one floo under, chapter 8
more harry potter ideas not usable
*break*
more of the Intelligent Device concept
*break*
I was the AI of a rather powerful magical computer, one that was dependent on the power of the mage using me for both power and direction. Without commands, I was actually quite limited in both function and senses. If I sensed incoming danger, I could react in certain specified ways. I could always make suggestions though.
It was based on those suggestions that Harry had commanded me to begin working both his core and physical abilities through exercise programs which had been listed in the medical database for someone who was recovering from extended injuries or something similar.
I flipped through medical programs and analysis when I stopped and scrutinized something from my position in a sort of soulspace.
[Alert. Soul Leech detected.]
My interactions with Harry, my designated user, were also stuck with scripting.
"A what?" asked Harry. "That does NOT sound good."
[Soul Leech - a fragment of a soul anchored to another, which feeds off energy to maintain itself.] Again, from the medical database under rare magical maladies. It didn't appear to be active at the moment but that could change at any given moment.
"Okay," said Harry, settling into his space in the cupboard a bit better. "What do I need to do to get rid of it?"
[Accessing.]
There were five methods. One of which involved dying. Two required special preparations that were unlikely to be acquired anytime soon. The other two were do-able with current resources.
[Method #1 requires access to a ley line nexus. Nearest one is forty-seven kilometers away.]
[Method #2 is higher risk to Master designated Harry Potter. Direct confrontation and domination of soul-fragment.]
"What would that do, kill me?" asked Harry, thinking this all sounded Very Serious Indeed.
[Method #2 carries risk of possession by soul-entity. Method #1 carries risk of magical exhaustion.]
"If it's forty-seven kilometers away, how would I get there?" asked Harry. He might not be very old and not terribly well-read, but he did know enough that the concept of being possessed was generally not a good option.
[Flight mode. Moonless night decreases chance of being observed and will allow for less drain on reserves prior to ritual.]
"Huh, let's go with that one then," decided Harry.
*break*
"WHAT?! NO! I AM LORD VOLDEMORT! YOU WILL SUBMIT TO ME!"
[Statement: Bullcrap.]
"I WILL KILL YOU IN GREAT AGONY!"
Harry was hiding behind me in the soulscape, an emaciated little boy of no great confidence.
I myself had manifested a form in keeping with my identity here. I was a samurai, dressed as such, from my zori-style sandals to my top-knot. In my hands I was wielding a katana that was black and red. A Muramasa blade forged of will and magical power.
The creature we faced was some noseless pale human wearing robes and wielding a wand.
It brandished the wand. "Avada-"
I sliced the arm holding that wand off, just below the elbow. Prepared programs turned the lopped off section to a black mist which was then drained of color and flowed into my sword.
"NO! I WON'T LET YO-ARRGHHH!"
The other arm was now mist and the blackness of both had become a marble.
It was not a battle. This was butchery at this point. I was remorseless, ignoring the occasional sound of squeamishness from Harry as I dealt with the invader. Bit by bit, slice by slice, until only the screaming head was left. And then there was none.
"What's that?" asked Harry, looking at what appeared to be a black tennis ball.
[Memories. Raw data. It can be accessed and reviewed for usefulness.]
"Oh," said Harry.
[It was a very bad person, Master. Even a surface scan reveals multiple murders, torture, and worse.]
"Well, then I'm glad I don't have that thing in me anymore," stated Harry.
[After assimilation, that power will be added to your own, as well as special abilities on your request.]
"You mean super-powers?"
[Parseltongue - the ability to speak with snakes and snake-like beings is one such.]
"Doesn't sound very useful," said Harry. How often did he even meet any snakes?
I caught that thought and privately agreed to the utility but I was a bit more pragmatic in that any advantage you could get should be taken.
Hmmm. There was a possibility of expanding it to other species as it was a magical ability and therefore something one could tweak about. Maybe it could be duplicated and then the copy switched to another species?
"So, can we head back yet?" asked Harry.
I immediately switched things back to normal space-time, settling back into my gemstone form as the real world settled into solidity. [Affirmative.]
* break *
The ability title 'Parseltongue' had been analyzed over six months on Track Four of my processing power. Now was the time to work out the tweaks, and give it another month or so to work out the various variables.
Felines? No, you could communicate all you like with them but trying to get them to do something you wanted was an entirely different proposition. They could go just about anywhere, but didn't always have much of an attention span.
