Chapter 5: What Happened to us?
Sara was deep in thought regarding how they got here. Not here as the hospital, or more deep like how humans came into existence. Still a complicated story, how did she and Grissom, end up almost strangers. Once happily married, the perfect couple everyone said they would last forever. But they did not. She had tried to do a postmortem on their relationship before, but she could never quite be honest with herself. What changed now? Seeing him again, seeing he had an entire different life, while hers remained relatively the same just a large gap missing. Maybe coming close to death, or at least close to seeing Grissom die brought the need on.
What was the first blow to their relationship? The first cut that started a slow bleeding that would only contribute to the end. If she had to pinpoint a time the relationship cracked, or at least the first cracks appeared was when she left after her attack. She left first, that was a fact. He had been supportive of her leaving the first time, allowing her to go fight her demons. He offered to come with her, to drop everything than, and yet she turned him down. The pain she caused him was clear than, she remembered his face when she told him no she had to do this on her own. They were her demons, not theirs, that had to be battled.
Another massive blow to the relationship, the one that started to suck the life out of them was when Warrick died. She had not been there for Grissom. She knew how much Warrick meant to Grissom, but she only appeared for the funeral and than left quickly afterwards. He needed someone, she knew that, but she could not be that someone for him at that moment in time. She was still battling her demons. Again she had hurt him, deeply. She could see he was in pain. He held someone who he loved like a son and watched them bleed out, while the man responsible stood with them. Grissom had not known at the time the man responsible was the same man who supposedly came to help. Nick had told her about how Grissom had been covered in Warricks blood, how he did not once see Grissom break down until the funeral. Sara had not seen it either, she had broken down and Grissom just held her. They had fought when she told him she was leaving again after the funeral. It had been a battle that she said things she wish she could take back. Grissom could not possibly have felt as bad as she did, but she knew better now, and than. Grissom was suffering, but he was trying to be there for her. Be what she needed. She invited him to leave with her, but he never did choose. That hurt her, she invited him to come with her, and he choose to stay. Originally she believed it was to find the people responsible for Warrick, but he did that and yet he stayed in Vegas.
Though he tried to seek out that comfort he needed, shortly after he had came to find her in Costa Rica. It seemed almost as if all of the cracks were being repaired. The blood flow staunch and their relationship was patched together and healing. In reality, they had only put Band-Aids over bullet holes. Neither of them knew it at the time, but they had grown apart. Or she had grown apart from him. She no longer needed him, and he still needed her. He was burned out, tired of it all, and just wanted something to latch onto. No that is not true, she chastised herself. He loved her, completely. He had once told her that he knew when the relationship ended she would be the one to end it because he did not think he could walk away from her ever. Yet he was only partly true, he sent the divorce papers not her.
What was the death blow to their relationship? Paris? He had a life there. Found himself again in a second career. It was his turn to start to repair his own personal damage. He had put it on hold to be with her, to help her as she grew away from him in Costa Rica. She only lost herself in Paris. He was Sabrina from that old movie named after the main character, Harrison Ford had made a more modern version of it. He found himself, and Sara lost herself. There was nothing for her in Paris once the newness wore off. She had always had a purpose in life. Get great grades so she could get away from the cycle of the system and go to college, in college it was to get great grades and learn everything she could, as an adult it was to be the best CSI she could be, than back to fight the demons she left, and in Paris it was nothing. No purpose. She felt like she was dying, losing everything that mattered to her. Losing the progress she had made when she fought her demons and went to Costa Rica. She could not do that for any man, even Grissom.
She could not forget the look on his face when she told him she was going back to Vegas to work. He was not ready, the residual pain was still there in his eyes. No Grissom was not whole again. She had left him again because she needed to be her. He was less understanding this time. Words were spoken between both of them that neither of them could take back, no matter how much they wanted to. She remembered being so angry, she tried to hurt him. Tried to make him show some feelings, and she remembered the look when she succeed. That look haunted her at times. That moment may have been the last act of their relationship. It was not the very end. They had talked, apologized to each other, promised to try to make the relationship work. That fight though was the breaking point for their relationship.
The true end, from a historical point of view, was the day she signed the divorce papers. He had called her from his work site. She knew something was wrong, if she was honest they knew a lot had been wrong for a long time, but neither of them knew how to work on it. How to work it out with the divide between them. His explanation she interpreted as a blow off. It sounded like the old cliché if you love something let it go. If she was honest with herself, she did not really listen to him. He tried to explain to her, but over the phone? Better than email maybe? At least it was not a text message. He finished the conversation, she remembered with a quote from Stephen King. An author they both secretly loved to read:
Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.
He told her he could not hold her back anymore and he could not keep hurting her. She deserved to live life to the fullest, and not be tied to him. She deserved to be with someone who was present in her life. They were growing apart and maybe that had been for the better. That was when he told her the divorce papers would be arriving in a few days. She could have whatever she wanted. All he asked was for her to allow some movers to pack his stuff and he'd store it somewhere until he settled somewhere.
At the time she had been hurt, beyond anything he had done to hurt her before. It was like ending their relationship had little meaning to him, as if he felt nothing. He was a bastard, a coward, and every other word she could think of that had a negative connotation.
"Earth to Sara." Brass said looking at the CSI he had just been calling to, but she seemed to be lost in thought.
"Sorry." Sara said frowning. "I was thinking."
"We could see." Catherine said.
"You ok kiddo?" Brass asked.
"Yeah." Sara smiled.
"I was surprised to see you were still here." Catherine stated her anger showing through, not at Sara, at least Sara didn't think so, more at Grissom.
"I just wanted to make sure he was ok."
"Where is he?" Brass asked.
"Still in with the doctor. He's been to x-ray, I think they did a CT for his head. They are stitching him up now."
"He didn't want you in the room with him?" Catherine asked.
"I just wanted to wait outside. Give him some privacy."
Brass walked over to the room Sara had indicated Grissom was in. He knocked on the door and walked in. "How much longer doctor?"
"Not much." The doctor answered once he saw Brass's badge.
"Good I still need to take his statement." Brass said looking at his friends battered body. Grissom was on the table without a shirt on. His hand holding an ice pack to his right side which was badly bruised. "How you feeling Gil?"
"Like I got the beat up." Grissom responded not with anger, but simply a statement.
"Catherine is outside, she is here to hear your statement in case there is any more evidence." Brass was a bit more gentler now seeing the damage to Grissom's body, "Not that we think we will need it. The gunman has been pretty forthcoming on what happened, but you know the job."
Catherine walked in behind Brass, "Wow you look like shit."
"Thanks."
