Sixty-Two: Who's on First?

Author's Note: As Master Fu begins to unlock the secrets of the newly discovered Miraculous Box, Chat and Ladybug return to more mundane matters… such as dealing with the superhero marriage proposal from Rena…

"You have rather amazingly managed to avoid calling Nino."

The two of us were in a favorite position on the couch: I was lounging on my back, head in Marinette's lap, eyes closed and purring as she gently ran tiny circles around the edges of my feline ears. Still keeping to our normal appearances, I'd come in through the balcony after a long morning of meetings at House of Gabriel and an even longer afternoon and late evening shooting spreads for the Christmas catalogue wanting nothing more than a long, hot shower and a glass of wine. I should have therefore been suspicious when my feline nose picked up the tantalizing scent of braised short ribs co-mingled with freshly baked bread.

Following my feline nose led me to my fiancé, lounging on our couch in her rather form-fitting jogging apparel and wearing her come hither, kitty smile. All thoughts of anything other than curling up against her lithe form disappeared, and I'd quickly snuggled into her after silently apologizing to Plagg for keeping him cooped up a bit longer.

Her true motives revealed, though, I cracked open a masked eye and looked at her accusingly, or, at least as accusingly as an overgrown feline could when reduced to putty in her hands. "I've been busy," I halfheartedly explained.

"It's been two weeks," Marinette said as she shifted to the other ear. "I can't move into the next part of our plan until you speak with Nino. And if you put it off much more, Alya's not going to be in any shape to have a wedding."

She was right, for my tail dragging had crested Alya into her fifth month; she'd officially told Ladybug that she was going to put up her Miraculous for the remainder of her pregnancy, short of the wedding, which had yet to be scheduled. I sighed, for while I desperately wanted to please my partner, part of me was concerned with what she had concocted. "You still think this will work?"

"Yes," Marinette said without hesitation.

"Mari," I said as I twisted around to face her, sad that it also meant she stopped focusing on my ears. "These are our friends. I don't want them to be hurt."

"Trust me," Marinette said as she moved in to kiss the tiny spot of my nose not covered by the mask.

"That was never in question," I replied as I moved in closer and nibbled at her lip, and then slowly started to work my way down her chin to a favorite spot at the base of her neck. It had the benefit of preventing an immediate response, and based on the slight increase in her heartrate, I knew I was close to distracting her completely from the topic at hand.

Recognizing my tactics, however, Marinette gently pushed me away, albeit reluctantly. "Nice try, kitty," she laughed. "I'll not be sidetracked, though. Not yet." She looked at me slyly. "Make the call and I'll make it worth your while."

Easily flipping up and perching atop the couch, I angled my wild mane toward at her, my tail twisting as I arched a masked eyebrow. "Are you insinuating what I think you are?"

"Let's just say, I think you might need some extra motivation."

My masked eyes flew wide, but other parts of me indicated they understood her position. One swift move and I had the baton in my paw snapped open to phone mode. "Milady, you play dirty," I said, matching her sly smile with one of my own. "One could even say this is cruel and unusual punishment."

"Says the incredibly hot guy wearing a form-fitting costume leaving nothing to the imagination perched barely a meter from me," she smiled slightly. "Did I mention how amazingly attractive I find you in black spandex? I'm not sure which of us has the worst part of this deal."

"It's not spandex," I reminded her as I started to dial Carapace/Nino.

"I'll be the judge of that," she smiled. "Now hurry up and dial, damn it."

Reluctantly, I left the apartment – and the tender embrace of Marinette – to meet up with Carapace close to the witching hour. The warm afterglow of the evening followed me out the balcony window, though I was somewhat sad that the short ribs had been, by necessity, ignored. Marinette promised me they would continue to hold on low in the oven until I returned; I slyly informed her I might have other priorities based on how the night had begun.

Paris had seen more than its fair share of rain since our discovery of the second Miracle Box, and as I clawed up the side of our apartment building to begin my journey toward my turtle rendezvous, the overcast sky blocked out what little light the crescent moon might have provided. The scent of rain was heavy in the air, too, though based on the relative strength of the smell, not in the immediate future. Lights from the city underlit the clouds, giving the sky an unusual reverse glow that was best enjoyed from the very rooftops I was running across.

I could see Carapace was already sitting on the edge of a more egregious example of modern architecture when I landed on a nearby lamp; using it as a springboard, I vaulted upward and twisted into an impressive mid-air roll that looped just enough for me to snag the edge of the overhang he was beneath. Smoothly dropping into a seated position next to him, I could already see him rolling his eyes behind his goggles.

