~Chapter Twenty-Three~

Recipe for Disaster

Leave me alone.
Get out of my face.
I'm tired of love,
Feeling so misplaced.

I'll face the unknown,
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown.

~Leave Me Alone, by The Veronicas

Disclaimer: Me No Own; You No Sue.

The nervous tension in my shoulders slowly drifted away. Every ounce of pain, worry, and doubt vanished into the atmosphere without a trace. I clenched the phone tightly in my left hand, savoring the faint return to normalcy that those words presented. This was the one person that had known me for my entire life, the only one that I could trust to understand me without giving me any ultimatums.

"I need a favor…"

Sammy's P.O.V.

Another week passed, and I spent most of my afternoons avoiding the Host Club and its members. Don't get me wrong! I no longer had any qualms about interacting with them. After all, the seven of them were my friends. No, it was the little brat that Tamaki had taken in as his apprentice that bothered me – Shirou was surprisingly sharp for someone so young. And it didn't sit well with me that someone who hardly knew me could read me so accurately. He had immediately labeled me a fake, pointing out that my smile was as full of plastic as Dolly Parton's boobs. Thus, Shirou reminded me of Renge, and not in a good way.

You see, I'd yet to get my revenge against Renge, or the Three Gorgons. My plan with the tomatoes completely backfired, as you might recall. Ayanokoji and her fellow bullies quickly retaliated by stealing the bag of vegetables and catapulting them at my head. Sigh. I had only wanted to make their perfect, rich lives a little more hectic; alas, it was I that suffered.

Revenge was apparently best served cold, and not with rotten tomatoes.

Needless to say, I'd left school every day that week almost immediately after the last bell. I didn't linger for long, taking only minute or two to say goodbye to Haruhi, Takashi, and my brothers. And I saw no point in bothering with the rest of the Hosts. I was well aware of the fact that others – namely, Tamaki and Mitsukuni – would have tried to convince me to stay and spend time with "The Family." Bonding was important, you know!

As for Kyoya…well, he didn't seem to care one way or another. While we had admittedly come to a bit of an unspoken agreement, the two of us remained neutral about our tentative friendship; he did his creepy Shadow King routine, and I went about my merry way, per usual. We did our best to avoid crossing paths with one another. It was easier that way. And less stressful – for me, that is.

And having said my goodbyes for the day, I was now on my way to Simply Sweets, where I would spend the next hour or two eating tasty pastries and talking with the daughter of the shop owner.

Kiki and I'd become pretty good friends over the last two months, in part because I was now a regular. I visited the cute little café almost every day after school, oftentimes bringing my younger brothers along with me. The two boys came willingly because they were able to be themselves – in other words, openly gay – without worrying about anyone else's reactions while in the shop. Thankfully, the commoners in this country were more accepting about their relationship with one another than those in the wealthier classes. And Kiki believed the boys to be absolutely adorable.

A fond laugh escaped my lips as I thought of the younger girl – with her blunt, open nature and tomboyish ways, she honestly reminded me of my best friend, Haruhi. And, as it turned out, Kiki had actually met the brunette a few years prior. They understood each other, and their friendship was forged almost immediately. Admittedly, this was because they'd each lost their mothers, albeit in different ways – one, to death; the other, to divorce.

It was something that we all shared, now that I took the time to really think about it. My parents were dead, too. But at least the two of them still had their fathers.

That last thought took its toll, and my lips twisted downwards as I entered the building, absently noting the soft chime of the welcome bell. The grimace must have been apparent on my face because Kiki instantly offered me a sympathetic smile. I liked that about her. She never pitied anyone; instead, she empathized with that person. And Kiki was a generally cheerful person, in spite of everything that had happened to her – the divorce, moving to another city, and starting over from scratch. She was made of some pretty strong stuff, that one.

Amethyst eyes glittered with happiness as I walked up to the counter and began to halfheartedly flip through the menu. Yes, halfhearted. After all, I came here so often that I'd memorized its contents long ago, and –

Oh, there was yet another new brownie to try, and this one was apparently made with macadamia nuts… Yummy!