"Serves you right for not telling anyone you were coming to town, and for not calling. You know we found out about your divorce from Sara."
"Sorry." Grissom responded through clinched teeth. He may not be completely numb, he could feel the needle moving, but he wanted out of there. Allowing the doctor to numb the area more would require at least 10 more minutes of being stuck in the hospital.
"You should be."
"Tell us how you really feel Cath." Brass said laughing. He knew Grissom probably deserved all of her anger and much more, but looking at the poor guy he looked like he also needed a break. "How about you go grab some coffee for everyone?" Brass asked.
"Send the woman how sexist." Catherine said.
"I'm an old school cop after all." Brass joked, "Please."
"Ok. But we are not done Grissom." She said pointing at him threateningly.
Grissom's response was to lower his head. He was tired, and he did not want to go through all of this not right now. He was just too exhausted and in too much pain, too vulnerable.
"Seems like you got a few people upset with you. Besides the person who did this to you." The doctor said gently raising Grissom's head to finish stitching.
"yeah." Was all the response the doctor received from Grissom.
"I'm almost done." The doctor said gently.
Brass watched his friend. He looked beaten. Not in the sense that he had been physically beaten, but emotionally beaten. "So what is going on with you and your student?"
"What?" Grissom asked annoyance reaching his voice.
"Are you sweet on her?" Brass asked directly.
"no. not really." Grissom responded instantly.
"What do you mean?" Brass asked.
"I care about Jade. Yes that is true." Grissom said, "But I don't think I care about her like I do" Grissom caught himself using the present tense and quickly added "did for Sara."
"Than how?" Brass asked.
"Probably more of a friend or even a daughter. I don't know. I don't want to have sex with her." Grissom said, he didn't right, no the idea of sex with Jade just felt wrong.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Grissom growled his answer.
The doctor was done now. "I'll leave you two to your conversation. I'll bring your admittance papers once we find a room."
"I won't be staying." Grissom said. "Bring me discharge papers please."
"I don't advise that. Your concussion is bad enough to warrant overnight observation."
"I'll be fine. I don't want to stay here."
"Ok." The doctor said, "I'll need you to sign papers that you left against doctors orders."
"that's fine." Grissom said.
"Will there be someone to keep an eye on you?"
"I'll find someone." Grissom said knowing there were very few people willing to volunteer right now. He had fucked up big time with his former friends. He knew that, but could you blame him. The reception he got, while mostly his own fault, only supported the idea that Sara got Vegas in the divorce.
"Don't worry Doctor I am sure there are enough of us around to keep an eye on him." Brass said.
"Ok. He needs to rest." The doctor stated pausing before he continued, "So whatever problems you all have should probably wait a day or two. He needs to rest his brain."
"No problem Doctor." Brass said realizing it would be a bit of a problem for someone, Catherine.
"Good." The doctor left the room leaving Brass and Grissom alone.
"Where is Jade?" Brass asked.
"With Greg, probably at the lab." Grissom responded.
"So you two never have."
"Jesus really Jim. No I have never slept with her." Grissom responded feeling his blood pumping faster through his body, anger was the emotion he was feeling most right now. He could feel each heartbeat as a ping of pain in his head.
"Ok." Jim said raising his hands at his friend.
"You know she'd probably try to kick your ass just for inferring that she and I have ever been intimate." Grissom responded trying to calm himself down.
"I knew I liked that girl for some reason." Brass said smiling at his friend.
"I heard he had a young girl with him." Catherine stated more as a question wanting more information.
"If the him you are referring to is Grissom than yes." Sara said. "He claims she's his student."
"But you don't believe that?"
"I don't know what I believe." Sara said, "Nor do I really have the right to believe. We are no longer married. He is a free man."
"You were his student once."
"I know Catherine." Sara said letting some anger show through. "Sorry." She immediately apologized, "It's just been a long day."
"No I'm sorry." Catherine spoke, "I just am so angry with that man."
"I know, but take an easy on him. He's hurting right now." Never mind the trauma he went through today, Sara added slightly in her head.
"How are you holding up?" Catherine asked softly.
"I'm fine."
" Really?" Catherine let her skepticism sound through in her follow up question.
"It is weird seeing him again and being around him." Sara said, "But we are different people now. I am not the same woman who came to Vegas smitten with the great Gilbert Grissom. I am stronger than I was. "
"Ok. If you need to talk..." Catherine offered knowing it was unlikely Sara would take her up on it.
Sara smiled at Catherine and paid for the four cups of coffee. "Do me a favor."
"What is that?"
"Go easy on Gris when you guys are taking his statement."
"I'll do my best. You sitting in?"
"If he lets me." Sara answered.
"This is the DNA lab. I used to be stuck here before Grissom gave me a chance to become a CSI."
"Really?" Jade asked enjoying the tour she was getting from Greg. Probably because she was around Greg, the lab itself was boring.
"Yeah. He and Sara trained me."
"Can I ask you a unrelated question?" Jade asked making sure the room was empty.
"Shoot."
"Does everyone think I am Grissom's, umm…, special friend?" She asked pausing at the end of the sentence to figure out the best word.
"Why do you ask?" Greg asked.
"Well some folks have been whispering at each other and looking at me. And there were a few hints in questions I received from Sara and some others."
"Honestly, probably."
"Oh my god." She said, "Sorry I know so sorority girl like of me. But really?"
"Yeah." Greg said wincing for her.
"Well you have to tell them hell no." Jade said mortified at the idea. "He's not my type. And he is old. And he is my mentor. And I do not get ahead by sleeping with the boss."
"Ok there tiger. Calm down." Greg said laughing at her reaction. He felt better hearing it himself. "It just you two are close. Grissom does not get close to people often."
"Neither do I. But he's different"
"How?"
"If I tell you, you keep it to yourself?" She asked wondering why she was going to trust someone she barely knew with something that mattered a lot to her. Oh yeah because Greg might just be her type after all.
"Sure."
"There have not been many people who have cared about me." Jade said, "Very few people who gave a crap what I did with my life or if I was alive or dead, or you get the point." Jade was looking at the floor afraid to look up at Greg. She cared about his opinion, that made about two people in the world who she truly cared what they thought. While some would interpret her caring that people thought she was sleeping with Grissom as a sign that she cared what other thoughts, they would be wrong. That bothered her because she did not want anyone thinking Grissom was some dirty old bastard taking advantage of her. He was a good man, one of the best men she had ever known.
"Yes." Greg said looking at the woman before him finding it hard to believe that anyone could know her and not care. She just made you care, she had this presences. He wanted to reach down and pull her head up so she could see he was being sincere, but she had warned him the night before when he offered to help her walk back to the room because she was intoxicated, she had a problem with people touching her or touching others. It just made her feel a weird sensation. She could not describe it to him.
