Thank you to MissLingerie as well as Rubber and Gum for reviewing!
"Ki- Killua! Wait! Please!"
I'm panting so desperately now from all of this running. I probably smell terrible, too- sweat's soaking through just about everything, and my hair is a mess that falls down in front of me every few seconds, blocking my view with damp pink strands.
Killua, who's running with Gon, only turns his head slightly to look at me. Then he turns back around, obviously concluding that I'm not worth his time.
I mean, I knew Killua wasn't the greatest to females, but really?
"Killua!" I say again, trying to be loud but not having the energy to emit anything more than a little squeak. I'm pumping my arms as fast as I possibly can in an effort to catch up to the two boys, but they're just too fast for me. "Please!"
"No thanks." He says impolitely, not bothering to look back this time.
But Gon's with him, and he turns back to me and smiles. "What is it, Bella?"
Killua finally looks at me, apparently only interested because Gon is. Now that I have his attention, I shove a hand in my skirt pocket and yank out the boxes of Choco-Robots. The boxes are a little smushed, but I can only hope that the insides are okay.
"A trade!" I pant, holding up the boxes for Killua to see. "Will you let me use your skateboard for these?"
Killua stares at me, then stares at the chocolate.
"Not interested."
And just like that, my heart shatters. There goes my secret plan.
But Gon is looking interested at the chocolate. "What are those?"
"Choc- Choco-robots!" I gasp. I'm not going to be able to keep moving for much longer. If Killua won't agree to lend me his skateboard, I don't know if I'll be able to make it to the end, and that would suck big-time. Don't self-inserts usually breeze through the tests in the Hunter Exam? Why is it so hard for me?
"Oh? What are they?" Gon asks.
"Chocolate?" I'm not even sure myself- I haven't opened any of them and I can't remember what they looked like in the anime. But I continue holding them out, silently pleading with the universe.
"Fine." Killua says after a moment, and slows his pace so I can catch up. He shoves the skateboard into my hands- it's heavier than it looks, and I barely manage to catch it without toppling over. Then he snatches the chocolate out of my hands. "Gon, want one?"
"Ah, really?" Gon says, his eyes sparkling.
"Let's race. Whoever gets to the end first gets them." Killua shoves the chocolate boxes into his pockets, then turns to me. "You'll return my skateboard."
He says it more as a command, his pretty eyes arched dangerously. But I'm just thanking my lucky stars that he's given me the board. This must be the true power of the self-insert: the magic of persuasion.
I'm lucky the tunnel floor is as smooth as it is, because I'm incredibly clumsy on the board, wobbling to and fro since I'm not yet used to the balance of my new body. I'm glad that I still remember how to skateboard, though, and eventually I get things so I'm rolling along, pacing a little behind Killua.
I also sort out my hair problem- I unwrap two of the tampons from my stash and tie the strings together, using the final product as a makeshift hair tie. Sure, it's silly, and now I've got unused tampons just sitting in my hair, but I'm pretty sure most of the guys here don't even know what they are, so I'm not too bothered.
More time passes, although it's hard to tell how long we've been running. Some applicants are throwing me dirty looks as I weave through them on Killua's board. Sorry not sorry, suckers. I'm here to stay.
In an effort not to bore you, I'll quickly summarize the major events that happen as I cruise through the tunnel on the board.
- At one point, Leorio's dragging his feet on the ground, drifting away from the group. His briefcase hits the ground, and he comes to a complete stop, panting. Since I don't like seeing him in such a pathetic state (not that Leorio could ever be unattractive, but still…) I cup my hands over my mouth and cheer "Go, go, Leorio!" And yes, I sound completely and utterly stupid since I'm the only one, but it works, and he's back on his feet and running like his life depends on it.
- They aren't kidding when they say Killua's footsteps are silent: I can hear Gon's boots hitting the floor, and I can hear the sounds of hundreds of other candidates marching forward, but Killua is like a snake or something.
- I pass by Hisoka once, and I think he sees me, because my heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach and I go completely red. Shit.
