A post-holiday malaise had settled upon the little household. After making quite the fuss over it, Teddy had become mute on the topic of getting a new mother for Christmas. However, it was obvious he was still dealing with disappointment. He barely spoke to his father or Gail, spending most of his free time in his room. It wasn't like Teddy to be reclusive, and for this reason alone Christian felt the need to connect with his son.
Just before knocking on his child's bedroom door, he rehearsed what he'd say.
Teddy's longing for a mother was a natural desire. Not being able to give his son the sort of family he wanted left Christian feeling helpless and frustrated.
After being granted entry, the young father sat on the edge of the bed. His son was cross-legged on the sailboat themed comforter, reading one of his "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" books. Apparently the child sensed his father wanted a serious conversation, because he set the book aside and leaned back on pillows.
"Are you still disappointed over Christmas?" Christian watched his son's expression change, as the boy seemed to swallow a smart aleck response.
"Of course I am," the child said. "Santa is dead to me."
He smiled inwardly at his son's dramatic pronouncement.
"I completely understand. There was a light-up keyboard I wanted one Christmas, and it totally bummed me out when Santa didn't deliver." His son crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling. This wasn't going well. "But we have to be resilient in life, learn to bounce back from life's little defeats."
"A keyboard?" Teddy echoed in a tone that implied an eye roll. "You can't put a musical instrument on the same level with a mom. You didn't get that keyboard, but you turned out just fine. Plus, your house had a piano, so it's not like you even needed a keyboard."
"Son, things are what they are. Sometimes we can't change them."
Teddy grimaced at the words. It wasn't the first time Christian had made this speech or some variation of it.
"But we can change things. You have the power to change everything by getting a wife. I'm not disappointed over something small like a toy. Having a mom can make the difference between happy and sad, cool and loser. I want a mom, and even if you make me quit talking about it, I'll still want one."
Christian took a deep breath and tried to gather patience.
"I see," he said. "But haven't we done well? The two of us have always managed just fine. We have Gail to help us. Your grandparents and Aunt Mia always pitch in whenever we ask. And your Uncle Elliot takes you to his job sites and ferries you around to cub scouts and soccer."
"We do okay, I guess." Teddy's chin dropped to his chest, a sure sign he was fighting tears. "But it's not the same as having a mom."
"Finding a wife is complicated. There's a lot to consider. And there are two of us. We're a package deal."
Yes, very complicated, Christian thought. He has no idea.
Once bitten, twice shy, he never wanted to explain to his son the reasons his marriage to Susannah had been such a failure.
She had been lively and pretty. They were college students, she a sophomore and he a senior, when Teddy was conceived. They'd shared a casual fling for a few months. When she had realized she was pregnant, she'd come to him seeking money for an abortion. He'd wanted Teddy from the start, and in the end, despite all her misgivings about motherhood and being too young, she had succumbed to pressure, both from him and her deeply religious parents. They had married, and she'd carried Teddy to term.
He loved her for giving him a son, but he hadn't loved her the way she deserved to be loved.
Susannah had gone through the motions for three years, outwardly appearing a dutiful stay-at-home mother and wife. They'd lived in the carriage house on the grounds of his childhood home. His parents had generously supported them while Christian attended medical school.
Shortly after Teddy turned three, Susannah's parents had perished in a plane crash. She'd seemed strangely relieved at their passing. He thought her relief had been due to her extreme, strict upbringing. Mere weeks after their death, she'd announced her intention to make up for lost time, telling her husband that life was short and she wanted a fuller life.
She had put Teddy in day care and begun working for a real estate development company. After a few months she began picking Teddy up late and coming home with liquor on her breath. She and Christian had fought bitterly, and with his mother's help, he'd made arrangements for a nanny to care for the child.
Even in a state of anger, he had never hated his wife or considered her a bad person. He knew she wasn't completely to blame.
She'd told him who she was from the beginning. They had never exchanged sentiments of love. Their dating relationship had been based solely on fucking and partying. He had tried to mold her into something she could never be.
Eventually, she had packed her bags and told him she wasn't what he and Teddy needed. He'd accepted his culpability in the doomed relationship and sought therapy. Just when he had begun to improve emotionally, Susannah perished with her lover, someone named Marco, in a motorcycle accident.