"Seriously?"

"What?" I replied nonchalantly as I slid the baton to the small of my back.

"That was a little over the top, especially since no one is around to see your antics."

I smiled wider. "You were watching."

"Still."

I laughed a bit. "It's part of my persona," I shrugged. "Anyway, thanks for sneaking away from Rena for a bit."

"Technically I'm looking for peanut butter and sardines," my friend said, barely suppressing a shudder.

My masked eyes widened. "Not… please tell me she's not…"

"Together, yes." This time, he did shudder. "Just about everything else I've managed to roll with, but some of the food cravings… I swear, I think half the time she's just trying to get me out to the apartment for a few hours."

I nodded. "She could be," I said sagely, though in truth I had zero experience in that area save for what I'd seen in the movies. "It's solid training, though."

That made Carapace smile. "I was already well trained, dude."

"Never hurts to have a refresher course in where your place is."

"Truth, that," he chuckled as we fist pumped in solidarity. "So," he asked after a moment, "what did you want to chat about? You were pretty vague on the call."

"Yeah," I replied, my tail swishing, traitorously belying my anxiety.

"Uh oh," Carapace said, his eyes shifting to said tail. "This can't be good."

Grinning sheepishly, I held up my paws. "I'm a lousy messenger," I started. "It's really Ladybug that's sent me on a fool's errand, if you ask my opinion."

"Oh?"

"Look, she's had an idea about the superhero wedding Rena wants," I continued, pulling in a few of my acting skills as a model. I felt a smidge guilty for working some magic on my best friend, but it was for the greater good. "As you can imagine, it's kind of like her Lucky Charms…"

Cap's eyes bugged out, for he'd been on the team long enough now to know that very few were straightforward. Little did he realize… "What on earth is she wanting to do?"

I sighed dramatically. "Well, first off she has to break up with me."

"What?"

"It's not quite what you think," I said, laughing. "I mean, that's one possibility. See, Ladybug isn't dating Chat, Marinette is. So, Marinette would have to publicly dump me, and then Ladybug could start to date me." I paused, dramatically. "Publicly."

Carapace blinked once, then twice. "Dude, aren't you living with her?"

"As Chat, living with Marinette," I emphasized with deadly earnestness, trying hard not to laugh at the circular argument I was making.

"But—isn't that the same thing as living with Ladybug…?"

"Oh no," I said seriously. "Honestly, no one in our building knows I'm there. For all they know, she's living alone."

"Who knows?" he said, a look of confusion on his face.

"Absolutely," I nodded. "It's nuts, right?"

"It is? What is?"

"Then we have the problem of Adrien having been seen out with Ladybug, too," I continued. "He'd have to break up with Ladybug – or, I suppose, she'd have to break up with him, based on the photos Alya took—"

"Adrien is dating Ladybug?" Carapace asked, somewhat bewildered. "I mean, I suppose he is—"

"But he can't be seen in the apartment with Marinette, see, since she's dating Chat."

"What, he's not dating Marinette-"

I looked affronted. "Of course I am! Where have you been all this time?"

"You just said – no, not you —wait, I mean not you you, Adrien-"

"Adrien? Who's he dating?" I asked, before I let my ears go straight up. "Not Chat?! Man, I didn't see that coming…"

"Wait, dude," Carapace was starting to look desperate. "You're Chat."

"Of course I am," I smiled. "And have been for a while."

"You're not dating yourself, then." He paused, confusion crossing his face. "Right?"

"No, silly," I laughed. "I'm dating Marinette."

"That's what I'm saying," Carapace said, voice rising slightly.

"No need to get jealous," I said pleasantly. "I mean, Marinette likes you, too, but she fell for me."

"I'm not jealous!" Carapace practically yelled.

"Hey-hey-hey," I cried, holding out my paws. "You can't blame her for loving a handsome tomcat like me."

"I'm not – I just—wait, what are we talking about exactly?"

"How crazy an idea it would be to do a superhero wedding," I said softly, going in for the kill.

Cap looked at me, mouth half-open, before the light of dawning recognition appeared in his eyes. "Dude," he said after a moment, "you could have just said that in the first place."

"I told you it was a complicated plan," I reminded him. "And though I didn't initially think it would work, I can see now how beautifully it captures how mad the concept was to begin with."

My friend of years stared at me for a longer moment before a slight smile appeared, tinged with a bit of sadness. "While I don't disagree, Alya—uh, Rena that is—has her heart set on it, Chat. I don't want to disappoint her."

"That's good, for I've been authorized to offer a counter-proposal."