Canines? Possibly. Canines, unlike felines, tended to operate under either family or pack orientation. They could be bribed too.
Avians? By far the bulk of them were worthy of the whole "bird-brained" concept but some of them could be fairly clever. Put that next to canines as a possibility.
Reptiles was already at least partly under the Parseltongue thing. Broadening it in England so he could communicate with the occasional gecko didn't seem terribly useful.
Toads and frogs. I had a vague memory of something in that general vicinity, but again it wasn't a particularly useful skill unless one lived near a bog or similar environment. Dead useful if one DID live in such a place.
Terranish? Ground-dwellers? Badgers and moles and the like? Possible. Especially if one had a farm or garden.
Rodents? Now that one got added to the list alongside avians and canines. They were often found in or around human habitation, made excellent spies, and were easy to feed/bribe. Have to work with a few for purposes of bringing their intelligence up to actually follow directions, but it was a distinct possibility.
Fish weren't that bright. Ceteceans, or sea-based mammals, were bright enough but of limited utility even if you were someplace with a seashore. If you weren't on a ship a good percentage of your time, much less useful than rodents.
Crabs were ornery. No, they'd never do.
Well, I'd have to kick the decision up to Harry anyway.
Fortunately, the exercises on his magic and physique had given him a fair amount of magical and physical strength - allowing for longer periods of operation and more processing power.
* break *
"So, I can talk with the animals?" exclaimed Harry.
[Specific type to be chosen.]
"Chatter with a cheetah?" asked Harry.
[Please do not go there.]
"So, my choices are," said Harry, considering the list being projected in the air. "Birds?"
[Primarily raptors.]
"'Raptors'?"
[Birds of Prey.]
"Sounds like a band name," replied Harry. "So. Birds, dogs, mice, cats... anything else?"
[Theoretically it could be nearly any broad grouping of animals. Current data is limited.]
"Right. Well, in that case, I've decided. Let's try..."
* break *
"Platform Nine and Three-Quarters?" asked Harry.
[Multiple magical signatures. Projecting most likely connection-point.]
"Multiple?" asked Harry.
[Analysis of magical signatures begun.]
"Well, you certainly sound pleased," noted Harry as he approached the pillar that was currently outlined in orange in his glasses. "Come to think of it, you used to sound tired quite a lot."
[Master Harry's magical core and reservoir has increased to 600% of starting levels. Higher activation percentage.]
"Right, and you're pleased because of this?" asked Harry.
[Affirmative. Also, analysis of magical structures allows for greater periods of productivity.]
"Well, I can see how that might be the case," admitted Harry. "So - how do I access this?"
[Move quickly. Picture yourself going through. It appears to be a Dimension Door spell linking two spatial coordinates.]
"Oh," said Harry.
"Oh, mind the muggles. Which platform are we heading for?" said a woman's voice nearby.
"Nine and three quarters, mum," said a little girl's voice.
[Not very discreet.]
"I suppose," said Harry as he shoved his stuff through the pillar and came out in a train station that looked like it belonged to a previous era.
[Nine & 3/4? Why not Nine & 1/2?]
"You're asking me?" asked Harry.
[Possibly an example of an internal logic process or naming convention peculiar to the secret society.]
"So?" asked Harry as he wondered how he was supposed to get the trolley up the steps.
[Knowing what the logic behind that is - might allow for being able to anticipate such things in the future.]
"So you want me to ask someone," said Harry.
[Please. Otherwise the illogic will give me a headache.]
"You can't get headaches as you don't have a head," pointed out Harry as he decided he was supposed to leave the trolley and just haul the stuff up by hand. It wasn't as if he'd ever ridden a train before.
[As I am essentially a sentient magical computer, you could argue that I am all head. Use the telekinesis spell.]
"Right. Wingardium Leviosa." Harry pointed at the luggage, causing them to float.
[Wand.]
"Eh?" asked Harry.
[You are supposed to use a wand when doing magic.]
"Oh right. Forgot."
[Sigh.]
* break *
[Analysis complete. Spell is transformative and involves concept of 'totem animal' with allowances for retention of intellectual abilities.]
"Hmmm?" asked Harry.
"Have either of you seen a toad?" asked a young girl as she popped her head into their compartment.
[Wide Area Search?]
"Wide Area Search," agreed Harry, remembering to pull his wand out and making a gesture with it.
