CHAPTER FIVE

It was only just 9pm, but after two nights of poor sleep, there was only so much coffee could do. Steven's eyelids felt as if they had tiny weights attached and keeping them open was getting to be a real struggle, and the last time he'd yawned, he was convinced he'd almost unhinged his jaw. But he valiantly struggled on, until finally, the last box of Lapis's possessions was packed away. Once he'd moved it into his room in the Temple, he stretched and yawned again. "I'm sorry, I really have to go to sleep now," he said apologetically.

"OK, goodnight, Ste-man." Amethyst ruffled his hair. "Don't let the bed bugs murder you in your sleep."

"Amethyst, that's highly inappropriate," Pearl scolded. Then she gave Steven a quick kiss on the forehead. "Sleep well. We'll see you in the morning."

"Sweet dreams," Garnet added.

As the three elder Crystal Gems walked into the Temple, Peridot picked up her tablet and headphones and started walking towards the bathroom. "I'll just get out of your way then."

"OK. Good night." Steven waited until she'd shut the door before changing into his pajamas, switching off the light and climbing into bed. Then he stared at the ceiling for a moment, deep in thought. He felt a little bad about sending Peridot into the bathroom again. Surely if she was going to live in the house, she should be allowed to spend the nights wherever she liked? Even though she hadn't complained, he was sure she didn't actually like it in there, it had to feel like she was being held prisoner all over again.

But he couldn't sleep with her in the same room. He just couldn't, especially not now, not after what he'd almost done on the steps. And he desperately needed to sleep, because obviously sleep deprivation was affecting his decision-making skills, which had to be why he'd thought trying to kiss her would be a good idea when she'd given him no indication that she liked him that way. He needed to get a good night's sleep before he did something stupid and ruined their friendship.

He rolled over and closed his eyes. Then he opened them again. Was he really sure she didn't like him like that? After all, she hadn't moved away until Amethyst had started yelling. And was it his imagination, or had she actually moved closer? He closed his eyes again and tried to remember. They'd been sitting there, holding hands, the sky a deep purple over the sea. He'd moved forward… and so had she.

Or had she? Was he remembering it wrong? Was he picturing it like that because he so badly wanted it to be true? He honestly had no idea.

Stop obsessing over it and just go to sleep, he told himself sternly, and sat up and gave his pillow a thump for emphasis. Then he flopped back down and resolutely closed his eyes.

Immediately he became aware that his pillow wasn't supporting his neck properly. He reached up and readjusted it. But now his arms felt weird. He rolled over, trying to find a position that worked, but that just made his legs uncomfortable. And then he found that all the fidgeting had made him too hot, so he kicked his blanket off. Of course, twenty seconds later, he was too cold. He tried pulling it half over him, but that left his toes uncovered and he couldn't be certain that nothing might creep into his room in the night and bite them off.

Actually, he'd never really stopped to think before just how unprotected the house was. They rarely ever bothered locking the door. It really was quite fortunate that nothing had ever attacked him in his sleep. Well. Apart from Lion. Sort of. And Peridot's robonoids. And Peridot. Maybe he should go and check the locks. Although he didn't really want to move now, because we was finally comfortable. Mostly. So long as he continued to ignore the fact that he kinda needed to pee.

Unfortunately, as soon as that thought crossed his mind, it became the one and only thing he could think about. Perhaps he should've stopped at the third toffee nut double shot latte after all. For several minutes, he lay there, hoping that if he ignored the growing discomfort in his lower belly, it would magically go away, but finally he was forced to admit defeat. With a reluctant groan, he stood up and made his way to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Peridot?"

He heard movement on the other side and stepped back as the lock clicked and the door swung open. "Yes?" Peridot asked politely.

"Can I come in for a minute?" he asked.

"Oh. Sure." She stepped aside and held the door open for him to come inside. Then she sat down on the edge of the tub and stared expectantly at him. "How can I help you?"

"Actually," Steven began awkwardly, "I just need to use the toilet."