"Doc does care. He might have been the first person to care." She said, "It started out academically. Probably after he first meant my mother. She is a character, to put it gently."
"Do you think he feels the same way you do?"
"Yeah. I doubt Doc thinks of me like people think. I am sure it's more as a mentor."
"Ok." Greg said, "People will come around eventually."
"I don't care about people. Well other than they think I am sleeping with Doc." She added a few seconds later, "He is a good man not some jerk who sleeps with students."
"Don't worry they'll all will remember that eventually. Everyone is just mad at him because he disappeared on us." Greg soothed her or tried to.
"Another question?" S he asked since it was unrelated to the lab.
"Shoot."
"What is the story between Doc and Sara? They were married at some point?"
"Yes." Greg answered. Not sure if he wanted to answer the question, who was he kidding it was a chance to gossip with someone who did not know the entire story of the once epic couple of the Vegas crime lab. "Follow me to the break room where I will fill you in on all I know."
Jade smiled, she knew it was wrong to go behind Doc's back to get answers, but damn it she wanted answers. Doc had done something similar when her mother had been in town.
"Why did you leave the conference room?" Catherine asked because she had to know why Gil was such an idiot.
"I was worried about others." Grissom responded, unwilling to admit he was worried about Sara and Jade.
Catherine followed up with the question hoping to shed some light on the stupidity that was Grissom, "So you went to search for what victims?"
"yes." Grissom lied. It was a small lie, it wouldn't matter.
"That was stupid." Brass said looking at his friend.
"I know."
"When did you run into the gunman?" Brass asked taking over all of the questions.
"In the lecture room. I thought maybe Sara or Jade were in there since I had not seen them in the conference room. It was 10 minutes before Jade's talk was to begin. I thought maybe some folks would be in there."
"But the gunman was?"
"He showed up. Yes."
"Than what?"
"I raised my hands, he asked me where everyone was…" Gil continued to relay the story up until the point the gun was tapped to his head.
"So most of the damage came from the beating?" Catherine asked noticing that Sara who choose to sit next to Grissom on the examination table because there were no other seats in the room. Sara had her arm around Grissom gently rubbing his shoulder. She was trying to comfort him.
"Yes. I think so." Grissom said, "The cut on the back of my head was probably made worse by the gun. He kept digging it into my head while we were walking around." He noticed Sara's gestures towards him, and it made him feel worse because she was being so kind to him, and he probably did not deserve it.
"What else happened?"
Grissom moved his hand to his head to rub his eyes, his head was hurting. It felt like if he could just drill a few holes the pressure would come steaming out like it does in cartoons.
"Can we continue this later?" Grissom asked gently. "My head really hurts."
Catherine looked at Brass to answer, "I guess. Just one more question." Brass said, "Did he tell you why he looking for Dylan and Judith?"
"Yes." Grissom answered, telling the rest of the story behind why the gunman was looking for the two UNLV faculty members.
"Ok that is it for now. We can pick up again tomorrow?" Brass asked Grissom.
"Sure."
Brass's phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He excused himself to step out to take the call.
"Have they given you anything for the headache?" Sara asked softly.
"Not yet." Grissom said trying not to groan in pain. It was hurting, the questions were not helping, nor the glares from Catherine.
"How about if I turn the lights down while we wait on the discharge papers. Will that help?"
"I think so." Grissom answered.
Sara got up and turned the lights down. "I'm going to go check on those papers and maybe some aspirin and a clean shirt and pants for you."
"Thanks." Grissom said, but his face told a different story. His eyes were pleading with Sara not to leave him with Catherine.
"You'll be fine." She said noticing the look.
Catherine waited for Sara to leave before she started in on Grissom, she was gentle or as gentle as she could be. "We are lucky."
Grissom asked, "Why?"
"You did not lose your recent memory with the concussion."
"It is only one of the many possible side effects of a concussion. While statistically it occurs more often than almost any of the other side effects." Grissom paused, "I am also sure it has something to do with the entire event. Kind of memorable."
Catherine shook her head she knew Grissom was trying to lecture her, but she wasn't going to have it, "You are also one lucky SOB."
"I know." Grissom said assuming she was talking about him surviving today.
Catherine knew that was what he assumed, "She is still taking care of your sorry ass after all you did."
"Catherine please not now." Grissom responded more of a plea than a request, and he hated that it sounded like a plea. "I understand you all are mad at me, and probably have every right to be, but please another time when my brain is not trying to implode."
"Probably… no we have every right to be mad Gris. You took off and did not even bother to call. You came to town and told no one. You left Sara. You left all of us."
"I know." Grissom almost shouted his pain showing through. "Can you just trust I had my reasons."
"No I cannot. what were your reasons?" Catherine asked a bit more gentler. She really was trying to be understanding, it just was not part of who she was.
" I am not sleeping with Jade if that is why you are also angry at me. I never would. It is not like that." Grissom said. "I have not really been with anyone important since Sara."
"Since you brought it up." Catherine said ready to shift tracks in the conversation, "You want me to believe you have not slept with anyone in how many years?"
"There were the meaningless one night stands."
"Sex without love?" Catherine challenged him remembering one of his rants about sex should mean something.
"Yes. But not with Jade or anyone that really mattered." Grissom said. "I may have married a younger woman, but never that young."
"Why now?"
"Why what?"
"Why have meaningless one night stands now?" Catherine asked, truly curious about the change in her friend, or someone she once called friend.
Grissom sighed, he did not want to share, but he wanted her to shut up. He would later blame him being so open on the concussion, "Because I knew I would never love anyone else again."
"Wait what?" Catherine said surprised by his answer.
"I knew there would never be anyone to take Sara's place."
"So why did you leave her if you knew that?"
"Because we could not continue the way we were nor do I think we could have fixed it. She deserves better. She deserved to be happy. To be with someone who could fully be with her, openly. That's not me." Grissom said, "You know that's not me."
"Gris. You are the stupidest bastard I've ever meant."
"I know." Grissom replied. "Can we please pick this up again later."
"I am only giving in because you look like you are about ready to throw up all over me."
"I am you might want to get the garbage can." Grissom said feeling his stomach role again. There was nothing left for him to throw up, but that was not going to stop him.
"here." She said quickly handing him the small trash can.
Grissom gagged over the can, bile erupting from him.
Catherine moved to sit next to him and gently rubbed his back while he continued to heave. "Sorry."
"No I'm sorry Cath." He said after he finished heaving, "I heard Lindsey was away at college?"
