Ugh. Where am I?
I felt myself lying on a cold floor, at least the bottom half of me was. The upper half of my body was being lifted off the floor, and I felt a liquid of some kind falling on my face.
Is it raining? But I thought I was indoors. It doesn't rain indoors…does it?
I remembered defeating El Feto Grande before collapsing from the hole in my stomach. Wait…the hole in my stomach?! I should be dead! Am I dead? Is this indoor rain a part of the dying process? I don't remember anything like this. It was then that my hearing recovered and I heard a despairing voice whimper.
"Sage? Wake up. Please wake up."
I opened my eyes, groaning as the bright light of the abortion clinic hit them head-on. Trying again, I focused on an area that wasn't so brightly lit. That's when obsidian met the sky.
"Sage?" Butters whimpered again, hope peeking out from behind the dark wall of despair. His eyes were red, creating a stark contrast with his light blue iris, and tears were flowing like a river down his cheeks, falling onto my face. Hm. Rain. I tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace, so I simply placed a hand on his cheek, wiping away his tears with my thumb. He sniffled.
"H-How are you f-feeling?" he stuttered, still recovering from the sobs that shook his frame.
I didn't answer, placing a hand on my stomach in search for the wound that brought me down. I was shocked when I didn't find it.
"I healed you." Butters said when he noticed what I was looking for. I looked up at him in astonishment. He continued proudly, "I'm a paladin. I have healing abilities that surpass even Token's!"
I blinked. But…paladins are knights. How can a knight have healing abilities that surpass a healer? I didn't have enough energy to question him, so I decided to just let it go.
"That son of a bitch stabbed you from behind." Butters growled, catching my attention, "He was trying to drain your energy. I made sure that thing would never hurt you again." My eyes widened at the ferocity in my boyfriend's voice, and I looked over to see a line of green goo next to the main body.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated. A text? From the girls?
We've got the records, but there's a problem. Please get back to us right away. –Wendy
"What?! They're STILL not satisfied?!" Butters, who had been reading over my shoulder, exclaimed.
"Who's Wendy?" I thought, still too weak to feel anger, "And how did she get my number? Does this town have a number-exchange system that I'm not aware of?" I tried to stand up, only to collapse, coughing up blood.
"Don't move! You haven't healed yet!" Butters scolded as he caught me, laying me back on the floor. He then placed his hands on my stomach, where the pain was coming from. My eyes widened as his hands lit up with a golden light and a soothing warmth spread throughout my body. I smiled (successfully this time) as the pain began to fade. Well I'll be damned. He really IS a healer.
I closed my eyes, relishing in the ability to breathe easily without bringing blood to my throat. Butters' eyebrows came together in concentration. He was clearly getting tired. I placed my hand over his, stopping the flow of energy. He looked at me, confused, and I just smiled gratefully, actually managing to stand up this time. I headed out the front door of the clinic, the scent of blood and goo becoming nauseating. Butters wrapped an arm around my waist to support me, and I guided him the girls' hideout.
As we reached the door, Butters gawking, two girls met us, narrowing their eyes at Butters.
"What is he doing here?" one of them asked, stepping forward aggressively.
"Boys aren't allowed here." the other snarled, disgust coloring her voice.
"Oh, gee whiz…I-I don't mean no harm." Butters stuttered, flinching at the girls' hostile tones, "Sa-Douchebag was hurt, so I helped him here."
The girls looked like they were about to protest, but before they could, I tried to stand up straight (knowing full well I wouldn't be able to) and collapsed into Butters' arms. I spat blood at the two girls, showing them the extent of my injuries. They both recoiled, a mixture of worry and disgust on their faces.
"Let me in." Butters said, the sudden command surprising me as well as the girls, "I'm not leaving Douchebag when he's hurt this bad."
The girls glanced at one another, looking conflicted, before turning their gazes back to us.
"Wait here." one of them ordered as they returned to the base. I leaned against Butters, the effects of my little "stunt" making me tremble as I fell to my knees. Butters kneeled beside me. He didn't have enough energy left to heal me, but he could provide support. After a few minutes, the girls reappeared, with the chair herself in front.
"Wendy…" Butters whispered nervously.
I see. So the chair of the girls' group was that one who sent me the text earlier. Makes sense.
"Hello, Butters." Wendy said, as polite as ever. She then addressed me. "The girls have decided to allow your boyfriend to accompany you into our base, just this once. It is clear that you have been badly injured. However…" She turned to Butters again. "…you must swear to not tell ANYONE about what you have seen here." she said, her tone threatening.
Butters eyes widened. "Th-Thank you…wait…" He then turned red as he asked, "How…How did you know we were…?"