I mentally slapped myself for cheering up at the discovery, thinking: Sheesh, if I continue along this route, I'll get even more, er, robust. Yeah, robust… My eyes were inevitably drawn back to the picture of the chocolate treat. But it looks sehr gut!

"Rough day, eh?" Kiki queried while serving the customer in front of me, a young man with a cowlick and an obvious sweet tooth.

"That must be the understatement of the week," I snorted derisively and blew my bangs out of my face – the black and white headband that I'd incorporated with my outfit wasn't doing its job properly. "Honestly, you have no idea how bad of a day it actually was, Kiki-chan."

A box of cheesecake and one milkshake later, the girl returned her attention to me and warmly asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

My smile wavered, before falling into a thin, pursed line. I felt my mood sour as my mind drifted back to all of the times that those words had been spoken to me – and all of the times that it had ended badly. Orphans, school counselors, and even my friends had given me weird looks, starting from the very moment that I'd opened my mouth. No one but my childhood friend, Caleb, understood my odd, oftentimes morbid humor. My jokes were employed almost immediately in such conversations; it helped relieve the tension. Or so I thought.

Kiki placed a hand on my arm and grinned down at me from her amazing height. "I am more than willing to listen to your troubles, Anakin Skywalker." Amethyst eyes lit up. "So long as you fill me on the latest details of your love life, that is!"

"Well, there's this girl, you see," I lazily drawled. My mind wandered back to the plot of Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones, and I added, "Her name is Padmé Amidala…"

"Oh, ha, ha, ha! You are such a riot, Sammy-chan." She rolled her purple eyes heavenwards, which was a habit that I'm quite sure had been inspired by our mutual friend, Haruhi.

Thank you, thank you! I bowed to my imaginary audience, calling – I'm here all week!

Smirking, I glanced down at my chipped, purple nails and triumphantly said, "I try."

"Obviously," she muttered and motioned for me to have a seat on a nearby stool; it spun! "No, seriously – tell me all about your rotten day. I owe you for all of the times that you've listened to me complain, or helped me out around the shop."

"Aren't you a little busy right about now? I mean, you do have customers to serve and such, little barmaid," I pointed out with a cheeky grin, taking note that she did not appreciate that particular nickname.

A blank expression adorning her face, the younger girl deadpanned, "Do we seem busy to you?"

"Um, no…" I finally admitted, but only after glancing around the empty shop. "But you'll have a crowd soon enough, considering that school hours are about to end for the day."

Kiki hummed in thought, considering my words, and finally conceded that I had a point. The younger girl smiled and promptly headed over to the glass door. She flipped the welcome sign over to the other side, signifying that the shop was now officially closed for the day. I stared at the girl in stunned silence. It took every ounce of my willpower not to laugh or mention that she had only done so to get out of an afternoon of work. Kiki was my friend, and she was willing to listen to me complain, so why would I deem it necessary to insult her?

Yep, I was slowly learning the art of keeping my mouth shut. I'm now a level 17 druid. And, in the immortal words of London Tipton: "Yay, me!"

"And now, the shop is clearly C-L-O-S-E-D," Kiki declared, bowing and gesturing to the white sign. "Spill the beans, Cinderella! What has Prince Charming done this time?"

I tried to smile at the attempt at humor, but failed to do so. Where should I even begin?

"He figured it out."

The cheerful expression on her face evaporated, only to be replaced by one of raw horror. "Oh, my God," she breathed incredulously. "…are you pregnant?"

Apparently, dumb blondes were no longer required to be blonde; stupidity was now common amongst most humans. I mean, seriously! Kiki was obviously of Asian descent – with a healthy dose of Canadian, thanks to her mother – and had long, shiny black hair. Nevertheless, she had the part of blonde bimbo down perfectly. Man! And I thought that Haruhi was dense!

"You…" I slammed my head against the hard edge of the counter in frustration – and embarrassment. "…are…" Thud. "…such…" Thud, thud. "…an idiot!" Thud, thud, thud.

