Chapter 33

"So…that it, then?" Spike asked as the rest of the group entered the theatre, "Did you finish him off?"

"Yeah, Spike," Shinji said quietly, "it's over. I just killed my father; the man who helped to make me a monster."

"What about the rest of the Council?" Rei asked anxiously, "They all got away, except for the ones who caught a knife in their heart."

"We can hunt them down later," said Shinji, "I'm tired now, and I want to go home and check on Misato. Angel, Spike, Illyria…I can't ever thank you all enough for all of your help these past months."

"Don't worry about it," Angel replied, "It's what we do; especially for our friends."

"Damn skippy," said Spike, "You're a pip, mate; a bona-fide, bloody hero."

"You showed great courage this night," Illyria added, "I am proud to call you my ally…and…my friend."

The two vampires looked at Illyria with eyebrows raised high. Apparently, it was very rare for her to call anyone her friend. Shinji smiled at the compliment from the she-demon, feeling himself blushing slightly at the attention.

"Thank you all," Shinji repeated.

"Let's go, Shinji," said Rei, "I'm ready to go home, too."

Shinji nodded. He and Rei waved good bye to their friends and left the decrepit building. Shinji transformed into Azrael.

"Climb on my back, Rei," he growled, "We'll get back to the car faster."

Rei climbed awkwardly onto Shinji's broad back and wrapped her arms around his trunk-like neck. She wondered how she was going to be able to stay up on her precarious perch with the way Shinji galloped as a wolf. Shinji started to jog at a slow lope. Rei carefully wrapped her legs as well as she could around Shinji's barrel-like ribcage. Shinji, feeling Rei secure herself, increased his rate of motion to a higher lope. Rei closed her eyes and clung nervously to her large, furry companion. She opened her eyes when Shinji stopped running. They had reached the Stingray. Rei slid down off of Shinji's back and climbed into the car. Shinji shifted back to human form and got into the car after her. The ride home seemed to take forever, despite there being very little traffic on the road. When Shinji and Rei finally arrived at the cul-de-sac, Shinji got very tense.

"What's wrong?" Rei asked.

"Stay on your toes," said Shinji, "We don't know if there are any remnants of the Council's forces waiting for us at home."

"You don't think they're holding Misato hostage, do you?"

"For their sake, I hope they're not," Shinji growled. He was tired; tired of the fighting, tired of the blood, and most especially, tired of the killing. He thought about what Rei had said after he had executed the soldier he had interrogated: "You used to be so gentle…"

"I still am…" Shinji whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, Rei," Shinji replied, "It's nothing."

The pair pulled into Misato's driveway and parked. As soon as he climbed out of the car, Shinji transformed into Azrael and began to sniff. He smelled Misato. Her scent trail led into the house. Mingled with it was an amalgam of five or six different scent trails.

So… Shinji thought, a spec ops team was here after all. Their trail is hotter than Misato's is, though; fresher. They came back out.

"I think it's safe," Azrael growled. Rei nodded.

The pair carefully opened the front door of the house and stepped inside. Shinji heard his claws clicking on the hardwood hallway floor. He stretched out with his senses and filled the whole house, trying to find Misato. He shifted back to human form.

"What is it?" Rei asked, "Do you know where she is?"

"Her bedroom," Shinji replied, quickly heading for the stairs. Rei was hot on his heels.

When they reached the upstairs, Shinji told Rei to stand back against the wall while he reached for the door handle. Slowly and carefully, Shinji pushed open the door to Misato's bedroom, checking for tripwires and other triggering devices for explosives. He didn't encounter any, so he pushed the door the rest of the way open and looked inside. His heart leapt with relief. Misato was lying on her bed, soundly asleep. Shinji motioned an all-clear to Rei and stepped quietly into the room.

Shinji made his way across the floor and sat down on the edge of Misato's bed. His dark-haired beauty stirred and rolled towards the pressure she felt on her bed. Her eyes fluttered and opened, and then widened with shock.