"Oh! Of course, sorry!" Peridot blushed and stood back up again and quickly exited the room.

Steven locked the door behind her and peed quickly, trying to be as quiet as possible, knowing she was just on the other side of the door. Afterwards, he flushed and washed his hands before stepping back outside again. "All done."

Peridot smiled and jumped up from the sofa. "Then I'll head back in there and see you in the morning-"

"Wait," Steven interrupted as a thought occurred to him. "Why don't you try sleeping out here tonight?" Maybe he couldn't sleep with Peridot awake and active, but he might be able to do it if she was sleeping as well. And then she wouldn't have to shut herself in the bathroom where she used to be a prisoner and he wouldn't have to kick her out when he actually needed to use the room. It was the perfect solution.

Except Peridot didn't look particularly thrilled by the idea. "I don't really… enjoy sleeping," she said hesitantly.

Steven considered that for a moment. "You've tried it then?"

"A couple of times," she admitted. "Lapis is quite fond of sleep, and I wanted to see what the appeal was, so I attempted it myself on several occasions." She frowned and turned away. "I didn't find it… pleasant."

"Why, what was the problem?" He remembered Pearl's first and only attempt at sleep. "Did you have a weird dream? You know they're not real, right? They're just mixed-up movies in your head."

Peridot shook her head. "It wasn't weird, it was…" She paused for thought. "There are some things I try not to think about. But when I was asleep, I couldn't control my thoughts any more."

Steven sat up a little straighter. "Wait, did you have a nightmare?"

"I suppose that would be the technical name for it, yes," she said dryly, although she didn't think the word adequately described the sickening sense of horror she'd felt when Yellow Diamond had suddenly appeared in her dreams, lead there by a hidden signal in the limb enhancers she'd found and repaired. She'd thanked Peridot for her assistance, and the Crystal Gems had turned on her. She'd woken up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down her face, just as Steven himself was about to stab her with his mother's sword. After that, she'd never tried sleeping again. "It's not an experience I care to repeat."

"But I can help you!" Steven exclaimed. "You know Kiki Pizza? She used to have nightmares all the time, but I was able to use my powers to enter her dreams and make them better. I could do that for you too!"

Peridot's first instinct was to refuse, but she found herself hesitating. "How exactly did that work?"

"I'd just… go to sleep at night and think about how she needed my help, then I'd be in her dream," Steven explained. "Jenny was asking her to take over a lot of her work and it was overwhelming her and stressing her out and she kept dreaming that she was drowning in cheese. So every night, I'd come along and fight the cheese monsters for her. Of course," he admitted, "it didn't permanently stop the dreams. In the end, she figured out she had to talk to Jenny about how she was taking advantage of her. But if you want, we can try it and see if it helps?"

"Well…" She still wasn't completely happy with the idea of going sleep again, but Steven looked so hopeful that she didn't want to let him down. And it really was rather boring in the bathroom. "All right," she finally decided. "Let's give it a try." She cast a quick look around the house. "Where should I sleep?"

Steven opened his mouth to suggest he take the sofa, but somehow, the signals from his brain got scrambled on the way down and what came out instead was, "we can share the bed. It's big enough."

Peridot blinked in surprise. Sure, she was an alien from outer space, but she'd been living on Earth for a few years now and she was pretty certain that what Steven had just suggested wasn't quite appropriate. "Share the bed?" she repeated warily, just in case she'd imagined hearing it.

"Um, yeah." He smiled nervously. "Like I said, it's big enough."

The size of the bed wasn't exactly what Peridot had been concerned about, but if Steven didn't think there was a problem, she wasn't going to argue with him. "Very well," she said instead, and began rummaging through her dresser. "I believe I own a pair of pajamas."

