I climbed up the levels of the castle's interior as instructed. Because everyone was busy fighting outside, I was alone. It was alright, though. I was used to fighting on my own.
As I plowed through the Dark Lord's foot soldiers, I glanced out the window and noticed a pair of glowing yellow eyes. I turned to see Damien sitting on the roof of Clyde's house, grinning. There was a little blond kid sitting next to him, looking politely amused, a sharp contrast to the demon's face-splitting grin. I smirked. So you managed to convince him to show up after all.
Knowing Damien, he wouldn't do much more than observe the carnage around him (casting an occasional fire ball or two) until the battle with the Dark Lord himself began, so I simply continued my solo assault on the castle's interior.
As I made my way through the castle's levels, I ran into a group of "mighty Cyclops" that weren't so mighty by the time I was through with them. However, once I got past them, I was faced with a large group of Nazi Zombies, which were much tougher, partially due to the sheer number of them, but also because the group included adults and animals as well as kids. Terrific.
As I slashed the last of the Zombies with my flaming Dragonfang, I looked to see the ladder leading up to the next level had collapsed after receiving a blow from a fallen Nazi Zombie. Now what?
"Douchebag!" I heard someone call. Stan!
I turned to see Stan and his group of pirates outside the window, climbing up ropes. "We've got your back! Pirates, help the Commander!" he commanded. A moment later, a rope ladder dropped down from the next level, accompanied by an excited, "Avast, Douchebag!" from one of the pirates. I smiled internally. I guess I'm not alone.
Climbing the ladder brought me to a platform with a gate that led into the higher level of the castle. The pirates were fighting against a group of cyclops who were guarding the gate. I saw Ike sitting on the platform, crying as one of the cyclops laughed at him. My eyes flashed red.
"What kind of asshole picks on a little kid?" I thought angrily, knocking the cyclops off of the platform with the hilt of my sword, sending him crashing into the roof of the level I had just come from. Serves him right.
"Yay!" Ike yelled happily, hugging me tightly in joy. I patted his head, looking at the object the cyclops was guarding. Fireworks.
I tapped the younger boy's shoulder, making him look up at me, although his arms remained latched around my waist. I pointed to the fireworks, winking at the young Canadian. He looked at the fireworks, then grinned at me psychotically and, pulling out a match, lit them, nearly blowing up the whole level.
As everyone took cover, with me shielding Ike, the gate leading into the heart of the castle disintegrated, leaving the entrance wide open. Ike cheered again when the boards we were standing on stabilized, and I patted his head in praise.
"Let's go kick some ass!" Stan yelled, with the pirates cheering in agreement. However, before we could advance, a large group of cyclops, alerted by the loud explosion, surrounded our level, preparing to attack.
"Oh, that's just great." Stan snarled, irritated, "Go on ahead, Douchebag! We'll take care of these assholes!" I nodded, heading through the exposed entrance.
Inside, the room was dark, and it was eerily silent. I felt a chill in the air, and I knew who I was about to face.
"Douchebag." a voice sounded from the darkness.
"Craig." I answered, my icy voice adding to the chilled tension between us.
"I knew you'd make it here." Craig said, his voice so monotonous that he actually sounded dead, "But this is as far as you go."
I did not respond, simply drawing my Dragonfang, the flame from its blade illuminating the room in an angry glow. Craig jumped down from the platform that he'd been standing on and drew his sword, which glowed red with the power of vampires. One slash from that blade could drain my life energy through my blood, making it very dangerous. I intensified my blade's flames, preparing for a difficult battle.
"Now let's see how you fare against the Dark Lord's chief assassin!" Craig challenged me, although even that sounded hollow. As our blades collided, our strength evenly matched, we both heard Stan and the pirates enter the room.
"There they are!" Stan yelled, glaring at Craig, "Pirates! Get the traitor!"
"I don't have time for you." Craig growled, jumping back to a lever, "Cows! Keep them busy!" He then pulled the lever, releasing seven Nazi Zombie cows to attack the warrior and his pirates, earning a frustrated "God dammit, Craig!" from Stan.
