I own nothing to do with True Blood. Never will. I'm merely a big fan :-)
Thank you all so much for your support, it never ceases to amaze me, and I feel truly humbled whenever I open my in-box and I discover someone had alerted or reviewed the story. So, thank you so much! Hoping you will enjoy this one! It's been a long time coming, I'm sure hehe! Hope it's not a disappointment, I apologize for taking so long! On the weekend I was bridesmaid at my sister's wedding, it was beautiful, so I'm feeling in a bit of wedding fever lol :-) Hope you enjoy this one, please let me know. Love you all, thank you for inspiring me to get writing! xx
Chapter 31
You could find someone in the most unlikeliest of places, if you truly looked hard enough. I found that out, when Eric called me the next evening. He said that Hoyt had been spotted in a hotel catering to vampires in the Dallas area by the vampire Sheriff of that particular district. He had been seen chatting with Mr. Compton, of all people. Eric insisted he go with me to find him, but I could sense there was a lot more he deliberately wasn't saying to me. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around that pinprick of news. Why would Hoyt be in a vampire hotel in Dallas talking with Mr. Compton? I had been so determined that he had been held against his will, and kidnapped.
Plainly put, I was wrong.
There was a lot of looks being exchanged between Eric and Mr. Compton in the main foyer room of the building. I got the chills at being close to Mr. Compton again, but he insisted again very convincingly that he meant me no harm. He was here to explain for Hoyt. Mr. Compton looked a little worried, while Eric, in reverse, looked mildly pleased, for some reason or another. It didn't do well for the butterflies swimming around in the center of my stomach. Did the pair of them know something that I didn't know? I was growing increasingly frustrated at being kept in the dark. I just wanted answers.
"So Hoyt's here in the hotel somewhere?" I asked. Again with the stares. I gave out a deep sigh in exasperation. "Look, will one of you tell me? Is he safe, or is he hurt? Why's he in a hotel of all places?"
"You do the honours of telling her," Mr. Compton said. He sounded worried, and darted me a tragic look.
"No, I believe this is your call," Eric said. "She's yours. Sookie deserves to hear it from you. And, besides, I have no desire to be the one responsible of making her upset over the news."
The two vampires eyed each other. Mr. Compton sipped some True Blood, before shifting in his chair to face me.
"Your human is in Room 104," he said solemnly. "He has dwelt there for over four days now, and rarely exits unless for the complimentary morning breakfast."
"All right," I nodded, trying to make sense of that. "And what's he doing there?"
Mr. Compton's face scrunched up over my question. "I am afraid... he is not alone."
He looked at Eric again, who gave a swift nod. Maybe they were discussing it through vampire telepathy or something? Could vampires even do that? All I knew, was that I found it incredibly irritating. I just wanted to be told straight.
"Yes," Eric then said, completely out of the blue. "I believe that would be best." He turned to glance up at me. I looked him steadily in the eye, my brows raised, questioning him. "Sookie, go up to Room 104. The elevator will take you up there. It would be suitable for you to go alone. I won't be able to restrain myself, otherwise." Cryptic as ever.
"Why wouldn't you be able to restrain yourself? What's going on here?"
Eric was clearly happy about something. "Sookie, just go on up. There, you will be able to ask your human for a valid explanation," he said, and then he grinned broadly. It was a little disconcerting, because his fangs had chosen the moment to appear. Clearly, he was flying to the moon over the significant something that he had learned. I got tired of being the only one who didn't know, especially when it was concerning my boyfriend, it was my right. It was all my business, I deserved to know, not anyone else. So, in a huff over their secrets, I stormed toward the elevator on the furthest side of the room. I heard Eric call, when I reached halfway, "Like I said, this wouldn't happen had you pursued a vampire."
"Well, that's my own personal choice," I snapped back across the room, and punched the button on the elevator. When it dinged open and I stepped in, I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. I could feel something bad was up, and Eric wasn't telling me just what it was. Obviously, it had made him real pleased, whatever it was. A-hole.
I walked down the hallway, and after some searching, successfully managed to find Room 104. I knocked several times, and listened cautiously, when there was a shimmer of joyful laughter coming from inside.