"OK. I'm just going to check the door." He walked over and clicked the lock into place, then climbed the steps back up to his room and got back into bed, feeling almost queasy with nerves. There was an entire swarm of butterflies in his stomach, and for a brief moment, he seriously considered offering to take the sofa after all, but then she suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs, dressed in a pair of drawstring shorts and a tiny vest top, and all his self-control dribbled away. "You um, you look nice," he croaked.

"Oh. Thank you." She smiled a little self-consciously and tried to discreetly pull the hem of the shorts down a little further. "They're acceptable then? I-I really don't own any others. Maybe I should put a t-shirt on-"

"No, no, they're fine!" he said hastily, and patted the empty space next to him. "Come and lay down."

"Um, OK." She slid between the blankets and rolled onto her side to face him. "So… I just go to sleep? And you'll be there?"

"Uh, yeah." He felt her knee brush against his leg and wriggled back slightly, hoping he wasn't being too obvious. "I'll help you deal with any nightmares, then I'll go back to my own dream." Then he smiled shyly. "Or if you want, I can hang around and we can dream something fun."

"We could go to Camp Pining Hearts!" Peridot suggested at once.

"Yeah!" His smile widened. "And you could punch Paulette in the face!"

Peridot laughed. "I like the sound of that." Then she smiled softly. "Good night, Steven."

"'Night, Peridot."

Peridot closed her eyes and was asleep at once. For several seconds, Steven could only stare at her in envy. How was it that gems, who had no need to sleep, could do it so easily? It really wasn't fair. But of course, he reminded himself, it wasn't really that easy, which was why he was supposed to be joining Peridot in her dreams instead of wasting time being a creeper and staring at her. "Go to sleep, Steven," he muttered to himself, and rolled over so his back was to her, and closed his eyes. Which was when he realized he wasn't even remotely sleepy any more. The caffeine from the four toffee nut double shot lattes had finally kicked in.

xxx

Peridot was standing on the hill, looking out over Beach City and the distant Temple fusion statue. She turned around and there was the barn. It hadn't fallen down after all, it was exactly as it had looked before the storm. She stepped inside and looked around. The door to Lapis's room was closed, and somehow she knew Lapis wasn't in there. She had the barn to herself. She considered putting on some clothes, climbing into the hammock and doing some writing, but then she remembered that Steven was supposed to be joining her.

Where was he?

She stepped back outside again, but she couldn't see any sign of him. Then she glanced up at the truck. Perhaps she'd be able to see more from a higher vantage point? She couldn't find the garbage can lid, so she went back into the barn once again, walked over to the ladder and put a foot on the bottom rung.

Before she could move any further, something burst out of the ground and grabbed her foot. She screamed and kicked out, sending it flying across the barn, where it crashed into the wall of Lapis's room and fell to the floor. It lay motionless for a moment, and then twitched a few times, before starting to crawl back towards her.

It was a gem mutant, she realized, frozen in shock. One of the prototypes that had been buried with the Cluster-

Somehow, in the short time it had taken for that thought to cross her mind, it had managed to make its way back over to her. A disembodied hand touched her toes and she screamed again and lunged for the ladder.

It was as if her scream was the signal they'd been waiting for. The moment her fingers wrapped around the rung, the ground beneath her exploded as dozens of fragmented gem bodies broke the surface. She could feel the rage and hatred radiating from them, and she knew they blamed her for what had been done to them. If they caught her, they would tear her form apart and shatter her gem and make her one of them too.

She scrambled higher up the ladder, trying to get out of reach, but before she could get more than half-way up, her ankle was seized in a bone-crushing grip and she almost fell back down. She hung on grimly, trying to pull herself free, but her hands were slippery with sweat and to her horror, she felt herself losing her grip. "Steven! Help me!"

Nothing happened. He didn't magically come to her rescue. She was going to die here, all alone. Once again, she tried to pull herself free, but more hands reached up to pull at her legs and her fingers slipped off the rungs. For a moment, she seemed to hang in the air… and then she fell.