The guilt and shame over the way he'd treated her, dismissing her feelings when she'd said she couldn't be a traditional wife and mother, had cast a pall over his life.
Nope. He had no eagerness to jump into another marriage. For one thing, quality women were difficult to find. For another, he had lousy memories of marriage.
Susannah had always complained about one thing or another. And their sex life had taken a nosedive as soon as the rings were exchanged. She'd always been tired or not in the mood. After a while, he had quit trying for any kind of physical intimacy.
He'd had years of therapy and worked through most of his conflict. His therapist had declared his guilt to be the adaptive pro-social type, helpful, because it instructs a person's understanding of wrongdoing and responsibility. He might make more mistakes in his life, but goading someone into compliance wasn't something he'd ever repeat.
His therapist had pronounced Christian ready to date and advised he should dive in as soon as he felt ready. His family had also been most encouraging, throwing out names of young women they knew, hoping to fix him up. But his libido had been dormant for so long and his skills with the opposite sex were so rusty, he didn't feel ready.
That is, not until he'd seen the beautiful young woman at the coffee shop. There was a sweetness, a softness to her persona. In his mind, he'd dubbed her Coffee Shop Girl. He longed to know her name.
"Dad? Are you okay?" He nodded at Teddy. "I need to know something, and I need you to tell the truth."
"Of course." He endeavored to always be truthful with his son.
"Are you gay?"
How does he know that word? Have we talked about that? If we haven't, should we?
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, I have a picture of a mom in my head. That's what I've been wanting. But maybe you're gay like Jacob's two dads. Maybe I need to start wishing for another dad instead of a mom. Maybe that's why you don't date."
Teddy seemed to have a firm handle on the concept of gay.
"I'm not gay."
His son smiled happily at the news, and Christian bit back a smile of his own. Apparently, Teddy's request to Santa had been gender-specific.
"Why can't you just find a pretty girl and ask her out?" He was frustrated with his father's lack of cooperation in helping finding a mom.
"Whether a person is straight or gay, it takes a lot of time and energy to date," Christian explained. "I'd have to go through the motions of pursuing someone, asking them out, getting to know them. I just don't feel ready to do all that."
"You sound a little bit afraid, and I didn't figure you to be afraid of anything. And it can't be that hard, because Uncle El does it all the time."
"What your uncle does…That's not really dating." No way am I going to explain my brother's manwhore ways, he thought. "It takes a lot of work to find the right person."
And what if you've never been in love before and don't know how to navigate any of that?
"I can help you," the boy said. His eagerness and sincerity filled Christian's heart with joy.
"I haven't dated anyone since your mother, and I'm pretty rusty," he said. "Maybe your expectations of me are unrealistic."
When last he'd dated, he was a young buck with no fear of rejection and nothing at stake. He was thirty-one now, a single parent with professional responsibilities. Not to mention, he felt tired and overwhelmed a great deal of the time.
But Coffee Shop Girl has you jacking off twice a day. You don't feel the least bit fatigued when you have her in your head.
"When you say unrealistic," Teddy said, "you mean I'm expecting too much. But Rev. Walsh says that's wrong thinking. He says we should pray God-sized prayers. God is the almighty, so we shouldn't be shy. We should ask for big stuff. Don't you think a mother is big stuff?"
His parents loved taking Teddy to church, and he appreciated their involvement as grandparents. But he certainly didn't like sermons being turned around and used as weapons. Maybe his son was going to become a lawyer like his grandpa.
"I don't want to argue over what you and Rev. Walsh feel is prayer worthy," he told the boy. "But I will always take your feelings into account."
He kissed his son on the head, wondering how many more years he'd be able to do that. As a teen, he'd treated his own parents abominably. It would serve him right if Teddy decided he didn't want his dad to show affection that way.
"Gail's arrived. She's making those stuffed pork chops you like. And Leila texted. She's running a tad late with Cal. You two go easy on Gail tonight. Don't scare her awake like you did last time."
"We wanted some hot cocoa, so we yelled boo, to wake her up. We didn't mean to hurt her. I love Gail. I apologized. She said she forgave me."
Teddy hung his head in shame. It had seemed harmless at the time, but he understood now that it was wrong.
