It feels so good to be back after six weeks of no unnecessary media! Well, I feel like I wrote a lot of nothing in this chapter and that it was messy and had no real plot...feel free to tell me otherwise ;)

Itachi waited in the back of the library like the twins had ordered. They were late. To pass the time, he Sharingan-read advanced charm books for Leader, who still was acting off, was particularly interested in the one that allowed human detection. Finally, the twins arrived. Itachi quickly deactivated his eyes.,

"Sorry we're late," said one.

"We had to double back to escape Filch," said the other.

"I'm sorry for sounding ignorant, but which of you is which?" Itachi asked, looking at them.

"I'm Fred," said the one who'd spoken second.

"I'm George," said the other. "Don't worry about it."

"Mum's mixed us up a bunch of times," said Fred. "Now, we've got a plan for watching Umbridge, and we've got a potential diversion team. They should be here soon."

"Hn?" Itachi asked, interested. "Who?"

"Well, our little brother and his two best friends are interested in getting back at Umbridge," said George.

"And our friend Lee Jordan is interested too," said Fred. "He's got a detention, though, so he can't come today."

"How many people do you think you'll need for the diversion squad?" asked Itachi, closing his charm book.

"Um…" The twins looked at each other. "The more the merrier!" Fred said at last.

"Or rather," said George, "the more Filch and Mrs. Norris have to hunt down, the better!"

"Not to mention Peeves," Fred said. "He could be a problem…"

"Who is Peeves?" asked Itachi.

"He's the resident poltergeist of Hogwarts," said George. "He's a pain because he's always pulling pranks, but he's always calling Filch on us."

"What's a poltergeist again?" Itachi asked.

"It's a pranking ghost with a mean spirit," said Fred.

"Peeves could be a problem," said Itachi. "You'll need another diversion squad to keep him occupied."

"Peeves is a poltergeist," said George. "He's hard to catch because he's not material, and he's even harder to control. Only the Slytherin ghost, the Bloody Baron can keep him under control."

"And George and I only have so many friends willing to risk detention with Filch, Umbridge, or anyone else," said Fred.

"I'll gather some of my friends for a diversionary squad, then," said Itachi.

"Friends…like who?" asked George.

"I'll go get them," said Itachi. He checked out his book and headed for the exit without waiting for the twins' reply. As soon as he ensured that he was alone, he body flickered away.

First he traced Deidara and Hidan's chakra to the Quidditch pitch. The pitch was empty except for the Gryffindor nin, two of which were sparring and yelling at each other while the other lounged in the shade. When Kisame felt Itachi's chakra, he sat up and waved to his comrade.

"Yo, 'Tachi!" he yelled.

"Hello, Kisame. Has your personality been affected as well as Leader, sir?" Itachi asked.

"Nope! I'm just feelin'…I dunno. Young, maybe? Youthful?" Kisame scratched his head.

"Please don't use that word," said Itachi. "It reminds me of someone from my village."

"Which one? Youthful?" Kisame asked.

"Yes. And I'd use the word childish," said Itachi.

"Wait…you're not talking about that self-proclaimed 'Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha', are you?" Kisame asked. "I've fought that guy a couple of times, and he claimed to not remember me, the annoying bugger."

Itachi gave him a look. "Isn't that what you want him to do? If he remembered you, he'd know your strategies."

Kisame blinked. "Oh. Right. That didn't occur to me."

"Hey! What're you doing here, un?" asked Deidara as he fended off a furious Hidan.

"I'm recruiting all three of you to a diversion squad," said Itachi.

"A diversion squad? For what, un?" Deidara asked, interested.

"I suppose you three have heard Sasori and Kakuzu complaining about how awful Professor Umbridge is, correct?" Itachi asked.

"Oh my f- Jashin, Kakuzu can talk f- s- about the b- for almost as f- long as he can about money!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Yeah, danna told me about her and her bad attitude, un," said Deidara. "I can't wait for her class, 'cause I'm gonna spit her bad attitude right back at her, un!"

"The diversion squad I'm gathering is for a group effort that will go into making Professor Umbridge's life difficult," said Itachi.

Hidan didn't wait for further explanation. "I'm f- in!" he declared. "Kakuzu won't f- shut up about her, so I'm more than happy to screw with the b-."