She was swarmed at once. Hands pulled at her hair and scratched her face and tore her clothes. She fought back as best she could, biting the fingers that came near her mouth and hitting and kicking everything she could reach, but it was no use. She was completely overwhelmed. And then she felt them touching her gem. "No! It wasn't me!" she screamed in terror. The pressure on her gem increased. "IT WASN'T ME!"

"Peridot!"

Steven leapt towards her, throwing up his bubble shield as he did so. The gem mutants were pushed away and Peridot yelped as he fell on top of her. "Steven!"

"Sorry, sorry!" He tried to stand up, but the momentum sent them bouncing across the barn floor in a tangle of arms and legs. "Ack! Sorry! I'll just- sorry!" He flung his arms out and pink spikes popped out the bubble and lodged into the ground. "Sorry," he said again as the bubble came to a stop. "I came as fast as I could-"

Peridot burst into tears of relief. "I th-thought you weren't coming!"

"I'm so so sorry." He pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. "I couldn't fall asleep, I almost woke you up instead, but then… I was here." He glanced over her shoulder at the pink-tinted hands crawling their way and tried to repress a shudder. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I should've been here sooner."

Peridot pushed him away gently, wiped her eyes and gave him a watery smile. "It's OK. You're here now."

"Yeah." He managed a small smile in return before risking another glance at the mutants. They were closer now, and he tried to figure out how he was going to deal with them. "I'm gonna drop the bubble in a second," he said finally. "Don't worry," he quickly added as she flinched. "I'm going to pick you up. Just hold on to me, I'll jump and get us up to the platform."

"Um, OK." She nibbled her lip a little in apprehension, but allowed herself to be picked up, where she immediately looped her arms around his neck. "I'm ready."

Steven nodded grimly. Hands were now pressing against the bubble, seemingly oblivious to the spikes and he was pretty sure they only had seconds left before the gem mutants pulled it apart. He took a deep breath and popped the bubble. The mutants fell back and in the same moment, he leapt as high as he could, landing squarely in the middle of the upper level. Then he gently placed her back on the ground. "We should be safe up here for a minute, I'm just gonna look over the edge and try and figure out what to do next."

Peridot opened her mouth to reply, but before she could speak, the platform caved in beneath her and she fell through the air, screaming. The gem mutants reached out for her. They had no faces, but somehow, she knew they were smiling.

xxx

Steven sat bolt upright, gasping for breath, cold sweat soaking his pajamas. "Peridot!" He turned to shake her awake, but stopped when he saw that her eyes were already open. Of course, he realized, that was why he'd been thrown out of the dream so abruptly. "You OK?" he asked cautiously.

"Um." She quickly wiped her damp cheeks and blinked the last of the tears away. "Yeah."

"Do… do you wanna talk about it?"

She let out a small snort. "Not particularly, no."

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to," he quickly added, "but it might help."

Peridot bit her lip in thought. "I don't know…"

"Well, at least have some hot chocolate," he cut in, and stood up, forcing an encouraging smile on his face. "Chocolate's supposed to be really good for shock, that's why they eat it after Dementor attacks in Harry Potter."

"That sounds fake, but OK." She followed Steven down the stairs into the kitchen and sat down and watched as he quickly worked, warming up milk and stirring in the powder before finishing off by throwing in a handful of tiny marshmallows. She took a small sip and was surprised to find that she actually did feel a little better.

"So." Steven took a sip of his own drink and then put it back down on the corner. "Gem mutants, huh? What was that all about?"

Peridot sighed and stared down at her mug of hot chocolate. "It's not all that difficult to figure out, is it? I was sent here to observe the Cluster. I feel guilty about them."

"But it's not your fault!" He reached out and grabbed her hands. "I know you were sent to check on them, but you didn't do that to them, you weren't even around for the war!"

"I know, but…" She sighed and pulled her hands free. Should she tell him? He hadn't been angry earlier when they'd been talking about Rose. And he'd seen her dream. Maybe he was right, maybe it would help to finally tell the truth. "I haven't… been entirely honest with you."

