And I'm back. Finals are coming up, so don't expect anything for a bit.

To me, this isn't the most exciting chapter, and I feel like it's a little patch-workish. That's probably because I pieced this together in my pretty much nonexistent spare time. Oh, why do I have to be such a motivated student? Getting good grades eats all my time! Oh well. Continuing.

"Please explain to me again why you all decided to get involved in something as idiotic as pranking a teacher," Nagato ordered in a very annoyed tone.

"Aw, don't be such a downer, 'Gato," Yahiko said.

"The idea is moronic," Nagato said flatly. "We're staying here to learn the techniques of this place, not to annoy the teachers."

"But Leader, sir, you haven't taken class with the witch yet, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Yeah! Once you f- get to know the b-, you'll f- understand why we don't have anything against doing s- to her," said Hidan in his usual eloquent fashion.

"Itachi, I wouldn't expect such antics to be rooted in you," Nagato said, turning to the now-eleven-year-old, ex-ANBU, S-rank criminal.

"My reasoning was simply to use such a childish mission for keeping our skills sharp," said Itachi. "I'm sorry that you do not approve. If you wish, I will cut our involvement in the plot."

"Ugh…" Nagato pinched the bridge of his nose. "Konan, Yahiko, can I talk to you in private?" The two in question nodded, and they slipped away into the shadows.

"What do you think about this act of idiocy?" Nagato asked his two closest friends.

"I think we should let them do it and just stay out of it," said Konan. "If they want to make fools of themselves, that's fine. They can make fools of themselves."

"Yeah," said Yahiko. "We're not S-rank criminals here. We're just eleven-year-old kids. Speaking of which, how did we get to be S-rank criminals? When I was in charge, we were freedom fighters for Amegakure."

"Ah," said Nagato. "It's a long story (that this Nara-like author doesn't remember well…and it would involve Tobi being the evil Madara/Obito, and not the truly happy, funny, and childish guy that we all love). But our goal became to capture the Tailed Beasts in order to create a giant illusion that would create peace."

"That's cool, but there's a catch," said Yahiko. "Peace can't be created. It can only be achieved through, unfortunately, blood, sweat, and tears. And that's what Akatsuki was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about using our powers as ninjas to fight for that peace that we all longed for, not about capturing chakra monsters in order to create an illusion. An illusion's just that- an illusion. It's pretend. An illusion of peace isn't real peace. It's pretend peace."

Nagato's head drooped. "I'm sorry," he said. "I failed you as your successor."

Yahiko put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "Don't be so down. You kept our group and our dream of peace alive in your own way. Now cheer up and let's use our time at this place to our advantage."

Nagato nodded. "I take it you approve of the pranking plan?" he asked.

"Yep. It'll keep Hidan and Deidara from destroying each other and it'll give us something to keep us from dying of boredom," said Yahiko.

"And it will keep our skills sharp," said Konan. "We can't afford to lose our touch just because we're in this strange environment. I'm working on a way to get back with Sasori and Kakuzu. Tobi's time-space technique will come in handy. Now how about we go back out and tell them all that we approve?"

"Sounds good," said Yahiko. The Amegakure trio came out of the shadows. "Ok, you lot," said Yahiko. "Your pranking plan is a go."

"F- yes!" Hidan cheered. "Lord Jashin will be f- pleased by the s- we give that f- b-!"

"Uh…yeah," said Yahiko, sweatdropping. "That's great, Hidan. Now, Zetsu, you do what Itachi said and go keep tabs on Umbridge. Don't eat her just yet."

"Yes, Leader-sama," said Zetsu as he melted away.

"Do you wish to take part in this, Leader, sir?" asked Itachi.

"Uh…" Yahiko glanced at Nagato and Konan.

"Someone needs to be able to come up with a reasonable alibi for you boys," said Konan. "I'm not going to go out pranking, but I'll vouch for your innocence."

"As shall I," said Nagato.

"Um, I will too," said Yahiko.

"Cool, un," said Deidara.

"Now tell us again how this plan is going to work," said Nagato. "Zetsu is to gather information on Umbridge. That's great. But what about all of you?"

Kakuzu took a deep breath. "A trio of older students is going to distract that annoying mass of chakra they call a poltergeist. Another trio of students, also older, has means of becoming invisible, and therefore will do the actual breeching of the professor's office. Deidara, Hidan, and Tobi are going to distract the janitor and his cat."

"Tobi is allowed to go on the mission with Deidara? Yay!" the masked boy cheered.