"Yes. She is doing well. She is pre-law believe it or not. Wants to become a lawyer maybe a judge someday."
"Good for her."
Sara walked back into the room noticing the two friends sitting by each other. "Everything ok?"
"Gris just got sick is all. To be expected."
"Drink some water." Sara said handing him a bottle of water, "Coffee probably was not a good idea."
"No it wasn't." Grissom agreed. Coffee and headaches did not go well together. Grissom cup was still sitting untouched. Anyone who suffered from frequent headaches and migraines knew that coffee should be avoided when the pain started or even hinted at starting, any stimulant really should be avoided.
Grissom drank the cool water letting it calm his painful throat.
Sara said handing Grissom a pair of clean scrubs, "You should put those on so Catherine and Brass can take your clothes into evidence."
"Thanks."
"Sara can you handle taking his clothes into evidence?" Catherine asked giving Sara a chance at an out if she wished, but she thought it best Sara help Grissom since they had once been intimate. It was less embarrassing for him.
"Yes." Sara said moving out of the door to let Catherine through. "Do you have evidence bags?"
"In my case over there."
"Thanks Catherine." Grissom said softly as she left the room.
"Do you umm need help?" Sara asked.
"I don't think so." He said not sure himself. He got up slowly keeping his hand on the bed as he felt the world spin.
Sara grabbed his arm in support, "You ok?"
"Will be once the world stops spinning." Grissom replied trying not to sound pathetic.
Grissom slowly pulled the remains of his button up off his body, he had pulled it back on when Sara and Catherine came in to take his statement with Brass. He pulled the scrubs after dropping the shirt into the evidence bag. Sara helped him gently get the shirt over his head, so as to not disturb the stiches on his forehead or the back of his head.
"Thanks." He mumbled softly as his hands moved down to his pants. "Just the pants right?" He asked almost pleading.
"yeah." Sara said noticing the plea in his voice. She wanted to say boxers too just to make him uncomfortable, but that would just be cruel.
Slipping out of his pants, his hand quickly moved back to the table as another wave of dizziness came over him.
"You ok?"
"Yeah." Grissom responded grabbing the scrub pants off the table and gently putting them on.
Sara saw the bruises on his legs and frowned. She pictured him curled up in a ball trying to protect his body while he was mercilessly hit and kicked by the gunman.
"It is really better than it looks." Grissom said noticing her staring at him.
"I thought Catherine wanted to get more photos?"
"I think she is willing to wait until tomorrow. All of the bruises will be out in beautiful colors."
"Well you know black and blue are this seasons colors." Sara joked with him.
Grissom laughed, wincing and grabbing his ribs as he did.
"Sorry."
"No it really was funny." Grissom said smiling at her despite the pain. He wanted to tell her he missed her, but he didn't. No he couldn't. She was moving on, he was not going to ruin that, he loved her too much to hurt her again. All he brought was pain, it may be the only thing he had to offer.
"Your mother has been texting me today."
"Shit." Grissom said.
"Yeah she is very upset you did not tell her you were in town. That she had to find out from the news, especially given what also was included in the news."
"Did you tell her I was fine?"
"I told her you were alive." Sara said doubting he was fine.
"Thank you." He said, "I'll try to contact her later."
"Gris."
"Yes." He said pulling on a new pair of shoes Catherine had brought with her for him.
"Why did you not tell anyone you were coming to town?" Sara asked wanting to know. The anger that had been present in their earlier conversation had dissipated. It was hard to be angry with him when he looked like he did: lost, in pain, vulnerable.
"I thought it was easier for everyone."
"For you?"
"Yes." He said, "What can I say I'm a coward. I knew everyone was likely upset with me over what happened."
"What?"
"Us getting divorced, me not staying in contact." He was truly vulnerable, and they all seemed to be taking advantage of it.
"Why did you not contact anyone ever?"
"I thought it would be easier."
"For who? You?"
"No." He said feeling some anger building up he snapped at her, "For you. If no one talked about me, about us, you could move on. Find someone better." He answered honestly avoiding looking at her because he did not want to know what she was thinking or feeling.
"oh." It was all she could say, she knew he was telling the truth by his reactions.
Brass choose that moment to walk into the room. "Bad news."
"What?" Grissom asked looking at Brass with maybe fear.
"I doubt you'll want to go back to the hotel."
"Why?" Grissom said almost groaning all he wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep.
"The press has started to camp out at the place. Seems like you are a hero." Jim said frowning at his friend.
"Can't I go in the back way?"
"You could but they are already calling the room, and some are already outside the room according to the hotel staff."
"Can I check into another hotel or room?"
"You could but I am pretty sure word will get out."
Sara frowned, she knew what she was about to offer was something she was not entirely sure she wanted to offer, "He could stay with me."
"What about Jade?" Grissom said.
"I turned the study into a backup guest room. She can stay in there." Sara was already regretting her offer since Grissom brought up Jade. Now she was almost certain that Jade was Sara version 2.0.
"We cannot."
"It was your house too." Sara said, "It is only for what a few days?"
"Maybe a couple of weeks." Brass said wincing at the look he got from Sara, "If the gunman takes it to trial, and there is every reason to believe he is going to from what he has been saying. Both need to testify, statements have to be made, and it looks like the gunman is going to press for a speedy trial. So there is no reason for them to fly back to wherever and than come back."
"The offer still stands." Sara said glaring at Brass.
"We can find somewhere else." Grissom said.
"Find somewhere else what?" Catherine asked.
"Somewhere else to stay for a couple of weeks." Brass said, "Hotel is overrun with press."
"What about one Sam's hotels?" Catherine said even though they were technically her hotels after her fathers death, it felt weird to call them hers.
"I thought about that, but I am pretty sure someone will leak it because well Gil is a commodity right now with the news."
"You are probably right." Catherine said. "I'd offer you a spot, but Lindsay is coming home in a few days for Spring break with some friends so I have a full house."
Brass added, "I got a two bedroom, but the second bedroom is a study."
"Come on Grissom it's fine. It won't kill either of us to have to share the same roof for a bit." Sara said, "You don't have to worry I am not going to fall madly in love with you again. Been there done that, and all I got was a crappy t-shirt." She joked at the end but she could see the words hurt him.
"Ok." Gil said feeling every word Sara just said. He deserved it, he had hurt her. "Can you tell Greg and Jade about the changes?" Gil said looking at Catherine.
"Yes no problem. I'll have Greg drop her off after shift." Catherine turned to Sara, "I guess this means you get tonight off with pay to keep an eye on Gil. Did you get the doctors orders?"