With a nervous laugh, Kiki hastily slid an oven mitt under my head to silence the (pretty damn loud) sounds of self mutilation. I rested my aching forehead on the soft, burned thumb of the purple and white polka dotted glove. The other girl patted me on the back, assuring me that she had only been joking – yeah, right – and that I should continue. Speaking, I mean, not bashing my brains in against the laminated countertops. She didn't want to clean up any blood, snot, or brain matter. Unexpected work had a tendency to piss her off. A lot.

"Takashi-kun has apparently been talking to the omnipotent Shadow King, and he's finally figured out that I suffer from depression," I muttered sourly, cursing the evil teenage dictator for freely speaking about my mental health issues. Damn bastard was such a blabbermouth.

"Oh." There was a pregnant pause, in which I was handed a plate brimming with freshly baked sugar cookies (yay, for comfort food!), and then – "That really fucking sucks."

I choked on a mouthful of cookie. Well, that was a blunt, honest opinion. It was certainly true enough, but I hadn't expected Kiki to agree with me, even though she was an empathetic individual. Rare were the days that someone understood me, but the younger girl mysteriously knew that I needed to vent. She understood the fact that I needed to be comforted, and not degraded. I didn't want to be told that I was overreacting – like it was a drama that every teenage girl underwent at some point and time.

And if there were loads of cursing and vulgar jokes involved in said venting, Kiki didn't give a fucking damn. No pun intended.

"Did anything else noteworthy happen today?" Kiki calmly inquired, as if we were talking about the weather, and not my obvious mental instability.

And that calm demeanor made me fear for her mental state, as well. She was talking to a ranting, rapid psycho, after all! I'd diagnosed myself, of course, but that was beside the point. There was ample evidence that I belonged on the funny farm, in a stall right next to the chickens and the cows. I am Sammy, hear me moo! I mean, uh – roar!

Snorting derisively, I mumbled, "Well, I fell up the front stairs of the school first thing this morning, in front of almost fifty students. I was wearing a damn skirt, too." Blushing at the memory of the rather colorful insults; nice ass, nice panties, nice legs. Ha, ha, ha...not.

Kiki coughed into her fist, obviously hiding a laugh at the visual provided by her crude, vulgar mind. I growled at her, daring her to say anything regarding my underwear, which had been a present from crazy friend, Caleb. It was bad enough that I'd been wearing a skirt, but for me to willingly choose to wear a pair of neon yellow panties? That was like social suicide! And I was already really, really, really unpopular.

Add to that the fact that my brilliantly bright bloomers also bore the picture of Happy Bunny and the words: "Kiss My Ass," and you had a recipe for disaster. It didn't taste very good, either.

"Ouch! And that is exactly why I avoid wearing those evil contraptions." The younger girl happily flashed me a peace sign. "Welcome to the twenty-first century, where it is okay for us girls to wear pants!"

"Thanks for the update, R2D2," I snapped at her in irritation. With an angry scowl, I turned away and continued grumbling to myself, "Damn those steps, damn that banana peel, and damn my stupid plaid skirt! Ugh!"

A regular customer tapped on the door and gestured to the sign, appearing somewhat confused at the change in schedule. Kiki waved her away, waited for her to leave, and then motioned for me to continue. I reluctantly did so. Because I was beginning to feel rather guilty about taking up her time; it had already been half an hour since I'd shown up on her doorstep. And this was surely going to hurt the store financially, as well...

As if sensing my thoughts, Kiki smiled and gently said, "Hey. Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Sammy-chan!" She shrugged nonchalantly and added, "Dad owes me quite a few vacation days, anyway."

My eyes watered a bit at the sincerity in her words. It was nice being able to talk with her, and without having to worry about her reaction. Having friends again – outside of my new family, at least – was something that I'd not believed possible anymore. For her to take the time out of her busy day and actually listen to me was, well, amazing. It meant a lot to me.

"Thank you," I whispered softly to the oven mitt sitting in front of me.

