I sat on my bed, looking around at my new room, which was still not completely unpacked. My parents and I had arrived here late last night and the rest of our stuff was still being unloaded.
I put on my dark blue long-sleeved shirt and jeans, followed by my black-and-blue sneakers (Yea, I'm dark. You got a problem?). Just as I finished getting dressed, I heard a knock at the door.
"Sweetie. Hun, you all dressed?" my mother asked from the other side of the door. I turned to face them, knowing they'd let themselves in. Sure enough, my mom and dad entered my room, smiling pleasantly (or, at least, my mother was).
"Hey, champ. How do you like your new room?" my dad asked me, looking slightly uncomfortable (as he always did when he spoke to me). I looked around the room in response, my signature apathetic look never leaving my face. My father, knowing that I wouldn't verbally respond, continued, "I know it's a big change for us, but…" His expression became cautious as he asked, "Son, do you…remember…why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?" My mother looked worried, although she tried to hide it.
I blinked. Of course I remembered, just like I remembered the reason for every single move we've had to make. I could feel the scar on my left eye burning at the memory. My parents didn't notice.
"He doesn't remember." my father whispered to my mother.
"He doesn't remember at all!" my mother whispered back, the relief in her voice obvious.
"That's good. That's good he doesn't remember." my father looked visibly pleased for a split second.
I just continued to stare at them. Let them think what they want, I don't care. My parents turned back to me, seeming to think that their previous conversation had gone unheard, or just not caring.
"Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?" my mother said to me, putting her hands together as if subconsciously pleading with me.
"Right. Get outside and play, son, like…like normal kids!" my dad agreed, putting on another fake smile.
"Thanks, Dad." I thought to myself, continuing to stare at them. I didn't like my parents very much, although my mother was okay. At least she tried to be a good parent. Neither of them were very attentive, and my dad had an attitude.
"Yeah, we love you, too."
Speaking of attitude. My father rolled his eyes and left. My mother followed her husband after glancing worriedly at me. I just blinked, looking around my room once more before heading downstairs, picking up some money that Mom had left for me on the counter (and raiding the drawers in their room and in the kitchen). Satisfied that I had found everything of interest in the house (and after having my father yell at me), I went outside.
After walking down the sidewalk, I heard some sort of fuss going on near the house next to mine. Deciding to check it out, I began listening, still maintaining my distance.
"You shall die by my war hammer, drow elf!" a kid's voice cried out. I looked to see two boys about my age dressed in weird costumes. They appeared to be fighting. One of them was dressed like an elf, wearing an archer's outfit with elf ears and wielding a wooden dagger. I then turned my gaze to the other boy and did a double-take.
The kid had bright golden hair and equally bright sky-blue eyes. He didn't have elf ears, and was dressed more like a warrior than his opponent. He wore a light blue costume with yellow gloves and a dark blue cape. On his head, he wore a headband with a jewel in the center of his forehead, which seemed to shift between red and purple. He was wielding a hammer, yet, somehow, he seemed to be losing.
"Ha ha! You can't hold out much longer!" the "drow elf" yelled triumphantly, hitting the blond kid with his wooden dagger.
"Help! Somebody! I can't hold out much longer! Heeeeelp!" the adorable blond cried, falling to the ground.
Anger briefly flared in my chest (which is rare) at the sight of such an innocent-looking kid being beaten so mercilessly. I calmly approached the quarreling duo and, turning the elf around to face me, punched him square in the face. He staggered backward and stared at me, wide-eyed.
"Hey, no fair! That's cheating!" he yelled at me, backing away when I didn't flinch, "I'm gonna tell my mom!" He then turned tail and ran away, showing me just how much of a little bitch he was.
"Look at all the fucks I give." I replied mentally, turning my attention back to the blond boy, who was just dusting himself off.
"Thanks, kid." he thanked me, smiling gratefully, "I didn't know he had a healing potion."
Healing potion? I arched an eyebrow.
"My name is Butters the Merciful." the boy introduced himself, "I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you. We should be friends!"
Butters? That's an odd name, and yet, it seems fitting somehow. A paladin? Like a knight? Oh, he's playing some sort of game. Fun. Since I've been moving around so much, I've never actually had time to socialize. Oh well, now I have a friend, and he lives right next to me. And he's adorable. Wait…what?
The blond kid, Butters, was still talking. "Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King. He's been talking about your arrival." he said, grabbing my hand and leading me away, "The Wizard lives this way. In the green house, over there."
I just blinked, letting him lead me wherever (it's not like I could go home anyway) and trying to ignore the sparks flying through my hand. I didn't know what was causing them, but they were making me uncomfortable. It didn't help that Butters didn't seem to notice them. He tried several times to start conversation with me, asking me where I was from and whether I liked Colorado. When I didn't respond, he stopped and looked at me. I knew he was about to call me out on my silence. However, not for the last time, the friendly blond surprised me.
"You don't talk much, do ya?" he asked me. Taking my lack of a response as a yes, he smiled kindly, reassuring me, "That's okay, I can talk for both of us."
I smiled internally. I think we'll get along very well.
Once we got to the green house, Butters held out his hand, signaling for me to stand back. Making sure that I wasn't going to leave, he then knocked on the door and stood back, waiting expectantly. After about a minute, the door opened, revealing a really fat kid in a wizard's outfit holding a wooden staff. He looked at me, then at Butters expectantly. Butters, sighing quietly, turned to me and proclaimed, "All hail the Grand Wizard!" I just arched my eyebrow, looking at this "Grand Wizard" critically.
"So, you are the New Kid." the Wizard addressed me directly, "Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King. But the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom." He then walked back inside. Butters followed him, gesturing for me to follow them. As I entered the house, a middle-aged woman, who was apparently the Wizard's mother, greeted us, but the Wizard disregarded her. He and Butters led me into the backyard, where the Wizard stood and held out his arms, declaring proudly, "Welcome. To the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!"
