Syndra stalked towards her with those gleaming, evil eyes, and for some reason, Akali couldn't move; she could only watch helplessly as spheres of dark purple materialized in her palm. The last thing Akali could hear was Syndra's hollow laugh as the spheres plunged into her heart, causing a guttural scream to rip from her throat…
That scream transcended to reality, and Akali nearly flew from her bed as she woke up. Her chest heaved as she struggled to stabilize her erratic breathing. The chilly night cast a breeze through her window, making her shiver due to the sweat on her body. Tonight wasn't the first time she had relived the memory of her almost-murder.
PTSD is such a bitch.
She heard frantic footsteps outside her doorway before her door flung open, revealing her very panicked friends.
Shen was the first to break the silence. "What happened? Are you alright? We heard a scream and we ran up here as soon as we-"
Akali raised her palm into the air, motioning him to stop talking. "I'm fine Shen. It was just another nightmare."
A nightmare that appears every time I close my eyes, she mused sarcastically.
"Akali," this time it was the yordle who spoke, "you've been having these nightmares for two weeks straight. You need to see a therapist before your PTSD consumes your life."
"I'm fine," Akali managed to say between clenched teeth.
It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her friends' efforts to help her; in fact she was very grateful that they cared so much. No, it was the fact that they had literally formed a campsite in her living room to protect her from any "lingering danger". It had been two weeks, two very long weeks, since they found her. Shen and Kennen didn't seem to grasp the concept of personal space and privacy, seeing as the only time she was truly alone was when she was using the bathroom or sleeping.
Shen stubbornly replied, "You only get three hours of sleep, and that's on your better days. You haven't stepped foot outside at all within these two weeks, and even in your own house you constantly look behind you as if something is going to jump out at you. You, my very good friend, are anything but 'fine'."
Akali glared at him like a petulant child would. Deep down, she knew they were both right; she was scared to close her eyes for even a second because her unwanted memories of the temple would forcefully seep into her mind. Without even realizing it, her hand flew to the back of her head and traced the long scar there.
"For the millionth time, I really am alright. I'm just a little shaken up by everything that has happened," she insisted, wrapping her arms around her knees defensively.
The mischievous gleam in Kennen's eyes made her heart sink a little.
"If you are as 'alright' as you seem," the yordle said, "then come outside with Shen and me to the market tomorrow. Your refrigerator is low on edible food."
Akali had to remind herself to breathe. "O-outside?" she said breathlessly. Kennen nodded his head with a devious smile on his face.
Outside. To the market.
The market would be crowded, especially on the weekends. There would be actual people bumping into her on the streets, unintentionally touching her. Something unspeakably horrible could happen to her. What if Syndra was waiting for her there, just waiting for the opportunity to kidnap her again? What if some other danger threatened her, and she wasn't prepared for it? What if-
Her head was swimming with incoherent thoughts. The sheer panic she felt from her hypothetical thinking made her light headed. She couldn't deal with this right now, if not ever. The thought of people seeing her after weeks of seclusion made her want to vomit.
Shen's and Kennen's humorous laughter quickly turned into panicked shrieks as they realized that a lamp was flying straight at their faces. Akali slowly reclined back onto her pillows and curled up, ready for sleep to take over.
In the midst of the night, Akali awoke, though she wasn't sure why until she felt a growing pressure in her bladder. Vehemently cursing her weak bladder, she rose from her bed to use the bathroom, but quiet murmurs emanating from the living room stopped her mid-step.
"Thank you for calling me as soon as possible. I will pick it up right now."
It was undoubtedly Shen's voice, but who could possibly be calling him at three in the morning? And where was he going? Unfortunately Akali was unable to interrogate him due to the overwhelming urge to urinate, and by the time she had left the bathroom, Shen was already long gone.
Somehow, Akali found herself fidgeting so violently in front of the doorway that Shen and Kennen could have felt the reverberations.
"Are you ready?" Kennen called out from the kitchen, where Shen and he had just finished breakfast. Akali had barely managed to force down a piece of toast with some milk in anticipation for the day at the market.
Akali inhaled nervously. She was going to go through with this. For the first time in two weeks, she would venture into the world. However, everything about the idea of going outside made her skin crawl, as if her intuition suspected that someone would snatch her up and repeat what she had experienced at the temple. There was no way in hell she would be able to go out with her paranoia.
But Shen and Kennen have been patient with me and haven't forced me to talk about what happened at the temple, not to mention that they've been taking care of me for two weeks. This is the least I can do for them.
Oh, how Akali absolutely abhorred ambiguity. She leaned her head against the door and squeezed her eyes shut. The woman who was supposed to be the Fist of Shadow, who had braved countless of hardships and death itself, was left petrified by the mere thought of leaving her house. Her mother would be so proud.