"I'll grab Kakuzu and Sasori as well," said Itachi. "Go to the library. There's a pair of redhead twins waiting at the back tables. They're directing the plan."

"Get Tobi too, un," said Deidara. "Even though he's annoying as heck, he'll be a great diversion, and I don't care if he's gets a detention or not, un."

"I will," Itachi said. "I'm not going to send him, though. He's too loud."

"Well, let's find these twins," Kisame started saying as Itachi body flickered away.

l l l

Kakuzu and Sasori weren't hard to reach; they were sitting in their room, counting money and fiddling with puppets respectively. Itachi scaled the wall and tapped on their window. Sasori flicked a finger and opened it with a chakra string. "What?" he asked.

"Go to the back of the library and look for the red-haired twins if you want to assist in annoying Professor Umbridge," Itachi said.

"What's with these civilians and red hair?" Itachi heard Sasori mutter as he body flickered to his dorm to put away his charm book.

When he returned to the library, the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor nin were whispering with Fred and George about the plan.

"Where is your diversion squad?" Itachi asked Fred and George.

"If we still had the Marauder's map, we'd tell you," said George.

"We can only assume that they had a run-in with Snape, Filch, or someone," said Fred.

"I sense that red-haired prefect whose relative I was mistaken for," Sasori said.

"Red-haired prefect?" asked George. "Finally."

Two boys and a girl, all younger than Fred and George, approached. "Sorry, guys," said the black-haired boy with green eyes and a peculiar scar, "We passed Malfoy, who made a nasty remark to Ron, who-"

"Who just couldn't keep his mouth shut and walk away," said the girl.

"Hey! It's that Ravenclaw Weasley I was telling you guys about," said the red-head.

"Alright, you guys," said Fred. "These are Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They're going to be part of one of our diversion teams. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, these are…" Fred took a deep breath.

George finished. "Ok, the dark-skinned one is Kakuzu, and his red-haired housemate that you seem to know is Sasori. Then you've got these three Gryffindors who I'm sure you've seen hanging around the common room. The blue-skinned one is Kisame, the long-haired blonde is Deidara, and the albino is Hidan. And finally, you've got the inventor of the diversion-team idea is the Hufflepuff Itachi."

"Hi," said Harry.
"Nice to meet you," said Hermione.

"You have blue skin!" Ron exclaimed, looking at Kisame.

"And you've got hair redder than Sasori's," said Kisame. "Who, by the way, looks nothing like you."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you, Kisame," said Sasori.

"We also will have one more joining us, but he's busy right now," said Itachi. "His name is Tobi, and he's a master of distraction."

"That's definitely one way to put it, un," muttered Deidara.

"Right," said Fred. "Lee's gonna work with us too, but he's been detained. So…" He looked at George.

"The first stage of the plan is information gathering," said George. "We need to learn Umbridge's daily schedule."

"But that's going to take forever!" Harry exclaimed.

"No, it won't," said Kakuzu. "One of our friends excels at spying. We'll have him work on that. He should be good by next week. Meanwhile, we need to make an inventory of what we're going to use. We want to be cost-efficient, of course. There's no point in over-spending if we can make some of what we need from scratch."

"Say, why is Hidan being quiet?" asked Itachi, looking at the Jashinist. To his surprise, Hidan was sitting still, being silent, though his mouth was moving violently. Itachi looked at Sasori, who shrugged and held up a hand. Itachi frowned, and then, concentrating, said in the language of the Shinobi nations, "I didn't think chakra strings could hold the vocal cords."

Sasori glanced at the twins and made a swooshing motion with his hand, as if holding a wand. "Ah," Itachi said, understanding.

"I like that technique, un," said Deidara. "If we get Konan to translate it into one of our types of techniques, maybe we can get Tobi to shut up for once, un."
"Why do you say 'un'?" asked Ron.

"It's natural, un," said Deidara.

"It's a speech impediment," said Sasori.

"It's not impeding, un!" Deidara said hotly, glaring at Sasori.

"It's annoying," Sasori said.

"Ugh, you're annoying, danna, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"I'm not sure who's more a brat – you or that blonde prefect from yesterday," said Sasori.

Deidara looked offended. "There's someone who annoys you more than me, un?" he asked.

"He competes," Sasori said flatly.

"Malfoy?" asked Ron.