Seven spheres of light appeared in the air and raced off.
"What? What was that spell?" asked the little girl, visibly excited.
"Wide Area Search," explained Harry. "It lets me find things. Got it. Three compartments down, on the left, under the bench."
"Ah. Uhm, right," said the little girl, running off.
"I think I know a spell too," said Ron, pulling a rat out of his pocket. "Sunshine, Daisy, Butter, Mellow. Turn this ugly fat rat yellow."
"Uhm. You DO know that's a shapeshifter, right?" asked Harry.
"What do you mean?" asked Ron. "This is my pet rat, Scabbers, and... AGH! He bit me!"
"I take it you did NOT know that was a shapeshifter?" asked Harry.
"He's no shapechanger," said Ron. "Just an old rat my brother had and passed on to me. You musta panicked him."
"By talking about him being a shapeshifter?" asked Harry.
"Yeah," said Ron.
"So your rat understands human language?" pointed out Harry.
"Errr," said Ron as that little detail began to ring a few alarm bells within his head.
"Thanks, it was right where you said... What did I miss?" asked the little girl from earlier, now clutching a toad.
* break *
"Wide Area Search," called out Harry. Spheres of light formed, faded into translucency, and shot off in different directions.
"That's what you used to find Neville's toad on the train," pointed out Ron.
"Yes. Yes it is," agreed Harry. "Hang on. Oh bugger. It's heading straight for that bathroom."
"The troll?" exclaimed Ron.
[Ninjutsu: Shunshin]
Ron saw Harry blur and disappear, but as he knew where Harry had gone - he sped off himself in pursuit.
* break *
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Hermione and Ron.
"Hi. My name is Harry. What's yours?"
The cerebrus paused. (You spoke?)
"Yes, as a matter of fact. We're not trying to get past you, big guy. We just came in here by accident."
The cerebrus settled down, staring at the children before him. (My name is Fluffy, speaker.)
"Harry? Are you yapping at the terrifying three-headed dog?!" asked Ron, trying to hide behind Harry.
"Yes. Who's a good guard dog and not letting anyone past him?"
(I is.) The cerebrus nodded, looking quite proud of the job he was doing. (Fluffy is good boy!)
"You certainly are," responded Harry.
"I... what?" asked Hermione. "Harry. Stop doing impossible things!"
"No promises," said Harry.
* break *
"You're cheating," stated Hermione, after they'd gotten away from the crowds.
"How's that?" asked Harry.
"Goemon is always scanning everything around you," said Hermione. "Breaking the magic down to sets of equations and runes and power. So you can use Goemon to cast spells without ever having to study them! That's cheating!"
"But Goemon doesn't have to do the wand movements or pronounce things like I do," pointed out Harry. "He can't. So I have to learn the spells and effects myself."
"But I've been looking in the library and there is nothing about talking jewels," said Hermione. "I think you need to take it to the Professors and make sure it isn't cursed!"
"[You've already told someone, haven't you?]"
"Hermione! I told you this was a secret. You promised!"
"It could be cursed. How do you know it's not letting you cheat so you get dependent on it?" demanded Hermione.
"[Harry has not been cheating. Warning. Three high-level inbound. Identified as Headmaster Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Filius Flitwick.]"
"Oh crap," said Harry.
* break *
"What exactly are you?" asked Albus Dumbledore.
"It went silent the moment we took it from young Mister Potter," said Flitwick. "So it was apparently drawing power from him."
"Who knows how long it may have been influencing him," said McGonagall. "So - do we have any idea how it works or what it actually is?"
"No. And therefore it is best locked away where it can never influence anyone ever again," said Dumbledore.
* break *
"So. Someone sends you a broom. Hermione has it taken away to be checked for curses. Because she apparently don't like quidditch or Gryffindor having a better chance at winning anything," said Ron, tossing a bit of popcorn up and catching it. "She sees you scoring nearly as high as her on tests and figures you're cheating and then gets the idea that your gemstone thing might be cursed."
"Yeah," said Harry, glaring across the common room at someone who was hiding behind a book.
"See, that's why I don't study," said Ron, trying to sound wise. "Too many people get hung up about the grades and all competitive and such. Better to go and choose your battles. Check, by the way."
Harry sighed. "Never really got into chess anyway."
"Noticed," commented Ron. "It's easy to tell when Goemon was talking to you."
