Notes:
Thank you for the reviews! I didn't mean to drop another chapter so quickly but it was just too fun to write. The chapter after this has Hisoka and Killua, so obviously I'm dying to get there.
Hopefully I can cut down from one chapter per episode, or this entire thing will be wayy too long.
Thanks for reading! I'll head out now.
"Man, this is one creepy place. There isn't a single soul anywhere."
We're walking down the deserted path to the cedar tree as Leorio says this, but we come to a stop at Gon's response. "No. There's a bunch of people here!"
He's right, and I know it, but Leorio isn't a self-insert so of course he gasps in confusion. A double door opens in front of us, and out of it rolls a wooden stage on wheels with vanity lighting that surrounds the rim. Then there's the creepy masked people in long white robes who shuffle out and take their places, and the short old woman who sits in the center.
"What's up with these guys?" Leorio asks, but no one responds. Poor Leorio.
"Exciting." the old woman says, staring at us. "Time for the exciting multiple-choice quiz!" The cult-looking group behind her carry an instrument each and suddenly they're clanging, tooting, doing instrument-things.
I try and hold back my laugh, I really do, but I just can't help it- it's so sudden. Now I'm crouching, and wheezing my lungs out while the three look absolutely stunned in place by this turn of events.
"Let me take a guess. You are headed for the cedar on the hill, aren't you?" The old woman asks with her hands clasped together. "There's only one way to get there. You'll have to pass through this town first."
She explains the rules of her quiz and I have to force myself to stand. It wasn't even that funny, I'll admit it, but I'm weak to laughter and hold a hand over my mouth the entire time the old lady speaks, just in case.
"Hey hey. Hurry it up, or I might answer it before the rest of you get a chance." someone interrupts us- It's the minor character who's so unimportant I've forgotten his name.
"So, who the heck are you?" Leorio asks, and I nod along because I'm a little curious myself.
"You don't know?" Gon says, a little surprised. "He's been following us pretty closely ever since we left the port."
Whoops, I sort of forgot about that part, too.
"Didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help but hear you guys talking." Mr. Minor Character goes on.
"What will you do?" The old lady asks.
"He seems pretty eager to me. Should we let him go first, guys?" Leorio looks back, and for just a moment, his eyes glance over me. It's only a second, but it's all the time I need to realize that he's finally started to think of me as part of the group, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. "See what kind of question we can expect from them?"
Gon and Kurapika agree, and I remember that I should probably say something so I add in a little "I agree!" and duck off to the side to allow Minor Character to walk forward.
"Let's get to it then." Minor Character seems smug.
Quiz-lady asks the convoluted question about saving either your mother or your lover, and I watch as the trio gasp in anger.
"What kind of quiz is this?" Leorio grits his teeth. Kurapika lowers his gaze, and Gon looks like he's seriously thinking. Minor Character, on the other hand, slams his hand across the answer button on the pedestal in front of him.
"The answer's number one…. It's not like you can replace your mom. But a lover, you can always find another one." He's all smug about it too.
"Screw you!" I yell, completely surprising myself with my reaction. I know for a fact this man is just a minor character but damn is it annoying to see him, in real life, right in front of me. And Leorio agrees with me, indignant as the old woman allows Minor Character to pass.
"What kind of crap is that? There's no way that was the right answer!" Leorio yells with a raised hand. "I've had enough of this. I'm gonna find my own way!"
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I mean, I already know the trick of the old woman, but is it even worth it for me to speak up? Since they'll figure it out anyway. So I choose to stay quiet as she asks us our question, which turns about to be fine for me, since understanding has flashed in Kurapika's eyes. He's figured it out.
Leorio's making all kinds of faces as he tries to work out the answer and it's so endearing that I've lost all motivation to tell him the truth. It's even more endearing when Leorio grabs a nearby wood plank and leaps into the air with the intent of cracking the old woman's skull.
Okay, so yes, that might be the tiniest bit messed up, but he's hot while doing it, so I'm not going to make it count against him or anything. Hmm, can you tell I like Leorio?
All's well that ends well, because Kurapika dashes in front and intercepts Leorio's blow with his own wooden weapons. Crow feathers are flying everywhere as Leorio and Kurapika are yelling at each other, and the entire scene is so picture-perfect I'm reaching for my pockets, only to stop and remember that my cell phone no longer exists.
Well, you know what happens next. The old woman opens up the real path for us, Leorio makes the very attractive move of apologizing for nearly taking this woman's life with a fat stick, and Gon plops on the ground.
"What if that really happens to me someday?" Gon asks, all philosophical. "If two people are in trouble and I can only help one of them? Then what?"
"You just try your best." I say, inserting myself into the conversation for the pure reasoning of wanting to sound cool. "You find a way to save both people, even if logic says you can't."