"Oh, I think that's my nightly snack," a girl's voice broke out excitedly from behind the door. For a moment there, I wondered if I had mistakenly knocked on someone else's room by accident. But it said 104. My answer was confirmed next, when the door blew halfway open, and a very familiar face peered out. It was Jessica, Mr. Compton's daughter. And she looked just as pretty, in that wild way, as I remembered her from that night at Gran's. She had a bit of dried blood smeared on her upper lip. Her face fell when she saw who I was. "Oh. You ain't my snack at all!"
"No," I told her, trying to keep calm. I just wanted to see Hoyt. "I'm actually here to see Hoyt. Can I talk to him?"
She relented uncertainly, running her fingers through her long red hair, before stepping aside to let me in. I was completely unprepared for what I was bound to see of my boyfriend; He was lying splayed out on a king sized bed- one that oddly enough matched the one Eric and I had in our room- and he was shirtless. He also had a few bruises on his neck. I knew then what they had done in her hotel room together, with no if's or but's about it. I didn't know how to feel about that; Was I meant to feel hurt, or betrayed by my boyfriend in some way? I was surprised to find I felt neither. I just felt indifferent by the whole sight unfolding out before me, astonishingly.
"Um, Hoyt," she spoke up nervously. "You know her?"
Hoyt clearly didn't know how to react, either, when I stepped past her so he could clearly see who his visitor was. He acted in the way he felt best, I suppose, in yelping and bending over to grab his shirt to cover himself up decently. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I guess he assumed I was one betrayed, and upset girlfriend.
I felt I had well and truly seen enough. There was nothing I could say. Really, there was nothing needing to be said. Everything was just peachy. I nodded, bit down on my lip, and turned to slowly leave.
"Oh, shit. Sook, please. I can explain-" He called from the bed, in the middle of stuffing his plaid shirt back on. He came to me, mouth agape, ready and fired.
I held my hand up to silence him. "Hoyt, it's hardly necessary. I get it, I'm just relieved you're safe, is all, and unhurt! I would never be able to forgive myself had you been seriously hurt!" And it was true. Whatever a girl should feel when catching her boyfriend cheating on her, betrayed and hurt, was entirely non-existent for me. All I felt, was relief for him. Relief he wasn't hurt in any shape or form.
"Look, still. I gotta explain," he said, desperately. One hand came up to massage the nape of his neck anxiously. "It wasn't planned. It just... happened." He peered down at me urgently. "And I... I fell for her so quickly. I just... I'm sorry I got you all worried for me. And I'm sorry it had to turn out this way. I really did like you, but... I'm kind of in love with Jessica. I know it's no real excuse, and I don't want you to hate me."
I felt like I very nearly wanted to scream. Not at Hoyt in a bitter way, but just to make it very clear on him, and make him understand how I felt; I didn't hate him for any of it, I don't think I could ever hate him ever. Because with the way I felt, over the discovery that he hadn't in fact been abducted and that he was simply shacking up into a vampire hotel with Mr. Compton's daughter, it made me realize something.
It made me realize that Hoyt and I just were never meant to be.
That didn't mean we didn't care about each other any less, we just mainly cared for each other in a platonic sense. And I knew then that was partly the reason why I was hesitant to break up with him the way I was, even though I knew, in the back of my mind somewhere, that the feelings weren't there for him. They never really existed for him in that way.
They existed for someone else all along.
I was afraid of hurting Hoyt, even though I think I was very aware, deep down inside, that it would never work between us. I was just merely clinging onto some false help that it eventually would. He was the closest human in my life, and it made it so easy being in a relationship with him, because he was so understanding, compassionate towards me, and so... normal. He added that bit of normalcy in my life that I knew I wouldn't be able to get otherwise.
He was the easy choice, the comfortable one for me. Even though that maybe wasn't what I was looking for after all.
"And you love her?" I asked curiously, then bit down on my lip.
"I think I do," he admitted, very seriously.
"Then you should have just called me so I wasn't thinking the worst of the situation. Surely, I would have understood. You should have... broken up with me..."