- When we get to the staircase near the end of the tunnel, I try to give Killua back his board, since he hasn't been seeming too happy about letting me borrow it. But instead of accepting, he shoves his hands in his pockets and tells me, "You can carry it."
- The staircase is even worse than the running, and it's not any better that I have Killua's skateboard tucked uncomfortably under my arm. While it's hard to remember this soft boy is a hardcore assassin, I do definitely think this guy is trolling me. Any niceness he might have shown was probably only because of my connection to Gon.
- Killua's hair looks mesmerizingly soft, and if I don't get to touch it at least once during my self-insert experience I will protest.
- Leorio is SHIRTLESS. Yes, he is shirtless, and that's probably the best motivator that sends me charging up the stairs so I can get closer to him.
- A little reminder that Leorio is a teenager.
Anyway, the amount of relief that I feel when I finally reach the top of the staircase is immeasurable. I'm far from the first- there's plenty of applicants who have beaten me- but I stumble over to Gon, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika.
"Hey, Bella!" Gon says by way of greeting. I don't have any response, just shove the skateboard back to Killua and collapse on the ground. Leorio's next to me, still shirtless, I might add, but I'm all out of energy to fully appreciate it.
"Thanks for lending me your skateboard, Ki- Killua." I can't say his name without stuttering.
"Hm?" Killua says, looking over at me. Then he lifts the boxes of Choco-Robots I gave him. "It was a trade."
Um, okay?
Killua hands one of the boxes to Gon ("We tied" is what he says), and then opens his own eagerly. There's a little robot inside, apparently, and Killua really looks like a kid as he dangles the toy robot in the air.
As the two little boys munch down on the chocolate, I take in my surroundings. Swindler's Swamp, if I remember correctly. The air is foggy and dense, and it's hard to make out very much.
Satotz is helpfully monologuing to us about Swindler's Swamp, although I don't really pay attention because I'm distracted by Hisoka. I don't want to get caught staring at him, but also, how can I not look? He's just so compelling, and I hate it.
I also have a lovely view of shirtless Leorio, who I'm paying more attention to as the first trick of Swindler's Swamp occurs: you know, that thing with the monkey that looks like Satotz?
And I swear to you that I can hear Hisoka's drum theme in my head when his playing cards go flying, puncturing into the impostors and rendering them unconscious. Now the clown himself is flicking the cards back and forth in his hands, and I can't focus on what he's saying because oh my god his face his face his voice his voice-!
No, this will not do. If I spend my entire time ogling Hisoka and the others like this, I'll be a failure of a self-insert. What I need to be doing is showing off how badass I am to the main four so that they'll accept me as part of their group and, boom, mission accomplished.
Well, partly. The whole mission is supposed to be "keeping the group together" but I haven't really thought that far ahead on how exactly I'm going to do that. And I'm not exactly a badass, either- more like flat-out pathetic. My hair is literally being tied back using tampons right now.
Anyway, everyone's moving now, so I have to get up from my safe place on the ground and figure out how to work my legs again. The fog is really dense, and while my goal was to stay next to Gon and Killua, I end up drifting back near Leorio and Kurapika. I know I've been a little too Leorio-focused up until now, but I will say that Kurapika really is stunning too, especially when he's shed his blue outfit thing.
It's quite hard to run on the sloshy and muddy ground, and the fog is extremely thick so I'm not even sure where or what I'm stepping on. All I know is that I've got to keep an eye on Leorio and Kurapika, and keep moving forward.
"Leorio! Kurapika! Bella!" It's Gon, his voice emanating somewhere from the fog. "Killua says it's better to move to the front!"
"Stupid! If I could go any faster, I'd be at the front for sure!" Leorio calls back in response. But I'm glad that we're not running any faster, otherwise I would be left behind for sure.
"You and Killua go ahead, Gon!" I yell into the fog. "We'll be fine!"