Gon and Kurapika look at me, as if they're really fully acknowledging me for the first time, and I feel a rush of pride. Okay, I'm pretty sure I've just twisted a line from Senku Ishigami of Dr. Stone, but you know what? They don't need to know that.
Now we're walking, and oh boy are we walking. In my past life, I wasn't exactly buff, but I could hold my own in basic athletics. Of course, after I'd completed high school P.E. I no longer felt the need to drag myself through daily exercise, but it wasn't uncommon to find me, earbuds in, walking my dog in the morning air.
Speaking of my dog, I miss her. I hope she's doing okay, you know, now that I'm dead and reincarnated and all.
As I was saying, walking through this tunnel is torture for this body. Maybe it's because it's younger and shorter than I'm used to, or maybe it's because I messed with the proportions in the menu too much.
Either way, it's a quiet trip, if you subtract the sound of our footsteps and my occasional sighs as my thighs feel the burn. And we're not even running- am I really going to survive the Hunter Exam?
Leorio and I are lagging behind a bit from Gon and Kurapika. Two hours have gone and passed and we're still, still, still walking, and oh boy are my legs feeling it.
"Hey, Bella." Leorio says shortly, and I just about jump out of my combat boots. Dear lord who allowed this man to be so hot? And he called me by my new nickname? 10/10, perfect.
"What is it?" I ask, keeping my voice level even though I am fangirling to the max inside. I've already decided that I'm not going to allow myself to fall for any of the characters, which honestly really sucks since that's supposed to be part of the self-insert experience. But being a pre-teen again (yuck, I must reiterate), it would definitely be creepy to have feelings for these characters.
But damn, if I get to see Chrollo with his hair down? I will tell it like it is.
"Thanks for stopping me from getting on the bus."
I can't even answer, I'm so nervous and flattered, that I just gulp and nod erratically. No, wait, that's just making it worse, now I look weird. Pink hair flops in front of me, sweat springs into the palm of my hands, and my mind's racing.
"You're, um… I…."
God, why did I even try and speak? It's all coming out as mush. I'm glad I've stopped myself, though, because I was literally just about to tell him that I think he's hot, and that is 100% the wrong route to go down now that I'm in the body of a literal child. This is so stupid.
"You're very kind-hearted!" I end up squeaking out, my face turning all red. Ugh. They need to make a self-insert handbook or something, I could really use it right about now.
Leorio actually seems surprised. "Oh… you think so?" He's smiling a bit, so I'm relieved that I haven't weirded him out just yet.
"Yes! You know, they say if you want to get to know a person, you should see what makes them angry." I say, very ruthlessly stealing Gon and Mito's lines (sorry, Mito!). "You got angry at the test question, and you care a lot about people. I think you'll make a wonderful doctor."
Leorio's eyes widen with the compliment, and then I realize my mistake- he hasn't actually told us yet that he wants to become a doctor.
Um… oops?
Leorio scratches his head. "Did I mention that I'm studying to become a doctor?" He asks, genuinely confused.
I try and backtrack. "No! I mean, uhh, you just seem like the doctoring type, you know? Ha-ha!"
"Well, thank you." He still looks a little bewildered, but my hasty explanations have just about covered my tracks.
I don't want to bore you with every single minute detail of that four-hour walk, so I'll just skip forward to a little after the part where Leorio frantically jumps around in the air saying, "Guys, I'm so hungry! I need to take a dump!"
Oh my god, I love Leorio.
We've made it to the cabin by the lone cedar tree, and now I'm bracing myself for the first glimpse of magical beasts in this world. Leorio pushes open the cabin door- and there it is.
Tall, bright yellow, with sharp teeth and glinting red eyes. I know it's not really a bad monster, that it's one of the guides, but I still can't contain the little scream that emits from me because holy damn, it still looks scary.
"It appears to be a Kiriko. It can take on human form!" Kurapika quite helpfully explains, brandishing his wooden weapons. "They're extremely intelligent."
The kiriko takes the woman and launches out the window, and Gon and Kurapika run after them, Kurapika calling for Leorio to treat his injuries. I was originally planning to run with them, but the sight of the kiriko had frightened me to my spot and so I was a few seconds too late to follow them. Now it's just me, Leorio, and the other man left in this disheveled cabin.
Reason number three-hundred-thousand that Leorio is hot- he immediately dives into action, taking out his briefcase and getting the treatment the man needs. I kneel beside him, knowing nothing about medicine but hoping I can be of some help, and maybe impress Leorio just a tad.
"Can I do anything to help?" I ask, watching Leorio adeptly treat the guy.
"I'm stopping the bleeding." Leorio says, "Don't worry, sir, your wife will be okay. Gon and Kurapika might not look it, but they're reliable. They'll bring her back."
Aww, Leorio's so endearing, isn't he?
