As I returned to my body, the first thing my mind registered was shouting. I also heard the sound of weapons colliding and the pained grunts as bodies hit the ground. As I opened my eyes, I saw four elves standing around me, as if to protect me, although I seriously doubted that. I recognized several of the voices as belonging to human warriors.
Sounds like the rescue team's here.
I tried to sit up, but two of the elves turned their weapons on me, glaring at me with an intensely vengeful ferocity. I was expecting that, however, and lay my weapons, which were still with me for some reason, at my side and lifted my hands, looking over at the Elf King's platform.
The Elf King, Kyle, was alternating commanding his army and trying to wake up Stan. He looked genuinely concerned for the Ranger's well-being, and was genuinely furious with me for harming his precious partner. I then looked around the rest of the kingdom, trying to assess the situation as best I could. I saw Craig, Tweek, and Token trying to fend off the elves, trying to clear a path to where I was. Kenny and Scott were doing the same thing at the other end of the yard. Although I couldn't see him, I heard Cartman giving orders from the back. Then, above all of the rest of the commotion, I heard an enraged scream cut through the chaos.
Butters!
I looked toward the source of the scream and, sure enough, there was Butters, charging through the opposing army, knocking out anyone who got in his way. When he spotted me, his eyes widened, then narrowed in anger. He charged toward the group surrounding me, knocking out the two that were facing him. With the other two guards distracted by Butters' attack, I grabbed their heads and knocked them together, bringing both of them down. I picked up my weapons as Butters took out the last of the elves.
"Sage! You're alright!" he cried, hugging me. I hugged back, and when we separated, he grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the door. "Come on! We have to get out of here!"
I nodded, following Butters and the other humans as we fled the Elven Forest. Before I could get out, however, I felt two elves grab me.
"You're not going anywhere, New Kid!" they growled, pulling me back into the yard. As the humans prepared to fight back, another voice commanded.
"Let him go!"
The yard went silent as everyone, human and elf, turned to the Elf King's platform, where Stan Marsh was sitting against the King's throne. He was looking directly at me with a determined glare.
"Let him go!" the Ranger repeated, scanning the kingdom before his gaze settled on Kyle, "There's nothing more we can do with him. We'd only be putting ourselves at risk by trying to keep him longer."
Kyle looked at Stan, obviously not wanting to let me go so easily, but he understood that the Ranger spoke the truth and nodded, turning back to his army.
"Release him!" he commanded, holding out his golf club staff. The elves, still glaring at me, reluctantly let go, and I took off with the humans. Stan would take care of his part of the plan.
Meanwhile, the humans returned to Kupa Keep. Everyone gathered around me, asking me if I was alright. Tweek was imagining all of the horrible things the elves might have done to me, which eventually ended with him freaking out about how badly I was gang-raped and what would have happened if the humans hadn't rescued me before my execution. At that point, Craig put his arm around Tweek, assuring him that I wasn't gang-raped and that I wasn't going to be executed, before turning to me and asking for confirmation. Token checked for and treated any injuries that I had sustained while Scott congratulated me on holding my own against the entire elf army, especially the King. Kenny complimented me on my "bravery" while batting his eyelashes at me in a playfully flirtatious manner. Butters hadn't let go of my arm since we escaped, and was now clinging to it as if I would be taken the moment he let go.
"Okay, okay, that's enough!" Cartman yelled impatiently, waving everyone away from me (except Butters, who wouldn't have moved if a sword were driven between us), "Sir Douchebag, did you learn anything about the location of the Stick?"
I pulled out my phone, typing out what I had been told while I was still conscious, and handed it to Butters, who proceeded to read it out loud to the others.
"The elves claim that the Grand Wizard is hiding the Stick and is pretending that it's been stolen so that I will recruit more people for him." he read, eyes widening with every word, "They attempted to recruit me to their side so that I would bring the Goth Kids to them. They have threatened my social standing if I refuse." He then looked at me, eyes wide with a mixture of fear and awe, fear that I would join the elves and awe that I could stand up to that kind of information without backing down. Everyone else looked at me in concern. Cartman, the only one who wasn't staring at me, was instead glaring at the ground. He was fuming.