Being a coward is so much easier than trying to be a hero.
Shen's low voice resonated through the house. "Akali?"
Akali couldn't, no, wouldn't be stuck in her house for the rest of her life from fear of the danger that her own imagination had created. Life would not be worth living if she had to live the rest of it in seclusion.
A long silence ensued before Akali pushed herself off of the door and finally replied, "I'm ready."
The market was extremely congested today, just as Akali had imagined it would be. Several people had brushed her shoulder as they walked past her, so she flinched at each touch and wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her house and sleep her fear away. She tried to walk on the very edge of the sidewalk to limit physical contact, but just the presence of strangers made her unbelievably paranoid, regardless of how nearby her best friends were.
Alas, Bull's Eye finally came into view, making Akali sigh with relief. Despite the amount of people inside, Akali could actually breathe in there. Maybe Sona was working a shift today.
Shen picked up a plastic basket turned to face Akali. "Kennen and I will probably be finished in ten minutes. If you see anything you want, just put it in the basket."
Akali rolled her eyes humorously. "There's no need to coddle me."
He tapped her nose gently. "There's a difference between coddling and caring." With that, he walked to the frozen foods aisle, leaving Akali alone by the entrance.
Might as well buy something, she thought, sauntering over to the sweets section. Her stomach grumbled dangerously as she eyed the delectable selection before her. If there was anything she missed in her four weeks of seclusion, it was definitely her Twix bars. Akali greedily grabbed a few bars, looking over the shelves for more goodies, until her eyes landed upon a jar of Nutella. Her chest constricted sorrowfully as she delicately held the jar in her hands. It was strange how there was only one jar; last time the jars were sold in pairs. Akali quickly shook away her thoughts and placed the lonesome jar back onto the shelf.
Out of her peripheral vision, she saw a hand reach for her. Her eyes widened as she immediately jumped back a few feet. The man who was currently holding the Nutella jar gave her an odd look.
His voice was gentle, contrary to his hardened face. "Sorry if I startled you ma'am, but you've been standing here for a long time and I'm in a bit of a hurry." He walked away after that.
Her heart was at her throat even after he left, and her hands were uncontrollably quaking. With fumbling fingers, she shoved the bars of Twix back onto the shelf and turned to run out of the store. She couldn't do this; she needed to be home!
A warm hand grasped her wrist just as she was about to escape the only store she had supposedly felt safe in. At least now she realized that nowhere was safe and wouldn't make the mistake of going out again. Her free hand clenched into a fist as she prepared to pummel the person holding her, but it fell limp at her side as Akali saw who had grabbed her.
"Irelia?" Akali shot her a confused look. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just giving Sona something when I saw you running out of the store. I wanted to ask you if you were okay, but based on the fist that nearly hit my face, I can see that you're not."
The realization that she had been close to hurting one of her closest friends assaulted her mind, making her stumble.
Akali began to verbally diarrhea. "I'm sorry, Irelia. It's just been a very long month, and-"
"Hush, Akali," the bluenette said, leading her out of the store. "I obviously have so much to catch up on."
Akali mutely nodded and followed Irelia obediently. Irelia didn't miss the way Akali looked behind her shoulder every few seconds or the way Akali recoiled every time a passerby accidentally touched her.
"Care for a cup of coffee?" Irelia asked. It definitely was a rhetorical question, judging by the way she practically pushed Akali into the café. The smell of coffee welcomed her senses. Oh, how she missed caffeine.
Irelia walked up to the barista and ordered for the two. "One latte and one espresso, please." When the drinks were finally served, she paid for them and chose the table in the corner of the café.
"So," the bluenette began, breaking the silence, "in the last six months that I haven't seen you, what exactly has happened that makes you look over your shoulder every second of every minute?"
Perception was definitely one of Irelia's strong qualities as a warrior, much to Akali's annoyance in that current moment.
Akali huffed and repeated the same mantra she had told her best friends. "I'm fine. I'm just a little tired."
"Have you seen yourself? Your cheeks are sunken in, your eyes have bags the size of craters, and your body is on the verge of being anemic. If that's what happens when you're 'a little tired', I'd hate to see you when you're exhausted."
Akali took a sip of her espresso since she hadn't a clue as to how to reply. Thankfully, Irelia wasn't done speaking.
"Don't think I haven't forgotten how you nearly punched me in my face. That in itself deserves an explanation."
Akali sighed for the millionth time that month, trying to come up with an excuse to leave, and began to rise from her seat. "Shen and Kennen are still in Bull's Eye. I bet they're looking for me, so I better leave before-"
The death glare Akali received made her plop her behind back onto the metal chair. It was the same exact glare that drove hundreds of Noxians out of Placidium, Irelia's hometown.
"I want the whole story. Now."