"Yes they are here in the discharge papers I got from the nurses station for Gil to sign." Sara said, "But can one of you take him to my house? I need to go grocery shopping. I don't think I have anything in the fridge or cabinets. I've mostly been eating out."
"I can take him." Brass said, "How about you also stop by the hotel while you are out and get him all checked out? I assume Jade can check herself out."
"Sure." Sara said not sure how comfortable she was packing Grissom's stuff.
"Why don't we just.." Gil started to speak but was stopped by Brass.
"I am not getting in the mess of the TV cameras and you need to rest doctors order. Sara can pack your stuff. Won't be the first time she folded your clothes."
"That's is settled than. Can I get a ride from you Sara? I came with Brass." Catherine asked having a motive for wanting to ride with Sara.
"Yeah no problem. You can help me pack Grissom's stuff."
On the way back from the hotel to the lab, Catherine finally decided it was time to talk to Sara about Grissom. "You know Grissom and Jade are not seeing each other."
"How do you know?" Sara asked hating herself for caring.
"I asked him."
"He could be lying."
"He wasn't."
"They are close."
"He see's her more as a daughter he thinks."
"He thinks?" Sara asked, "So he's not sure how he feels about her?"
"No he is sure, he just is not sure how to label it." Catherine said looking at Sara. "Did you two ever talk about his childhood?"
"No." Sara said. They talked about her childhood, but Grissom always said his was ancient history when she tried to ask. She knew his father was dead, died when he was young. His mother had been not been able to hear since he was a child. He considered himself a ghost in high school, and he never quite fit in at school no matter what grade he was in. "He talked to you about his childhood?" Sara asked almost angry that Grissom would tell Catherine something so personal but not her.
"Not really no. I tried many of times using a lot of liquor." Catherine said with a smile on her face remembering that not. "I got him really drunk one night. Believe it or not he talks a lot more when he is drunk. He is much more open ten shots in. What I know comes from gossiping with Brass and cryptic words from Grissom."
Sara asked curious about Grissom. She knew there was something in his past. People like Grissom don't just happen. He had a kind heart, he hid it well, but he would do anything for those he loved. His disappearing and not calling was not completely out of character, he forgot sometimes that you had to communicate with those you cared about, but just because he didn't call did not mean he did not still care about everyone. This was especially true whenever he came across a new puzzle he had to figure out whether it be a crime to be solved, a book to be written, or whatever he was passionate about at that time.
"Keep it to yourself?" Catherine asked.
"Yes." Sara said still kind of hurt she was learning something from Catherine and had never learned it from her husband. Highlighting only one of the many problems they had as a couple.
"Before your time there was a case that Grissom took really bad. He was a pain to work with while he was working it. Long story short a father was beating his kid, so bad that the kid was in a coma. Grissom found out that at one time the father had beat the mom, but eventually she stopped doing anything and let him take everything out on the son. Grissom punched the guy and tried to beat him half to death."
"Really?" Sara said seeing that move so against who Grissom was.
"Yes. Brass had to pull Grissom off the guy after the son died because of the injuries inflicted."
"What happened?"
"Brass said the man fell and kept everything hush hush." Catherine said, "Of course I was pissed at the time because well Grissom was getting away with a significant violation." Catherine continued to explain, "Brass told me when Grissom started to be a huge pain in the ass over the case, he took a glance through Gil's medical file. There was evidence of multiple traumas in childhood. "
"No one ever asked Grissom about it?" Sara asked.
"And tell him Brass, though he had the right, invaded his privacy?"
"Point taken." Sara said understanding that would only have made Gil even worse to deal with.
"That is not all. You have heard the same cryptic talk. He was a ghost in high school. He spent a lot of his time as a child alone."
"Probably because he was a bit of a creepy kid. He did autopsy on animals." Sara added knowing she would have found him creepy, and she had been a messed up kid herself.
"I don't think the only reason that other kids did not want to play with him was because of the autopsy. After his father died, his mom checked out. She was already deaf by than and I think she relied on Grissom a lot, to be the man of the house. To help take care of things and she was very much about him studying a lot, so he could grow up to be a great professor like his father."
"I get your point Catherine." Sara said taking in the information, "I understand, and I already knew he's not an unfeeling bastard." Sara said.
" I think he still truly cares about you Sara, but he is terrified of telling you. It makes him vulnerable to you. I think he was taught not to show emotions. Real scientist don't need emotions. They get in the way of research, they bias results. Sciences is being logical rational, and emotions are neither. He feels them, but he hides them so deep down. I am sure he feels them more than you or I can understand, but he has to limit who and what he feels them for because they would take over everything. That was why he was so afraid to start up a relationship with you. When, and he was sure it was a when, you left him you would rip him to pieces. The reason he left you I do not completely understand."
Catherine paused to let Sara take everything in. "Today I asked him to explain himself and he told me, he left you because he kept hurting you. He wanted you to find someone better than him, someone who could be with you, completely open to you." Catherine once again let the information sink in, "I am not telling you this because I hope you and Grissom get back together. I think since you opened your home to him, you deserve to understand why he left, why he is who he is. I do not expect you to take him back. I wouldn't if I were you. He's messed up but he could have talked to you. He could have tried to fight for what you had, and he chooses not to. But I can tell you he still cares about you, and he is not sleeping with his graduate student and does not want to. He just is not sure how he feels about her because he does not know what a father's role should be, he never got to see an example."
"Don't take the sorry bastard back. I think he is correct about one thing." Catherine added.
"Why is that?" Sara asked.
"You are much better off without him."
It was almost two hours later when Sara finally showed up at her townhouse. Sara walked in carrying one bag of groceries her thoughts had been floating around what Catherine had told her on the ride to the lab.
"Hey Kiddo" Brass said grabbing a bag from Sara, "More out in the car?"
"Yeah. But I can get them."
"Nonsense let me help you." Brass said walking back outside with Sara to grab the last two bags.
"Where is Grissom?"
"Asleep in the guest room. I had to practically drag him from the car to the room." He did not tell her about the lecture he gave Grissom before he let the Gil go to sleep. A warning, Jim called it, if Grissom hurt Sara again, Jim would make today look like a walk in the park. He knew where to hide bodies where they would never be found, he warned his friend. In fact it may be better if Grissom kept to his idea that Sara was better off without him.
"Have you been waking him up each hour?"
"Yes. He is a grouchy bastard. You sure you want to handle him? No one would blame you if you choose to tell him to take a hike. I am sure there is somewhere else they could go."
"No it's fine Jim." Sara said smiling at her friend.
"Ok. Do you mind if I stay for awhile, just to make sure everything is ok?" Brass asked, he did not wan to leave her with the grouch.
"Sure you want to stay for a late dinner?"