Her eyelids fluttered closed, and Kiki smiled even wider. "Don't mention it!" And then she poked me, hard, in the forehead. "Seriously – don't mention it. I have a reputation to uphold, you know!"

I snorted and put my hands on my hips. "What reputation, you big teddy bear?" I cheekily demanded, grinning at her annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a softy – so sue me!" Kiki drawled. She shook a large, tan fist at me in a threatening manner. "Now, finish your story already!"

I bit my lip, but finally continued, "Well, that was only the beginning of my rotten day. During lunch, I spilled an entire can of Pepsi all over my history homework. Got a lower grade because of it, too."

My fellow perfectionist winced at the mere thought of such horrors, especially that last bit. That was yet another similarity between the three of us – Kiki, Haruhi, and me. We all shared an absolute addiction to doing well in school. And we were kinda OCD, too…

"And then, Renge cornered me after class to inform me that the members of the Host Club are going on some sort of vacation, a park or something, and –"

Kiki held up a hand, waited for me to catch my breath, and then said, "Let me guess: the Queen Bee forbade you from going, eh?"

I nodded. "She said, and I quote, 'The only plastic allowed on this trip will be in the beach ball and pool rings, not the plastic in that fake smile of yours.'" Huffing, I picked at the sugary crumbs on my plate.

Sweatdropping at the sight of my already empty plate, Kiki hurried to place another batch of cookies in the oven, more than likely anticipating a breakdown of some sorts. Which, might I add, was feasible. I might start crying now just to get a few more sugar cookies to munch on. The small, yellow cookies were absolutely delicious, and Kiki always added some sort of colorful sprinkles to make them appear more festive.

Amethyst eyes glittered with malice. Kiki shook her head and pointed out, "The last time that I checked, this was a free country, and you don't need the permission of some French hussy to tag along with your friends."

"Yeah!" I cried out, startling the other girl with the sheer amount of determination etched into that one loud, vehement word. "I am my own person, and I can sure as hell make my own decisions!" Nodded to myself. "And I am gonna go on that trip!"

She grinned and pumped a closed fist into the air. "That's my girl! Tell 'em how you really feel!" Kiki exclaimed gleefully, dancing behind the counter as she crowed, "Fuck her, right?"

"Right!" I agreed and knocked my fist against hers. My lips twisted upwards in a dark smile, but it did not appear to deter my friend one bit; in fact, she appeared rather empowered. "Fuck her!"

We paused, glanced around the empty shop for traces of alien life, and smirked. No Falleen, Rodians, or Wookies were present. So, as one, we angrily bellowed, "Fuck her!"

"…I hate to interrupt the festivities, but I need to speak with you, Sammy-chan."

Oh, this is so freakin' awkward! I thought to myself, steadfastly trying to ignore the presence of my classmate – to no avail.

A pair of slanted, green eyes blinked up at me in amusement. I blushed a million shades of red at the obvious question in her eyes, which was something along the lines of – what the fuck were the two of you doing? Of course, Kotoko was much too polite to actually say such a bad word aloud. I smiled nervously at her. Noted that her long, straight black hair was pulled up in an elegant bun, whereas mine was frizzy and falling away from the hold of my checkered headband. She was so damn pretty that it was hard for me to be in the same room as her Highness. Not without developing a complex, that is.

Oh, well. At least I didn't have to worry about her stealing my crush from me, considering the fact that he was my boyfriend now. Yeah, he was my boyfriend, and not hers. I'd made that very clear to her, against the wishes of the merciless Shadow King, too – he could go suck eggs, or sushi. Whatever.

In spite of that, Kotoko still visited with Takashi and his cousin during club hours (there was something important that I was missing in regards to that…), and she still chatted with me in the hallways in between classes. The older girl sat near me during lunch, and helped me with class projects, and defended me against the numerous bullies in our school. She was risking her perfect reputation for me. And I could not help but wonder why she would bother doing so.

"Because I like to think of us as friends," she insisted gently.