"Yes," said Sasori.

"Can we get back to the matter at hand now?" asked Kakuzu.

"Which was?" Kisame asked.

"Inventory," said Kakuzu.

"Right," said George. "We'll need dung bombs for diversion, and we'll need to look up color-changing charms."

"Why dung bombs, un?" asked Deidara. "I could make real ones."

"Good joke," said Harry.

"I'm not joking, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"You're joking," said Itachi. "I'm sure Kakuzu doesn't want to pay for the fixtures."

"No, I don't," said Kakuzu.

"Fine, un," Deidara grumbled.

"Wait, you've seriously got bombs?" asked Fred.

"How'd you smuggle them in?" asked George.

"I don't," said Deidara. "See, my-"

"They don't need to know," Sasori hissed in the language of the Shinobi nations.

"Fine, fine, un," Deidara grumbled.

"What did he say?" asked Harry. "Itachi spoke in that other language before too. What language is that?"

"Speak in it again," Hermione ordered.

"Wait…you were speaking in another language, danna, un?" Deidara asked.

Sasori shrugged. "I'm speaking in the language of the Shinobi lands. Think about it, and then answer me."

"Fine, un," said Deidara. "What am I supposed to think about, un?"

"Whoa, there is another language," Kisame said. "I didn't even realize it!"

"I'm no expert, but I think you guys are speaking one of the Asian languages," said Hermione. "Give me a second, and I'll check."

"Can we get back to the inventory now?" Kakuzu asked, clearly irritated. "Dung bombs and color-changing charms can't be all we need. What about techniques that will change Umbridge's cat items into dog items? You two mentioned something like that," he said to the twins.

"Right. Now, Fred and I may be seventh year students, but when it comes to transfiguration that's not prank related, we're a little weak," said George.

"So that's where Hermione comes in," said Fred. "Oi! Hermione, we don't care what language the exchange-transfer-whichever students speak. All we care about is plotting this."

"Fine," Hermione grumbled. "You need transfiguration spells? Why bother? We could just cast an illusion on it to make it look turned."

"Aside from the how," Harry broke in, "we need to know the who. Who's going to distract Filch and Peeves, and who's going to actually break into the office?"

"Hm…" Fred and George looked at each other. "Well, who wants to risk detention with Umbridge versus Filch?"

Kakuzu shook his head. "That's no way to go about it. Who knows better what will draw away Filch and Peeves? How does one detain something made of pure spirit? How will we communicate? Those are the types of questions we should be asking. Otherwise this whole thing will fail and will be a waste of all of our time."

"Kakuzu is right," Hermione said. "Since I'm the best at transfiguration here, I'll go into Umbridge's office. Also, since Harry has an invisibility cloak, he should go to Umbridge's office."

"We've dealt with Peeves before," said Fred.

"We'll distract him," George agreed. "And we'll take Lee with us."

"Since Ron is used to working with us, he should come with us," said Harry.

"That's a lot of us distracting Filch," Kisame commented.

"Agreed," said Sasori. "I say we send Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi after Filch and the cat. You older people can do as you want. But we do need someone who can communicate and strategize effectively should something go wrong. Is there any technique that will allow us to keep track of each other?"

"The Marauders' Map!" Fred exclaimed. "Someone can stay behind and monitor it while we all go to work."

"How will we communicate, though?" Ron asked.

"If only walkie-talkies worked here," Hermione said.

"What's that?" asked George.

"They're muggle devices that you talk into and everyone who has one can hear," said Harry. "Unfortunately, they're electronic. However, I was thinking, you know how Riddle used the diary to write back and forth to me? Well, what if we charmed paper to work as a sort of walkie-talkie? It'd be quieter than actual walkie-talkies because all you need to do is write, and it'd be easy to shove away and hide."

"I like the way you think, Harry," Fred said. "Hermione, do you think you could work on that?"

"Yes," she said.

"So," said Itachi, "We've got Fred, George, and their friend Lee distracting Peeves; Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi distracting Filch and his cat; and Harry, Hermione, and Ron going into Umbridge's office. That leaves Sasori, Kakuzu, Kisame, and I to monitor this Marauders' Map that you mentioned."

"What about Umbridge herself?" Kakuzu asked.