We keep on going (there's been a lot of running recently, and I absolutely despise it, because my legs are literally killing me) until giant strawberries appear in the fog in front of us. Nope, never mind, they aren't just strawberries- it's a freaking giant tortoise-looking dinosaur monster that has strawberries skewered onto its shell. I almost scream as the turtle grabs one of the applicants in its mouth. Geez.
So, everyone runs away screaming, as you would do when you see a giant man-eating tortoise. I'm about to make a break for it too, until I realize Leorio and Kurapika aren't moving.
Multiple tortoises are surrounding us, and the next thing I know Leorio is dangling in the air, holding on for dear life to a piece of wood lodged in one of the tortoise's mouths. He's being swung back and forth in the air, and as much as I want to be worried for him, I do think he looks very strong and attractive right now, you know?
And Kurapika's super cool too, since he jumps high into the air with his wooden sticks and stabs the tortoise right in the eye. Leorio falls to the ground with an "ouch!" and Kurapika, like a cat, lands gracefully on his feet.
I run to help Leorio off the ground since I've been pretty useless so far, and the adrenaline that I feel just by touching his hand to help him up makes me feel absolutely pathetic. Oh well, this isn't the time for that- the three of us run for it into the thick fog.
"We've totally lost track of the others." Kurapika says once we've been running for a while through the trees.
"Which way should we go?" Leorio asks.
But I can't reply, because through the fog ahead of us I've made out a familiar shape.
"Stop." Leorio says, extending his arms out on either side. The three of us intensely look forward, and oh holy shit it's Hisoka.
He's surrounded by a circle of guys who are holding out sticks, but of course Hisoka looks unfazed. I'm mesmerized as I watch him lift a playing card, and then, in one smooth motion, incapacitate every single one of his attackers, who slump to the grass in unison.
"Alright." Hisoka's eyes slide over to where the three of us are standing. "Do you guys want to play the examiner game too?"
"Hell yeah!" I say it as a joke, really, but it comes out louder than I thought it would. Hisoka's lips curve into a creepy smile and he starts walking towards us and now I'm regretting everything. Oh god, did he hear me? Why the hell did I say that?
"Leorio. Bella." Kurapika mumbles. "Wait for my signal and we'll run in different directions."
"What?" Leorio turns, but there's no stopping the slowly advancing Hisoka.
"We are no match for him when it comes to fighting." Kurapika explains. "Even with the two- well, the three- of us, we're unlikely to win. We don't have what it takes."
What he's saying makes complete and perfect sense, and I 100% agree with him.
But how come I don't want to run?
"Now!"
Leorio and Kurapika bolt off in different directions. But I haven't followed suit- I'm still standing here, and now I'm all alone and facing Hisoka.
Nothing could have prepared me for this moment. No amount of Hunter x Hunter fics, fanart, anything- none of it compares to standing just a few feet away from the man himself, who has a playing card readied in his hand and is staring directly at me.
"A very smart choice, to run away." Hisoka says, with that creepy, seductive smile on his face. "Now tell me, why are you still here?"
I can't handle this, and my legs start shaking badly. What do I have to defend myself? My hand reaches for my skirt pockets, but it's a lost cause, because all I come up with is a plastic-wrapped tampon.
"Hisoka." I point the tampon wrapper at him like it's a sword or maybe a gun, I don't know. I don't think I'm running on common sense right now. "You- You're- I-"
I've done stupid things in my past. But not even that time I tried to use a metal fork to pry the bread out of my toaster can compare to the absolute stupidity of what I do next.
I chuck the tampon as hard as I can in his direction.
Since it's only a tampon, Hisoka doesn't even bother to dodge it. The plastic wrapper lamely hits him on the chest and then slides pathetically to the ground. I gulp, because what the hell do I do now, after I've just thrown a tampon at THE Hisoka?
"Oh?" Hisoka says, and takes a step forward. The tampon gets lost underneath one of his clown shoes. But before he can say anything else, I hear Leorio from behind me.
"I can't do it." I whip my head around, my brain at least partially coming back to me at the sound of his voice. "I can't bring myself to run away. I'm not that kind of person. Step away from Bella."