"Who's 'Goemon'?" asked Fred, giving up all pretense that he wasn't listening.
"Goemon WAS a sort of ghost who hung around and gave me advice," said Harry.
"Ah. That would explain how you scared off Peeves," said George.
"That would also explain how you know what's going on around you so much," said Fred.
"Except during sports and such," said Harry. "Goemon refused to cheat. Said he had a code of honor. Gone now though."
"What about that thing with your strength?" asked George.
"Oh, that? No, I've still got that," said Harry. "He called it a form of warlockry - or war-wizardry depending on who was doing the talking. You know how wizards tend to be a bit tougher than non-wizards?"
"Wizards tend to be a bit sturdier than muggles, yeah," admitted George. "Cause we got magic."
"Same thing, but you're reinforcing yourself with magic so you're even 'sturdier' than usual," said Harry. "Trickier to do without someone to handle the upper-end math, but still usable."
"Using magic to make yourself sturdier?" asked George.
"Yeah, but you have to be fairly careful doing that. Too much and things could go boom," said Harry.
"That would be-" began George.
"-very bad," finished Fred.
* break *
While away from Harry and unable to draw on any of his magic, I was reduced to a state close to sleeping. Every so often, a poke or prod would stir me slightly but the automatic defenses kept things from requiring full activation.
When I became more aware, it was because some crisis had occurred.
"Are you sure that's wise, Albus?" asked Professor McGonagall.
"[Status: Active]
[Low level drain of ley line nexus was undetected. Current reserves at 98%]
[Area Scan Complete. Master Harry Potter not present.]
[Requesting SitRep.]"
"It talked," noted Professor McGonagall.
"[I did.]"
"Do you mean, at any point, instead of locking this trinket away - we could have ASKED it what it was?" asked Professor Flitwick.
"[Affirmative. Permission from Master Harry Potter required for answer.]"
"Ah, well, that's the problem," said Headmaster Dumbledore. "Harry, you see, is in great danger."
"[Located general area. Projecting.]"
"What?" asked Albus Dumbledore.
I had simply projected a map of Great Britain, putting a pulsing dot at the general location of Harry.
"[Unable to give precise location without closer proximity.]"
"Little Hangleton," said the Headmaster. "Well, then, I'll just put you a-"
"[Emergency Protocols activated.]"
In gemstone form I was very limited in what I could do, but I could go very quickly towards Harry as he was my operator. I was also somewhat aerodynamic and small, so the energy requirements of passing the sound barrier wasn't as high as it could have been.
* break *
"Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son," said Wormtail, aka Peter Pettigrew.
Harry tugged at the ropes, but someone had apparently told them about his ability to enhance his strength with magic as the ropes neither stretched nor broke. Finally though he felt and heard a crack as the headstone he was tied to broke and gave him some flexibility.
"It will avail you not, Potter," snarled the scaly baby-thing. "Your little parlor tricks are nothing and my Death Eaters stand ready to destroy you before you could intervene. There is nothing you can do that will delay your execution."
There was a series of echoing cracks in the air and a gleaming orange gemstone suddenly appeared, hanging in the air between Harry as his taunter.
"Your alternative spell focus, I see," said Lord Voldemort. "I shall enjoy unravelling its secrets after your death. Lucius. Kill the boy."
"Avada Kedavra," cast one of the Death Eaters as the demon-baby was deposited into the cauldron.
"[Analysis Complete. Countermeasures Active.]"
There were a few stares as the green light went into the little gemstone, and was apparently absorbed.
"[Avada Kedavra - necromantic spell used for severing connection between soul and body. If no soul is present in target, then spell's energies are discharged in damage to environment. Ineffective against soul-linked items such as soul-containers.]"
"Glad to see you back, Goemon," said Harry. "Kind of in a situation here."
"[Affirmative.]"
"Goemon. Set Up."
The gemstone glowed briefly as metal pieces formed in midair and ratcheted together into a spear. Harry's clothes altered as well, becoming a set of black robes with breastplate and vambraces in dark blue.
"[Barrier Jacket. Ready. Protection.]"
"Too late, Potter," said Lord Voldemort as he began emerging from the cauldron.
"[Barrel Shot]"
The cauldron exploded, sending shards of iron into Voldemort's new body.
Spells began firing off as the Death Eaters reacted.
"[Flight]"
"Now, this is the part I like," said Harry as he shot into the air, weaving around the various bolts fired at him.