Akali would have never thought that the woman who had stumbled into the hospital with a broken arm (from allegedly succeeding in single handedly taking down an army of Noxians) would later befriend and force the very nurse who had taken care of her to relive the hell she had experienced in the last month. Something within Akali cracked. Although Akali was usually a very closed person, literally everything, down to the last miniscule detail of Zed's violation, spilled out of her mouth. She couldn't even stop herself from babbling, yet she didn't want to; Irelia was the first person she had confessed to about her weeks at the temple, and the thousand pound giant that had firmly sat itself on her chest was finally gone—the weight of everything was lifted, much like when she had forgiven Zed.
Judging by the way her jaw hung open, Irelia seemed to be taken aback by the whole story.
Maybe I should write an autobiography.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone," Irelia said sincerely after a long and rather uncomfortable silence. "It's no wonder why you're suffering from PTSD."
Everywhere Akali went, the topic of "PTSD" was brought up. "I'm really fine. Honest."
"No, you're not," Irelia cut in harshly. "Many veterans in Placidium have PTSD, yet don't seek help. I have had to watch the best of men slowly spiral into wild, unthinking animals. It kills relationships and people alike. It's so painful watching the children witness their fathers succumbing to the temporary highs of alcohol and drugs, and eventual death. PTSD will eventually dominate your life if you don't get help."
"I don't need help," Akali said, quickly getting annoyed at the conversation. "I just need my mind to remember that all of this is in the past, that it won't hurt me now. But I'm too scared and weak to remember."
The stony look in Irelia's eyes softened. "You're not weak, Akali. You need to remember that, especially now. No one should ever have to experience what you went through. Yet you, the champion of all champions, survived, and you managed to haul yourself out of your house, even while suffering from PTSD. That is strength, Akali."
It took all of Akali's energy not to hug the woman before her. She didn't even realize she was crying until she saw droplets of water on the wooden table.
"PTSD takes time to heal, but as long as you're on the right path, you'll be yourself in no time."
Time.
That was something she didn't have. Syndra, that goddamned shrew of a person, was going to destroy the city, and Akali didn't have a clue as to how she would do it.
I can't even save myself, so how the hell am I going to save the city?
She needed help—she needed to tell Shen and Kennen immediately.
"Thank you for having coffee with me," Akali said truthfully, rising from her chair. "It really helped me."
She was given a warm smile. "It was a pleasure seeing you again."
Akali was three steps from the exit before she heard Irelia once more.
"Oh, and Akali?"
She stopped and turned to her best friend.
"Send that bitch back to whatever hell she came from."
Akali pushed the doors of the café with a new sense of, however little it was, confidence.
Telling the same story in the café to Shen and Kennen proved to be a much more grueling task, since there were a few details Akali had purposely excluded; she wasn't exactly keen on seeing Zed bleeding to death on her kitchen floor tonight. When she was done, she unconsciously shrunk back into the comfort of her couch and awaited their replies—based on the stern looks on their faces, their responses were going to be anything but pretty.
"You forgave Zed? How can you trust him after what he put you through?" was Shen's first question, though it wasn't a surprise to Akali.
She corrected, "Earning my forgiveness and earning my trust are two very different things. I've merely forgiven him, but it's going to take a lot more to win back my trust."
"So how exactly do you know he won't suddenly come crawling back to Syndra and help her?"
An image of a zombie-like Zed popped into her mind before she could reply, "Trust me; I know."
Shen's lips thinned into a firm line with displeasure as he crossed his arms. Akali could see the distrustful side of him rise to the surface in the form of a very deep scowl, which she shook off. The entire purpose of the conversation was to warn them of Syndra, not fuss over a man who didn't exactly have a definite standing point at the moment.
"The city, if not the world, is in danger, and I don't even know what Syndra is going to do next," Akali repeated, chewing on her lip nervously. "All I know is that if we aren't well prepared, this city will be annihilated by the time she's done with it."
A knowing gleam crossed her best friends' eyes, and it wasn't until Akali tilted her head in confusion that Shen had bothered to explain.
"Do you remember that Zed stole a book from the Lotus Temple?" he inquired. Akali nodded slowly, not yet made aware of the dire situation before her.
"Well, we were informed that he stole the Serpens Praefortis."
A loud gasp filled the room before she could stifle it. Her eyes widened upon finally realizing the massive problem that had just been revealed, even though it seemed utterly preposterous.
"T-that's impossible," she laughed weakly, trying to ignore the nausea that was making her lightheaded. "Even if someone could magically summon the Baron Nashor, it takes more than one person to control a beast with such tremendous power. Syndra surely cannot accomplish such a feat."
Kennen decided to input his own thoughts. "It's like you said; even if it doesn't seem possible, we must be prepared for anything and everything. Hypothetically, if she does summon Baron and fails to control it, then the entire world will be in peril. We, as the warriors of balance, must ensure that all is done to prevent Syndra from succeeding, including sacrificing our own lives if we must."