"And you hate me now, because I didn't," he said quietly, his forehead creased in despair. He voiced it the slightest of an uncertain question to me.
"I don't hate you," I said, forcing a smile. "I could never hate you. It just would have solved all this... panic and worry. But truthfully, I am happy for you. For both of you!"
"I swear I didn't mean for it to happen. It just... did with Jessica." He said again.
And I guessed I could understand that in some ways; I'd heard some people say, love comes so fast around the corner, that you can sometimes miss it and before you know it, you're all ready in knee-deep. What right did I have in getting unhappy at Hoyt because he fell in love with Jessica? All that mattered, was that he was safe and sound. And that he was happy, and he clearly looked it, in the way his eyes lit up every single time he pronounced her name. What gave me right to jeopardize his happiness over something that was hardly serious between us to begin with?
We tried our best, for a whole year, and it just wasn't right. We weren't right. Something was absent. The fact I might have known that all along but just tried my very hardest to hide it, made me gain a whole new page of insight and understanding into Hoyt's situation. I just wanted Jessica to treat him well, and to be sure to appreciate a good thing when she's got it.
"Hoyt, I think we both knew we were more like caring friend's, than two people in a relationship," I told him calmly. "I still care about you, and I just want you to be happy. I'm real pleased you've seemed to find it with Jessica. Well, I should probably leave and let you two alone in peace." I tried to give him the most reassuring, widest smile I could muster to illustrate how perfectly fine I was over everything, and turned to slip out the door into the narrow hallway.
He stood by the door, and we stared at each other for a long moment. I guess neither one of us knew what to say, so I made it easier on him.
"I hope you both are real happy together," I told him, and then I left. "Oh, and another thing," I called, trying to make light of the situation, "Your Mama hates vampires as much as she hated me! Be careful now!"
I heard him laugh; a little guiltily. "Oh, don't I know it. And I intend to!"
I headed back to the elevator and considered going back downstairs to where Eric and Mr. Compton were. But then I decided all I wanted the most, was anything but having to put on some smiley face and pretend everything was all right in front of people. Instead, I pressed the elevator to send me up to the ninth floor to where Eric and my hotel room was. I had a big king sized bed waiting for me.
Even though I felt beyond relieved and as if an invisible weight had been lifted over the discovery, I felt a bit sad for the ending of Hoyt and my (sexless, and friendly) relationship. It just felt nice to have someone there in my house, on my Gran's sofa, who I could talk to. Not really about anything important, just mindless conversations about our days. I would miss mingling with Hoyt during work shifts, and I would very much miss the way he knew how to break me out of a crappy mood by tickling me or saying some dopey things to me. All in all, I couldn't help but feel pleased it was all over.
It meant no more having to pretend now. I didn't feel as interested in Hoyt as I ought to have been and, hopefully, with Jessica, she would be just as crazy about him as he was to her. I believed everybody deserved someone who felt equally as committed to the other party in the relationship. After all, it all should have been on even ground.
When the elevator dinged open on the ninth floor and I started along the hallway, dragging my feet, I felt a bit shamed when soon as I reached the door to the room it was thrown open and Eric was standing inside. I really had prayed he were still downstairs so it would give me a bit of needed time by myself to privately grieve over the loss of my first-ever relationship. Forcing a smile, I stepped past him wordlessly and my eyes went straight over to the mini bar. I found out then a drink of alcohol might have done me some good, not that I'd ever touched it all that much before in my entire life.
I selected the first bottle I could get my hands on, without so much as even caring what type of liquor it was, uncapped it, and took a giant, big swig. I definitely hadn't been prepared beforehand for the foul taste, and it burnt my throat and stung my nostrils. Luckily after four or so more big gulps, the taste slowly grew on me.
Eric was not amused in my behaviour, to say the least. But screw him, I thought. Halfway through another swallow, he made it very clear.
"No more, Sookie," he warned disapprovingly, in an extremely bossy way. Then he snatched the bottle of liquor out of my hand. I hiccupped, outraged.
"Oh, you're such a party pooper," I slurred up at him, then giggled embarrassingly, drunkenly loud. It was a bit frightening how giddy alcohol made somebody. I could have giggled all night if I could.
