Once Hisoka's completely disappeared, I can finally relax.
Gon's breathing heavily, and I notice sweat rolling down his face. I realize that I'm still holding on to him and quickly detach myself, not wanting to be awkward and all, but I don't think Gon really cares. He's too shaken up by what's just happened, and I really can't blame him.
"Are you both alright?" Kurapika emerges from the fog. Wow, couldn't have shown up earlier, huh, Kurapika? That would have helped us some.
"I'm…" Gon slowly stands up, and although he's trembling a tiny bit, has a determined expression on his cute little face. "I'm fine. Bella was really scared, though."
"Whaa?" How am I dragged into this? Was it because I was clinging on to Gon? I'm sorry Gon, but you were so cute, how could I not want to hug you?
"Then, are you alright, Bella?" Kurapika asks sincerely. I do my best to nod enthusiastically, as if I hadn't just been given a heart attack by a pedo clown.
"She threw some things at Hisoka." Gon says, and picks up one of the tampons from the ground. "What is this?"
I go red and immediately snatch it back from Gon.
"You don't need to know!" I say loudly and shove it back in my pocket. Damn it. "Anyway, we should get moving now."
Kurapika nods. "And what about Leorio?"
"Hisoka will bring him to the venue." I tell them, getting to my feet and trying to get the mud off from my knee-highs. "Gon, can you lead the way?"
He smiles slightly, and points to a direction in the trees.
Kurapika and I trail after Gon as he leads us down a path, pausing every few seconds to sniff the air again. He really is just like a puppy, and I love him for it. In this way, all of us make it to the Second Phase, although when we arrive Leorio is a little more beat up than the rest of us, propped up against a tree. Poor Leorio.
"Ow. Why do I have so many injuries?" Leorio mumbles, rubbing at the raised bump on his face. His sunglasses have been taken off, and he looks a little disheveled. But even despite his injury I think he's still looking just as amazing as always, especially since he hasn't put his shirt back on yet… um, anyways. It's a collective agreement that we shouldn't tell Leorio that he was smacked in the face by Hisoka, although if I was in his shoes I'm not sure I'd want to forget it.
"Gon." It's Killua striding over confidently, skateboard tucked under his arm. He only addresses Gon, which is simultaneously adorable and irritating, but I'll forgive him because it's Killua.
"Killua!" Gon exclaims, excited. Ugh why are they so cute?
"I can't believe you actually managed to find your way here." Killua says with a slightly condescending smirk. "I didn't think you'd make it."
"I followed the smell of Leorio's perfume!" Gon says eagerly, to which Killua makes a face and I giggle a little. They chat for a few more seconds before Satotz brings back our attention and I'm reminded of what's next.
So, the second phase, huh. It's the cooking, right? I was never much of a chef, but over the years I'd mastered my instant ramen techniques, if that counted any. Bring it on, Gourmet Hunters- I'll show you some Portabella Mushroom!
Not real mushrooms, mind you. I mean, my name, Portabella Mushroom. Because some genius thought that was a good idea.
I might have been a bit too confident, though. When our group encounters the horde of pink, snorting pig shits, the task is not as easy as it appeared in the anime.
"Why are these pigs so big!" I scream hysterically, clinging on desperately to a tree trunk. There's a giant nasty pig only a few feet below me, and it's currently ramming its pointed snout into the wood, shaking the entire tree, me included.
"Bella!" Kurapika shouts from nearby, although I can't tell from where because my face is currently shoved into tree bark. "Are you alright?"
"Does it look like it, Kurapika?" I yell, shivering as the pig takes another whack at the tree trunk.
"Yo, we're heading back now!" Is that Killua?
"Bye, Bella!" Gon's voice. There's a sound like dragging, and my heart sinks when I realize that they're taking their pigs and leaving. But what about me? I'm still here! Hello?
"The weak spot is the head!" Leorio calls unhelpfully.
I mean, I know that, but how the hell am I supposed to hit the said weak spot? I doubt the tampons will be very effective here. And how am I supposed to get this huge thing back to the culinary area? The weight of the pig alone is already a problem for my skinny little arms.
"I threw a tampon at Hisoka. If I could do that, you shouldn't be a problem, Peppa." I say to myself through gritted teeth for some sort of encouragement. "Ready, set-"
I release my hold on the tree, and plop directly on top of the pig's back. But I've missed the weak spot, and instead of injuring it, the pig's only gotten madder. It emits a shriek, and the next thing I know it's galloping away, with me holding on for dear life on its back.
Luckily, Peppa ends up running full speed exactly where I need to be- right into the open area, where Buhara and Menchi are sitting in wait.
"Stop, Peppa!" I command, reaching over to thwack my companion on the small part of its head. A second later, the pig collapses, and I slide right off.
How's that for bad-assness?
Behind me, dust flurries up from the ground as a stampede of exam participants march in with their pigs. I yank Peppa by the ears and drag the pig over to one of the open cooking stations, where I'm quickly joined by the others.