[Target Lock-on.]
"Ninjutsu!" said Harry as he piroutted around another Avada Kedavra. "Bunshin!"
Three more Harry Potters appeared, though one was immediately dispelled by a purple spray of light.
"Divine Shooter," said Harry. "Full Power."
Eight bolts of light shot out from the tip of the spear, darting around hastily conjured shields and smashing into robed figures.
"Got anything to affect a wide area?" asked Harry as they dodged around a series of curses.
[Affirmative. Beginning cast-time.]
Lord Voldemort was neither completely crazy nor stupid. While it was true he had a habit of ignoring things that did not fit into his plans or worldview - it was already obvious that the spear that Harry Potter was clutching was NOT simply a back-up wand as his minions had reported previously. Also, while he had little idea as to what that glow building up around the tip of that spear was - he was getting a definite feeling of things not going at all well. "Can none of you do something so simple as killing ONE boy?!"
[70%]
Yes, decided Lord Voldemort, there was definitely something ominous about how several curses and jinxes and even a few Avada Kedavra changed course and went into that brightening ball of energy at the tip of that spear.
"Can't keep this up much longer," pointed out Harry.
[89%]
"Like THIS! AVADA KEDAVRA!" cast Lord Voldemort, sending a beam of brilliant green at Harry Potter.
That the beam bent and then connected directly to that ball was noted but Voldemort felt sure he could wrest control back.
[135%]
[150%]
[200%. Now, Master.]
"Starlight Breaker!" cast Harry, hoping this did something spectacular.
* break *
"Well, we're in Little Hangleton. Now where do you suppose Harry is?" asked Minerva McGonagall.
At which point the night turned into day as dawn came early, then proceeded to go into nova stage.
"Some odd intuition tells me - that way," said Filius Flitwick, squinting into the light.
A sudden burst of wind and dust swept past them.
"Hurry," said Albus Dumbledore. "We must save Harry."
Hurrying after the Headmaster, Filius muttered something about whether it was actually Harry that needed saving.
When they got to the crater and the robed-and-masked bodies scattered everywhere, Filius Flitwick repeated the comment - adding a particular word in the Goblin language that emphasized the word following it.
Minerva McGonagall slipped into a brogue so thick ships could sail on it, but probably agreed with Professor Flitwick.
"Voldemort got away," said Harry. "However, it cost him an arm and a leg."
"So I see," said Albus, looking over the torn-off limbs.
* break *
"Okay, Goemon," said Harry. "You can answer their questions."
Hermione still looked extremely nervous. Ron looked like he wanted a little gemstone of his own, and everyone else looked particularly somber.
"So, what exactly ARE you?" asked Filius Flitwick.
"[Do you know what a computer is?]"
"I do!" exclaimed Hermione Granger. "It's a type of machine that calculates numbers very very quickly."
"Like an abacus?" asked Dumbledore.
"[Much more advanced. Artificial Intelligence first developed in Belkan Devices.]"
"I imagine we'll have to have Miss Granger explain a bit more about some of this," noted Minerva McGonagall.
"[Affirmative. Mid-Childan origin for frame construction.]"
"'Mid-Childan'?" asked Professor Flitwick.
"[Multiverse. Another universe. Advanced magical civilization that developed in the aftermath of a precursor civilization.]"
"That would be the 'Belkan' you mentioned earlier. So you were built elsewhere, by advanced wizards as an assistant and teacher?" guessed Professor Flitwick.
"[Essentially correct. Current Master is Harry Potter - chosen as serving local hero acceptable when original designated Master unavailable.]"
"Oh, that actually makes sense," said Professor Flitwick.
"And all this time I thought the 'power he knows not' would be love," muttered Albus Dumbledore.
"Personally, while I like 'love' myself - I'm rather a fan of overwhelming firepower in a fight," replied Professor Flitwick.
"So, are we good yet?" asked Harry.
"We'll have to investigate further," began Albus Dumbledore.
Harry glared over at the bushy-haired girl.
"[Hostility detected.]"
"It's been years!" complained Hermione.
"Yes, yes it has," grumbled Harry.
"It could have been like that diary in second year!" defended Hermione.
"[Reference not understood.]"
"Ah, perhaps it would be best if we had this conversation where certain ears are not present," said Dumbledore.
"Except if that had been the case, I'd have been possessed before I ever got to Hogwarts," replied Harry.