With his attention back to me, Craig lunged again, which I barely managed to block. We went back and forth, each of us exchanging blows. As Craig began to weaken, he pulled out a smoke bomb, smirking at me.
"Why fight one Craig when you can fight five?" he asked, his monotone remaining, igniting the smoke bomb. When the smoke cleared, five Craigs stood facing me, swords raised.
"How's that fair?" I thought, which was quickly followed by another question, "And why are two of the Craigs different ethnicities?"
The five Craigs lunged at me, swinging their swords wildly. I jumped above the horde, bringing the hilt of my sword down on the back of one of the Craigs (an Asian one). To my surprise, he went down immediately. The same thing happened with the other three clones (one of them was black, and another was fat, not that it has anything to do with it) until only the real Craig was left.
Craig growled wordlessly, frustrated that his secret technique failed. However, the distraction the clones provided did give him a chance to heal, leaving him with the advantage. I narrowed my eyes, unwilling to use my Dragonborn powers against a non-spiritual being.
Craig lunged, slashing my chest, his sword draining my life's blood as it spilled from the wound. I coughed, blood from my insides rising in my throat. I glared at my opponent, spitting the blood in his face, forcing him back.
"Sick!" he cried, trying to get the metallic liquid off his eyelids. Using the distraction, I slashed his left side, putting my Dragonfang's secondary ability into effect.
"Ah!" Craig gasped in pain, beginning to shiver as frost covered his body.
That's right. My Dragonfang's secondary ability is ice. Most opponents are distracted by the fire that cloaks the outside of the blade, so they don't notice the icy mist that lies underneath. The fact that I can cause freeze my enemies while simultaneously setting them on fire only adds to their confusion (and my amusement).
With my opponent slowed, I had once again gained the upper hand. As I charged again, Craig raised his sword in an attempt to counter. However, due to the ice slowing him down, I easily side-stepped him, slashing his other side. He cringed as ice crystals formed in the wound, jumping back and grabbing another smoke bomb.
"You're going down, bastard!" he gasped, summoning four more clones. As the clones attacked, Craig pulled out a throwing knife. While I was fending off the clones, he threw it, the small blade sinking into my right leg. I inhaled sharply, the pain excruciating.
I fell to one knee, unable to keep the clones at bay. I looked at Stan and the pirates, but the zombified cows kept them from assisting me. I closed my eyes, preparing to take the attack head-on, when a voice cried from the room's entrance, a mixture of fear and rage giving it a vicious quality that froze the clones, along with everyone else in the room.
"Sage!" I turned to see none other than the faithful paladin Butters standing in the destroyed doorway, a horrified look on his face. His gaze then hardened into the most ferocious glare I've ever seen as his focus shifted to Craig. Oh, if looks could kill…
Butters charged forward, knocking a Nazi Zombie cow out of his way like it was nothing. He swung his hammer in a wide half-circle, driving the clones back as he stood in front of me.
"Stay back, Sage!" Butters commanded, not even looking at me. I tried to get up, not wanting him to fight alone, but I just collapsed again, coughing up more blood. Butters looked back at me, his gaze softening as concern temporarily showed through his rage.
"Don't move, Sage." he commanded again, more gently this time, "You're hurt." My eyes widened as his filled with tears. "You've always protected me." the paladin said sadly, his guilt obvious "Now it's my turn to protect you." He then turned back to Craig and his clones, fire filling his eyes so that they seemed to glow, not unlike my own.
"Now…" Butters growled, his voice taking a dark and…chaotic tone. I stared at my boyfriend in shock as he began laughing maniacally, "Let's see how you like dealing with me!"
Suddenly, from the dark clouds circling the castle, a bright flash filled the room as a lightning bolt struck the paladin.