"THOSE DIRTY LYING CHEATERS!" he screamed, turning red with rage, "So, they think they can hide the Stick AND steal one of the members of MY kingdom, do they? Well, fine! We'll just have to destroy their entire base until we have the Stick. We'll bring it to the ground."
"But we just attacked their base." Craig interjected, "And we just barely lasted long enough to rescue one of our own warriors. And he came with us willingly."
Cartman paused in his rant and looked at Craig with an "are-you-fucking-kidding-me" look on his face. "Craig, don't be such a Negative Nancy." he said. He then turned to me, ignoring Craig's glare, and commanded, "Hurry up and get the Goth Kids to join us so we can get the Stick back from those bastard elves!"
I nodded, heading for the door. However, I stopped when I realized that Butters wasn't following me. I looked back at him. He was keeping his gaze fixed on the ground, kicking at the grass. The guilt on his face was unmistakable. I sighed, walking over to him. As I stepped in front of him, he flinched, looking at me with sad puppy-dog eyes. Damn he's cute. I jerked my thumb in the direction of the door, telling him to come with me. He looked up at me, shocked.
"You…you want me to fight with you?" he asked, "Even though I'm the reason you were captured in the first place?" I glared at him when he placed the blame for my capture on himself, but I nodded in response to the question. Butters smiled. "Well okay! This Paladin is ready to kick some ass!" I allowed a small smile at the return of his usual spirit and headed for the door again, with my boyfriend at my side once more. Once we got to the school, I began putting on the Goth clothes.
"Do we really need the Goth Kids to join us?" Butters asked, still not keen on the idea. I simply nodded, silently asking him if I looked okay. "You look like a Goth." he replied with a disgusted growl. When I looked at him sadly, he relented, "But I guess it doesn't look too bad on you." I smiled slightly, squeezing his hand before heading back to the Goth's hangout.
"Oh look. It's Butthole the Barbarian from the Dungeons of Dumbass." the leader said when he saw me.
"You gotta admit that he looks better." the guy with the red hair said approvingly.
"Yeah. He's almost a Goth." the girl agreed.
"Being a Goth isn't just how you dress." the leader said matter-of-factly, "It's a frame of mind. It's time for you to prove that you go against society's rules."
And walking around dressed like a thief beating people up and taking their stuff doesn't go against society's rules? Oh, and I'm nine and have a boyfriend. I don't think society is still entirely cool with gays yet, especially young ones."
"There's a big PTA meeting happening right now at the Community Center." the leader was explaining, "You need to walk right into the middle of that meeting and tape this sign to their table." He then handed me a sign had "Fuck the Conformists" written on it in big black letters.
"Yeah, that will prove your individuality." the guy with the red in his hair stated.
"Right. How original." I thought sarcastically.
"Go on, beat it." the leader said, dismissing me again, "And don't come back until you have a picture of that sign taped to the PTA table."
I rolled me eyes, leaving their hangout once more.
"Well? Are they going to join us now?" Butters asked me the moment I returned to him. I shook my head, sighing in exasperation, and showed him the sign while pointing to the Community Center, which was right next to the school.
"WHAT?!" Butters shrieked, making me recoil, "They want you to put that sign in the PTA meeting?!" When I nodded, he immediately protested, "But if you do that, why, you'd be grounded for sure!" He seemed really worried. I patted his back, telling him to wait outside while I went in. I doubted that I would get grounded, but I KNEW that he would.
The Community Center was filled with adults, all of whom were rambling all at once. I walked down the center of the aisle, holding the sign at my side. At the front of the meeting was the PTA table. Sitting behind the table were several adults, among whom were Randy (the guy from the spaceship) and Mr. Mackey (the detention warden). I didn't recognize the others. What I did recognize, however, was that the discussion was getting heated.