She was stunned beyond words. In a matter of minutes, the idea of PTSD seemed inane and trivial compared to the ever-present threat that lay over their heads.
"A few days ago, I received a call from the police. The monks weren't able to find the exact book, but they did notify the police that a scribe had been copying its contents as to make the information a little more permanent before Zed stole it. The scribe wasn't able to copy the entire book, but he did replicate a good amount of information. The temple graciously gave the information to the police, who then called me in the middle of the night about the exchange."
So that's what I heard the other night.
"Where is this information then?" Akali somehow forced out, despite her parched throat.
Shen fervently rummaged through his bag before pulling out a creased manila folder. Hesitantly, he handed it over to Akali, who stared at it as if it was a decaying rat.
"I was hoping to let you rest at least another week before telling you, but it seems that sitting idly by is no longer a possibility," Shen all but whispered before giving Akali a sympathetic look. "We must decide on our next course of action."
The yordle once again spoke. "We need to thoroughly read the information we have acquired, since it is the only thing we have to do as of now. Hopefully, we'll find something of value to us and counter Syndra."
Shen nodded his head once and replied "agreed" before focusing his gaze on Akali. "I know you're still suffering, so we're in no way forcing you to take part in this."
It was true; Akali was still healing from her physical and metaphorical wounds, and hearing Shen's words nearly made her sigh with relief. If she could barely manage to leave her house without having a panic attack, then how was she supposed to save the world from what she had thought to be a mythical monster that could easily demolish the world as if it was composed of deteriorating Legos? The answer was simple—she couldn't.
Yet inexplicably, raw guilt clouded her mind like fog. If Akali didn't help, she would be forced to watch her two best friends put their lives in jeopardy as she stayed hidden inside her home, waiting for Baron to obliterate the city she loved. God forbid they perished in combat—Akali would have to live with even more loss in her life, if not lose her life itself, and at this point she wasn't certain if she had the will to cope with it.
"No," she practically whispered, but she knew Shen and Kennen had heard by the way they stopped moving. "If you two are to die in combat, then so will I."
"Akali," Shen spoke with a warning tone, just like he had on the day Akali had found Zed and dialed his number on the phone. She knew what he would have to say next, but she boldly interrupted before he had the chance to.
"I know you're just being protective, if not a little too over-protective of me, and it definitely is warranted considering all the shit that has happened to me, but I need you to trust me right now. I know I was stupid that night you told me not to let a seemingly harmless stranger in, but I'm not that naive anymore. I've since grown and have learned from the scars that mar my body. I'm asking you to please trust me, if not as the woman who was to inherit the honor of Fist of Shadow, then as your best friend."
Her words slowly faded into nothing as the room fell silent. Shen couldn't mask the inner turmoil he felt, which consequently played out through the various troubled expressions that crossed his face. It would be difficult to convince him to relent, considering the last time he did, Akali had been captured and tortured by a shadowed psycho and his purple ex-buddy. But maybe there was a chance he would overlook everything.
"Fine." His one-word reply left Akali's ears ringing with surprise and her face broke out into a smile.
Shen continued further, saying, "Frankly, we don't have time to debate this. If I don't let her help us, I already know there's bound to be a week long argument, a week that could be spent pooling our efforts as a trio. We need to prioritize taking Syndra down."
The logic was infallible, and with nothing left to say, Akali opened the folder sitting on her lap. Hundreds of pages greeted her, and she could do nothing more than stare at it like a buffoon would. Serpens Praefortis had been written more than a thousand years ago, and that part of the book was in her possession appalled her.
"Distribute the stack into three piles, but keep the pages in order," Shen commanded, to which Akali happily obliged. Since her flashbacks of her almost-demise occurred when she was sleeping, studying Serpens Praefortis would hopefully occupy her mind.
The three ninjas studied the pages as if their lives depended on it. Each second the hand on the clock ticked resounded in their ears, for it was a constant reminder that with each day that slowly but surely passed, the day Syndra would strike was nearing.
They had so much more to lose than their lives. If they failed to stop Syndra, then they would fail the entire world.
Yea, I know this chapter is much shorter than the last one, but it's just one of those chapters, y'know (aka the ones that are extremely boring to write since nothing exciting happens but are still essential for the plot to progress).
I thought I should tackle PTSD in this chapter since I don't think any normal human could possibly go through what Akali did and emerge completely unscathed. PTSD is no joke, and should be treated seriously (not that I'm a doctor or anything). :|
Fun fact: I was originally going to let Akali talk to Sona, but it's really hard to converse and reach a semi-epiphany with a mute. sorry Sona hehe
Anyway, thank you guys for reading and have a sunshiny day. c; (even though it's raining like hell here)