~Chapter Thirty-Four~

He Loves Me (Not)

Anyone who can touch you,
Can hurt you, or heal you.
Anyone who can reach you,
Can love you or leave you.

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been,
And I can't hide the marks.
It's not a negative thing,
So I let down my guard.

I'm learning to fall.

~I Bruise Easily, by Natasha Bedingfield

Disclaimer: Me No Own; You No Sue.

Although I had been strange, cynical, and secretive from the moment that he and I met, Takashi really did understand and accept me. He even seemed to love me, too. My boyfriend was a real sweetheart, going out of his way to smile, offer comfort, and protect me, even from myself. Only God knew how much I truly appreciated his silent albeit powerful presence. His attempts at distraction were gentle and treasured, given the bouts of depression that came and went with the sad thoughts of the family that I had lost forever. Daddy, Mommy, and Sarah. Gone…

I still had Hikaru, Kaoru, and Takashi, though. And I would always have them. The idiots that called themselves the members of the Ouran High School Host Club might be considered part of that dysfunctional family, too. Not like Tamaki would let his friends escape, anyway! Come to think of it, I was actually pretty surprised that Takashi and I had managed to progress this far into the first date without any of those morons jumping around and ruining the fun.

"Fancy meeting you all here!"

Shit…

Sammy's P.O.V.

Amethyst eyes, dusted with the faintest hint of blue flecks within the irises, glittered brightly in the afternoon sunlight. The Angel standing before us smiled lightly, surprised, before fluttering his blonde eyelashes at me. His soft hair was a vivid blonde, too, and seemed to be created from rays of golden sunshine. The shiny locks of hair, seemingly wavy and soft to the touch, fluttered gently in the breeze that had appeared out of fucking nowhere, like magic. Avada Kedavra!

Needless to say, I stayed rooted to the spot and simply eyed this newcomer with the utmost caution. It was a possibility that the blonde male might suddenly implode and/or spontaneously combust, given the proper incentive. He might also be run over should the herds of elephant and gazelle decided to break free of their demeaning cages – er, nice and comfortable habitats – and stampede through Ueno Zoo. Life was strange that way, you know? Totally unpredictable.

"Hello!" The Angel blinked twice in apparent confusion, unsure why I had not moved closer to him upon recognition. He lifted his left hand and waved the well manicured fingernails in my direction, calling out for me to step closer, closer, cLOseR to him. "Oh, Sammy-chan…!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you…

"Fear not, Big Sister!" The Angel of Mercy screeched, all the while capitalizing words that would not normally have been capitalized in common speech; Damn Drama Queen. He opened his mouth, which was definitely big enough for Honey Combs, and wailed, "I will Protect your Virtue from the Silent Giant!"

…The World's Biggest Dummkopf, Suoh Tamaki.

Takashi stared blankly at the moronic underclassmen, his right eyebrow twitching faintly in what I assumed to be either intense irritation, or disbelief – two of the emotions commonly associated with Tamaki the Terror. We both sweatdropped lightly and gaped at the idiotic blonde male that was running towards us – in…slow…motion. He slowly ran across the cemented sidewalk with his arms open wide and this stupid collection of brotherly hearts drifting around his head like little stars. Annoyed, I squinted at him and fisted both hands in my sundress, an attempt at stifling the twitching in my arms. Mein Gott, I wanted to beat the $# % outta him!

He smiled at me, though, seemingly unaware of the fact that I was planning on removing every single one of his teeth and feeding them to him, one at a one. I smirked at the morbid thought, and (innocent, oblivious, naïve) Tamaki, thinking that I had smiled back at him, let his brighten with happiness. I glared at his mouthful of shiny white teeth that I really, really, really wanted to knock out with a small sledgehammer. However, I merely snorted (yes, with ladylike grace) and settled for glowering at him, wishing for his early demise. Was that too much to ask for? Fuck, no! The French Fry had dared to interrupt us on our date, and that was a crime punishable only by DEATH.

Speaking of French Fries, I could really use one of those tiny packets of fast food ketchup right about now. About six or seven of 'em. I love me some good ol' condiments, you know? Gotta practice safe lunch and all that jizz. Uh, I mean jazz! Innocent smile. Snort.