"Quiet," Kakuzu said sharply. "Deidara's team leader, so you'll do everything he says, got it?" Tobi nodded. "Continuing. Zetsu will tail the professor to make sure she doesn't suddenly change her schedule. Kisame will guard the professor's office to make sure the invisible trio doesn't have any unwanted company. And then Itachi, Sasori, and I will use some device called the Marauder's Map to see where everyone is and to make sure that everything is running smoothly. Apparently we're going to have some means of communication that will allow us to converse in writing. I think that's it."

"Cool," said Yahiko.

"We'll come up with reasonable alibis for all of you," said Konan. "I'll tell you them as soon as I come up with them."

"But if you can't come up with anything, Hidan gets the detention," said Kakuzu.

"What the f-?!" Hidan asked.

"You do to yourself what would kill an ordinary person in order to appease your god," said Kakuzu. "You'll survive."

Hidan grumbled, but didn't say anything. "Why would I even f- need to get the detention if we f- get caught? Didn't Leader's b- just say that she'd come up with some s- for us?"

"What did you just call me?" Konan demanded.

"What did you just call her?" Yahiko and Nagato asked dangerously.

"Oh, s-," was all Hidan was able to say before two very angry boys from Amegakure attacked him.

l l l

"You had that coming, un," Deidara said with a snort as he and Kisame headed back to the Gryffindor tower.

"It's f- bad enough that Leader was a f- serious 'we-must-capture-the-f-tailed-beasts' f-er," Hidan grumbled, nursing his quickly healing wounds. "Now there are f- two of the f-!"

"I should keep track of how many times you use the word f- a day," said Kisame. "I could make a bet with Kakuzu and make some serious dough."

"Never bet against Kakuzu," Sasori advised as he headed for the Ravenclaw tower.

"Speaking of the f- stitch-filled s- head, where is he?" asked Hidan.

"He's hunting down the red-haired twins," said Sasori. "Something about the inventory being insufficient."

"Stupid Kakuzu and his stupid inventory, un," muttered Deidara as he and the other Gryffindor ninjas headed over to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Kisame, do you remember the password?"

Kisame shrugged and said the password. The Fat Lady swung open, admitting the three de-aged ninjas. When they entered the common room, they were pulled aside by Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "What, un?" Deidara asked.

"Just thought you might want to know some stuff about Filch," said Harry.

"Uh…why, un?"

"You three are distracting him and his cat," Hermione reminded them.

"Right," said Kisame. "Whatcha got for us?"

"Mrs. Norris is like a little watch dog," Ron said. "She somehow knows just where to find you, and then runs off to alert her master."

"So all have to do is kill the little f-'- sense of smell?" Hidan asked.

"Well, then you've got to deal with Filch himself," Harry said.

"We can avoid him," Kisame said.

"And we can distract him," Deidara said. "Are there any bathrooms that I can blow up, un?"

"Uh, yeah," said Harry. "Try Moaning Myrtle's bathroom."

"Which is that?" Kisame asked as he forced Hidan to stay and listen.

"It's on the first floor, just outside of the Great Hall," said Hermione. "Be careful, though. It's a girl's bathroom."

"Doesn't matter, un," said Deidara.

"Yeah, 'cause blondie's hair is so f- pretty that he'd be able to get in there without looking funny," Hidan said with a snort.

"I don't look like a girl, un!" Deidara fumed at his housemate. Hidan childishly stuck his tongue out at him. "Whatever, un," said Deidara. "I'm gonna head up and make some art."

"I guess I'd better do our homework then," said Kisame with a sigh.

"I'm going out to pray, and you f- better let me do so in peace," Hidan yelled as he ran up to the dorm and ten seconds later came running back down wearing a heavy cloak.

"He's fast," Harry noted as he, Ron, Hermione, and the young ninjas watched the albino zip out the tower entrance.

"Nah," said Kisame.

"If that's not fast then what is?" asked Ron.

"Man, you should see Sasori-danna when he's using his puppets," said Deidara, "or Itachi when he's fighting. As much as I have a grudge against the guy, even I can see that he's fast, un."

"Hey, what about me?" Kisame asked. "I'm a tailed beast without tails, remember? I'm fast and strong. I could beat 'Tachi in a battle of endurance any day."

"Without getting Sharinganed, un?" asked Deidara.

"Uh…" Kisame trailed off. "Let's go."

"Fine, un," Deidara said. "You just don't wanna hang around because I'm actually beating you at an argument."

"You wish, blondie," Kisame snorted as he and Deidara headed up to their dorm room.

"What a strange bunch," said Hermione.

"Man, I kinda wanna see Itachi fight and Sasori use puppets now," said Ron. "If Hidan's not fast, then I wanna see them."

"I wonder what they were talking about, 'tailed beast without tails' and 'getting Sharinganed'," Harry said. "And Kisame mentioned that he was going to do all of their homework too."