"Zetsu should be able to tell us where she goes and what she does on her breaks," Itachi said. "He can keep an eye on her, and he can tell us if anything goes wrong."

"Sounds good," said Fred.

"For the fourth time, let's hear an inventory," Kakuzu demanded.

"Dung bombs," said George. "Lots of dung bombs." Kakuzu nodded.

"How about smoke bombs for escape purposes, un?" Deidara asked.

"As long as you don't make them, brat," Sasori muttered. Deidara sulked.

"Can you make dung bombs from scratch?" asked Kakuzu.

"Probably; why?" asked Ron.

"Because we don't want anyone tracing purchases," Kakuzu said.

"Don't worry, the teachers don't trace Hogsmeade purchases," Hermione said. "That's good thinking, though."

"Aw, man! Malfoy!" Harry exclaimed. "He and his buddies would do anything to get us in trouble."

"You mentioned an invisibility cloak?" Itachi reminded him.

"Yeah, but it doesn't muffle sound," Ron said.

"Then be quiet," Sasori said.

"Someone needs to stand guard outside of Umbridge's office," Kakuzu said. "Kisame, you're hired."

"Cool. I wasn't looking forward to watching some map," Kisame said.

"Speaking of this map, how does it work?" asked Itachi.

"You tap it with your wand and say 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good' and an entire map of Hogwarts will appear. It'll show where people are, so you should be able to trace us anywhere," said Harry.

"We don't have wands," said Kakuzu.

"We'll activate it for you before we go," said Hermione. "Wait. Why don't you have wands?"

"Couldn't afford them," Kakuzu said gruffly.

"So how did you get in here?" asked Ron.

"Headmaster's generosity, un?" Deidara guessed.

"Are dung bombs and smoke bombs really the only thing on our inventory?" asked Kakuzu.

"You and your inventory, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Lighten up and live a little," Fred said.

"Things like this are only fun if there's some excitement," George said with a nod.

Kakuzu shook his head. "Poorly thought out plans always end poorly. Even Deidara and Hidan have a strategy before acting."

"Yeah, un," Deidara said with a nod. "Hey! What do you mean, 'Even Deidara and Hidan'?"

"Speaking of Hidan, how long will that silencing technique last?" asked Kakuzu. "It's nice to hear him not talking."

"It usually lasts for an hour, I think," said Hermione.

"I take that dung bombs and smoke bombs really are the only thing on our list, then," Kakuzu said. When no one answered him, he sighed. "How will you and your friend deal with Peeves?"

"We've dealt with him before," said George.

"We'll deal with him again," Fred said.

"Fine," said Kakuzu. "Team Twins has Peeves taken care of. Team Invisible will take Umbridge's office. The guard combo will keep their eyes on Umbridge at their stations. Team Tracking and Communication will meet here. And Team Deidara will take your various bombs and keep Filch away."

"Yeah, un!"

Hidan, who was still being forced to sit still by Sasori, struggled indignantly. Kakuzu blinked at him. "Deidara's team leader because a) he's good with bombs, b) Tobi's not the sharpest shuriken in the holster, c) you're too reckless, and d) hopefully Sasori's rubbed off on him because I sure as heck haven't rubbed off on you."

"I like the cool team names," George said.

"There's gotta be some way of good communication," said Kakuzu.

"How long do you think it'll take Zetsu to get Umbridge's schedule down?" asked Kisame.

"Who's Zetsu?" asked Ron.

"The one who we said would learn Umbridge's schedule for us," said Itachi. "I'll keep in touch with him."

"Cool," said Harry.

"I think we're all set," said Fred. "Hermione, you'll make sure Ron and Harry know what they're doing, right?"

"Of course," said Hermione.

"Then we're done here," said George. "Disperse."

Well, there it is. Six weeks' worth of having no idea what to do with myself. Don't forget that I'm always in need of new plot ideas! This story is basically a bunch of one-shots somehow strung together. It'll take Zetsu time to gather all of the information on Umbridge, so if you have a wacky idea pop up in your head, just let me know and I'll see what I can do with it. And, of course, I'll credit you. Which reminds me, thanks still to Meimeiaru8 who got me started on the pranking idea.

Now I guess I've got to do homework and catch up on all my unread manga... Until next time (which could be pretty much any time starting maybe from what's left of our cut-short April break)!