At the (…incredibly ladylike) sound, Takashi slowly turned to face me, and I watched the expression on his face with something akin to amusement. My boyfriend had this long suffering look plastered to his noble face, which was pretty weird to see since it was copyrighted to Haruhi the Harassed. Miss Fujioka had practically invented that look, right after her famous I-Know-You-Are-Up-To-Something-You-Idiot-And-I-Will-Devour-Your-First-Born-Child-For-Even-Thinking-About-Involving-Me-Look.

Maybe it would be better if I called her Haruhi the Hannibal Lecter in Training, instead…? No idea if that is actually legal here, though. So I will put it to a vote! Let the poll commence. Me, Myself, and I: Three. People Without Schizophrenia and/or Multiple Personality Disorders: Fifty Seven. Huh. We lost.

Okay, then, I thought, mentally smacking my right fist into the palm of the left one in a smart and determinedly businesslike manner. Haruhi the Harassed, she shall remain! Stupid smile. Yoda speak, I like. Smirk. Anakin Skywalker, too, come to think of it…

Hey! Who just laughed? Not cool, dude and dudettes, not cool at all! Because I know exactly what you are all thinking, thanks to my awesome powers of Legilimency. And I agree. Really, I should stop it with all of the annoyingly alliterated nicknames and stick to calling people by their birth given names, instead. It would be less confusing, more respectful, etcetera, etcetera. But, honestly, where was the fun in that? Nowhere! That's where! So there!

Did that make sense? (Please insert blunt denial here). No? Well, your face doesn't make sense, so there! (Please insert rude albeit humorous comeback here). Oh, yeah? Your mom! (Please insert witty "Yo Mama" joke here). Your…uh…face…

…er, what was I doing again?

"Sweetheart," Takashi whispered urgently, tapping my wrist with his fingers, "I hate to interrupt the inner ranting amongst your pretend personalities, but Suoh-san is about to –"

At that moment – and without warning, in my opinion – I was promptly tackled and lifted into the air like a Raggedy Ann Doll. My flowing white dress shot upwards with the force of being plucked from the ground like a pretty daisy. The Whole Entire Freaking World could glimpse the cotton boy shorts that I'd chosen to wear underneath my outfit today – white ones, with sparkles and ridiculously frilly lace. Everyone stared at them, too, judging by their loud laughter. Same goes for my now sputtering, gaping, and blushing boyfriend, Takashi.

Embarrassed, I squealed desperately at the horrid blonde male to put me the fuck down, you perverted asshole! He complied without complaint or comment, softly stuttering out an apology instead. And I immediately jerked the white cloth back down, tugging the material towards my shaking knees, where it had originally rested before Hurricane Tamaki hit. My blue eyes shot beams of hatred into the eyes of Suoh the Stupid, and he promptly withered into blonde nothingness, leaving only a smear of stupid to melt into the cracked sidewalk.

For good measure, I also chucked the remains of the soggy pretzel, which had miraculously remained in my palm until this moment, at his head. The cold bread glued itself to his blonde hair, sticking there via the almighty power of fatty brown grease. With a squawk of excitement, Dale, the peacock incarnation of Hoshakuji Renge, darted through the crowd, leaping towards him. He skidded to a stop and happily attacked the fallen Host King, pecking, tapping, and picking at the pretzel. And Tamaki's head. ROFLMAO.

Yeah, bitches! Feeling smug and incredibly satisfied with myself, I gave myself several pats on the back for that accomplishment. That backstabbing, blackmailing, and scheming Schatten König has nothin' on me, yo! 'Cuz I is da Bomb-omb! Kaboom!

With a smile of epic proportions, I whirled around and bolted towards the nearest animal habitat: The Snake Pit. I was vaguely aware of the fact that Takashi only had to leisurely walk behind me in order to keep the pace with my superbly short legs, and thus I did not curse my genetics for blessing me with such awesome genes. My attention had shifted to the glass windows instead, behind which rested dozens and dozens and dozens of snakes. I grinned happily at several of them, especially the rare and other special breeds, but my eyes continued searching for the resident python and…Bingo was his Name-O!

"Hi!" I pressed myself into the glass, keeping my nose shoved against the window, and happily waved at the snake, who gave me a very strange look, kinda like he thought I was crazy. Pot, meet kettle!

