After I dropped Tweek off by his house (I would've stayed, but he seemed to want to be alone, which I understood completely), I went back to my own house, expecting my father to try to ground me. He didn't, however, with my mother informing me that Tweek's parents had called to tell them that their son was really upset and that I was helping him. After that, I went upstairs and changed into my pajamas, falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. After using more of my Dragonborn powers, I had hoped for a good night's sleep, since tomorrow was going to be another busy day, but, as usual, the Fates were against me. Around 3:30 in the morning, I woke up, this time to singing.
"Time to go to work. Work all night. Search for underpants, hey! We won't stop 'til we have underpants! Yum tum yummy tum tey!" the voices sang. I looked up to see what appeared to be living garden gnomes opening my underwear drawer and stealing my underwear. I got out of bed, facing the gnomes.
"Oh shit! He's awake!" one of the gnomes cried, cutting off the song, "This kid is awake!" The gnomes, who had been standing on each other's heads, got into a row and faced me.
"What the fuck do we do?" another gnome asked.
The lead gnome sighed. "Well, fuck. I guess we gotta kill him." he said, and the group of gnomes lunged at me. I looked at them oddly, smacking them away with my hand.
"He's too big! We can't beat him!" one of the gnomes cried, getting up. As the gnomes huddled to discuss how to deal with me, I walked over to my toy chest and pulled out my Dragonfang and crossbow. When I went back to my previous place, the gnomes were still discussing how to deal with me.
"Well," one of the gnomes began, "If you can't beat 'em, SHRINK 'em!" he exclaimed, pointing to me, "Get him, Warlock!"
At that command, a fatter gnome with a beard wearing a bird's skull on his head approached. He had red writing all over his body. He was holding a pencil with a small bone and feather stuck to it. He took out a pouch and threw some dust on me, reducing me to the gnomes' size.
Now, with the odds in their favor (since they out-numbered me), the gnomes attacked me again. They lunged at me, telling me how "fucked" I was. However, despite my smaller size, I was not to be underestimated. I held out my Dragonfang, the flames covering the blade filling the otherwise-dark room with a haunted glow. With one slash, I knocked out two of the four gnomes, the burns overwhelming them. The other two, realizing they were in trouble, leapt backward, preparing a blizzard spell that would've frozen me in my tracks, had my Dragonfang's flame not been stronger. Narrowing my eyes, I lunged at the other two gnomes, knocking them out the same way.
"Run away!" the gnomes cried, escaping into a mouse-hole in my room.
"God dammit! Get back here and change me back!" I mentally screamed as I ran in after them.
Inside the walls of my house, I was amazed by the number of rats living there. This house was supposed to be new, right? All of the rats looked at me with red, hungry eyes. One of them charged at me, but I hid behind a mouse trap, killing the rat and showering myself in blood. I managed to use the sparks from a few exposed wires to kill the others by burning them. I also blew a few up with magic, because fuck rats.
As I headed after the gnomes, I reached an air vent that led to my parents' room. They were talking about me.
"Maybe we should tell him the truth." my mother was saying.
"Why? So he can relive it all in his head?" my father asked incredulously, "It's better if he can't remember."
"But if he really has this…gift, then he's gonna discover it on his own anyway." my mother argued.
"And then they'll try to use his power and he'll become a weapon." my father replied, "No. It's better to just keep everything a secret, even from him."
Are my parents completely stupid?! What makes them think that I could ever forget about something as traumatic as the event my "power" brought me? I mean, Jesus Christ, man! I'm reminded of my power every time I look in the mirror and see the scar on my eye!
"I'm just so confused!" my mother sighed, her head in her hands, "Will you just…make love to me?"
"Of course, honey." my father replied all-too-willingly.
Oh god. I don't need to see that. I turned away, continuing to chase the gnomes. Still, even as I made my way through the walls of my house, I could hear my parents going at it. I shuddered.
I eventually caught up with the gnomes, who were now stealing my parents' underwear.
"Damn! This kid is STILL following us!" one of the gnomes cried.
"He won't stop until he finds a way to return to normal size!" another stated.
"That means he's coming after you, Warlock!" the third warned the fatter one, who swore and ran. I made to follow, but the other three gnomes blocked my path. I growled, getting sick of these pointless battles, and used my blade to slash all three of them at once. With them out of the way, I ran after the warlock.