"Come on, you need to sleep, Sookie," he murmured, exasperated. "And I still remember the last time you vomited all over my back. Please don't do it again."
He took my hand and led me slowly to the bed.
My head started pounding while I watched him untuck the covers and pull them down. "All right, Sookie," he said, patting the mattress very loudly with his hand. "Get in, and go to sleep."
Even though I felt incredibly giddy, I could still tell he was mad in my behaviour. While I could understand in some ways why- it was probably annoying for him having to deal with a drunk and silly girl- this was only my part of good-hearted fun.
Wordlessly and making sure he got a good view of my backside, I slithered around on the mattress on my knees, wiggling my butt a bit. It was quite intoxicating how brave alcohol made a girl. While I felt maybe the smallest quarter embarrassed while I did it, the rest of me was having super fun pretending to be saucy and seductive, even if I no doubt looked like a fool to Eric while I did it.
I smiled to myself when I peered behind my shoulder and caught him eyeing me. It only made me feel all the more brave, and I knew I would only come to regret it dangerously once I were completely sober again. But a girl just wanted to have harmless fun with the man she kind of still liked, really.
Something about the liquor left me feeling all confident and desirable and, most of all, surprisingly turned on, which was something I hadn't really experienced all that much before. Something about Eric just standing there at the side of the bed, watching me, in a tank top and jeans just made me instantly wonder deviantly about whether I could get them off him and have chance at seeing that gorgeous body of his yet again.
I slid off the bed and staggered towards him with what felt like the hugest smile on my face and held out my hands in front of me, ready to tell him to take it all off and let the fun begin. I felt all throughout my life that slice of fun had been lacking and that I'd missed out as a younger girl with all that supernatural business, and maybe Eric just needed some, too?
"Get back on the bed, Sookie. And stay there."
I felt my lips pucker into a defeated pout.
"But I got something else in mind," I said, being cheeky. "This is a vampire hotel, for goodness sake! We can stay up all night and into the early morning hours, let's take advantage of it!"
I got up real close, slipped a hand around the nape of his neck, and brought my face up to his, to make good use of showing him my intentions. I wanted to be kissed, and kissed senseless!
After about a dreadful minute of nothing happening, he slowly clutched onto each pair of my shoulders and took firm hold of them. Our noses were almost touching, his face was right before me with an intent look, and I wanted it so, so badly from him.
"Sookie, you're drunk."
"I am not drunk. I'm merely.. tipsy." I poked my tongue out at him. "There's a difference." And then, I laughed again.
"I have waited for a very long time for you to be mine, but usually I've envisioned it with you being completely responsive and sober," he said, breathing over my lips in a ragged way that matched my own. "Not like this, Sookie." He pushed me away and I felt these defensive and bitter stirrings coiling my stomach, because it was unfair. I wanted him, and I wanted him right now. What gives him right to deny a young woman of her heartfelt wish?
"Well, I'm in the mood and I want to be kissed now," I told him earnestly, and then daringly I stretched up on the tips of my toes and kissed him.
He didn't say anything in protest. He didn't push me away or try to get me to act responsible neither, much to my pleasure.
He let me have my decadent moment of working my lips against his. But when the height difference and him being as tall as he was became bothersome to keep it all up, and when I lost my balance and stumbled into him on my tippy toes a bit, he just picked me up like I weighed next to nothing. I managed to blindly wrap my legs round him and flung my arms around his neck. He ran one hand up my neck, twisted his fingers through my hair, crushed it into his hand, while he treaded unevenly towards where the bed was.
Both our breathing was much the same and ragged, when he stopped kissing my lips and started instead around my neck, my cheeks, my forehead, over and over, while his arms instinctively tightened around me.
"Sookie," he panted hoarsely, bending down over the middle bed and, in a daze, it registed in my slow, foggy brain just what he was attempting to do. His large hands reached up and found mine that were clinging onto the back of his shoulders for dear life, and he grabbed them and pulled them over his head. He set my hands carefully beside my sides and I almost felt close to sobbing.
"Eric," I grumbled, reaching out to grab his hand desperately. I brought it down between us and placed it on the inside of my thigh. His eyes closed tightly shut and he groaned loudly in a very heavenly way for me.