"Oh please!" Wendy cut him off, sounding exasperated, "You can't seriously think your relationship is a secret? I mean, for God's sake, have you SEEN how you two act around each other? We've only seen you two from a distance, and even WE know what's going on!"
Butters turned even redder than he already was as he hid his face in my neck. Due to my status as an angel, I did not have the same kind of embarrassment that mortals had when having others first recognize their mates, so I just leaned against Butters, snapping him out of his stupor as his desire to help me overpowered his embarrassment. He looked at me in concern, but I just squeezed his arm, guiding him into the base.
Inside, we saw a number of the girls gathered around the front desk. They were looking at a sheet of paper, likely the records I had sent them, and muttering amongst themselves. They all got quiet as Wendy took her seat, with me and Butters standing at the base of the stand.
"New Kid, the girls are very thankful for you texting us the abortion records." Wendy said sincerely.
"We are only one step away from finding out which girl among us is a two-faced bitch." Bebe added happily.
I nodded absently, wishing they'd just get to the point. Butters didn't notice, too busy looking around the base in awe, as if to absorb EVERY detail. Wendy frowned.
"Unfortunately, the records keeper at the abortion clinic is from Paris, and so everything is written in French." she said, looking at me apologetically. I just nodded again, having already made a note of that.
"Whoever this two-faced skank is thinks she can outsmart us!" Millie growled angrily, starting several other murmurs. Wendy banged her gavel, quieting the girls once again.
"We want to help you and the boys play your game, but we just can't have a two-faced bitch out there on the loose." Wendy said regretfully, and I could tell she meant it, "Just get these documents translated, and we PROMISE we'll join your army." She then called off the meeting, and Butters and I were released.
"Well gee whiz, now what are we gonna do?" Butters asked me once we got back to my house, "We don't speak French, and Google Translate isn't working for some reason."
I just lay on the bed, trying to regain my strength. Although the coffee we got from Tweek was helping, I still needed rest. The wound in my stomach still hurt, although the pain had dulled considerably.
"We should probably discuss this with the rest of the guys." I said, pushing myself off the bed.
"Sage!" Butters cried, holding onto my shoulders as I swayed slightly. I shook off my dizziness and looked straight ahead, composing myself.
"After all…" I said, smiling bitterly at the memory of the fight that dealt me such serious wounds, "…they assigned me the task of recruiting the girls. It's only natural that they should help me when I need it."
Butters blinked at me, a blank look on his face. He followed me closely, in case I were to fall again, but he didn't try to stop me. Once we reached the Elven Kingdom, everyone immediately gathered around us.
"What's this?" Kyle asked us as I handed him the abortion clinic records. He looked over it for a second. "This must be something the New Kid needs our help with." he said as he handed the paper to Stan, who attempted to read it.
"Cinq femmes ont subi un avortement..." he tried to sound out before giving up, "What language is that?" I sweatdropped. Do these people really not recognize French when they see it?
"It's some kind of strange Orcish." Cartman stated matter-of-factly. I mentally facepalmed. "I've seen this language before." he said, looking at Stan and Kyle, "In the Kingdom to the North."
The Kingdom to the North? Is that some part of town I haven't seen yet?
"Oooh, the Kingdom to the North…" Butters whispered, his voice filled with awe.
"Whatever is written on these documents is somehow the key to us recruiting the girls to our army-" Stan surmised, turning to me, "-is that what you're trying to tell us, New Kid?"
I nodded in confirmation. However, only Stan and Butters could read me well enough to notice.
"Come on. S-Spit it out." Jimmy urged, although moved back several steps when I looked at him. Cartman, growing impatient, walked over to a toy chest.
"Getting that document translated isn't going to be easy…" he said, pulling out what looked like a…passport? "To breach the Kingdom to the North, you will have to assume another identity." He gave me the passport, telling me dramatically, "Your name is no longer Commander Douchebag." My name isn't Commander Douchebag anyway. "It is now…Larry Bobinsky, from Cleveland."
I looked at the forged passport, wondering why I needed one just to get to another part of town. Maybe it was another town that I needed to get to? I also wondered how a fake passport got into a toy chest in Kyle's backyard. No one else seemed surprised.
"The quickest way to the Kingdom to the North is through the Lost Forest." Kyle told me, "Head north, then north again. North…and then north."
Well, those are the simplest directions I've ever heard.
As the council disbanded, Stan approached me while Butters went to greet Kenny, Tweek, and Token.