"Nice one, Bella!" Leorio greets me, casually skewering his own pig. "I thought you would need some help."
"That was a clever idea." Kurapika agrees with a nod. "You couldn't carry the pig on your own, so you took advantage of the pig's speed and strength to bring you both here. I must say, I have underestimated you."
"Kurapika, I told you Bella would be fine!" Gon adds in, and the contrast between cute little him and the large pig he managed to wrangle is almost funny.
"Aha! That's exactly what I was doing, Kurapika. Thanks, you guys." I play it off cool, and slap Peppa's head lovingly, who grunts at me.
"Now we cook." Killua says, and easily mounts his pig onto a stick. Kurapika and Gon follow without any trouble, hefting their pigs onto the roasting platform above the provided fireplaces. It takes me a little longer to figure out how to skewer mine, and by the time Peppa is deceased and turning over the open flame, I'm thoroughly exhausted.
In no time at all, applicants are already bringing their roasted pigs forward to our judges, and the pile of pig bones next to Buhara grows larger and larger.
"No one has passed so far." Leorio comments, his own pig flopped across his station.
"And Menchi hasn't even taken one bite." Kurapika muses, hands on his hips. "Oh! Let's include originality and presentation, too. This is more than just a cooking test."
The idea hits Gon and Leorio, and they immediately set out to work. By the way, Gon is wearing an apron, just when I thought he couldn't get any cuter. If this keeps up, I might just have to pull a Hisoka and kidnap this adorable little boy.
Don't worry, I'm kidding. I think.
"Excellent!" Leorio finishes his dish and places a dinky Hunter flag on top of his pig with a flourish, then runs it up to Menchi. She immediately rejects the dish, and the pig goes flying, much to Leorio's disappointment.
"It's my turn!" Gon decorates his pig with a lei of flowers, but receives no better results. Kurapika's made his pig beautifully sliced into layers, prompting Menchi to take a bite, but we all know how that one turns out.
Peppa's finished roasting, and as I set the pig onto a big serving dish, my stomach rumbles again. Surely one bite won't hurt…
"Is that all you guys have to offer?" Menchi complains from the front, tapping impatiently. "Hey, you, pink-hair, you haven't brought up anything!"
"Do you mean me?" I reply, my face stuffed with roasted pig. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it's pretty damn delicious. "Um, well, you see-"
"Just bring what you have!" Menchi huffs. I wipe away some pig grease from my mouth and hesitantly walk over my tray. There's a gaping hole where I've been eating from, so I place the food on the table with the bite marks facing me.
"As you can see, I've taken the liberty of taste-testing it first." I inform Menchi and Buhara.
Menchi raises an eyebrow sceptically. "Then, I'll take a bite."
"Oh, really?" I wasn't expecting that, but Menchi takes out a fork and knife and cuts out a slit of meat from Peppa. She pops it in her mouth, and her face turns down a bit.
"It's just fine." Menchi sighs, pushing the plate towards Buhara.
Gordon Ramsey who?
"It's still not good, though." Menchi says pointedly, slumping back in her chair.
"I'm so full. I can't eat anymore!" Buhara pats his huge belly when Peppa's bones get added to the pile behind him.
"Sure, I'm also full from all the frustration." Menchi says, and gets to her feet. "This means that no one has passed the test. We're done here!"
I'm a little disappointed as I sink back into the crowd. My pig wasn't even that bad.
The people around me are even angrier, complaints arising as the full implications of what Menchi said settle in.
"We will not be changing our minds about failing you." Menchi says, arguing back to one of the complaining candidates. "None of you cooked anything special or interesting."
As Menchi yammers on and on, the rest of us stand in place uncomfortably. I've got my eyes on the sky, waiting for the airship that I know is coming to arrive.
"What are you looking at?" Leorio asks me, squinting up at the sky next to me. "There's nothing there."
"Oh, um, I'm looking at that cloud." I point to a random puffball in the sky. "See, it looks like… cotton."
Leorio looks at the cloud a second more, then shrugs. "I mean, sure, I guess."
Seriously though, where is Netero? He's supposed to be here any second now.
"None of you are fit to become a Hunter!" Menchi is saying, waving her knives around like a circus performer.
Oh, finally! I can see the airship burst out of the clouds now.
"Even so." Netero's voice echoes down on us. "Not passing any candidate is a bit strict."
Tell it like it is, Netero.
There's a loud crashing sound and dust explodes in front of us. When the dirt and debris clear, there's Netero, standing majestically with his robes flowing. His wooden shoes make a clopping sound as he strides over to Menchi.
Now they're talking, but I'm not paying attention because I'm sneaking the last bits of pork off from the roasting stick. Who knows when I'll be able to eat next? I better be prepared.
xXxXx
One airship ride later, we're all scattered around at the top of a cliff.