"Depends what are you making?"
"Well I grabbed a meat lovers and a veggie pizza." Sara added, "Greg and Jade are going to drop by on dinner break."
"I'm in." Brass said, "You have some anti-acids?"
"Of course." Sara said laughing, "Battling it early?"
"Only way this old fool is going to get sleep tonight."
Sara finished putting up the groceries telling Jim to go relax and watch TV while she finished putting up groceries. He listened to her having had a long day himself. She walked out into the living room with a beer and a bottle of water in her had. "For you" S he said handing him a beer.
"My brand even." Jim grinned.
"I think any beer is your brand after a day like today."
"You got me."
"When was the last time you woke him up?"
Looking at his watch Jim replied, "About 50 minutes ago."
"I'll wake him up next time." Sara said the information about Grissom's past still weighing on her conscious. "Can I ask you something about Gil?"
"Maybe."
"Do you know much about his childhood?"
"Catherine told you." Brass frowned, "I never should have been gossiping with her one night at work when I was the night shift supervisor. Before your time. Grissom had a bad night, he lost his temper on everyone. I assigned him a domestic. I did not understand the tin man was acting up. I read his medical file, as I had access to it, and noticed a lot of injuries in his childhood." Brass paused, "He really never told you anything?"
Sara's response was to ignore the question, "I better go wake him up." She was upset that no one had ever told her, not even Grissom. If she was honest, she was also upset for Grissom who had his privacy invaded without even knowing it.
"I'll put the pizzas in."
Sara walked to the guest room that was across the hall from the master bedroom. She knocked on the door before she entered. She smiled, she always loved watching Grissom sleep. He looked innocent, childlike in his sleep, it took all of her power not to walk over and run her hand through his hair. He had loved that, and she would do it often for him when he had a migraine. He was under the covers an arm over his eyes, his other arm laid across his body holding an ice pack to his side.
Moving across the room to sit on the bed she gently called his name, "Gil wake up." Sara said before she touched his arm over his eyes.
He grumbled at her touch and gently turned into her, clearly mindful of his injures even in his sleep. This likely indicated he still felt pain. Sara frowned, "Come Gil I need you to open your eyes and move your arm from your eyes."
"Go away." Gil grumbled.
"Nope." Sara said gently moving his arm.
Gil felt a soft warm hand on his arm, gently moving it away from his face, than another hand gently run over his forehead down to his cheek. Opening his eyes he saw Sara sitting over him. He felt his breath catch at the site of her.
"Hey sleepy head."
"What time is it?"
"It's a little after 9 pm." She said, "Do you think you could wake up for a bit and eat?"
"Not hungry." Gil said.
"I know you not but you need to eat." Sara said softly.
"Ok." Gil said not wanting to be a pain. Not just because Brass threatened to kill him and make him disappear again, but because Sara had opened her house to him and Jade. She did not have to, should not have.
"How are you feeling?" She said softly not wanting to cause him more pain.
"Head hurts."
"Did you take your medicine."
"I don't remember."
"I'll ask Brass."
"He's still here."
"Yes." Sara answered looking down at Gil.
"He is protective of you, that is good." Gil said for no reason.
Sara thought the comment was weird, but she decided it was likely because Gil's head was scrambled "I have your stuff out in the living room. "
"Thanks."
"I also texted Greg and he is bringing Jade over for dinner. She is enjoying her time at the lab."
"Good. I hope it helps with her research project."
"You can probably sleep for 30 more minutes before they get here."
"Ok." He said reaching up and touching her arm, "Thank you Sara."
"It's no problem Gil." Sara got up and stopped from leaving the room, "You may want to call your mom."
"I will." Gil said, "Do you know where my cellphone is?"
"No. I'll ask Brass. Get some rest first. You can call her tomorrow. I'll text her to let her know you are resting."
"I should probably call tonight."
"Rest Gil." Sara ordered, "She will be fine. S he knows you are alive and breathing that is enough."
"ok." Gil said pulling the blanket further up over his head. He was back to sleep before Sara left the room.
When she reached the living room Brass was where she left him, "How is he?"
"Tired and in pain." Sara answered, "Did he take his pills?"
"Yes at the hospital." Brass answered.
"How often can he take them?"
"Don't know. It's on the bottle."
Sara walked over and looked at the bottle of pain pills. It said every four hours. She calculated he probably had 2 hours left before he could take another.
"He give you any problem?" Brass asked not taking his eyes from the television he was watching some sports highlight show.
"No." Sara said, "Was not grouchy with me."
Brass just smiled and took a swig of his beer.
Sara remembered the comment Grissom had made to her about Brass being protective of her. That statement couple with Brass's reaction made her suspicious, "What did you do to him Jim?"
"Me nothing" Brass said now more interested than he should have been in the sports show. It was discussing a recent win by an English Premier League team in the Championship league that had been a major comeback (go red devils). Jim did not like soccer. So he should not be as interested as he appeared.
"What did you say to him?" Sara corrected herself knowing Jim did something.
"I might have warned him to be nice to you and not hurt you again."
"Jim."
"What I am just looking out for you. Gil is your kryptonite."
"I can handle him myself." Sara said looking up when she heard someone stumbling down the hallway. It was Grissom clearly not very stable on his feet at the moment. "Gil what are you doing up?"
"I…" He started to talk but stopped looking very pale.
Sara rushed over to him as he fell to his knees dry heaving with nothing but saliva coming out of his mouth.
"Brass get me the bucket out of the kitchen hurry." She said not knowing if Gil would eventually vomit.
She rubbed her hand on his back again in soothing circles, "it's ok. Just try to breathe through your nose. Try to slow your breathing Gil."
He was trying to listen to her. He finally got himself under control and moved away from her in such a way it looked as if her hand burnt his back.
"Sorry." Gil said not looking at Sara as he now sat huddled against the wall as far from her as he could get.
"No reason to be sorry Grissom. It is to be expected." Sara said thinking he was apologizing for almost vomiting in her hallway.
"no about the saliva. I know how much you hate it." Grissom said looking at her finally.
"It's no problem Grissom. Not the first time I had your saliva on me." Sara laughed remembering how she ranted about how disgusting saliva was.
"Let's get you off the floor this cannot be good for your knees." Sara said standing up and offering him a hand. She felt like she practically pulled him up onto his feet.
"Can I take a shower?" He asked her leaning on the wall so he would not have to touch her.
"Gil you can barely stand."
"I still have blood on me." He almost whined, "And I fill the grime from the day."
"How about a bath?"
"Whatever makes you happy." He said checking Brass because he knew his tone had been more angrier than he had meant it.
Brass just glared at him in warning.