Of course, Takashi, who was used to this kind of nonsense at this point in our relationship, merely followed to stare at the large python. His gray eyes were wide with awe, and I could tell that he was enjoying the chance to be so close to the green and brown snake. I titled my chin to the side, smiling at him. Scales and fangs apparently interested boys throughout the world, not just my eccentric childhood friend, Caleb. My animal loving boyfriend might have a strangely girlish obsession with cute and cuddly critters, but he also had a soft spot for reptiles, as well.

"This is so cool," Takashi mumbled, squatting down to stare straight into the yellow eyes of the dangerous snake.

He lifted his right hand and placed it atop the glass window, following the lazy movements of the earth toned snake with his slender fingers. The python hissed at him and, inch by inch, slithered closer. Takashi traced the outline of the snake with his fingers, seeming to measure its length by doing so, stopping only when the snake hissed again. Kinda mean, in my opinion. Not nice to hiss at the hand that taps at your glass window. Or was it not nice to bite the hand that feeds you? Meh!

That said, I decided to take my chances with the dangerous snake, who was still behind glass, and announced, "My name is Sammy, and I have decided that you will be the guinea pig – er, guinea, uh, snake?"

Big, glowing yellow eyes stared into my own, and he cocked his head to the side, as if questing the intelligence of this (please insert: totally awesome and brilliant) life form. "…?" My inner snake translated this as a solid WTF?

I squinted curiously at him for a moment, shrugged tiny shoulders, and then brightly chirped, "Whatever!" Pointing at my new minion, I stubbornly declared, "You're my (un)willing test subject in this experiment, Patrick!"

Patrick the Python, looking somewhat amused, bobbed closer still with the aid of his gigantic tail. He lifted his head and obediently uttered, "…hiss…?" Which I took to mean, "Yes, Dark Lord Voldesammy, how might I serve your every wish and evil desire?"

Well, I'd like a cheeseburger, no onions, and fries, and coke to drink… I paused midsentence, realizing that my stomach seemed to have usurped my mind yet again. Not to mention that Patrick did not work at Wendy's. He was a safety hazard, you see, and kind of unhygienic to boot. Eating innocent cooks and leaving their skeletal remains on the kitchen floor was a really big negative in the fast food industry, apparently.

Bad Patrick. We only eat stupid people like Wormtail! And Tamaki…

"You see…" I warily glanced over my shoulder, checking for Death Eaters and other nosy spies, before secretly whispering, "I have decided to test myself for the awesome ability to speak fluent Parseltongue!"

The snake nodded sagely as though taking note of this comment, his head bobbing up and down in a strangely human fashion. His tongue slithered through his lips – if snakes had lips, anyway – and responded, "…hiss!"

Taking this as my cue to being testing myself, I hissed several strings of clearly understandable words (and not gibberish) at Test Subject #1. "Can you understand me, my minion?" I asked, fingers crossed for good luck.

A brief yet tense moment passed, during which time we stared at one another warily, sizing each other up, weighing pros against cons, and debating whether or not frozen yoghurt was really ice cream in disguise. Then…Patrick burped. He commenced vomiting bits and pieces of gristle, bone, and translucent bile all over me – or rather, the section of glass directly by my eyes. The yellow concoction slowly slipped down the shiny window, dropping to the ground with a nice, wet splat!

My mouth dropped to the cement floor, and I sputtered in indignation, appalled at this very rude behavior on the part of Patrick the Python. Dammit! This was such an Epic Fail! Patrick was supposed to respond to my summons and assist in my plans for world domination! He was clearly supposed to be the Nagini to my Lord Voldemort! He was not supposed to regurgitate the remains of the week old rat that had not properly digested in his stomach! I didn't really like Scabbers much either, but come on! Blech!

"Cheeky little shit!" I cursed loudly, narrowing my eyes and glaring down at the insubordinate snake. "I'm gonna give you to Hika-chan and Ru-chan for Christmas, and the two of them will make snakeskin boots outta your ass!" Childishly, I stuck my tongue out at him, mimicking his hissing motions. "Probably your tail, too! Ha!"

Come to think of it, Patrick kinda reminded me of the Twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. The two of them were always downright mischievous and rude, too! Seriously, Hika-chan and Ru-chan would make freaking awesome Slytherins. Long Live Salazar! All Hail the Basilisk. Better watch out for the snake, Muggleborns. Wait, wait, wait. I was a miserable Muggleborn!