"You better get a real passport photo first." he told me. When I asked why I needed a passport, he snickered, "Oh, you'll find out soon enough." He then put a hand on my shoulder. "And no matter what, don't let your guard down. You may be a good fighter, and you have the best healer in the entire game, but even so…" He turned toward the north, his eyes clouded by many painful memories, "Be careful, Dragonborn."
I glared at him, still not fond of the open use of my title, but then I smirked, placing my hand on his shoulder as well.
"You as well, Hubbard." I snarled, my voice so low that only Stan could hear me. He glared back at me, but then smirked as well. He squeezed my shoulder, and I mirrored him, both of us nodding in a silent oath that we would meet again once my mission was complete. As Messengers of the Heavens, we have a strong connection with one another, so much so that I am certain he felt my pain when I was stabbed through the stomach, hence the need for the oath.
We then turned away from each other, our exchange noticed by no one. I tapped Butters' shoulder and signaled for him to follow me, nodding in acknowledgement to the human warriors he had been talking to and sharing a sympathetic look with Tweek, who was still very upset. Butters and I then headed to the Photo Dojo.
"Hi. Here to get your passport photo taken?" a young man asked me. He looked to be about early- to mid-20s. "Just head on into the room there and we'll get started." he said, walking into a room in the back.
"I've got a bad feeling about this." I thought as I looked at Butters. He was apparently thinking the same thing. Still, we apparently needed this picture, so we headed back, although I noticed that Butters was keeping a hand on his hammer.
"Step between the lights, please." the man said professionally, though I didn't miss the lustful gleam in his eyes. He began messing with the camera.
"That's great. Ok, smile!" he said pleasantly, before frowning, "Um…do you have something else you can wear? Could you try something else on?"
I thought for a moment, before shrugging and taking off my thief outfit. It was a reasonable request; the black hood did make me look suspicious. In my usual dark blue shirt and jeans, I just looked like a semi-goth-punk.
"Um…no..." the man muttered, hiding a small smile, "Tell you what, how about just no shirt at all. Let's try that."
I narrowed my eyes. That cannot be appropriate protocol. Still, I took off my shirt, taking some pleasure in the fact that Butters was staring at me, his mouth hanging open slightly. I wonder why his nose is bleeding?
"Yeah, that's gonna work better. Here we go!" the cameraman said, preparing to take the picture. Finally. "Oh, wait." Aw, now what?! "Those pants don't work with the lighting." he said, rubbing his chin in thought, "Could you just roll up your pants, or…just take-take the pants off, too." He added the last part quickly, licking his lips in the process.
"Really?" I thought, looking at him defiantly, "Don't you just need a picture of my head and shoulders?" At his persistence, I took off my pants, signaling Butters to attack at the first sign of an assault.
"Ok, that's good. Really nice." he practically purred, making me shudder, "Yes, very nice. How about we lose the underwear?"
I snarled. He's not even giving a reason this time! He's just a pedophile! Right as I thought that, another man, covered in blood and bruises, jumped out from behind some boxes.
"You sick son of a bitch!" he yelled, confronting the pedophile, "Stop him!"
"You'll never take me alive!" the pedophile yelled in return.
"Fine by me." another voice said in a tone of controlled anger. All of us turned to see Butters, who had been hiding in the shadows ever since I gave him the signal, raising his hammer. "I'd just as soon have you dead!" he growled, bringing his Hammer of Justice down on the pedophile's head, cracking his skull. The man twitched and raised his head weakly as Butters stepped in front of me protectively.
"Tell…my wife…" he muttered, coughing, "…I wasn't…that…into her…" Then he collapsed, slipping into unconsciousness.
"That was pretty impressive, kid." the real cameraman said to Butters, who blushed with pride. "Now let's get your picture taken." The cameraman turned to me, since I had just put my pants back on. He offered to wait until I had my shirt back on too, but I just shook my head, winking at Butters, who turned bright red and looked away. The cameraman, not understanding the exchange, just shrugged and took my picture.
After a minute, the cameraman gave me a small picture of myself. "Congrats, kid. You have your first passport photo." he said before walking into the bathroom to clean himself up. Butters and I left the Photo Dojo (I had finally put my full costume back on) and headed for the Lost Forest.
"Hey, Butters." I said when we had been in the forest for about 20 minutes. Butters, who had his fingers intertwined with mine, hummed absently in acknowledgement.
"What is the Kingdom to the North?" I asked him.
"Canada." he replied nonchalantly. He was then snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a tug on his hand. Turning back, he saw me just standing there, an unreadable look on my face.
"Sage?" he asked worriedly. I just stared at him for a good 30 seconds before screaming louder than I ever had.
"WE'RE GOING TO CANADA?!"