Sara walked over to him and slipped under his arm, "Let me help you to the bathroom and I'll start a bath for you." She looked at Jim, "You go get us a bottle of water I left in the room. He needs some fluids in him."
"Yes Ma'am." Brass joked walking past them to the guest room.
"Why are all men pains in the butt?" Sara asked not expecting an answer.
Gil tried to think of a smartass comment, but settled with a "Sorry honey."
"Don't call me that." Sara snapped at the use of the term of endearment he had used with her a lot.
"Sorry." Gil answered feel the full brunt of the comment. It was a habit, he had called her it so many times before.
"Sorry I snapped." Sara said setting him down on the toilet. "It's been a long day for everyone."
Gil said, "If you want I can just wait until I'm more steady on my feet."
"No we got in here. You are probably right after a bath you'll feel better." Sara said, "Plus it gives me time to put the ice pack back in the freezer. I grabbed another one for your head at the store too."
Gil said nothing he watched her turn the water on and than walk out of the room. He did not ask her where she was going. Brass walked in with the water and handed it to Gil who took the cap off and started taking small sips to make Sara happy.
Sara returned with a pair of Gil's pajamas. It was his flannel pants and a plain white t-shirt. "I hope these are ok." She said handing Gil the clothes.
"Thank you." He said softly.
"Brass go watch TV and keep an eye on the pizza." Sara ordered, "Gil stay there let me go get a towel for you." She said rushing out of the room to grab a towel from the linen closet.
When she returned Gil had his shirt off and was working on the tie on his pants. "Do you think you can get in on your own?"
"Yes." He said not even sure himself if he could, but he was not going to ask Sara to help him.
"Call if you need anything." Sara said stepping outside and closing the door enough so that she could hide on the other side, but keep an eye on Grissom to make sure he didn't hurt himself getting into the bath.
Gil managed to get undress and climbed into the tub with little difficulty. He seemed to have his feet under him again. She smiled as she heard him sigh out of pure happiness as he slid into the warm water.
"He ok?" Brass asked startling Sara.
"Yes." Sara said. "Now lets give him some privacy."
Saved from having to do much else, she heard the knock on the door. She rushed to the door and opened it happy to see Greg and Jade. "Come in." She said "The pizza's are almost done."
"Good I'm starving" Greg said moving past her into the house.
Jade followed behind him with her bag, a bit shy now she was going to have to stay at a strangers house. A stranger who may very well believe Jade was sleeping with her ex-husband.
"Let me show where you can put that." Sara said leading Jade to the second guest room that had formerly been her and Gil's office.
"Thank you for letting us stay here." Jade said
"No problem." Sara said.
Once they were in the guest room and out of earshot from everyone else Jade said, "I kind of want to say something, but I know it is probably way inappropriate, but I kind of need to say it."
"Ok." Sara said looking at the flustered girl.
"Doc and I have never nor will ever sleep together." Jade said, "Everyone seems to think there is something going on between him and I. There's not."
"Ok." Sara said raising one eyebrow stealing her facial expression from one Grissom had often given her when she went on a rambling spree, much like the girl in front of her now.
"I just thought you should know. I know everyone thinks there is something there, but really there isn't. I just respect him and his work."
"Ok." Sara said not sure what to say.
"Good." Jade said knowing how awkward she made everything. "And for the record he never did anything inappropriate towards me. Nor would I ever expect him to do so, nor do I think he thinks of me more than his mentee"
"I am sure he cares more about you than just being his mentee." Sara said smiling at the poor girl trying to defend Gil. Sara had once been in her shoes, though she did have feelings for Gil.
"I will just have to agree to disagree."
"No he cares about you Jade. He was quoting one of your favorite bands earlier."
"Really?" Jade said surprised.
"Snow Patrol."
Jade laughed and as predicted the girl actually did a happy dance, Sara had thought Gil was just exaggerating.
"Don't torment him about it." Sara quickly said, "I promised him I wouldn't say anything to you about it."
"Fine." Jade said, "But if he does care about me, like you hypothesize it is nothing sexual."
"Of course not." Sara said maybe actually believing it when she said it.
Greg came walking into the room with two cups of coffee, "Sara hope you don't mind I used your coffee pot to make a pot of awesome coffee." Greg handed Jade one of the coffee cups. "What are you girls in here gossiping about?"
"You." Jade joked, "You know we can't help talk about how awesome Greg is."
"Well glad someone notices it." Greg smiled at her.
"That is my cue to leave." Sara said leaving the two to joke around. She made a quick trip back towards the bathroom, she knocked on the door before she popped her head inside, "You ok in here Gris?"
There was no answer. Sara walked in completely closing the door some behind her to maintain his privacy.
Grissom was sitting in the tub, his eyes wide open looking at nothing, a few tears falling down his face.
"Gil." Sara said gently sitting down on the toilet. She reached out and gently touched his arm to rouse him from his stupor.
He blinked and looked over at her and seemed to suddenly notice there were tears on his face. Lifting one of his hands out of the water he wiped the tears from his face.
"You ok?" Sara asked worried.
"Fine." Grissom responded. "Just tired."
"Gris it's normal after what you went through to be a bit off." She said remembering what Catherine had told her. "It is ok to feel fear, anger, whatever. Something."
"I feel Sara." Grissom growled at her.
"I wasn't saying you didn't." Sara reminded herself to be patient, "I was just telling you it was ok to show emotions, to tell people what is wrong."
Grissom could not help the anger, he tired, he really did try to stop himself but he couldn't hold back one more time today. "What you want to know how I feel? You want me to tell you every emotion I am feeling."
"Anything would be a great start." Sara snapped back their voices rising enough to bring the fight to others attention.
"How about I am angry. I can still feel that fucking gun digging into the back of my head, the slight movements that made me pray that the gun did not accidently go off. How about the fear I felt when I saw two people I cared about put in danger. How I was sure he was going to kill you or Jade or both of you or possibly me. How about how it felt to curl up on the floor and do whatever I could to protect myself while he pummeled me for turning my head to see where he was at. Or best yet really fucking pissed off because all of this happened because some jerk could not keep it in his pants and I did not want to lead the gunman to a room full of innocent people. So instead I walked around with a sawed off shotgun tapped to my head. If all of that was not enough …" Grissom stopped grabbing his head as a pain shot through it, his blood pressure was definitely rising.
Brass was making his way down the hallway, where Jade and Greg already stood outside.
"You son of a bitch." Brass called at Gil, "How dare you treat her like this."
"Don't you dare walk in that room." Jade said moving in front of the door to stop Brass from entering the room. She saw the anger in his eyes, he was truly pissed off at Doc. Her body posture and own anger matched Brass's. Jade had no doubt it would be difficult, but she would take Brass down if he tried anything.