"Keep it up, Sookie, and I will have trouble refraining myself."
"Oh, really?" I teased, stroking my neck with my fingertips. "I don't see your fangs out?"
I soon found out alcohol not only made me frustrated sexually like a horny girl running on high, but also sleepy.
0
I woke sometime just still at dark. My head was pounding, my mouth felt parched as a desert, and I desired nothing more than the tallest glass of water imaginable. I turned laboriously on my side and peered over at the illuminated red numbers on the clock on the opposite side of the king sized bed. It was not yet dawn, but close to it; I realized Eric was lying on the bed beside me, and he was already long gone and dead to the world. I could still never seem to get used to how peaceful he looked while he dozed for the day. I took in, with some contentment, that while I was underneath the covers, he was lying on top, so that meant we hadn't exactly been sleeping together in bed.
I also took in, grudgingly, that somehow during the night he must have grabbed my hand to hold it, because my fingers were interlaced with his, and my wrist felt all stiff from being held at such an angle. He was completely stiff as a cardboard when I attempted to yank my hand free. He definitely was a stiff, dead corpse while he slept before daylight hours, and it was a mighty struggle to pry my hand free. Once I managed with a loud grunt, I sat up carefully in bed, resting my back against the headboard.
Suddenly, I was plunged with a sickening sense of guilt, and for a moment there, I wondered why. Why was I feeling so embarrassed and guilty the way I was? I thought it over.
There was something I did last night due to the alcohol. I had kissed Eric, and tried to come across as flirtatious. No doubt, I came across as ridiculous and childish. Part of me could stand back out of the situation and neutrally judge it was just a mere foolish thing did when drunk. Another side of me told me, while incredibly embarrassing to live with it, it also made me get a clear head on things.
It made me realize a bit more coherently that I wanted Eric Northman. It hadn't ever really been Hoyt I wanted after all, but I was just trying to convince myself otherwise, to seem normal.
Eric sure wouldn't ever let me live last night down, though. Soon as he woke in the evening, he would probably make some snide remark about it to embarrass me, and I didn't think I could endure that at all.
I turned and slipped out of bed. Much to my pleasure, my handbag was on the floor, exactly where I had placed it the night before. I couldn't stay around any longer, waiting for the moment Eric did in fact wake. It was too bruising for my dignity, so I made up my mind, and decided I would catch a cab back to Bon Temps. That would spare me the mortification, anyhow.
0
During work, I felt like I had a hangover from hell. Not that I even knew what a hangover felt like, due to my inexperience with drinking alcohol. I felt pretty bad, though. I felt all jittery when Mr. Merlotte stood outside the door of his office to inspect me closely while I worked, and it got me wondering whether I seemed hung over, or whether I was only being paranoid.
I was happy to be back at work, though. I always was. I took the momentary distraction of serving customers to my advantage, and it made me forget for a while there what had happened last night with Eric. It didn't last very long, however, and I found I was truly in dire need of some encouraging talk with someone who understood me and knew me best.
If there was one person I knew I could talk to freely and without any harsh judgement, it would have had to be my sweet Grandmother. I missed talking to her most, I missed sharing my days with her, and expressing my concerns over whatever was troubling me. Gran knew all the ways to cheer me, all the ways to comfort me when I needed it best, and she was also never without a sympathetic ear to listen to me babbling to my heart's content.
I knew she would be able to give me the helpful insight that I felt I needed most after all the confusion I felt within. And while I knew it might have been different now that she was a vampire, I hoped she would still welcome me in with open arms.
So, rather instead of going to the house and dwelling over everything, I took a quick detour after my shift ended at work just after eight thirty and turned into Fangtasia. Pamela, luckily for me, didn't card me or even so much as make the attempt; She let me go straight on through the downstairs area where my Grandmother was with all her other elderly vampire friends. I didn't know how Gran somehow knew I was coming, but soon as I climbed down the stairs, she came out from behind the red curtain, her arms outstretched and ready for me. I hadn't seen her again since the night Eric had shown me and informed me that she were still alive and out, as a vampire, so it surprised me a bit that she was so delighted in seeing her Granddaughter again.