"Miss Granger is quite correct in her assessment that adults should be consulted in such matters," said Albus.
"First year - Voldemort hiding in Professor Quirrel's turban? Second year - diary and the bloody basilisk?" asked Harry.
"Language," chided Professor McGonagall.
"Third year - dementors!" continued Harry. "This year - one of the Professors was impersonated for the whole year and I ended up in a tournament with death as a penalty?"
"[References not understood.]"
"We'll just lock this away again until we understand it better," said Dumbledore. "After all, it gives Harry here an unfair advantage against the other students and none of us want that."
"Right," said Hermione, looking smug.
"[Expression of extreme frustration.]"
"I understand that," said McGonagall.
"Wouldn't it be better to leave out something that would give me a better chance of survival?" asked Harry. "As I am being hunted by a Dark Lord who freaking refuses to die and wants to kill me?"
"He's got a point," admitted Flitwick.
"I'm sure everything is under control and such measures will not be necessary," said Dumbledore, casting a restraining spell and then layering magic-suppression spells on the gemstone.
* break *
It had taken well over an hour to get away from everyone. "Goemon."
"[Affirmative.]"
"I can't believe the Headmaster didn't notice," said Harry.
"[Was able to manufacture physical copy/relay device during trip returning to Hogwarts. Ninjutsu Replacement Technique. Transparency Technique.]"
"NOBODY must know about this," said Harry, relaxing a bit.
"[Scanning area.]"
"Hermione just double-downed everytime the subject came up," said Harry. "She insists she couldn't have been wrong. Ron would blab, he's nearly as bad with secrets as Hagrid is."
"[Area scanned. Two secret passages utilizing magical concealment and with trigger activations.]"
"Have to analyze those at some point," said Harry. "It being my dorm room and all. I've got privacy wards up around my bed."
"[Enacting anti-eavesdropping protocols.]"
"I suppose I should catch you up on everything," said Harry.
"[Data would be appreciated.]"
"Where to begin?" asked Harry, mainly to himself. "Okay. Hermione had my broom taken away, then you, by reporting stuff to the staff. We've been kind of distant since then. Can't tell her anything because she's convinced Hermione knows best. Since then she's become even more of a teacher's pet. I got into quidditch since that at least allows me some flight time. Quirrel turned out to have Voldemort, that's the evil undead that killed my parents, possessing him and showing up on the back of his head. Why he wore a turban apparently. Had to fight him in a chamber below where we encountered Fluffy. Oh, Fluffy's doing fine apparently. Still growing."
"[Fluffy is a good boy.]"
"Yes he is," agreed Harry. "Still can talk to canines so I go out and chat with him and Fang every so often. Let's see. Fought off Voldemort, apparently I could dissolve the git because of some blood protection. Except that this year he managed to resurrect himself with my blood so that apparently won't help in the future. Second year and there was this cursed book. I can't do more than one sphere on a Wide Area Search without you to filter and process and apparently it counts as magic in the halls. Got detention first time I tried. So even if I'm trying to find out what petrified Filch's cat - not allowed and let the adults handle it."
"[Situation analysis: screwed up.]"
"Right buggered is more like it," said Harry. "Turned out it was a sixty-foot long basilisk being directed by a cursed diary that thought it was Voldemort. It was possessing a first-year, Ron's little sister in fact. Did battle. Was able to use Wide-Area Search and blindfolded myself. As long as I wasn't using sight I couldn't see its eyes and it couldn't kill me that way. So all I had to worry about was that it was a freaking sixty foot long snake with instant-kill venom. Tried to convince it not to kill me, didn't work. Had to kill it, used that instant-kill venom on the book. Killed it, cue wraith of smoke screaming and fading out. Nasty piece of work. Pity you weren't around - you might have been able to analyze that and figure out exactly what it was. Anyway, third year was the year my godfather broke out of prison and the shapechanging rat you found on the trip to Hogwarts in first year turned out to be the criminal that got my parents killed and not my godfather after all. Then there's this year with a Tournament Of Death between three schools for inadequate payoff but the honor of the schools or something. At the end of which Cedric and myself ended up in that graveyard you found me in."
"[Repeating analysis of situation as being screwed up. Question: does management still insist Hogwarts is safest place in Britain?]"
"Uhm, yeah, which really makes me wonder how screwed up the rest of magical Britain is," admitted Harry.