"It isn't right, I tell you!" one of the adults, a Jewish man, shouted, "Out of NOWHERE a HUGE Taco Bell is being built, and now our children are missing precious school time!"
A woman with really poofy blond hair who was sitting at the table stood up and addressed the restless group. "Parents, we've been assured by the builders that they are working to fix whatever problems they've encountered and school should be able to resume soon."
"Resume SOON?!" a man who I recognized as Butters' father exclaimed, "Who do they think they are? They think we're gonna see a Taco Bell as more important than our kids' educations?!"
"What if it's not really a Taco Bell we're dealing with here?" Randy stated suddenly. Everyone got quiet.
"Thanks for coming, New Kid." Randy said to me. I just stood there, expression as apathetic as always. Randy then addressed the rest of the adults in the room. "Everyone, this is the kid whose family just moved to town. We've become very close friends. His name is…" he paused and asked me, "What's your name?"
"Sir Douchebag." I thought blankly. Butters' father spoke up.
"I think his name is Sage." he said. Then, when everyone looked at him, he explained further, "He moved into the house next to ours, so I met his parents yesterday, and that's what they called him."
Oh great. Now everyone here knows my name. Oh well, it was going to get out once school started anyway.
Randy nodded, continuing his explanation. "Anyway, this child and I witnessed something last night, and I'd like you to hear his story. Go ahead, kid." I just stood there. Randy tried to get me to speak again. "Tell them. About the…you know. Go on, tell them that stuff."
"You tell them." I thought, leaning on the sign. After a few moments of silence, the other adults in the room grew impatient.
"This is a waste of everyone's time!" Butters' father shouted, glaring down at me. He clearly didn't like me, probably because of the defiance I had shown him last night. "If the PTA isn't going to do something about Taco Bell taking over, then the rest of us parents will!" He then ran out of the building, with the rest of the adults following, all of them chanting "Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!" I just rolled my eyes. Adults in this town are so stupid. I made my way to the PTA table, eager to get this little mission over with. School could stay closed for months for all I care. However, before I could put the sign on the table, Randy took it from my hands.
"Look, I know how you're feeling, ok?" he whispered harshly to me, looking at the sign with disapproval, "But this isn't going to solve anything." He kneeled down beside me, keeping his voice low. "We've got to get inside that "Taco Bell" and find out what's really going on. Help me with that, and I'll help you with this." He then placed a hand on my shoulder. "I saw you on the ship. You have pretty good control over your farts." He then stood up. "Meet me in the bathroom." he said, looking around nervously, "It's time for you to learn some REAL power." He then went into the bathroom.
O…k… Now I'M the nervous one. But he took my sign, so I guess I have no choice.
I walked into the bathroom, prepared for anything, and was faced with Randy, who was dressed in an outfit that reminded me of a martial arts teacher.
"I can tell you have potential, but you are…undisciplined." Randy said once the door was closed, "Let me show you what I mean." He then turned to me, taking a fighting stance. "Come at me. Try to fart on me, come on!"
I looked at him oddly before shrugging and using Dragonshout on him. However, he managed to take my fart and throw it behind him. Ok, so he does have some skill.
"Hai-CHAA! See that? Your fart's over there somewhere. Didn't come close. So, what do you do when someone can block your farts."
Easy. Detonate it somewhere he can't block. I prepared the third fart technique I had taught myself: the Sneaky Squeaker. With it, a higher level of telekinesis is used to direct a fart behind the opponent before detonating it. I used it on Randy, then, when he was distracted, I ran up and punched him.
"WOAH!" he cried, falling backward, "You can use the Sneaky Squeaker! Excellent!" Although he sounded disappointed that I hadn't needed him to show it to me, he continued, "But now let's see if you can use it against a real opponent." I thought I just did. Right as he said that, Mr. Mackey walked in.