I was pleased as punch to know her being changed into a vampire hadn't compromised our previously close relationship, nor did the five years that had passed on miserably by without her in my company. It was looking clear to me then that nothing would ever change between us. It was great.
She hugged me tightly, and rubbed me on the back. When she pulled away, she held me at arm's length, scrutinizing me excitedly. Her fangs had even ran out.
"Sookie, darling. What's wrong?" she asked, voicing her concern. Gran knew me and my emotions so well, and time couldn't even change, that astonishingly. "Come sit, and you tell me what's worrying you," she commanded gently, and we went through the netted curtain where her elderly vampire friend's were. They made a bit of a fuss with me, patting me on the cheek and laughing, which frightened me a little. I was presuming it hadn't been often they'd had a younger person in the room all that much before. Gran steered me into a leather armchair, and sat across from me swiftly. "Tell me, dear." Reaching over, she grabbed my hands and held them tightly in her pair of wrinkled, dry ones.
I took in a deep breath. "Oh, Gran. I've done a very silly thing and I feel so confused about everything," I told her feebly. "I just don't know what to think!"
"Go on, darling," she prompted eagerly. She reached over her chair and found a box containing tissues and plopped them down between us. She also knew her Granddaughter so well, she could almost magically tell when she was about to cry.
I told her the very long story, about how I was dating Hoyt, how he had disappeared off and once I found him, he was (in a more polite term in front of Gran, I spoke it, of course) in bed with a vampire. I also told her how we broke up and, more importantly, what happened afterwards in the hotel room Eric and I were staying in. I told her about how I'd felt slightly upset over Hoyt and that I might have binge drank and, as a result of my drinking, Eric and I might have shared a kiss or two in the foolish heat of the moment.
Gran listened with an eager expression on her face, and once I had finished, she sat up straighter in her arm-chair and stared at me for a long moment, deep in thought. "Right. So, let me get this straight, honey," she started in a placid, judgement-free tone. "You were upset over the fact your boyfriend had moved on with another girl, so you got yourself into a pickle by drinking. Then, you got yourself into an even bigger one in kissing Mr. Northman?"
I nodded, then snatched out a tissue from the box.
"Yes, Gran. That's pretty much the whole story. I'm just... confused, really."
"Confused about what, dear?"
"I don't know." I shrugged, then dabbed at my eyes. "My feelings, I suppose. I'm afraid to feel them."
"And these feelings are for Mr. Northman?" Gran asked, very insightfully.
"Yes," I confessed shyly. "I used to like him when I was younger. I don't know if it was because I found him fascinating as the first vampire I'd ever met, and I just believed he was so cool. He could do all these things that were both amazing and so frightening he scared the life out of me. When I was younger, he... said some things that have also stuck with me. About how he's a vampire, and how he can't... feel things, that he doesn't have any feelings whatsoever. He'd always say that and I suppose, I started believing that he never truly cared eventually."
Gran squeezed my hand lightly. "But he does, my dear," she said happily, sounding very convinced on that.
"I don't know, Gran. That's why I'm... afraid." I took in another needed deep breath. "I've gotten used to putting up these walls in preparation to defend myself if he turns around and shoots my feelings down again, and now... I've gotten to a stage where, I feel I really like him, but I feel like nothin' will ever transpire out of it. And then, last night we kissed, even though I was pretty drunk and acting silly, but it just... opened up all those feelings again like a dam."
"So, let me understand this," Gran said, thinking it through very seriously. "You're afraid to let yourself feel it, and you've put up all these barriers for self-preservation in case he lets you down again. And now that the pair of you have demonstrated by affection that the feelings just may very well be mutual, you're wary to get your hopes up out of fear of being hurt again."
I nodded again. "Yes, pretty much. And plus, I think it would be silly for me to even think something would ever happen between us. While he's more... open now and telling me he does have feelings for me, and I know he cares in his own sneaky way, I hardly feel its realistic to think something might happen. I bet he's not even a relationship type of guy. And plus, what sort of relationship would it be when we both get on each other's nerves and fight all the time? We'd be a disaster just waiting to happen!"