"She's fond of you too. And she takes it all in stride with a great sense of humor. But she's getting older, and she fell out of her chair from fright. Actions have consequences."
As an ER physician, he'd seen more than his share of injuries due to falls. Most injurious accidents occurred in the home, and the last thing he needed was for his housekeeper to break a hip at the hands of his son.
It was time to shower and dress for a twelve-hour shift, which always stretched into thirteen or fourteen. He would be one of only two physicians to cover the shift. As wretched as the hours could be, he loved the novelty of the job. No two shifts were the same. There were always surprises, along with the typical strokes, shootings, auto accidents, and heart attacks.
A couple of months earlier, he'd attended a forty-two year old complaining of severe indigestion. Believing herself infertile, she thought she had a bout of extreme dyspepsia and was wheeled out holding a seven-pound baby girl. That had been a particularly exciting shift.
Hearing the bell, Teddy bolted for the front door. Christian followed behind at a leisurely pace, knowing it must be Leila delivering Cal. Teddy threw the door open, not bothering to check who it was.
"Did you bring it?" he asked.
"I've got it right here." Cal patted the duffle bag. He was also wearing a backpack.
Is the kid moving in? How much does he need for an overnight stay?
Christian liked Cal, but his son's friend had a way of turning the house upside down whenever he came over.
The boys ran past Christian, leaving him to chat with Leila.
"Happy New Year," she said, handing off a small basket of muffins.
"Thank you," Christian said, holding up the basket.
"I went a bit crazy with the baking...I guess Teddy's moved past the idea of getting a mom. He looks happy enough." Leila knew how to fish for information, without appearing too nosy.
"He still wants a mom, but we're working through it." He hoped Leila understood that he didn't want to discuss it. "These muffins look so good, I think I'll take a couple with me for a snack at work."
Leila took another step into the foyer. He wasn't about to get rid of her easily.
"You know my cousin, Lara, is divorced and ready to hit the market. I'd like to introduce the two of you."
Hit the market. He imagined a woman holding up a for sale sign.
"I'm really not interested in 'hitting the market,' so that's not a good idea." Leila's face fell in disappointment.
"You can't just give up and stay single forever," she said. "If you won't think of yourself, consider Teddy's needs."
"We're doing just fine. Thanks for the muffins." He needed to get ready for work and he needed to get rid of Leila.
"You're welcome," she said. "We'll be by to pick up Cal around ten tomorrow morning."
"Sounds good," he said, closing the door.
"These chops are the best," Cal told Gail.
Knowing the limited menu of the Williams household, Teddy didn't doubt the sincerity of Cal's compliment.
"I'm so glad you like them. This is one of our favorite meals, isn't it?" Gail looked to him for confirmation.
"Uh-huh," he said with a smile. "What's for dessert?"
"You have a choice tonight. There are vegan muffins from Mrs. Williams or some of my chocolate cupcakes."
"Cupcakes," the boys answered in unison.
"Oh, my goodness," Gail said, "it's six o'clock." Teddy wondered at the significance of the time. He knew his father's shift began at six and he imagined his father in scrubs, telling someone to open up and say 'ah.'
Gail switched on the Bose radio and pushed a couple of buttons before finding the station she wanted.
"...lines are open and we're ready to take your call. That's 888-888-KKAV. I'm Dr. Elena Lincoln and this is the 'Dr. Elena Show.' If you have a relationship problem of any kind, I'm here to help…" The voice on the radio was soothing in a grandmotherly way.
"What's that about?"
"My mom listens to that show sometimes while she makes dinner," Cal replied.
"She's on weekdays from six 'til eight," Gail added. "She's great…tells it like it is, calls folks out when they need it."
"Why do they need any of that?"
"People are idiots," Cal said. "They call in sad because their girlfriend kissed someone new or complaining that their boss doesn't like them. Stuff like that."
"Exactly," Gail agreed. "It's relationship advice."
She served the cupcakes and fixed herself a cup of tea, while they listened to a college coed complain about her parents. Teddy found himself fascinated with the exchange between the young woman and Dr. Elena.
Teddy tried to be an appreciative audience for Cal's magic show, but his mind was still on Dr. Elena. The magic kit was a Christmas gift. If Cal had been practicing for the last couple of weeks, it didn't show.