"Oh, hey guys." He said, heading for the urinal.
"Mr. Mackey." Randy greeted before whispering to me, "Use Sneaky Squeaker to distract Mr. Mackey over to the corner there." I complied, releasing my fart and detonating it in the specified corner.
"Hey, did you guys hear that?" Mr. Mackey asked, zipping his pants and walking over to the corner, "Sounded like a chipmunk…" As Mr. Mackey looked around for the "chipmunk", Randy ran up behind him and high-jump kicked him, knocking him out.
"That's revenge for detention. And those pain-in-the-ass hall monitors." I thought, laughing internally, although my external expression remained the same.
"Very, very good." Randy praised me, "Now use that technique to sneak into the Taco Bell and find out what they're really up to. When you're done, report back here. And remember; never fart on anyone's balls. Alright? Now go." I gave him a (still blank-faced) thumbs-up and left.
Outside of the Community Center, I met up with Butters, who had hidden when the parents had stormed out. After assuring him that I hadn't been grounded, we called Timmy, a handicapped kid who runs a "business" of carrying people across town on a wagon that was attached to his chair, to take us to the place where the mall used to be. There was a large group of people gathered in front of the crashed UFO, listening to a government agent as he tried to convince them that this was simply a Taco Bell being built. I still don't know how ANYONE believed that, but they did.
"Folks, there's nothing to be concerned with here." the agent was saying, "Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary going on. We're simply getting ready for the grand opening of a new Taco Bell." As he was saying this, military guards and people in radioactive-resistant suits were walking around behind him. Disregarding this, he continued, "New Taco Bell opening soon. Very big Taco Bell. It's going to open in a few weeks. Thank you."
A guy who was standing in the crowd raised his hand. "Uh, will this Taco Bell be serving enchiritos?"
"What?" the agent asked, obviously caught off-guard by the question.
The guy continued, "Well, is it gonna be a FULL MENU Taco Bell, or is it gonna be one of those Taco Bell/KFC combos?" Oooh. Bad move, bro.
The agent turned around and spoke into his earpiece, saying something about "asking a lot of questions". A few moments later he nodded, muttering a "Yes sir" before turning back around. Shortly afterward, as the townsperson continued asking about enchiritos, he was shot through the head. His girlfriend, who was standing right next to him, screamed and fell to her knees beside him, crying. I felt Butters grip my arm.
"Folks, we know you're all very excited, but for your safety we ask that you please stay clear of the construction site." the agent said, emphasizing the word "safety". The crowd dispersed, not wanting to be shot, although the woman stayed beside her dead boyfriend, grieving.
"Gee whiz, Sage. Don'tcha think we should leave, too? I mean, they've already shot someone." Butters suggested anxiously, pulling on my arm, his gaze resting on the woman, who was sobbing loudly over her boyfriend's body. I looked at him and shook my head, resting my hand over his. I had to do this, and not just for the game. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else going on, something I needed to know about.
I approached the gate, Butters keeping a tight grip on my arm (he refused to let me go in alone), using Sneaky Squeaker to distract the guards before they saw us. After luring another soldier into a puddle of water and electrocuting him, I tried to open the doors to the government building, only to find them locked. Looking around, I saw a familiar antennae sticking out of the building. I turned to Butters, unsure about how I was going to explain what I was about to do.
"Ah, Christ. What a pickle. Now how are we gonna get in?" Butters wondered aloud. I tapped his shoulder, pointing at the antennae. "Yeah, I've seen those before. So?"
I held out my hand, which he gladly took. Then, I activated the probe in my anus and teleported both of us onto the roof. It took Butters a few seconds to process what had happened.
"Wait a minute! What just happened? And what is that thing that came out of your ass?" Butters exclaimed. I pointed to the UFO.
"The Taco Bell?" he asked, confused. I shook my head, taking out my phone and typing out the word "aliens", showing it to Butters. His eyes widened.
"Wait! You were abducted by aliens?! And they put that thing in your butt?!" he exclaimed.