"Yes, but your Grandfather and I were very much the same," she chuckled, smiling fondly. I held my breath in shock, because Gran used to very rarely bring Grandpa into conversation so openly. "We used to bicker about silly little things. Even up until the moment he got sick, we would carry on. But it was all well-meant, darling. We never did it to maliciously hurt each other, even though sometimes we'd both interpret it differently and feel hurt."
"You never told me much about you and Grandpa," I smiled, squeezing her hand with my own. "I never knew the pair of you fought a day in your lives!"
"Believe me, we did." Her eyes widened, and she laughed guiltily. "I used to get on your Grandfather's nerves so much, he would go out in his shed and stay there for weeks!" She laughed again, and I laughed along with her quietly at that. "But that's just how some people are, dear. That's just how some relationships work. Some bicker, and go at each other's throats, and some don't at all. Either way, it doesn't mean the latter is going to be a more successful relationship than the former!"
I began to perk up. All thanks to Gran, suddenly things didn't seem to helpless after all. There was just one thing I was unsure of, one thing that churned my stomach in nerves. "But where do we go from here? Where do we... move forward when we're most likely too stubborn to admit the feelings are there?"
"Well, I think since you've acknowledged them now, Sookie, you go do it yourself," she suggested brightly. The idea wasn't appealing to me at all, putting myself on the line and becoming vulnerable to Eric in regards to my feelings, and the fact that I would maybe have liked for us to become something... more. Whatever that was as far as the next step of progress goes for us, I couldn't be sure. "Pick a quiet place, sit down, and just have a nice and deep talk about it. All right?"
Gran was almost trembling in excitement at the prospect. I couldn't say I felt the same, though. I felt and no doubt looked, terrified.
"You know what to do, darling," she said, in a way to encourage me. And it worked, if marginally. "In fact, he's in his office right at this moment, which works out perfectly. Go on up there, and say what you need to say. Return to me afterwards, and let me know how progress went!"
She was so happy for me, it was startling.
"All right, Gran. I will, I promise."
While her confidence was rubbing off on me, it dissipated badly when I tread up the stairs and made my way to his office.
I knocked on the door gently, just to be polite. After all, I didn't want to be disrupting him if he was doing something important. I got no answer, so I knocked again.
"Pamela, I told you," he said, sounding very angry. "I don't want anyone inside my office, unless they are Sookie." Well, that threw me off a bit.
"Uh, it is Sookie," I mumbled anxiously.
There was a long surprised silence at that. Then he told me to enter, sounding less angry and more nervous, which did wonders for my own bout of nerves. I entered quietly, and closed the door carefully behind me. The silence dragged on yet again, when I glanced over at him. He was sitting behind his cluttered desk, his face set so rigidly and his body so still he almost resembled a stunned statue at my appearance.
"Um. We need to have a talk." I could hardly get the words out of my mouth properly.
He nodded. "Go ahead."
Well, that was really no help at all. I had to think it carefully through for a bit. I just didn't know how to say it. How are you meant to say something like this, especially to a vampire?
"You are nervous," he said, sounding surprised. Maybe he could sense that, due to our pledge thing? Or maybe he had just learned to read me well with time?
"Well, yes. I am nervous like all hell," I admitted precisely, not even bothering to go through any effort to hide that miserable truth.
"If this has anything to do about what occurred last evening, it's fine. I understand, and you're forgiven." Well, all right. My eyebrows rose. I never knew I had done anything to be forgiven for. "I would suggest you steer clear of alcohol in the future."
"Well, I get that it was probably a bad idea," I remarked, trying my very hardest not to sound bitter. "But in some ways, it was a good decision. It made me... realize a few things and brought them to surface."
"Such as?"
I felt scared to death of saying it. Mainly because I wasn't sure how Eric felt at all. There were so many ways I could easily get hurt, in voicing it out to him in the open. But I guessed then, that there was just no other way, but to bite the bullet and confess it. I liked Eric. I really, really liked him. And maybe I wanted something for us? At least, if I did get it over with and he revealed to me he didn't in fact feel the same way, it would be over with. I would truly know where his feelings stood, and that would be the end of it.