"Butters!" I mentally screamed, although it only came out of my mouth as a whisper. I was rendered speechless (more so than usual), however, when, standing in place of the little paladin, was a muscled giant. He looked like a demigod version of Butters, with silver armor covering his usual paladin outfit. A dark green cape flowed around him, the power he radiated moving the cloak. In the center of his forehead was a red gem with a yellow center, and there was a silver chain around his neck.
"Prepare, fools, to face the wrath of…Professor Chaos!" Butters- no, Professor Chaos- roared, bringing his now-massive hammer down on the clones, driving them all straight through the floor. With them taken care of, he turned to Craig, who was staring at the former pushover with wide, terrified eyes. Chaos brought his hands together, creating an orb of violent white light that he shot at Craig, seeming to destroy him.
"Damn, Butters. Overkill, much?" I thought, actually worried for Craig's safety. I then looked at the giant again, a thoughtful look on my face. "So that's Professor Chaos…" Butters/Chaos smirked at his victory before transforming back to his normal adorable form. His eyes then widened and he rushed over to me, ignoring Stan and the pirates, who were all staring at him with wide eyes and mouths (the cows had been destroyed by the paladin's chaotic aura).
"Sage! Are you alright?! You're hurt bad!" he cried, distressed. I continued to stare at him wordlessly.
"What's wrong, Sage?" the paladin asked me as he began healing my wounds. I pointed at Craig, or rather, the dust cloud that was where Craig once stood. "Oh, him. He got what he deserved." Butters answered my unspoken question, his gaze hardening. I recoiled slightly at his harsh words, which in turn made him look at me apologetically.
"Why did you fight Craig on your own?" Butters asked me, his protective side taking over, "You know I would've come if you'd called."
I looked at the dust cloud, which was lingering much longer than usual.
"Personal reasons." I replied emotionlessly, "Thieves handle other thieves." Butters nodded in understanding as Stan, who had just recovered from his shock at Butters' power, walked over.
"Not bad, Butters." he said, nodding to the paladin, though Butters himself barely acknowledged the compliment in favor of focusing on healing me. He did look up in acknowledgement, however, in response to Stan's next comment, "You never change, do ya, Sage?"
Butters looked between me and Stan, his eyes wide at the fact that Stan knew my name. I simply snorted.
"Neither do you, Stan." I growled, hissing as the words aggravated the wound on my chest.
"Stan…" Butters muttered as he turned his attention to said wound, "How do you know Sage's name?"
Stan looked at the paladin, then looked at me, as if for permission. I just shrugged, or at least attempted to from my current position on my back.
"You might say we're…old friends." Stan replied, trying to figure out how to word our previous associations without giving away too much.
"Very old friends." I added, smirking at the glare I got from Stan and the confused look I got from Butters.
Once my wounds had been healed, the leaders of the group and their closest allies gathered on the platform where Craig had once stood. The group consisted of me, Butters, Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, Kenny, and Cartman. The pirates stayed back to guard the entrance. We were going to lead the final assault.
"Come on! We're almost to Clyde!" Kyle commanded, excitement filling his voice. Everyone cheered, heading up the stairs towards Clyde.
I stopped, letting the others get ahead of me as I turned back toward the dust cloud where Craig had been. I looked down at it, trying to find the source of the powerful energy that had appeared in that area right before Craig had been hit. It was the same energy that was holding the dust cloud in place, and it felt familiar to me. As I stared at the cloud, I felt an unspoken request for identification, one known only to spiritual beings. I complied, letting my eyes glow red. In response, the other being let his eyes turn a bright, violent shade of orange. It was then that I recognized who he was.
I knew that there was something about him that was not from this mortal realm from the moment I had first seen his mortal form at the coffee shop. Now, with his power activated, there was no doubt in my mind who he was. An Angel of Sacrifice, he is among the noble beings that take on the suffering of others in order to lessen the burden on mortals, even gaining the ability to use that suffering to fuel his power. His human name even describes the involuntary movement of his body that his power causes.
The Lord of Paranoia.
Tweek Tweak