Cap rolled his eyes. "Of course you have."

"As it happens, we know someone who can perform an ancient bonding ritual for Miraculous Holders," I started. "It has to take place on a full moon, which I might note is in just ten days. If you and Rena would care to join Ladybug and I at this location—" I pulled out my baton and punched up the map function before twisting the display toward him, "—we will perform said ceremony for you and Rena."

Carapace's eyes widened behind the goggles. "There? Really?"

"Why not?" I smiled. "It has the benefit of being private, anyway, since we truly don't want anyone outside of our inner circle to know what we're doing."

"All right," Cap replied. "So she gets her superhero wedding, just not in public."

"Exactly," I replied. "Then your public wedding with all the trimmings can still take place."

"Ladybug agreed to do a dual wedding, though, Chat."

"She did," I nodded. "Ladybug and Chat will be 'bonded' at the same ceremony with you and Rena."

Carapace arched an eyebrow above his goggles. "I don't think that's exactly what Rena had in mind."

"Probably not. Look," I said as I put a paw to his costumed shoulder. "If life were ordinary, we'd jump at the chance to have a wedding with our best friends. Frankly, I'm the one that's screwed this up; my dating her as Chat requires much more thought to unwind before my alter-ego can appear in her life. Rushing it would draw more attention that we can afford."

"It's not your fault," Carapace said softly. "If anything, Rena—"

"No," I said firmly, cutting off his sentence. "Her actions were not her own, Cap, and besides, they only made more visible what most of Paris already knew. Which is our problem to deal with, not yours." I smiled. "And before you say it, there is no way we will allow you to postpone your happiness in order for us to get our own act together."

"She's still not going to like this," Carapace sighed. "But I think she'll understand." He looked at me. "Clever coming to me and not her, though."

"Back channel negotiations are always more successful," I smiled.

"I still want you as my best man, dude," Carapace said. "At both weddings."

"And you at mine," I said happily. "As long as you don't mind Adrien being at the 'real' one."

He fist pumped me. "Not in the least. I gotta run," he added as he flipped into a stand; for some reason, I'd not noticed how his body had similarly adjusted to the nightly grind of being a hero and smiled a private smile. If my costume drove Marinette wild, it stood to reason…

"Good luck on the peanut butter and sardines thing," I grimaced again as I followed suit.

"I think I'm going to pick up some air fresheners, too," he laughed as he hurled himself off the roof and into the night.

The trip back to our apartment was routine, as much as racing across the rooftops of Paris could be. Sliding through the open doors of my balcony, though, I was rather surprised to see the space lit by flickering candles and one Marinette leaning against my pillow reading something on her kindle. As I crouched at the edge of the door, she put down the kindle and slid off the bed.

"How did it go?"

"Better than I expected," I smiled as I stood and put my paws to her bare arms. "I didn't think that whole 'Who's on First' bit would work, but it did."

Marinette bopped me on the nose with a fingertip. "Don't ever doubt me, kitty," she smiled.

"Lesson learned," I said as I leaned down to kiss her; as my lips hit hers, I felt her hands slowly move down my sides until they were resting on my hips. I started to pull away only to have her pull me closer; not entirely unexpected, I followed her lead and redoubled my efforts, starting with those amazing lips and then slowly nibbling back down the side of her neck.

My baton bumping up against the slightly open door of the balcony brought me up short, though, and popped the bubble for a moment. Smiling slyly, I paused in my hyper-attention to her smooth skin and looked into those deep blue eyes. "Purrhaps we should relocate somewhere more comfortable," I said softly before darting over to nip at an earlobe.

Marinette shuddered slightly. "That… might be wise."

Kissing her again to seal the deal, a thought struck me and I leaned back again. "By the way, you said my tail was going to be involved in this plan."

"I did," she said, her eyes dancing with merriment.

"Uh, Princess," I said, unwisely ignoring the signs, "I hesitate to point this out, but it-ooof!"

Those clever hands of Marinette had been, I thought, harmlessly tracing little circles around my hips, but in one swift movement, she managed to snag both my tail and loop it around me twice before cinching it tight as if I'd been a giant feline yo-yo. Before I could catch my breath, she'd yanked the end again, sending me into a twirl that knocked me off balance just enough to fall on top of her upon the now conveniently positioned bed.

One final tug and she pressed me against her before reaching her two hands up to gently pull my face toward her. Smiling widely at me, I realized she'd plotted that little move out to quite literally to the meter.

Clever bug.

"Satisfied?" she said as she looked up at me.

"Not yet," I growled as my paw gripped the sheet and pulled it over the top of us.