I admit, I was impressed. The backyard, as small as it was, really DID look like a kingdom. In the center of the yard was a castle made out of cardboard. The towers surrounded a tent that had a sign that read "KUPA KEEP" over it. The Wizard approached a vender to our right that displayed different types of weapons.
"Our weapons shop here is tended by Clyde, a level 14 warrior." the Wizard said, gesturing toward a brunette with a metal helmet, red jacket with a blue cape and scarf, and a belt that held a pair of scissors.
The Wizard then went over to a pen where a boy in a light green shirt was petting a gray cat. The boy's tongue was hanging out.
"And here you can see our massive stables, overseen by the level 9 ranger, Scott Malckinson, who has the power of diabetes."
The power of diabetes? What the hell kind of power is that?
The Wizard then led me over to a kid who was standing next to the castle. The kid was dressed in a pink dress that reminded me of Zelda and a blond wig. I would have thought that the wig was her actual hair if she didn't appear to be wearing an orange parka underneath it. I couldn't see any of her face except her nose and eyes. She was certainly pretty, but there was something not-quite-right about her.
"And here, of course, is the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny, the fairest maiden in all the land." the Wizard introduced her. The girl giggled coyly and twirled a golden lock from her wig around her finger. I narrowed my eyes ever-so-slightly. There was still something about her that was bothering me, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what. That's when the Wizard came up to me and whispered in my ear, "Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now."
"Wait, that's a guy?!" I thought, thankful that my default expression of apathy was so resilient, "I knew something felt off. That parka hides his gender really well, and that dress actually suits him, which makes it even more disturbing." Still, I've seen worse. I was about to turn my attention back to the Wizard when I heard Kenny say something. It was muffled (due to the parka that covered his mouth), but I could make out something about a flower. I looked around and, spotting a dandelion, picked it and gave it to the Princess. He giggled, which made me feel a little awkward, and friended me on Facebook, making him my second friend (Butters was the first).
"Quit fooling around, Kenny." the Wizard scolded the Princess, before calling Butters to his other side and regaining my attention.
"You have been sought out, New Kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger. I need something from you, and in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. I know you are very excited." I just stared at him. "It's time for your first quest, but first- please tell us, thy name."
I just stared at them, not really caring what they called me. The Wizard and Butters exchanged looks, and the Wizard smirked, a look that sent a chill down my spine. He leaned close to me, looking thoughtful, and then backed away, nodding as if I had said something.
"You said your name was "Douchebag," is that correct?" he asked, grinning. I raised an eyebrow, glancing between the Wizard and Butters, who had a pitying look on his face. I just looked back at the Wizard apathetically. Not exactly the coolest, or most flattering, name, but I've been called worse, so I left it alone.
The Wizard smirked again. "Are you sure you'd like to keep the name "Douchebag"?" I just continued to stare at him, not letting him get to me. He nodded. "Very well, Douchebag. You must now choose a class: Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew."
My eyes widened slightly at the word "thief," and I almost- almost- smirked. I have been known for sneaking around and stealing things, usually money (like this morning, when I raided the drawers). My parents still haven't figured out where the fifty dollars they got from selling my collection of Chinpokomon figurines without my permission disappeared to. What? You think I'm gonna tell you? Hell no!
I selected the Thief costume and put it on, ignoring the Wizard's comment ("A white thief? Never heard of one, but interesting."). It was a simple dark blue hood and cape with a blue jacket and black gloves. It suited me.
Once I had gotten into the thief outfit, the Wizard held out his arms, announcing to the entire yard, "We welcome to the KKK Douchebag the Thief!" which Butters followed with "Hooray!"
KKK? Oh, Kingdom of Kupa Keep.
The Wizard pointed to the vender Clyde tended. "Now, please go visit the weapons shop. Procure yourself a weapon and we shall teach you to fight."
I nodded, purchasing a Rogue's Dagger from Clyde, which was a small wooden dagger similar to the one the drow elf used to attack Butters.
"Ah! You have procured a weapon. Nice." the Wizard said when I had returned, "It is now time to teach you how to fight. I want you to take your new weapon and, with the bravery of a noble knight- beat up Clyde."
Clyde jumped back, shocked. The Wizard ignored him. "Kick Clyde's ass, New Kid!"
"What'd I do?" Clyde asked, confused. I felt guilty at the hurt look on the warrior's face, and was irritated by the Wizard's answer.
"I'm the King, Clyde, and the King wishes to be amused!" the Wizard yelled before turning to me, "Go on, New Kid. Kick his ass!"
"I oughtta kick YOUR ass." I thought, but I stopped myself, "But I'll save that for when I have a stronger weapon." I then turned to face Clyde, thinking, "Sorry in advance, Clyde."
As Clyde and I took our positions, the Wizard stood in the middle, instructing me on how to attack, defend, and use abilities. Once I got a feel for battle, I easily defeated Clyde, which made him cry. That made me feel guilty, a feeling which got stronger when I noticed that the entire yard had been watching our fight. As Clyde got up and dusted himself off, the Wizard started laughing.
"Ah ha! Aha ha ha ha! Dude, that was awesome! You were all like BAM, and Clyde was all like NO NO! Heh heh heh heh heh!"
I didn't think it was that funny, but I guess that didn't matter. The Wizard grinned victoriously.
"Okay, okay. You've proven yourself worthy, Douchebag. Now come inside the war tent and I'll let you see the relic." He then turned, entering the tent. I followed, interested in what I assumed to be the reason behind such an organized game with such dedicated players. What was in that tent would change my life forever.