I nodded, pointing to the UFO again. Butters' eyes widened even more.
"This is the alien ship that you were brought on?!" I nodded again, pointing to myself, then to the ship. Then I pointed downward.
"WHAT?! YOU brought down this UFO?!" I was beginning to think that Butters' eyes were going to pop out of his head. Nevertheless, I nodded again, a little nervous about what he would think of me now (I know I'm starting to sound like a self-conscious pre-teen girl. Don't rub it in.). Butters blinked a couple of times, processing what I had just told him, before looking directly at me.
"Sage…" he muttered, and I tilted my head, "You are…AMAZING!" He practically jumped on me, looking at me with big, admiring eyes. "Those aliens have been a problem in this town for years, and you've taken out one of their ships! You're a hero!" Butters then grabbed my arms and pulled me into a quick, yet passionate kiss. Before I could even react, he broke the kiss and hugged me tightly, whispering into my ear, "But please be careful. If you had still been on the ship when it crashed…" he trailed off, and I felt a drop of liquid on my neck, followed by a sniffle.
I wrapped my arms around him in turn, patting his back as I tried to calm him down. It continued to amaze me how protective Butters had become. Ever since I passed out from overusing my Dragonborn power, he was constantly worrying about me, since I was always doing something dangerous. What amazed me more is the fact that I didn't mind in the least. I guess it's because the only other person to ever genuinely care about me was my mother. I've been longing for this kind of loving affection, and I would gladly enjoy it, if it weren't for the fact that we were trying to sneak into a government building.
After Butters had calmed down, we snuck in through an open air vent. As we crawled through the vent, we stopped at an opening, beneath which a meeting was taking place. Eight government agents were sitting around a table, all with folders in front of them. They were all facing the end of the table. And there, at the end of the table, was the one person I had hoped never to see again in this lifetime. The one person I was actually capable of hating.
"…but so far, we've been unable to stop the UFO from leaking the toxic waste. We've contained all we can, but there are no guarantees that an outbreak will not occur." one of the agents was reporting.
Toxic waste? I looked at the hated man.
"And does the alien liquid appear to have the same effect as…last time?" he asked.
"I'm afraid so." The agent replied, "When the alien waste comes into contact with organic material on Earth, it turns things into...Nazi Zombies."
"Nazi Zombies?" I thought, trying to decide whether to be scared or incredulous. Beside me, Butters gasped.
The government agent pressed a button on a remote, revealing a containment room where a man wearing a tourist shirt was pacing back and forth. He had pale green skin and was wearing a swastika on his arm. As he paced around the room, he held up his arm in a Nazi salute and shouted something in German.
So much for being a hero. I glared down at the meeting, feelings of guilt and rage overwhelming me.
"Sage!" A harsh whisper startled me from my thoughts. I looked at Butters, only just now realizing that he had been calling my name. I tilted my head questioningly.
"You were shaking." he whispered, the worry in his eyes almost painful. I looked back at the meeting. Because of the talking, combined with the yelling of the Nazi Zombie, they couldn't hear us, which I was thankful for.
"You're thinking that this is your fault, aren't you?" he said quietly, once again guessing my thoughts. I nodded sadly, then hissed in pain when Butters dug his fingernails into my arm.
"Stop." he commanded, glaring at me. I looked at him, confused and a little hurt. "Stop thinking this is your fault. It's not. You were protecting yourself and the other people who were abducted. You even crashed this thing in a place that didn't have any people near it so no one got hurt. You didn't know this was gonna happen. You were willing to protect others, even though you yourself were still weak. That's something only a hero would do. You are a hero."
By the time Butters had finished his speech, he was no longer glaring at me, but was instead looking at me with a look of kindness and understanding. I smiled gently, grabbing his hand and turning back to the meeting. My gaze settled once again on the hated man.
"Sage." Butters whispered, drawing my attention back to him, "You're still upset. What's wrong?"