Verdammt…

"Well, I believe it best for us to move on," Takashi hastily interjected, placing his hands on my waist and gently steering us to through the Snake Pit and towards the next exhibit, not to mention away from the angry zookeeper with the bucket of dead rats. He didn't like his precious snake being violently cursed at, it seemed…

Next, Takashi and I found ourselves in a warm, forested exhibit. The lights were soft and the habitat was separated into different sections by wooden walls created to blend into the real trees spread throughout the area. Several small creatures with red hair and white masks darted in and out of the trees like bandits – or raccoon wannabes. Each one seemed to swing effortlessly, clinging to branches with the help of their bushy tails. The sign at the front of the exhibit declared the adorable creatures to be RED PANDAS.

Takashi laughed softly as one panda in particular walked to the glass window and strutted his stuff. The small creature decided to stand with two paws and began chattering at us with little tweets, chirps, and whistles, all of which were sickeningly cute and endearing. He balanced on small feet, teetering back and forth in time to the sounds of his little monologues. Shakespeare was right full of good stories, with all the bad romance and tragedy and other really depressing genres. Probably some poetic shit lost in the translation, too.

Yes, I named him Shakespeare…

What of it?

My boyfriend snorted lightly while watching the critter dance about and shove his furry little face full of food, the mix of berries and bamboo staining his white mask purple. Takashi chuckled, his gray eyes glittering with mirth, and he said, "This little guy acts just like Mitsukuni."

I burst into this strange mixture of snorts and giggles, falling victim to the imagery of Mitsukuni dancing around in the Third Music Room and happily eating bamboo. Because I had to admit that the two of them really did look like each other, what with the cute personas and the near incessant need to eat their own weight in tasty food. Mitsukuni was a ninja, though, and not a thieving bandit. Although the small senior might steal food, considering all that he consumed…

I mean, seriously! With his eating habits, tiny Mitsukuni should be obese at this point in his life; however, his lithe form weighed in at exactly one hundred and five pounds. Damn blonde ninja apparently had this superhero ability to constantly eat cake and not gain a single pound. Lucky bastard! Made me green with envy, it did! See? Look and sound just like Yoda, I do! Gasp!

Yeah, I kinda wanted a piece of strawberry cake after that little spiel, too. I began licking my chops and drooling over an imaginary slice of cake – complete with strawberries, and whipped cream, and little pink sprinkles – that rested in my palms. My teeth were just about to sink into one of the strawberries, which were really the fingers on my right hand, when Takashi caught my attention with his ridiculous impression of the fanboys back at Ouran High School.

My boyfriend continued to coo over adorable Shakespeare, the latter of whom sneezed cutely at the tall teenager. Takashi stepped closer to the glass window, now standing next Shakespeare and, consequentially, right next to his favorite tree. The Red Panda blinked slowly, as if just now realizing this to be the case, and then growled in a somewhat (not really) threatening manner, his little chest puffing up in an obviously territorial movement. He chattered at a million miles per minute, annoyed, and angrily pointed his paws at Takashi. The older male merely smirked at him, lips twitching in amusement.

Smiling wryly, I sweatdropped at this scene – one that was pretty damn strange, even with my standards – and bluntly muttered, "I really gotta agree with you, sweetie: Shakespeare is definitely just like Mitsukuni."

And I immediately facepalmed at that statement, too – it sounded much too weird to not inflict masochistic pain upon myself. After all, Mitsukuni was not born several centuries ago, and he did not write Romeo and Juliet. If the blonde ninja had written the famous classic, however, it would certainly explain quite a bit, given that the lovers died two very young and horrible deaths. That thought, of course, scared me to within an inch of death myself.

You see, Mitsukuni had developed this (please pick one of the following: sick, strange, or demented) obsession with deviously shoving Takashi and I together at school. We had only kissed, and that peck on the lips had been initiated by yours truly, but Takashi and I were still incredibly affectionate towards one another – always walking together, hugging, holding hands. Even so, scheming Mitsukuni did his absolute best to speed along the progress of the romantic relationship between us. He actually had the nerve to ask if his cousin and I had slept together yet! Mitsukuni, I mean. Because Shakespeare was sehr, sehr tot! Dead as a doornail! Six feet under!