Warily, I stared at the older girl. ...is she psychic or something? My stomach knotted as I considered the possibility that she was here on someone else's behalf. Please, let her not be related to Kyoya, or worse – Renge!

At the sight of my dumbfounded expression, Kotoko smiled prettily. With a small giggle, my classmate sat down on the stool to my left and explained, "You spoke your thoughts aloud."

Scheiẞe. I winced and mentally cursed myself for my own stupidity. My filter has betrayed me yet again! Curse you, Mouth of Sauron!

Sensing that I was fighting my inner turmoil, Kotoko turned and introduced herself to my friend, Kiki. The younger girl immediately took to the polite upperclassmen. Two minutes and forty six seconds later, Kotoko was happily chewing on a large piece of red velvet cake. She offered her regards to the chef, and Kiki positively glowed at the praise. I concealed my grin behind my hand, not wanting to anger either of them. But it amused me to no end that the vulgar girl was drawn to Kotoko's quiet charisma. Like oil and water.

After finally regaining control of my mouth, I curiously asked, "So, what brings you here, Kotoko-chan?"

"Well," Kotoko started, and delicately wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I actually wanted to speak with you at school, but you left long before club hours had ended, and I couldn't find you anywhere…"

I laughed nervously at the faintly accusing tone in her voice. Although, I honestly deserved that particular accusation, all things considered. If she thought of me as a friend, then it was only right that I return the favor. It was natural for me to want to be friends with her, too. I guess.

My classmate continued in a sympathetic manner, murmuring, "I heard about what happened to you at school today." She patted me on my bare arm, clearly thinking back to the day that I'd broken it – my first mental breakdown, which she bore witness to.

"Are you talking about her lack of coordination, the accident involving the can of Pepsi, or the French hussy?" Kiki cheerfully inquired, and she snickered at my groan of dismay.

"To be honest, I've heard only a few rumors concerning the first two things," Kotoko slowly admitted. "And those were obviously exaggerated, seeing as Sammy-chan is not capable of juggling soda cans." Raised a black eyebrow in amusement. "I paid them no mind."

However, the older girl still cocked her head to the side in thought, sweatdropping at the long list of embarrassing incidents that had occurred – all in the span of eight hours.

It was rather sad, wasn't it?

And then Lindsay Lohan possessed the body of my new friend. Kotoko added that she was standing in one of the restroom stalls when Renge cornered me in the pink bathroom and ordered me to stay away from the members of the Host Club. I'd felt as though I were being transported to a scene from Mean Girls. But without the mathletes.

My mind wandered, and I realized that I really wanted to own a copy of the Burn Book. I would have the power to compete with the omnipotent Shadow King and his Handy Dandy Notebook. Never again would he darken my doorstep! Figuratively speaking, that is. He didn't appear to know where the Twins and I lived, or perhaps he simply didn't care. It was one of life's many mysteries.

Kotoko caught my attention by clearing her throat. "I wanted to let you know that I approve of you standing up for yourself today. It's about time that someone put that young woman in her place." She nodded firmly.

"You know, I really did feel better after that," I admitted, smirking at the memory of telling Renge exactly what I thought of her homosexual fetishes – she was the freak, not me. "And I have to say that fighting my own battles appears to yield better results. It was much more satisfying."

Green eyes flickered with some foreign emotion, and then she simply said, "Good."

Kiki, on the other hand, felt the need to congratulate me on the creative insults that I'd employed against the evil Frenchwoman. The younger girl smirked happily at the thought of attacking said hussy on her own, and she offered to do so the next chance that she got. That said, I had a feeling that it wouldn't be verbal abuse that she partook in. Nope. Kiki would more than likely punch her lights out.

And it would serve the superficial, domineering bitch right!

After taking a sip of hot jasmine tea, Kotoko set her cup back down and ran a finger along its edge. "Are you going with them?" she inquired curiously. Green eyes stared at me with interest.