As he continues the treatment, I stare down at the patient, recalling the first time I watched this episode, back when I was still alive, when I still had not a clue what the point of the show was.
"You're also a kiriko." I don't mean to say it out loud, but um, oops? I guess I did. Leorio pauses, and the man lying on the floor looks at me, a little annoyed.
"What do you mean, Bella?" Leorio finishes what he was doing and sits back.
"This is… um, part of the test?" I say. "He's a kiriko taking on the form of a human to test us."
The kiriko-man sits up and inspects his wounds. "How could you tell?"
"Uh…" Okay, now what. I guess I have just ruined his trick, so I feel a little bad. "I'm a really good guesser?"
The kiriko-man sighs.
By the time Gon and Kurapika make it back, two kirikos and one kiriko-woman in tow, Leorio and I are sitting patiently on the front deck with the kiriko-man.
"You've figured it out, Leorio?" Kurapika's face is full of actual surprise as he approaches.
"No, Bella did." Leorio grumbles. I bet he's annoyed at Kurapika's insinuations- I know I am. Come on, I'm literally right here, why did you assume it was Leorio?
"Portabella?" Kurapika looks over at me, sitting sloppily on the wooden patio, and his eyes soften the teeny-tiniest bit. "Excellent job, Portabella."
"You can call me Bella, you know." I say loudly, just to be annoying.
Kurapika nods. "Bella, then. Pardon my assumptions."
Since he says it so nicely, I instantly lose every ounce of hostility. Holy crap, I think I can see why my sister liked him so much, he's so dignified and beautiful. A little pretentious, maybe, but I can work with that.
Leorio and I get up from the patio and move to stand in front of the kiriko family next to Kurapika and Gon. They're gleeful about how Gon was able to tell them apart.
"Can you tell 'em apart? Seriously." Leorio whispers to both Kurapika and I. And for the record, I cannot. The kiriko things are literally copy and pasted into existence.
"Allow us to introduce ourselves." says one of the kirikos, and don't ask me which because I cannot tell for the life of me, "We are the navigators. Our family provides support for the Hunter Exam."
All of this I know, of course. Since I'm all-knowing and whatever. But the others seem impressed.
"Man. Great job. You sure had me fooled. Except for Bella." Leorio says, and my heart catapults. I think my soul leaves my body at the compliment because by the time I start being able to understand words again, Kurapika and Leorio have been cleared to take the exam by the kirikos, and now one of them is addressing me.
"Ms. Portabella." I cringe at the kiriko-man's use of my full name, but I'm all ears, hoping that they'll approve of me. I haven't really thought about it too much, but I suppose there is a very real possibility that I'm dumb enough to not pass the Hunter Exam with the others. "You have demonstrated, um, particular strength in guesswork and observational skills. It is clear that your acumen qualifies you to take the Hunter Exam."
Alright, I'm definitely not smart enough to understand what 'acumen' means, but I guess- I pass, too?
The kirikos move on to passing Gon as I rack my brains to try and figure out what the hell 'acumen' means. When Gon receives the word that he's made it too, he holds up his fists to either side of him, and the gesture is returned as both Kurapika and Leorio smile and bump knuckles with the little boy. Awkward thing is, I'm here too, and Gon's only got two fists, so I prepare to be the fourth wheel yet again.
But to my surprise, both Kurapika and Leorio extend their remaining hands in my direction, and Gon gives me a little grin as I bump fists back. I never thought I'd come to the day where I'm fist-bumping Kurapika Kurta and Leorio Paladiknight, but I sure as hell am not gonna complain.
"We'll fly you over to the Exam site now." one of the copy-paste kirikos say.
Each of us are assigned a kiriko each, and oh boy is it weird. I've got my hands clasped around the bony feet of a slightly furry magical monster that somehow has wings, and we're like a mile up from the ground, and I'm pretty sure I'm flashing the trees below us with a view of my tennis skort. The built in shorts save me from a true disaster, but it's still… awkward.
And strangely exhilarating, too. Even though I feel like one wrong move will end this second life I've been granted, it's pretty fun to dangle precariously in the middle of the air. Leorio doesn't take it as well, though, he's wiggling about from the feet of his kiriko.
"Bella, I apologize for doubting you." I almost can't hear Kurapika over the sound of the kiriko's wings flapping and the nighttime winds. "Forgive me, again. You really are something."
"Ah! It's totally fine, Ku-Kurapika." Damn, another stutter.
In some ways, it's not even like he was wrong to doubt me. I'm technically a fraud. I only know what I know because I'm a self-insert, not because of my 'acumen' (I still haven't been able to figure that one out yet) or whatever. But Kurapika himself thinks I'm "really something," and the thought makes me grin in the moonlight.
Anyway, that's that. We're moving on to the real exam now, and I'm even more terrified.
It's… Tonpa Time.
Killua and Hisoka, here I come.