Elvis, on the other hand…

Anyway! I promptly responded with the ever eloquent words – "Fuck to the No!" And I had glared at him rather sourly for good measure, seeing as it would be utterly impossible for me to kick his ninja ass. Mitsukuni was actually kinda disappointed with the vehemence of the response. He left the Third Music Room almost immediately after that, muttering some nonsense about not having any nieces and nephews. Weird kid, that one…

A few moments later, Takashi waved goodbye to his little panda friend, blissfully ignoring his chirps of outright annoyance. He silently followed the other tourists to the exit, pausing briefly to hold the door for me and several other girls. The young girls – middle school students on a field trip, judging by their sailor uniforms – all shuffled by and giggled happily at this gesture. One of them bent down to face her shorter friend, whispering to her about the manners of the handsome boy holding the door for them like a, well, gentleman! Takashi, forever the Host, bowed to the group of girls and greeted them softly, wishing them a good afternoon.

Inwardly, I squealed like a stupid fangirl and gushed: My boyfriend is channeling his inner Mr. Darcy! Cue wistful sigh and fanning of the face here. And love, I would absolutely be the Elizabeth to your Fitzwilliam!

Oddly enough, I was not jealous of his attention to the other girls in the least, and I only moved to fall into step with my sweet boyfriend – after having my inner meltdown, anyway. He smiled shyly down at me, obviously embarrassed that the young girls had openly whispered such nice compliments about his behavior, and ducked his head, glancing in the opposite direction. So I deliberately bumped against his side to catch his attention, poked him in the ribs, and laughed outright at his bashful response. We drifted to a slow stop, and when Takashi turned to me in question, I wrapped both arms around his waist, tugging him into a gentle hug.

"You are so sweet, Takashi-kun," I whispered into his shirt, burying my nose in the section just below his ribcage and breathing his manly scent in – sweat, animals, trees, and the spice of his cologne. He smelled like home.

A bright blush darkened his olive colored cheeks, and Takashi swiftly turned his head to the side, feigning interest in another exhibit. My boyfriend cleared his throat, almost rudely, but returned the hug, nonetheless. His left hand subconsciously tangled itself in the hair at my neck and the other situated gently at my waist, squeezing the material of the white dress with long fingers. His lips hovered above mine. Slowly, I leaned closer and closer still to my sweet boyfriend, wanting to him to kiss me.

Our lips brushed lightly. "Takashi-kun, I love you…" I breathed into his mouth, the words slipping over my parted lips without thought, almost like it was second nature for me to express my romantic feelings to him.

Takashi jerked backwards in surprise and disbelief, his hands ripping themselves from their perch at my waist, and opened his mouth to speak. His voice caught in his throat, though, and the lanky male shut it again, apparently thinking better of himself. My face scrunched upwards in confusion, concealing the hurt that I could feel brimming in my chest and threatening to erupt with the force of Mount Doom. My boyfriend offered his famously sheepish smile, which also appeared hesitant, and leaned forward to pat me on the shoulder. He coughed quietly into his large fist and turned around, walking steadily towards entrance to the next animal exhibit.

I could only stare after him, blue eyes watering with unshed tears, nose running, and heartbeat slowing to what I could only hope was a stop.

Love bites…

***Author's Note***

Shadowsammy: ^_^ Okay, I would like to -

Twins: *Crosses Arms Over Chests* We don't want to hear it, you ignorant, lazy commoner!

Shadowsammy: HEY! +_+ Take that back! I am an ignorant, lazy, and busy commoner in college, thank you very much!

Twins: That doesn't give you the right to pick on our Onee-chan! Just look at her! *Points to Corner* You made Sammy-chan cry!

Sammy: *Sniffle* Why did he not say it back? Am I not good enough? *Wails* WHAT THE FUCK, TAKASHI-KUN?!

Shadowsammy: ...er, my bad? ^^;

Sammy: *Sniffle, Sniffle, Whimper*

Shadowsammy: Right...

Please review, peeps! I would love to have about 400 reviews, just so we can jump another hurdle for reviews! :) I will definitely try to answer any and all reviews, both new and old, by this weekend. Maybe add another chapter, too, since it is halfway done already. Sorry for the lack of updates and communication! Getting a college degree and working at the same time really kills the brain cells. ^^;

P.S. I hope everybody liked the "Animal Hosts" and the references! Two more animals and four more "Animal Hosts" to come!

Goodnight!

Zzzzz...