"Oh you are going to stop me."
"Try me old man. I have battled with men twice your size." Jade said anger seething through her.
Sara was next to the tub trying to sooth Grissom. Instantly she felt bad for picking a fight with him, the doctors had warned he needed to rest. She heard the commotion outside and quickly got up, "Enough." She said glaring at Brass. "It is ok." Sara said gently moving Jade out of the way. "Brass go get the pizza out of the oven."
"Sara." Brass said clearly still pissed off at Gil.
"No Jim. It was my fault I antagonized Gil. I saw he was getting upset and I kept pushing. Either way you have no reason to interfere with what is going on between us. I appreciate that you are protective of me, but I can handle Grissom. You forget I was married to the man for years."
Jim walked almost like a petulant child, clearly he was still pissed off at Grissom.
"Greg why don't you and …."
"Mind if we turn some music on?" Greg aided her to give them a task.
"Yes nothing too loud our outrageous. Gil will be joining us for dinner."
"Gotcha." Greg said ushering Jade with him. Sara heard Greg say, "I cannot believe you were going to take Brass on."
Sara returned to the bathroom to find Gil still holding his head.
"Gil are you ok?"
"Yes." He said almost in a whine.
"It is still too early for more pain medicine. What can I do to help?" Sara asked softly sitting next to him her hand running up his arm gently in hopes it soothed him.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you." Grissom said softly.
Sara could see tears were running down his face again. She was not sure if it was from pain, the fact his brain was scrambled, or something else. "It's really not that bad Gil. We've had worse screaming matches before. Remember Paris?" She said trying to move his hand. "Come on time to get out the water is getting cold."
Gil sat there a few minutes longer just breathing.
"Come on." She said adding, "I'm not leaving you to get yourself out. Not like I haven't seen all of it before."
Sara grabbed onto him more firmly and helped him to a standing position. She stood and let him use her as an anchor, a hand on each of her shoulders he stepped out of the bathtub.
"Do you feel better?" She asked letting him lean against the wall while she grabbed a towel and handed it to him.
"I feel clean." He said not knowing what exactly she meant, so he went with the easy answer. The one that made him feel less vulnerable.
"Well let's get you dried off and dressed." She let him dry himself off while she grabbed his clothes and handed him his pants first. He pulled them on and than gently pulled the shirt over his head. "Better. Are you going to be warm enough?"
"I think."
"If not I have your University of Chicago sweater in the closet."
"I was looking for that." He said smiling, he had suspected she kept it. She liked to wear it around the house. He liked the way it looked on her.
"You want me to go grab it?"
"Not right now." He said.
"How about you sit down and let me check your stitches and the dressings."
"The doctors recommend I leave them on for 24 hours and not mess with them." Grissom said.
"Ok. Than lets go out to the kitchen." Sara said, "Do you think you could eat pizza or do you want me to make you some broth?"
"Broth is probably the safest." Grissom said.
Sara dropped him off at the table and she grabbed Brass's arm who was still glaring at Gil, and Jade was glaring at Brass. It almost made Sara laugh because she could imagine the petite girl taking on Brass, and possibly winning. The girl looked positively ready to rip Brass's head off if he went after Gil.
"Jim come help me get the food ready." She said.
"At least I don't have girls fight my…" Jim started to say as he walked by Grissom.
Sara snapped stopping Jim from finishing his sentence, "Jim damn it. You stop. He is a guest in my house, he is hurting, and he sure could use his friend right now." Before Jim could protest, "Yes he turned his back on everyone, or so that is what it looked like. I am sure he has a good reason for not contacting anyone. No one bothered to ask him."
"Sara."
"Don't Jim." She said pouring some chicken broth into a pan turning the heat on high so it would quickly heat up. "Take the pizza out to the table and don't start another fight with him or else I will throw you out of my house."
Jade and Greg had went to the CD player in the living room once Sara had taken Brass with her. Jade felt safe enough to leave Grissom to go explore music, "I can't believe you have a Hoobastank album!" Jade said possibly the most excited Sara had seen the girl since she meant her. What was it with people and music?
"Um yea. I believe Greg gave it to me." Sara said hearing the music filter into the dinning room area.
What happened to us
We use to be so perfect
Now we're lost and lonely
What happened to us
And deep inside I wonder
Did I lose my only one
Sara looked at Grissom, she had listen to this song many of times. Most people would blame Grissom for their relationship ending, and she had let them because it was easier. But it was her fault just as much as his. They both drifted away from each other. He had warned her once, if they did not work at it, the relationship would eventually die. And it did, or at least it was on life support and neither of them could battle to bring it back.
We could have made it work
Could have found a way
Should have done our best
To see another day
But we kept it all inside
Until it was to late
Now we are both alone
A consequence we paid
For throwing it all away
Grissom was staring intently at his broth. While it hurt to think, he could not help but feel the words of the song. They had just thrown it all away. He had thrown it all away. He gave up, ran way like a coward to protect himself from any more damage. Grissom could live knowing Sara was happy, but she could not hurt him nor could he hurt her anymore. It was self preservation on is part. They kept leaving each other. She left him first to fight her demons. He always wondered if she would come back to him, or if she would have found someone better. Than she left him after Warrick, and it hurt. Truly hurt him because despite his need to keep a distance from her, he had always been there to save her from hitting the ground when she jumped off a cliff. She let him hit the ground, she did not think twice about letting him smash hard into the ground alone. Paris was the hardest part. He gave up everything for her. Walked away from his career, from his life, and all he was asking was for her to give him a year out of hers. Everyone would always say Grissom was a selfish bastard, that he would take advantage of Sara because she was maidenly and deeply in love with him. What no one ever saw was their relationship was a two way street. He was infatuated with her, so much he was willing to put everything on the line for her. Some might say his job was not much to sacrifice to be with someone like Sara. What they did not know was long ago he had resigned himself to being alone the rest of his life. He had been ok with that because it meant he would just live his career. His career became his everything. It was what kept him going when others needed to sleep. It was his entire world. He gave up that up for Sara, making her his entire world, and that had not been enough for her.
A/N: Thanks as always for the reviews if you want me to respond to questions you have to log on and review or PM me and I'll try to respond. I expect a lot of flak about the last paragraph, feel free. Just be warned I am taking his side on this. Women never seem to get the grand gestures made. They expect you to give up everything that has mattered to you before they came into the picture, and they get to keep everything. I swear it will eventually be GSR right now just not feeling the romance see Adelitas Way (band) Good Enough (song) and that is how I see Grissom right now.