"Shinji?!" she gasped, "Oh, god, what a crazy dream! I just dreamed that I was kidnapped by that Moonwatcher cult."

"It wasn't a dream," said Rei from the doorway, "The Council did kidnap you, Misato. That's why Shinji's arm is bleeding. They took you to get him to come after you; right into a trap."

"I should have sensed it," Shinji grumbled, "Should've realized it would be a trap."

"Don't beat yourself up, Shinji," said Rei consolingly, "I would have made the same mistake. They were sneaky; laying out false clues to follow, playing on your emotions. Anyone human would have fallen for it. And that's just what you are, Shinji: Human."

"I'm not human," Shinji protested, "I'm a werewolf."

"A werewolf is still part human," said Rei, "The parts that make us human are still very much a part of who you are; honor, dignity, loyalty, courage…and love. Our heart is what makes us human, Shinji. Nothing else matters. Your heart has been scarred by years of torment and loneliness…and hate, but you haven't succumbed to those darknesses. You've risen above those hurtful feelings; used them to make you stronger while, at the same time, fighting to maintain your gentle nature."

"I'm not a killer," Shinji said quietly. He sounded almost as though he were trying to convince himself, more than anyone else.

"No," Misato said, joining the conversation again, "you're not. You're just a man who's been driven to kill; forced to by circumstances beyond your control. You're not evil like the men who hunted you."

"No," Shinji whispered hoarsely, feeling tears creeping into his eyes again, "No, I'm not evil. I'm not!"

"Of course you're not, baby," Misato cooed, gathering Shinji into her loving embrace, "You're just a young man, thrust into a world of violence that he never wanted to be a part of. You just want to be left alone to live your life."

"With the people I love," Shinji added, calming slightly in Misato's arms, "People who love me back, too."

"Of course we do," Rei said bracingly, "Misato and I love you more than anything."

"That's right, Shinji," Misato agreed tenderly, "Now…would a hot shower or bath help to calm you down a little?"

"I don't know," Shinji replied dully, "Can hot water wash away the knowledge that I killed my father?"

"You did?" Misato asked, trying to hide her shock.

"He did," Rei replied, "Strapped him to an electric chair and fried him."

"His blood's on my hands," Shinji moaned, staring at his blood-stained fingers, "His, as well as the blood of dozens more. I killed them all…and I enjoyed every minute of it! I'm a killer! I spilled blood by my own hand!"

"They weren't innocent, Shinji," Misato said, pulling up the hysterical young man and looking him in the eyes, "They tried to kill you, Rei, and everyone else who was with you. You're still a pure soul."

"So pure that I killed my own father?" Shinji asked hotly.

"Yes," Misato answered, a matronly look on her face.

"How can you think so simply?" Shinji wondered, distraught, "I know that he was a bastard, and that he abandoned me, stalked me my whole life, and then tried to kill me, but he was still, by blood, my father! I shouldn't have killed him!"

"Yes, you damn well should have!" Misato said loudly, practically yelling at Shinji as she shook him violently, "Now calm down and listen to me god dammit! You just said yourself that your father abandoned you as a child and then tried to kill you tonight. What about your mother? She's dead, right?"

"Yes," Shinji said quietly, "Father killed her, murdered her in her sleep."

"Then that's it, then," said Misato, as though finalizing something, "That's why you killed him: you were avenging what he did to your mother. Don't think of it as cold-blooded murder, think of it as justice; justice that was long overdue. You're a good boy, Shinji. I know that you'll always do what's right."

"I—I think you're right…Misato," Shinji hiccupped, "I still just…don't know how to live with the blood…of all the men I killed tonight."

"I'm not gonna to say that it's gonna to be easy for you. But there's an old saying: time heals all wounds," Misato replied sagely, "If you just relax, take a step back from all of this, and lean on Rei and me for support, I really think you can get through this. You're strong, Shinji. You've proven that time after time, for as long as I've known you. Don't you think that you've earned a rest? Let someone else help you carry this burden. It's not a weakness to ask for help when you can't handle your problems alone."