"Oops," Cal said, dropping the deck of cards. "It works every time at home."
"What time is it?" Teddy reached for his phone.
"You asked me to bring my magic kit, but you aren't paying attention. Look at me." Cal was annoyed by how distracted Teddy was.
"It's seven forty-five," Teddy noted.
"So what? Pay attention." Call tapped his magic wand against the dresser, but his friend was focused on other matters. "This is my best trick, the disappearing coin."
"Can you do this later? I was sorta thinking I might call Dr. Elena. Maybe she knows how I can find a mom."
"Cool. Call her. I'll get video of it on my phone."
"Nah," Teddy said, "I need privacy."
"C'mon. Call her and I'll post it on TikTok. Josh and Jacob will think it's cool."
"No. It's better if I'm alone." He didn't like the idea of Cal showing some video around to all their friends, or worse yet, posting it online.
Teddy tiptoed out to the kitchen to see if Gail was still listening to the show. He was relieved to see her sleeping in front of the television. When he reentered his room, he decided it was now or never.
"Go out to the kitchen," he told Cal. "Gail's asleep. Eat all the cupcakes you want. I'll come out when I'm done."
Cal scuffed the toe of his sneaker back and forth along the edge of the bedroom rug. "Okay," he told his friend, "but I expect a full report."
As soon as his friend left, Teddy locked the bedroom door. His heart pounded as he dialed the number.
1-888-888-KKAV. Such an easy number to remember.
It had been a slow evening, with fewer callers than usual. Dr. Elena was currently speaking to a young housewife who had money, marriage, and in-law problems. With only thirteen minutes of airtime left in the show, Ana knew the housewife would be the last caller of the evening.
Just as she was about to shut down the incoming phone lines, a call came through. She hesitated, but decided to take the call.
"Good evening. You've reached 'The Dr. Elena Show.' This is Ana. How may I help you?"
"I need Dr. Elena's help. My dad needs a wife, and I need a mom." The words rushed out in one breath.
The voice was child-like, and having taken many prank calls on this job, Ana was cautious. In the early days of the job, she'd been taken in twice by adult females pretending to be children.
I'm a slow-learner, she thought, shaking her head. With callers and with boyfriends. I could have knitted a king-sized afghan with the number of red flags Jack gave me.
"What's your first name?"
"Theodore, but everyone calls me Teddy."
"Hi, Teddy. How old are you?"
"Eight."
"I see. I'm sorry, Teddy, but I can't put you on the air. Callers must be eighteen or older. And Dr. Elena is currently on the last call of the day, so even if you met the age requirement, I wouldn't be able to put you through."
"That's not fair. Kids have problems, too." She heard the catch in his voice, as if he might cry.
"That's true." The broadcast clock told her it was almost time for the last commercial break, this one only a minute long. "Hold on, Teddy. Don't hang up."
She put Teddy on hold, then signaled to Elena, giving her a moment to transition with the caller, then pushed the sequence to cue the 'Tire King' commercial. Elena used the sixty seconds to stretch and sip water.
Ana signaled to Elena, letting her know the break was over, and Elena resumed her call with the housewife.
"You still there?" Ana asked, hoping Teddy hadn't disconnected.
"Uh-huh," the boy said.
"Kids do have problems," she acknowledged. "Does this feel like a big problem?"
"Yes. It feels like a giant problem. Everyone has a mom except me. That's why I need Dr. Elena's help."
Ana's heart broke a little for the boy.
"Have you always been without a mom?"
"Feels like it. She was there when I was little, but I don't remember her. She left us and then last year we found out she was dead."
Whoa, she thought. That scenario has the potential to be major trauma.
"Tell me about her. Do you know what happened?" While Ana was no expert on children, experience led her to believe children understand much more than adults give them credit for.
"My dad says he was the reason she left, not me. He says she loved me a lot. I like to listen in on things and I know she made some mistakes. She died with her boyfriend. They were riding a motorcycle too fast in Sardine-yah."
"Sardine-yah? Oh...Sardinia? In Italy."
"Yeah. That place. So now you know why I need to talk to Dr. Elena. I need her to help me get a mom."
There was plenty she could say in an effort to placate him, help him see he'd be okay without a mom, but Ana resisted the urge, believing her time would be better spent getting to know the child.
