed, his pale cheeks now tinted with blotches of red. "Ah, right. Sorry about that, Sammy-senpai." He noisily cleared his throat, bowed, and motioned for me to continue onwards. I smugly did just that.

"Firstly, we are going to your wonderful Black Magic Club. And, before you ask, this is a backdoor that I discovered recently. Secondly, we are going to go over the details for the Unicorn Shake plan! Lastly, it is imperative that I complete my part of the plan before the Host Club arrives," I blurted with a nervous twitch of my hands.

The blonde male stared blankly at me. "So this is the reason that I had to skip the remainder of my favorite class?"

"Yep," I chirped, bouncing on the balls of my feet in anticipation. Back and forth, back and forth.

He scowled at me, not pleased in the least. With that said, I had to give him credit for keeping his mouth shut. Thankfully, it appeared that Neko didn't want to accidentally curse me. I had to admit that I wasn't very fond of the thought of being turned into a frog. Nor did I wish to have to kiss any frogs. I had already found my Prince Charming – thank you very much.

"…I'm going back to class," he deadpanned, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and making his way to the double doors.

"No!" I wailed, clutching at his black robes in my desperation. "Please don't leave, Neko-chan!" Groveling at his feet like Gríma Wormtongue from The Lord of the Rings.

Neko sighed, almost sucking the curtains down his windpipe at the same time. "Fine. But I am only staying to help you with this plan because I get to use black magic on those pretty boys," he grumbled sourly, folding his arms over his chest in a clear I am pouting stance.

I cackled wildly, arms flailing in a manner eerily reminiscent of Invader Zim. "Yes! I now have a minion! Achievement unlocked –" I trailed off at his monotone expression; the boy had probably never played a video game in his life. "…never mind."

"Right… What exactly do you need my help with again?" he asked curiously, blue eyes now mirroring my own excitement. Neko had officially joined the Dark Side – because we have cookies!

Leaning forward, I whispered to him in a conspiratorial manner, "This is what I need: an authentic, cursed voodoo doll. It has to be one that can be written on." I emphasized the need for it to be cursed. Twice.

The Prince of Darkness smirked and gestured for me to follow him into his dark, creepy club room. …did I mention that it was dark and creepy?

Oh, shiny…! Definitely gotta get me one of those! I thought to myself as I eyed an antique candelabrum that was sitting on a moldy, crimson tablecloth. It would look absolutely stunning when placed next to my Alucard and Seras figurines.

"And here it is," Neko murmured, placing a wooden doll in my hand. "It even comes paired with a complimentary cursed Sharpie marker."

I reached for the two items, but he quickly withdrew them into the folds of his velvet cloak. Stupidly, I stared up at him, my mouth agape. I honestly had no idea what he could possibly want in return for the voodoo doll. Hadn't checked the Black Market lately.

…yeah, I know. That was a pretty lame joke. Please, feel free to throw any number of rotten vegetables at me.

Neko gazed down at me, an unreadable expression on his pale face. "I'll part with this doll on one condition, and one condition only…" A flicker of candlelight illuminated his face and I shivered at the strange gleam in his icy blue eyes.

"Name it!" I exclaimed, hands thrown in the air in exasperation. "Just hurry it up, Neko-chan! I haven't got all day, you know."

The younger boy slowly approached me, a sly grin on his lips, as he whispered in my ear, "I want a kiss."

***Author's Note***

Sammy: O_O Crazy cat say, "What?"

Neko: ...what?

*Door Slowly Creaks Open*

Shadowsammy: Taskahi has entered the room people! :D

Takashi: *Glare*

Neko: *Squeak* ...um, I just remembered that I need to change my underwear! Later!

Sammy: My hero! *Glomps Takashi*

Takashi: *Smug Smirk* Silly girl...

Shadowsammy: Aw...

*Holds Up Sign: Review Please~!*