Steven frowned in confusion. "What?" Then his eyes widened. "You were around!?"

"What!? No!" She laughed in surprise and shook her head. "No, nooo! No, that's not what I meant! I mean…" The laughter faded and she wrapped her hands around her mug, embracing the warmth. "I let you all think I was just a standard Peridot technician, randomly picked to come here."

"You're not?" Steven said blankly.

Peridot shook her head. "Gems are made for a specific purpose. My purpose was always to come here and check on the Cluster. And the prototypes." Seeing that Steven still didn't understand, she elaborated. "The standard kindergarten training isn't enough to understand the data I was sent to collect. I was given advanced training so that I could take my findings back to Homeworld and um…" She swallowed hard and stared at the melting marshmallows in her mug.

"They wanted you to make more of them, didn't they?" Steven said softly.

Peridot nodded, feeling shame wash over her. "Usually shattered gems are recycled and used to make new ones," she explained in a low tone. "But hundreds of gem shards are needed to make one new gem. It's an inefficient and wasteful process, especially when the shards are from an era 1 gem. Era 2 gems are inferior-"

"You're not inferior!" Steven said sharply.

"That's very kind of you to say so, Steven, but it's an objective fact." She held up a hand for silence as he opened his mouth to protest. "I may have metal powers, but they're nowhere near as powerful as say, Lapis's water powers. I can't shapeshift, I can't summon a gem weapon, I probably can't fuse. I don't have super strength, I don't have super speed and I can't do those high jumps you and the other gems can do. Other era 2 gem types may have slightly different strengths and flaws depending on their role, but we are all substandard and Homeworld prefer to use era 1 gems whenever possible. So when one is shattered, it's considered a great loss." She stopped talking and lifted her mug to her lips.

Steven frowned. What she said made a certain amount of sense, but that didn't mean he had to like it. But before he could try and reassure her, she lowered the mug and started talking again. "So far, Homeworld hasn't tried anything like the fusion experiments anywhere else, just here on Earth, so when they calculated that they were close to emerging, I was sent to collect the data before the planet was destroyed. Upon returning to Homeworld, my job would've been to recreate the most successful experiments and to ultimately find a way to make functional gems out of era 1 gem shards." She raised her eyes to meet his. "That's why I feel guilty. Maybe I'm not responsible for the fusion experiments here, but I was created to make more of them, and I would've happily done so if I hadn't been captured."

"Peridot…" Steven sighed and put his mug down. "We've all done stuff we're not proud of. Garnet used to be on Homeworld's side too, remember? And- and Lapis didn't tell us why she was really on Earth until a couple of months ago. And OK, if things were different, you would've gone back to Homeworld and experimented on gem shards. But you didn't. You stayed here and tried to negotiate with Yellow Diamond and you helped me stop the Cluster. You're feeling guilty over something you didn't even do!"

"But-" Peridot began.

"No buts." Steven took her hands again, and this time, she didn't pull away. "I know what that's like, for the longest time, I blamed myself for Pink Diamond being shattered. And Amethyst, she blamed herself for the war and Kindergarten, remember? Maybe you weren't made for the best of reasons, but that doesn't matter! It's what you do with your life that matters! You shouldn't let it get to you, you're so much better than what they made you for!"

Peridot stared at him for a moment, and then finally allowed herself a small smile. There was a warm glow in her chest and she was surprised to find that she felt a lot better after his words. "Thank you. You were right, this did help."

"No problem." He grinned, and with some reluctance, let go of her hands and drained the last of his chocolate. Then he yawned and stretched. "I'm guessing I probably can't tempt you back into bed though?"

Peridot laughed. "No, I don't think I'm quite ready for that again. I'll be going back to the bathroom." She finished her own drink and stood up to place it by the sink. Then she turned around and impulsively hugged him. "Good night, Steven."

"Good night, Peridot." He watched her disappear back into the bathroom, and then went back to bed, replaying every moment of that hug until he finally fell asleep again.