"Well, whatever deal they have seems to work," said Hermione. "For now, let's decide what we're going to do in Professor Umbridge's room."

l l l

Hidan entered the castle sometime after midnight. He'd just had a great prayer session with Jashin, who wanted him to make Umbridge suffer. As he passed the Great Hall, he remembered that the bathroom Deidara was going to blow up was nearby. Feeling a funny chakra inside, he headed over to investigate. Opening the door, he held the knife he'd snagged from the dinner table to perform his rituals under his cloak.

"Just my f- luck," he muttered to himself as he crept into the bathroom. "I go out to pray, and I end up having to deal with some f- with chakra who thinks he can sneak around with the Akatsuki nearby and get away with it."

"What are you doing in the girl's bathroom at night?" a girl's voice asked from behind him.

Hidan whipped around and slashed wildly with his steak knife. "What the f-?! How in Jashin's name did you get behind me without me f- noticing you, b-?"

"That's not very nice," said the girl. Hidan gaped. He could feel that she was made entirely out of chakra, and he could see that his steak knife had had no effect on her.

"What the f- do you want?" Hidan asked. "What sort of Jashin-damned thing are you?"

"I don't like you," the girl decided. She swooshed out. "HEEEEEEEELLLLLP! STUDENT OUT OF BED! STUDENT IN THE HALLS! STUDENT IN MY BATHROOM!"

"What the f-?!" Hidan yelled. "Shut the f- up, you crazy b-!" He made a mad grab for her, but his hands passed through her. "F-. Made entirely of pure f- chakra."

"This way, Mrs. Norris!" he heard a man say as footsteps echoed down the hall.

"F-," Hidan hissed. "Leader and 'Kuzu won't let me hear the end of this if I get caught." Without a further thought, Hidan jumped up and attached himself to the wall with chakra. Then he bolted.

"He went that way," he heard the chakra girl say as he ran. "He climbed on the wall."

Hidan kept running until he stopped at the Fat Lady's portrait. "F-," he groaned. "I can't remember the f- password!" Wracking his brains, he finally decided to climb out the window and wait for Filch and Mrs. Norris to track him down and pass him. When Filch and Mrs. Norris finally caught up and got thoroughly confused by the sudden end of his trail at the window, Hidan cheered silently. Then he broke into his dorm room through the window that Kisame and Deidara had decided to lock on him.

l l l

The next morning, Itachi noticed that Filch was eyeing the Gryffindors, particularly Hidan. Konan and Nagato clearly had also noticed, because after breakfast, Nagato pulled the Jashinist aside.

"Why is the janitor keeping tabs on you?" he demanded.

"I was only f- out praying, and I stopped by the spot that Blondie wants to f- bomb. There was this b- made out of chakra floating around in there, and she f- started screaming s- and got the janitor and his cat chasing me. I led them up to the tower before climbing outside to f- lose them," Hidan said.

Konan sighed. "Hidan, have you ever thought that you're very noticeable?" she asked.

Hidan grinned. "I should be, b-, I mean, lady," he said, glancing at Nagato, who was glaring at him. "I'm a devout follower of Lord Jashin, and so I'm blessed with good looks."

"That's not what I mean, Hidan," Konan said. "You've got silver hair and pink eyes. You're very recognizable."

"So?" Hidan asked.

"So you're very easy to get a description of," said Konan.

"And?" Hidan asked. "You're kinda wasting my time here."

"And you can expect a detention from the janitor very soon," Nagato said. "Konan, Itachi, Tobi, we're leaving."

"Wait- what?!" Hidan spluttered. Then he noticed Filch coming over.

"I just talked to Moaning Myrtle," the man said, standing over the de-aged S-rank criminal. "She gave me a description of a first year with silver hair and pink eyes that attacked her last night. Mrs. Norris led me up to the Gryffindor tower last night before we lost him. You're the only Gryffindor first year with silver hair and pink eyes that I see."

"So…?" Hidan asked, sensing a surprising amount of killing intent from the civilian.

"So you've earned yourself detention for the week for being out of bed past curfew, being in the girl's bathroom, attacking someone, and running from responsibility," said Filch. "I'll see you tonight next to Professor Umbridge's office. The professor has wanted to talk to you about your discipline in her class lately anyway. And if you're not there, the weeks of detention will just keep piling on."

Deidara and Kisame snorted as Filch walked away. "Great, un! You don't even need to bail us all out to get detention!" Deidara laughed.

"Shut the f- up, blondie," Hidan growled.

And there you have it. That sets me up for a little idea that Alibi Nonsense suggested. I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget, if you have any ideas that you want to share, please review! Until next time.