I sighed, mentally cursing how well Butters could see right through me (before immediately taking it back) and pointed to the hated guy.
"What, you mean the guy with the eyepatch?" he asked. I nodded, glaring at him, "He's the leader, isn't he? Why are you so…" He stopped suddenly, looking at me as his eyes widened in realization. A realization that was confirmed when I nodded and pointed to my left eye.
"You mean…that's the guy that tried to kidnap you three years ago?!" he exclaimed, struggling to keep his voice low. I nodded again, and he turned back to the meeting. Oh, if looks could kill…
"Ooh, if I ever get my hands on that bastard…" Butters growled menacingly, shaking with rage. I put an arm around him, trying to keep him quiet. My attention returned to the meeting as people began to leave. One of the men placed a tape recorder on the table.
"Everything we've just talked about has been recorder onto this tape. I'm going to leave it alone for a few minutes, then come back later and have it encrypted and locked away so that no one ever hears what was said in this meeting." he stated out loud, as if trying to tell us what they were doing and that they were going to give us a chance to steal the information. I smirked at their stupidity and looked over at Butters, who was trying desperately not to burst out laughing.
Once all of the agents had left, Butters and I opened the vent and jumped to the floor. Two soldiers were guarding the door, but they were facing away from us, so we attempted to sneak into the room. However, just as we were about to open the door, I heard a crash from the other side of the door, followed by something being shouted in German. My eyes widened and I jumped back, pushing Butters to the floor as the Nazi Zombie burst through the door.
"Oh shit! It's broken free!" one of the soldiers exclaimed, firing at it with his machine gun. However, although both soldiers were firing at it, neither actually managed to hit it. It tore off one of the soldiers' head and punched a hole in the other one's stomach. Then it turned to us.
"Jesus Christ! It's spotted us!" Butters cried, backing away.
I growled, taking out my dagger and driving it through the zombie's head, splitting it clean in half. I then jumped backward as the zombie collapsed, motionless. I turned back to the door, cleaning off my dagger, and grabbed the tape. I then left, pulling a stunned Butters with me. As we exited through the front door, I noticed a soldier walking out of the gate. The soldier had pale green skin and a swastika on his arm. So the goo has made it out here. That's not good.
After killing the zombified soldiers and one zombified civilian, Butters and I returned to the Community Center. I handed the tape to Randy (I still had Butters remain outside, in case I was grounded for this).
"What's this?" he asked, taking the tape, "It's a recording!" He examined it further. "There's data on here!" No shit, Sherlock.
"Did they say anything?" a woman with a red turban asked.
"What kind of Taco Bell is it going to be?" the woman with the poofy hair added.
"When are they going to be finished building it?" Mr. Mackey asked impatiently.
Randy shushed them, rewinding part of the tape and playing it back.
"Alright. We're going to have to completely obliterate EVERYTHING within a three-block radius. Set charges underground to blow up the area and bury it all, then make up a fake story about an earthquake." my captor's voice said from the tape. Randy stopped it there. Everyone was shocked beyond words. Finally, the poofy-haired woman spoke up.
"They're gonna just…blow up three blocks?" she asked, hardly able to believe what she had just heard.
"Sons of bitches…" Randy muttered, before yelling, "YOU SONS OF BITCHES!"
"What gives them the right?" a man with glasses, a green shirt, and a receding hairline asked, panicked.
"I knew there was more to this." Randy said in a low voice, "It's not just a simple Taco Bell we're dealing with. It's the most massive Taco Bell EVER BUILT. You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Taco thing, Taco Bell thinks they can just do whatever they want!"
Yeah, OR it isn't really a Taco Bell at all, and they're just using Taco Bell as a cover for what they're really doing, which you'd know if you LISTENED TO THE REST OF THE DAMN TAPE!