It was a simple question; however, I was never given the chance to respond, given that the front door was thrown wide open. Despite being locked, I might add. Tamaki came prancing in, bouncing on two feet and wagging his imaginary tail as he neared the front counter. The younger male glanced at the other girls and bowed politely in their direction. Kotoko and Kiki exchanged a brief look, but bowed back.

Ultimately, Tamaki said nothing to them. As a matter of fact, he was being uncharacteristically silent, and it scared the fucking hell outta me. No good could come of this.

After a moment of silence, in which the four of us stared at each other in bewilderment, the door opened once more to reveal the Shadow King. His eyes wandered around the shop, before he started to say something – more than likely demeaning – but upon sighting me sitting with two other girls, he paused in consideration. Surprise flickered briefly in his dark gray eyes. And then, Kyoya smiled.

I had the sudden urge to flee, but I fought my baser instincts and remained seated. Only the strongest survived in this world – the weak were eaten. Bambi taught me that. And speaking of Mitsukuni, where was he when you needed the damn ninja? I could have really used him right about now!

Kyoya cocked his head to the side, and he used LEER.

Go, BAMBI! Use FOCUS PUNCH!

…oh, right. Bambi was currently missing in action. Verdammt.

He quietly said, "Good afternoon, ladies. I take it that you are Nakamura Kotoko." Here, Kyoya nodded – first, at my wary classmate, and then my confused friend. "And you must be Tanaka Kiki, daughter of Tanaka Tate, the owner of this shop."

Raising an eyebrow in question, Kiki drawled, "Yeah. And who the fucking hell are you, jackass?"

The Shadow King blinked at that. "My name is Ootori Kyoya, and I am quite certain that Miss Steel has infected your mind with her vulgarity," he snapped irritably, to which the rest of us visibly startled.

My head shot up, and I stared at him, my blue eyes wide with surprise. It was exceedingly rare that Kyoya snapped at anyone in such a defensive manner, let alone a young woman. Well, that was certainly an interesting way to portray himself during this particular first impression! At this rate, Kiki was going to think that he was a rich, mean, arrogant jerk, and –

Never mind. That first impression may actually be pretty damn accurate. Might as well let it go.

Loudly, Tamaki cleared his throat, and said, "I apologize for my friend, ladies. He's been under quite a bit of stress as of late." He glared darkly at Kyoya, muttering a sharp reprimand. "But that is no excuse, is it, mon ami?"

Kyoya nudged his glasses higher up his nose. "No, it is not. And I do apologize for my short temper, Tanaka-san. Would you allow me to make it up to you?"

I waved to get the attention of my younger friend, shaking my head wildly in the negative to show that this was – more than likely – a trap. Thankfully, Kyoya was standing in front of me and could not see my frantic motions. An umpire could not have done a better job of signaling, but it was all in vain. Her large, purple eyes flickered only briefly in my direction, and Kiki chose to ignore me. Such a poor, unfortunate soul.

That was mistake number one. Do not, under any circumstances, trust Kyoya. He was a snake in the grass. Kinda like the Heir of Slytherin – the one and only Voldemort! Er, I mean – He Who Must Not Be Named.

"Fine," Kiki immediately agreed, smirking evilly as she continued, "You can try, but you better make it worth my while, rich boy. Or else I call the cops and tell 'em that you've been trespassing on my property."

That was mistake number two. If one wished to remain amongst the living, one must never, ever threaten Kyoya! He had a nasty tendency to retaliate, and he liked to bite – hard. Damn, poisonous snake…

"As you wish," Kyoya murmured and bowed, effectively hiding the (please insert: really pissed off) expression on his pale face.

And with those three, simple words, our fates were sealed.

***Author's Note***

Well, I updated - as promised! :D

And I like to think that this is a pretty good chapter. You've already met my minor OCs, Kiki and Kotoko, albeit briefly. Now, you get to see their personalities more in depth.

Tell me what you think of them, okay? And feel free to review and guess which guys the two of them end up with in this story.

P.S. I won't be able to update until this weekend, but I expect 158 reviews by then, people! ;) And now, I will be answering the old ones... ^^;