"Shit! Stop following me!" he yelled, running over to my parents' bed, where my parents were doing it doggy-style.
"You've got to be kidding me." I thought as I followed him.
"Fine!" the warlock yelled when he saw that I had followed him, "You asked for it! Now feel the wrath of a High Gnome Warlock!"
I held out Dragonfang, wondering how my parents didn't notice us DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH THEM. The warlock and I collided, our weapons clashing. He tried to use magic to shrink my underwear, but I countered with Dragonshout. Stunned, the warlock staggered backward, allowing me to strike him with my blade, creating painful burns. As he cringed in pain, he glanced behind him and suddenly dove to the side, crying, "It's coming right for us!"
I looked up to see something that was even more scarring than the kidnapping incident. My father's balls were swinging low, heading directly for me. I jumped up, back-flipping out of harm's way. That's gonna give me nightmares for a long time.
When I could be sure that I was no longer in danger, I looked to see the warlock standing shakily across from me, holding out his pencil-staff. I readied my sword, but then my eyes widened as I dove toward the gnome.
"Hey, what are you-?" he asked before I pushed him off the bed, right as my parents collapsed, panting.
"Wow! Thanks, kid!" the warlock thanked me gratefully, "Maybe you're not the heartless monster we thought you were."
I blinked, looking at the pouch that had shrunk me. The warlock followed my gaze and sighed.
"Well, I guess I owe ya one, kid." he said as he handed me the punch, "Now you can turn yourself big or small whenever you want."
I nodded in thanks before gesturing to the underpants, silently asking him why they were stealing people's underwear in the first place.
"Oh, we need the underpants in order to keep the green goo out of our underground world." the warlock explained, "You see, the green goo is actually…"
I held up my hand, indicating that I already knew what the green goo was. Once I led the gnome back to my room, I retrieved my phone and typed out a message, showing it to the warlock.
"W-What?!" he exclaimed, not entirely believing what he was reading, "Would you really be willing to help us?" I nodded, typing out another message. "Y-You were the one who brought down the alien spaceship?!" When I nodded, the warlock crossed his arms. "Alright. We need five more pairs of underpants in order to meet our quota. Here's the list of houses we need them from."
I looked at the list, sighing. Kevin and Stan's house would be no problem (Kevin's not a threat and Stan's at Kyle's house). Cartman's house wouldn't be a problem either, since I could sneak past his mother in the same way I got past my parents. The only problem was the pair I needed from Kyle's house. However, I'm sure Stan would be willing to cooperate if I informed him of the situation, which I could do easily with telepathy. I turned to the warlock and nodded, perching myself on my windowsill and signaling for the gnome to ride on my shoulder. With the gnome situated, I jumped out of the window, moving silently through the night as I headed to the specified houses.
After sneaking through Kevin, Stan, and Cartman's houses, I approached Kyle's house. And there, at the door, was Stan, in his pajamas, holding a pair of Kyle's underwear, just as I had requested.
"Do you ever rest, Sage?" he asked me as the gnome took the underpants. The gnome then returned to his underground world, his job complete. I sighed, placing my hand on my head, directly over my scarred eye. Stan walked up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
"You need to rest." he told me, "Kyle and I have researched Clyde's fortress, and it's gonna require reinforcements. I have a feeling that your ability to make friends and earn people's trust is gonna be needed in this venture."
I nodded, sighing again as I prepared to return home. However, before I could, Stan stopped me.
"Sage." he said, his voice wary, "If you don't mind me asking, why are you covered in blood?"
I looked at myself. I had forgotten about that rat I had killed. Rubbing my temple, I place my hand on Stan's forehead and activated second-stage telepathy; memory sharing. Stan's eyes widened at all that had happened to me that night.
"Wow." was all he said, shuddering at the mental images, "I don't envy you, dude."
I rolled my eyes, reminding my friend and fellow messenger that his boyfriend was waking up, and that he'd be wondering where he was. Stan nodded, going back inside.
I turned back toward my house, making a quick stop to see someone I hadn't seen for many years first. By the time I had returned home, it was already 6:30. I only had about 2 ½ more hours to sleep, so I took a shower and climbed back into bed, gathering all of my strength for the final battle with Clyde.