Randy handed me my sign. "You've done well, New Kid." he said, "We're not going to let Taco Bell win. I'll take that picture you wanted of you with the PTA." He then stood back, taking the picture with his phone and sending it to me (yet another person who got my phone number by unknown means). After that, I left, meeting with Butters outside and returning to the Goth Kids once more.
I walked up to them and held out my phone, showing them the picture.
"Woah. He did it." the guy with the red in his hair said, clearly surprised that I had actually gone through with their request.
"Nice." the girl said, impressed.
The leader, who had stood up to look at the picture, sat back down. "Yeah, but he's still not Goth. He'll have to pass the final test." Oh, come on! "You may LOOK Goth, Frodo, but can you DANCE Goth?" he asked, handing me some coffee and a cigarette before turning on some music depressing music.
Dance Goth? You mean when they just step around in place while sipping coffee and taking a drag from a cigarette every few steps? I had to refrain from rolling my eyes, instead focusing my gaze on the ground, taking a few steps in either direction while occasionally drinking the coffee (which was really bitter) and taking a drag from the cigarette (I had to struggle to keep myself from choking). I nodded my head slightly to the beat of the music, showing as much emotion as I normally did, but slouching a little so that I looked less "enthusiastic". The Goths commented, cynically at first, but became more impressed as the song progressed. By the time the song had finished, they looked almost eager.
"What do you think?" red-in-hair asked the others expectantly.
"He's pretty goth!" the leader said, impressed.
"He's pretty goth, right?" red-in-hair agreed (almost) eagerly.
"Yeah. That was pretty good." the girl conceded.
"I felt his pain." the young one added.
Red-in-hair turned back to me. "Alright, New Kid. You've officially proven yourself."
"Yeah, just tell us where you want us, and we'll be there." the leader sighed.
About fucking time. I nodded in acknowledgement, walking out to meet Butters once again.
"Well?" he asked. I just grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the Timmy Fast Travel, where he took us to my house. No one was there, but I had a key, so I let us in. Then, I went straight to the bathroom, where I grabbed a toothbrush and some mouthwash. I then proceeded to brush my teeth (and tongue) and washed my mouth out five times. Once I was sure that I had finally gotten the taste of coffee and cigarettes out of my mouth, I came out of the bathroom to the eagerly-waiting Butters.
"Sage?" he asked uncertainly, "Are you…okay?" I sighed, causing him to recoil. "And why does your breath smell like mint?"
I didn't respond. Instead, I pulled Butters forward, placing a kiss on his lips. His eyes widened in surprise, but he kissed me back regardless.
"What do you taste?" I asked when I pulled back.
"Uh…" Butters mumbled, confused, "Mint?"
"That it?" I asked him. When he nodded, I sighed.
"Sage? What's wrong?" he asked me worriedly, "Do the Goths still refuse to join us?"
"Oh, they agreed to join us. I just wanted to get the taste of coffee and cigarettes out of my mouth." I replied, gagging slightly at the memory, "I don't know how they stand it."
Butters looked like he was ready to explode. "They made you drink coffee and smoke?!" he practically shouted at me.
"They wanted me to show that I could dance like they did. Part of "goth dancing" is drinking coffee and smoking." I explained tiredly. All this running around had me worn out.
"Those bastards…" Butters muttered, clenching his fists so hard they turned white and shook, "Don't they know how bad smoking is for you? Not to mention if your parents found out you were smoking, well they'd ground you for sure!" He sounded scared at that last part.
I kissed Butters again, softer this time, and held him close to me in a hug. "Don't worry, Butters." I said when he separated, "My parents aren't gonna find out. It was a one-time thing. Trust me."
Butters sniffled, hugging me back. "Promise?" he asked, looking at me with large puppy eyes.
"Promise." I replied, returning his gaze. He nodded, satisfied.
"Well, come on then!" he said enthusiastically, "You've managed to recruit the Goth Kids! Let's go report back to Kupa Keep!"
I nodded, following my boyfriend out the door. The Twitter message I had predicted was going to be sent soon. It was time to put my plan into action.