If it was any other time, I might have fangirled at how heroic Leorio is being in this very moment, but now isn't that time, because all I can think about is running away from the godforsaken clown man. Leorio charges forward, holding out his wooden plank, but Hisoka doesn't move an inch, hand still on his waist.
"I like that look on your face."
When Leorio brings the wood down on Hisoka, he disappears, like a puff of smoke. I can't really see what's happening next, but just as Hisoka reaches for Leorio, he gets smacked in the face with the end of a fishing line.
Oh, right. Gon was here too, wasn't he?
"I'm here." Gon appears from behind the fog, a determined look on his face. I want to scream at him to run, to never get involved with Hisoka, and I'm this close to completely changing the plot by grabbing Gon and running. But these thoughts arrive in my brain too late, because Hisoka turns back.
"Not bad, kid."
It should be illegal for Hisoka to look like this.
"Is that a fishing rod?" Hisoka continues, slowly walking in Gon's direction. "What an interesting weapon. Can I have a look?"
Well, now would be a good time for my legs to start working again, but spoiler alert- they won't. I'm frozen, shivering in place, unable to do anything but watch as Hisoka gets closer and closer to the greenie.
"I'm the one you're supposed to fight!" Leorio runs at Hisoka again, and I watch Hisoka punch Leorio solidly in the face. Like a ballerina, my shirtless hero spins in the air before flopping to land on the grass, unconscious. I finally get my feet to move and clumsily stumble over to the fallen Leorio, knowing there's nothing I can do.
"Did you come back to save your friends?" It's almost like he's teleporting, the way Hisoka moves. Now he's crouching a few inches away from Gon. Thankfully Gon does the logical thing and leaps back, fishing rod at the ready. "What a good boy."
He's too close to Gon, and my inner adult instincts are boiling. No matter how terrifyingly gorgeous Hisoka is, I will not let him get any closer to my baby Gon, the baby that I spent hours and hours adoring in my past life. I don't think I can do anything, but I can't just sit here and watch this happen before my eyes.
"Gon!" I shout, getting up from next to Leorio. Green baby is whipping his fishing line at Hisoka, who manages to easily dodge each attack.
"You're making me excited now." Hisoka's eyes gleam, and anger rolls in my stomach.
Gon tries another attack, and Hisoka grabs my baby by the throat.
"Let him go!" I scream. Gon's little feet are dangling in the air and I can't watch it anymore, it's physically paining me.
I'm out of options. So I throw another tampon.
Even worse, I miss. The Tampax sails through the air and misses Hisoka by a couple inches. I don't think he even notices that I've thrown it, since he's too concentrated on the hand choking Gon.
"Excellent." Hisoka says. Gon squirms in his grip, and then his eyes close.
Hisoka releases his hand, and Gon drops to the ground, coughing. I'm right behind him, and I can't stop myself from wrapping the young boy into a hug. I don't even know why I do it, but I do.
"Don't worry." Hisoka crouches in front of us, absolutely terrifying and somehow, inexplicably, still handsome, "Your friend is alive and well. Because he has passed."
He looks to Leorio, and then back to face Gon in the eyes. I can't see Gon's expression because I'm still clutching on to him, but I can see Hisoka's, and his face is arranged into an odd sort of smile.
"You have also passed. I hope you'll become a good Hunter." Hisoka says to Gon, and then he looks directly at me. "And you…"
He doesn't finish, because he grabs something from his pocket. A radio, I think.
"Hisoka. You should get back to the team." A muddled voice from the radio says. "We're almost at the Second Phase venue."
"Okay, I'll be right there." Hisoka responds. He presses the button on the radio and stands up. It's probably the wrong time for this, but I marvel again at his ultra-thin waist.
"We all need friends." Hisoka grabs Leorio from the ground like a doll and plops him on his shoulder.
I can't help the small part of me that mutters "Lucky" as I watch the limp Leorio get carried off by Hisoka into the fog.