There was a long moment of absolute quiet in the bedroom. Then, a very subdued, silent, almost desperate whisper echoed in the still air:

"Help me…please…"

Misato and Rei smiled tearfully and held Shinji between them. Shinji broke down, the last vestiges of his strength and willpower giving in to the immense weariness of his body, mind, and heart. It all finally crested over him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown him in its miserable depths. As it all washed over him, Shinji was saved from drowning in it by a lifeline; his contact, physical as well as emotional, with Misato and Rei. They held him for long minutes, gently consoling the weeping, broken young man whom they dearly loved. Finally, Shinji started to regain some of his composure and sat up straighter.

"I think I'll go take a bath," he said, still sniffling a little, "I'm tired of smelling like blood and sweat."

"I could help you wash some of those hard-to-reach areas," Misato suggested, her voice gently playful, "Maybe…both of us could…"

"I suppose you could," Shinji replied, sounding weary and worn, "but I think I'd just like a quiet soak alone for a little bit, okay? I'll call you if I need anything."

"Okay," Misato replied reluctantly. Rei nodded with equal reluctance. Misato still wanted to be with him and hold him; that was her maternal "comforting" instincts talking. However, he was a grown man, and he had requested to be alone for the time being, and she was not the kind of person to ever pry or force her company on anyone, so she would respect his decision and just wait for him to call out to her.

Shinji walked over to his room, grabbed a clean bathrobe and his towel, and walked into the bathroom. A few moments later, Misato and Rei heard the bathtub filling. The two women sat down on the bed and waited.

Shinji climbed into the tub and let the hot water soothe his aching muscles. He could see the dried blood soaking away from him and sinking down to the bottom of the tub. It repulsed him. A stinging sensation brought his attention back to the slash on his arm. The hot water was causing him a large, nearly unbearable amount of pain.

I've gotta wash the silver residue out of this wound, or it's never gonna heal, Shinji told himself resolutely, Suck it up and do it!

Shinji plunged his arm down into the tub water and groaned loudly. The pain was worse than if he had rubbed salt in his wound! Shinji grabbed the soap from the shelf beside the tub and scrubbed at his arm. He was trying to do it as quickly as possible so that he could get his arm up out of the burning water. Shinji's head snapped around as he heard the door come crashing open.

"Are you okay?!" Misato said, sounding panicked, "I heard you yell."

"I'm—uhh!—fine," Shinji groaned, "Just…washing out my arm, that's all. It hurts."

"I sorta guessed that," Misato said sarcastically.

Shinji pulled his arm up out of the water. It didn't burn as badly as it had, but it still wasn't starting to close. For Shinji, this meant that there was still a small amount of silver residue remaining in the wound. If he couldn't get the rest of the silver removed, he could possibly bleed to death.

"Misato," Shinji hissed through the pain, "In my travel bag, in my room, there's a small pouch. Bring it to me, quickly!"

Misato rushed out of the bathroom and rummaged through Shinji's backpack. She fished out a small, cloth pouch full of powerful-smelling herbs and dashed back into the bathroom. Shinji's arm was still bleeding into the tub, so he held out his left hand. Misato gave him the pouch.

"What is that stuff?" she asked.

"A concoction that I picked up from a clan of werewolves living in Sicily," Shinji answered, "They soaked my back with them after my sword wound and it healed like a normal wound…except for the scar, of course."

"What do they do?"

"I just wet the pouch and press the herbs against the wound. They neutralize the anti-coagulant effects of the silver," said Shinji, pressing the wetted pack to his arm. He winced. Then, after a few seconds, he relaxed. The stinging sensation was now gone, as was the burning pain of the silver residue. His wound was clean, and it could now heal, with the help of his werewolf abilities. Shinji had no doubts that it would leave another scar, but he was used to that.

"Feeling better now?" Misato asked.

"You tell me," said Shinji, pulling Misato in and kissing her ardently. Misato pulled away first.

"Wow," she whispered breathlessly.