"Dr. Elena doesn't speak to anyone off air, but I have a couple of minutes. Tell me about yourself. Don't give away any personal information, but I'd like to know how you spend your time."
"I'm on a soccer team. I like Legos. That's my favorite toy. Dad likes them, too, so we play together when he's off work. Medical books are fun. Rashes are super interesting. They come in all kinds of patterns and for all kinds of reasons. My favorite rash is Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever."
Ana smiled at his fascination with rashes.
What an interesting child, she thought. So bright and engaging.
"Maybe you'll work in the medical field when you grow up," she said.
"Nah. Rashes are cool, but real life blood and guts are gross. When I grow up, I wanna fix and build stuff like my uncle. He and I play Roblox together. Our favorite game is Bloxburg and we build houses."
"What else do you enjoy?"
"Swimming at my grandparents' house and riding horses with my aunt. I'm kinda spoiled. I'm the only grandchild."
When she was growing up, Ana didn't have access to a pool or horses, but still she felt she could identify with the child.
"I was the only child and only grandchild, too, so I know how that is," she said. "You get lots of attention and affection, but there's also a lot of pressure being an 'only.' The grownups pin all their hopes and dreams for the future on you."
"Yes," he said, the relief evident in his voice. "Finally someone gets it. They don't always come right out and say it, but I can tell Nana wants me to be a doctor and Grampy wants me to be a lawyer. What do you look like?"
The question made her feel uncomfortable, and she momentarily wondered if this was some kind of prank. Should she answer or not?
"I have long brown hair and blue eyes." A general description wouldn't hurt. "What do you look like?"
"I have blue eyes, too. But my hair is red. Copper colored. My aunt says it's as bright and shiny as a new penny."
Suddenly, hunk-in-scrubs from the Yellow Dot sprang to mind, and she had to fan herself over the image. Her thoughts were quickly extinguished by the gentle buzz of the timer warning her that it was time to wrap up the show.
"Hold on again. I'll be right back."
She signaled to Elena, who closed the call and said goodbye to the listeners. With 30 seconds left of air time, Ana cued the bumper, which consisted of twenty-eight seconds of the show's theme song.
Elena took off her headset, gave her a thumbs up, and gathered up her things.
"Thanks, Ana. Good show." Elena exited her booth, not worrying about whether anything was left in disarray. "See you tomorrow."
Ana nodded and waved at her boss, then returned to her call. It surprised her how much she'd enjoyed chatting with an eight-year-old. She liked children, but this one was particularly engaging.
"I'm back. Are you still there?"
"Yep. Why do you have to put me on hold?"
"I'm the call screener, but I'm also the director and producer of Dr. Elena's show. I have to watch the broadcast clock and keep track of the software and time calculators, to make sure there's no dead air time."
"Dead air," he parroted, sounding confused.
"Dead air is when everything goes radio silent. I could explain it, but it would be easier to show you. If you can get a family member to bring you for a Saturday morning tour, I'll teach you how everything works."
"If you give tours, maybe I can meet Dr. Elena, and she can tell me how to get a mom."
She chuckled, thinking how her boss might address the child's issue. Dr. Elena usually had a pithy, entertaining answer for everything, but this quandary might actually stump her.
"Maybe so," she said.
"How old are you?" He asked with a hint of speculation.
"Twenty-seven."
"Cal's mom is thirty. She had a big birthday party. Are you married?"
"No." She giggled at his lack of filters. He certainly wasn't afraid to ask personal questions.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
She inwardly gagged at the remembrance of Jack. She'd been ignoring his calls, but he was being persistent. She knew she'd have to block him.
"No. And I'm definitely not looking for one."
Unless hunk-in-scrubs wants to give things a go, she thought.
She heard a muffled banging sound in the background.
"I have to go," he said. "Is it okay if I call you again?"
She couldn't remember when she'd had such a relaxing phone call with someone of the opposite sex, even if he was only eight years old. When it came to conversation skills, the child certainly rivaled Jack.
"Sure," she said, "but call me a minute or two past eight. I'll be shutting everything down and I won't have to put you on hold. Take care of yourself."
As they said their good-byes, she knew she wouldn't soon forget this very special caller.
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