"Everyone, take a good look over the cliff." Menchi says, and I do, but it's hella scary because, um, it's a cliff? A very, very tall cliff that I do not want to fall off of. "This is the lair of the spider eagles."
Yup, there are long, thick white strands of web across the canyon with sacs of giant eggs, and I gulp nervously, because yikes. I know where this is going and I do not want to do this.
A huge gust of wind blows up from the canyon, and whoops, up goes my skirt. Again, thank god for the built-in shorts.
Menchi takes a careful leap off the side of the cliff and swings around one of the webs like an acrobat. Then she free falls down, grabs ahold of an egg, and the wind pushes her back towards us, where she lands neatly on the edge.
The updraft fluffs Killua's hair and some of it flies into my face, and holy hell is it soft.
"We will be using these eggs to make hard-boiled eggs." Menchi explains, holding up one of the spider-eagle eggs. I tear my attention away from Killua's fluffy hair.
"This is what I've been waiting for! Let's go!" Gon exclaims, and all of a sudden he, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika launch themselves off the edge. I guess I've missed the cue or something because I'm a few seconds late behind them, my skirt and hair flailing on my way down.
"Aiyee!" Leorio screams, and honestly, same, because I'm majorly panicking. I haven't thought this through at all, and it's absolutely terrifying. Somehow I manage to grab onto one of the webs, and now I'm dangling up in the air, doing my absolute best not to look down.
My upper body strength is clearly not enough for this because after only a few seconds, I'm starting to feel the burn. My hands are getting sweaty around the web, and I'm thinking it's any second before I involuntarily let go and fly down to another early grave.
Peer pressure is apparently a very prevalent issue here because now all of the other candidates are surrounding us, hanging on to their own section of the web. One guy lets go early, and I get a weird feeling when I watch him fall, because I know that guy's about to die and we're not doing anything about it.
The web buckles under all of our weight, and I jolt down, one hand letting go of the support. Now I'm dangling by only my right hand, and my heart rate has accelerated to inhumane speeds.
Yup, I'm gonna die.
"Gon, how much longer?" Killua asks, his voice relaxed even despite the situation, because of course it is, it's freaking Killua. More and more people are dropping down and screaming, and yup, they're all going to die, and I'm going to be next.
As I'm debating what my last words will be (I can't decide between saying "I love you" to Leorio, or to Killua) Gon saves me from my decision by shouting, "Now!"
We all let go, and in varying levels of gracefulness, latch on to one of the spider-eagle eggs below. Then it's some more freefalling, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to vomit all of the pork I ate earlier as we plummet into the abyss.
And, whoosh, a rush of air pushes us out, and I'm landed safely on the side of the cliff, gagging and hyperventilating as I clutch on to my egg like it's a baby.
How the hell did everyone do this so casually?
It's almost worth it, though, because the taste of the finished boiled egg is simply divine. I'm done devouring mine in record time, then feel immediately queasy and plop down on the ground with a hand over my stomach. Apparently this little body I have now cannot hold food the same way my old one did, and there are some suspicious noises happening down there.
"Bella." Gon taps me on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Noooo." I grumble, hands held protectively over my belly. "I ate too much."
Gon sits down next to me with a big smile. "That was lots of fun, wasn't it?"
"No, not really. I thought I was going to die..."
"I'm with Bella on this one." Leorio adds. "That wasn't fun at all."
"It was alright." Killua has his hands behind his head in his iconic pose, and for a moment the sight of him in all of his glory relieves the pain in my stomach.
"I loooove you." I sigh, then almost choke when I realize I've said it aloud.
"What?"
"No, I mean- I love- the view!" I frantically wave my arms at the cliff. "It's a very lovely view, right!"
"No, you definitely said 'I love you'" Leorio calls me out, and I gulp. Um…
"I was talking about the food!" I try. "You know, like, oooh, pork, I loooove you. And eggs…"
Gon nods with me. "I get it! Oooh, cake, I loooove you!"
"I love a nice steak." Leorio comments, grinning. I sigh in relief- I've managed to pull myself out of this bind, somehow.
"I really do love you guys, though." I say, just under my breath. I think Gon hears me, but he smiles innocently, and I can't help but melt in that adorable look of his. "I really, really do…"
Notes
I'm so pleasantly surprised with the reception on this fic- oh my! This was all written for fun, but every review, follow, and favorite really does make my day :)
This chapter is a bit shorter. I'm playing around with how to adapt the show in this style- I obviously can't/shouldn't transcribe each and every line and each and every action, so I have to find that perfect medium. As we break away more and more from canon, it will probably be a little easier, but while still in the exam arc, this will have to do.
Strangely enough, while Bella is supposed to be me, she's started to adapt a personality of her own. She's definitely a lot more fun than I am, aha.
That's all, I think. Oh, except for one more thing- I really could not think of what Gon's favorite food would be. I put cake, but seriously, I don't know what he would actually say...