"Such as... in the way I... I feel for you." There it was. There, done and dusted. It felt like a gorilla had been lifted off my back by uttering it out loud. It was over with now. Now it was time to just sit back and wait for him to get through his side of the story. I braced myself for it, and looked past him towards the wallpaper on the opposite side of his office; It did wonders for the nerves, anyhow.
"And what happened to the human you were in a relationship with?" All he sounded, was if he was surprised by that. Not disgusted or appalled at all, thank goodness.
"We ended it soon as I realized he was in bed with Jessica," I confessed, feeling a little ache in my heart over that. "And I think it was a good thing to see him like that, all happy with her, and in love. It made me realize... Hoyt and I weren't meant to be. I guess, I was settling for him, but I was still holding out for something else. Something else I wasn't sure would... ever happen."
"For me?" He was so quick to make that assumption, but he was right regardless.
"Yes," I admitted with a sigh. "I think that was it all along."
Another long silence. Everything was so darn uncomfortable, I had to fight the urge to scowl.
"Well, it would be pretty nice for you to say something," I pointed out, irritated. The silence was bugging me.
"What would you like me to say, Sookie?"
"Maybe tell me your feelings, for one thing," I said, evenly as possible. I closed my eyes for a second, waiting for it all to come. For that moment he would say it. I have no feelings. "It would be kinda nice to know whether we're on the same page or not."
"They are there," he said quietly, after a nerve-wrackingly long moment.
"So," I started tentatively, "What do we do about it?"
"I am not the type for relationships." Well, fine. There. It was done. Now I could forget all about it, and that eased a bit of tension off my shoulders. I still felt the rejection fill out on my face.
"Well, thank you," I said, after a troublesome moment of working to digest that. "That's good to know. I'll leave you in peace now."
I strode towards the door, eager to get away and retreat. Maybe curl up for a few hours and simmer in embarrassment.
He moved to stop me, at least I presumed he had. He was so quiet, I didn't even hear him get off his chair, no less walk over to me. But I felt him, I sure felt him more than anything, when he touched the back of my shoulder. He spoke my name, so quietly, I wondered if I had made it up myself. I really wanted to get away from him, for my own sense of safety. When I went to turn the doorknob, he stood in front of me, resting his side against the door. I was stuck in a hard and miserable place, and I could feel myself growing more and more pissed off by the second. I contained the temper I felt, in closing my eyes and pulling on the doorknob. Since the entire half of his weight was pushed on it, it wouldn't budge.
"I said, I'm not one for relationships," he repeated, rubbing it all in.
I made a face. "Yes, Eric. I heard you perfectly, all right?"
"What I meant by that was, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to try."
I couldn't help my accidental gasping of surprise.
And then, before I knew it, he was kissing me, in a very satisfying way. It was so peculiar, with no longer having to watch myself due to the fact I had a boyfriend in Hoyt. I was single now, I could do whatever I pleased, and I could let those wantings for him to be shown freely.
He made a deep noise in his chest when I started kissing him back, trying to meet him on even ground, and he pushed himself up against me. My back pressed against the door, and I found then that all that desire I had lacked for Hoyt physically, was there right along for Eric.
All for Eric.
This was a pretty relieving thing for a girl to know. It meant I wasn't devoid of any sexual desires whatsoever, and that I wasn't strange; They'd just been there for another person all along.
"Eric," I breathed against his mouth, and it frightened me a bit to know that my voice hardly sounded like a person discouraging one bit. He kissed around my face, my forehead, the side of my neck, and I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself. I felt his mouth move to my ear, and his arms came around me, pulling me off the door and into him.
"I am in love with you," I heard him say.
The smile I was wearing then felt dangerously close to splitting my lips open, because I found it was the most reassuring thing I needed to hear from him in the entire world.
Well, I do hope this one didn't suck majorly. I apologize if it does! :) But I love you guys regardless, you're all truly amazing! Hoped you found some enjoyment in this one and finally seeing Eric and Sookie acknowledge their feelings! See you again (hopefully) next update! There will be a lemon, which I'm having a blast writing hehe! :D (About time!)